Six Times the Fun (and Chaos)

Happy Belated New Year!

2012-01-30T12:05:00.000-08:00

Looking ahead at things to come!

It has been on my 'to do list' since last December to become more regular about writing here. This blog has been such a constant part of my life, even when other things around me were very inconsistent. It has followed me through 4 homes, 3 countries (if I count Vietnam, which was the beginning of this blog for me), 2 U.S. cities and many many facets of my mothering and family life.

I don't want it to fade into the sunset.

But I've really worked hard to become a more disciplined person over the last few months. I'm working on eating more carefully and getting the right kind of exercise. I'm working on becoming a more 'fit' financial steward. I'm working on becoming a more consistent and effective follower of my faith. I've tried to contribute to my community through volunteering in our school, but to balance myself a bit and not volunteer too much. And I'm working to be a more thoughtful mother and a more effective partner in my marriage.

All of those things have taken lots of time...and lots of effort...to begin to implement. And its just a humble beginning. Just baby steps that, if nurtured with time and consistent care, can help me become more of what I believe I am inside.

So, now I'm ready to add back into my life this luxury of writing about thoughts and feelings. And I'm really excited that my own kids have asked when I'd blog about them again (because their future selves are my main audience here.)

So, This week I hope to show you:

some of our Holiday fun (seems like a LONG time ago, doesn't it?)
a recent 'family holiday' we really enjoyed
the photos from our last family photo shoot, with our great friend Logan Walker

Then I'd like to write about:

New Year's resolutions
How the kids are doing
Some mothering thoughts on TEENS (ugh!)

Followed By:

What I'm learning about our system: modifications!
My personal food pyramid
Some fun in the kitchen, what I like to cook now...

Here I go, full speed ahead!

2011 For Brynley

2012-01-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

Brynley has had, if I do say so myself, quite an incredible year. It isn't so much that she has a list of accomplishments I can rattle off to you; its who she is becoming that is truly impressive. As smart and confident as she looks in the above photo, these pictures can't begin to show you the sheer ability that radiates from this second child in our family.

Brynley spends a LOT of time in positions like the one above. She literally dances through her life. Not only does she spend 9 hours a week (plus time each day at school) dancing with companies and in classes, but she dances her way from the kitchen to her bedroom, and our sliding glass doors make pretty good mirrors for a dancer once the sun goes down. We find her staring at herself; her form, her artistic execution, often while we clean up from dinner, or as we wait for the sun to brighten the world outside in the mornings before school begins.

Bryn is growing up in many ways. She continues to work hard to be a great student, pulling straight A's so far in Jr. High. The reason Bryn is a good student is that Brynley is good at Learning. She knows how to listen. She reads directions. She follows through quickly with assignments and she asks questions to be sure she does thing right. She has been designated 'Student of the Month' by the faculty at the Jr. High. If we could only get her to apply her amazing abilities at the piano (or the guitar, which she dabbles in as well) we'd have a real musician on our hands. But in piano playing and Spanish language acquisition ( a challenge from mom and dad to all the kids in our household) Brynley has decided she would rather not apply herself, so she is able but not excelling in these few areas.

Brynley is a good friend. And she likes to be around her friends every chance she gets. She is fun and funny and she is kind to those around her, so her company is welcomed and even sought after. I - who spent most of Jr. High as a wall flower - continue to remind her that her smile, her word of encouragement and her complimentary words can brighten the life of many many girls...and she is beginning to take this to heart. But she feels best, most free and most happy, in the company of her compadres laughing, being silly and having good clean natured fun.

Brynley lives in sweats whenever she has the chance. Aside from a deep interest in the length and style of her hair, she is not preoccupied with her outward appearance (which makes her all the more beautiful). We love her unfussy nature and enjoy her beautiful smile and her casual comfortable style.

Brynley keeps us all on our toes. She has an acute ability to respond with sarcasm as well as a wonderful way to show compassion. She can joke and laugh and think seriously. One of her greatest accomplishments this year was earning her Young Women Personal Progress award. This requires many hours full of worthwhile projects as well as completing the Book of Mormon. Truly her reading of the Book of Mormon, which she concentrated on mostly this summer, brought a light and a lift to her life that was easily noticed by many. It seemed as if she was walking on air, and her ability to help at home and serve those around her showed us all what it is like to walk with the spirit of Christ in one's life. We love Brynley and are so glad she is walking with us as a Graham through this year and forever :)

Mason and how he's been doing...

2011-12-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

Acting like a smart alec is pretty much a regular thing with Mason these days. He goes from contrite meek young man to know-it-all punk kid at the drop of a hat...at least he looks good as a smartie pants! In all truth, Mason is carrying a very challenging class load this year: AP History, which he loves and usually excels in, Honors English which is another winner, Honors Chemistry which is a huge challenge for him and Pre Calculus which also tests his academic limits pretty regularly. Spanish comes o.k. for Mason, and Seminary, Graphics, and concert choir make school not all work, but some play...he is so academically capable that we expect great things when the report card shows up, but we know he has to work really hard to pull himself up to the academic heights we expect him to reach!

Mason was in the school play again this year, the High School did "Annie Jr.". He was in most every scene and had a blast once practices ended and the performances began. Most alarming to us was the life-like portrayal of the town drunk he so perfectly pulled off. Looked a little too perfect to me...

The dating scene has gotten lots more fun for Mason now that he can get asked to dances by girls. What guy would go out and find girls to date if he knew they'd come flocking to him around each and every holiday? We've been hard pressed to get this guy to ask out since his one date per month quota is easily reached with girls choice dances smattering Halloween and Christmas!
We are, don't get me wrong, glad he is a polite enough boy to be asked by such nice girls. He has had fun on his dates and we hope to see them increase a bit through out the rest of the school year. And not just for dances either :)

I just had to show you the fluffy cotton candy hair do Mason was sporting through fall semester. He was lovin' his curls, man! In October, for the Halloween dance where he was asked to dress up like an indian, he thought he'd get himself a mohawk. That, unfortunately, looked a LOT more like a mullet, so we were so happy when he finally chopped the rest, and we could see how handsome that guy is underneath all the fuzz that had accumulated on top of his head :)

no, I'm not his HOmecoming date, but I did choose his tie! Mason is becoming a handsome kid. We were so proud of him this summer and into the fall as he was working out every day to get himself ready to play rugby again this year. That has tapered a little bit, but he will be back at it soon, and we are proud of the way Mason is trying to take care of his mind, his body and his spirit.

I receive kind words about Mason pretty much on a daily basis. 'He is so articulate'. 'He is such a good kid'. 'He has a testimony of what he believes in'. 'He is creative'. 'He is fun'. 'He is friendly'. I know these things are all true. And that Mason is developing a character within him that will allow him to look himself in the eye and be proud of what he sees.

a few weeks ago I got a text message from 'our Jenna' a dear family friend who is in college up in Idaho. She wanted to forward me the nightly text messages that Mason has been sending all of his contacts. These messages are SO MASON. They are encouraging his friends to make good choices. They are promoting good ideas. They are telling nice stories. Some of them are LONG and some of them are CHEESY. But they are good words, and sent out of a desire to bring others to a good place. This is the kind of kid Mason is. A little unique, very very sincere, and very intent on showing the world that he will make this a better place for being here.

I love you so much Mason!

Lessons Learned this Semester...

2011-12-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

At the end of last year, with Lucy headed off to Kindergarten in the Fall, I sought out a chance to be involved at our Jr. High School. I hadn't before that time known the faculty, the administration or many of the parents whose children are friends to mine.

And I had a secret motive, I wanted to see what it would be like, for our family, for me to be 'out of the house' a bit more. John and I dream about sending me back to school for a Masters Degree (a HUGE dream of mine) and I wanted to test the waters to see if the family functioned well when I am occupied with other things to think about, other places to be, other good causes to fight for.

This volunteer assignment ballooned into a very busy frenetic fall semester project. The objective was to help a student committee feel empowered to give local community service in a way that they choose, and to mentor and support them as they reached out and learned how to give of themselves and make a difference.

These kids wanted to make a difference in a very big way.

Seeing the financial needs present at the Christmas Box House, the kids decided they wanted to raise cold hard cash and give it to this worthy, local organization. Their brainstorming produced a cool-if larger than life-idea to create a t-shirt that would be approved by the school administration to be 'in dress code' and then sell that shirt to their fellow students; giving the profit to CBH.

Enter Bob Pedersen, founder of Del Sol Company and generous philanthropist. he heard about the kids' idea. He invited them to 'pitch it to him' and then, after they told him what they had in mind, he donated all the shirts. And the ink that would be used to print them.

The dream (and the project) got bigger. Instead of taking orders for t-shirts in advance, the kids were asked by Mr. Pedersen to set a high goal and then reach to achieve it. The kids produced a design-and pitched that design to the principal, who approved it with a smile. 600 shirts of various jr. high sizes were printed with colors that change when the shirt is taken out into the sun.

the school mascot shows off the t-shirt at a boy's basketball game...

Posters were made, kids came early, they stayed late. They made schedules so they'd know when they were to sell shirts during their lunch time. We organized moms to mentor the kids and basically be the 'adult' so they could continue in their work. We gave suggestions, and we did some behind the scenes things that other adults don't believe kids are ready to do for themselves (like ask the founder of the Christmas Box House to present an assembly to the school. When you are a famous author like Richard Paul Evans, it isn't very often that you take phone calls from 8th graders).

Time on the computer writing articles, coordinating volunteer schedules and bouncing ideas off of others took place of blogging, dish doing and laundry folding for me. It was an intensive course in Jr. High politics, mentoring, and in community volunteerism. It was emmersive and engaging. And at times a bit exhausting not to mention daunting...

At times it felt like we were swimming in T-shirts, and it was hard to see how we would help the kids reach their goal. The project lagged on, and then finally gained momentum. Student body officers became engaged in the cause, parents sent money with their student so the goals could be reached and their kid could take part. Mr. Evans agreed to come speak. The district newsletter picked up our project and secretaries and principals from other schools sent donations through the district mail, then t-shirts were sent back to them. The neighborhood Top-It (frozen yogurt shop) sold shirts for us, and their employees wore them to work to show support. The local Great Harvest Bread store had their staff wear shirts as well. Shirts started disappearing. The dream began coming true.

The last week of our donation drive Richard Paul Evans presented an assembly where the students explained what they'd been doing and why, and handed him a check for nearly $4000.00. Much of the student body came to the assembly wearing their shirts, the audience was a sea of grey bulldog pride. My heart was swollen with gratitude. I felt so happy for the kids/the committee who had begun this dream to see it realized so concretely. Mr. Evans made a great presentation, promising the kids that their efforts would be used to serve others right in their own neighborhoods. 'Some of the kids at this very school have used the Christmas Box House. Your donations are helping your own. You have truly made a difference.'

you know me, I had to find a way to 'style' my t, pearls and a black sweater were perfect with bulldog blue gingham underneath!

We are still cleaning up a bit after the whirlwind of the term we have had around here. A few extra shirts will be delivered to children down at the Christmas Box House. The students who dreamed big will enjoy the ultimate closure of this project when they go with me to see the kids whose lives will be made better for their project. Next week we will deliver the real money, and some much needed school supplies purchased with it, to the children who are staying at CBH for the holiday.

I've learned a lot this semester. I don't think the family is ready for me to be a full time student. Too many rolled eyes when I pled 'Christmas Box House' as my reason for not having dinner on time, not cleaning the jeans in time for school the next morning or not coming to bed before midnight. But I have still received a great education. The Jr. High principal knows me by name, and I've interacted with many of the teachers and staff at this terrific school our kids get to attend. I've worked with an amazing partner, Andrea Ferguson, on this project, whose mentor-ship in service has been a gifted education all its own. I've felt supported by heaven, cheered on by my husband, and even appreciated by my daughter at times (Bryn was the chair of this project, she designed the shirt, pitched the idea to Mr. Pedersen and Principal Harris and presented the money to Mr. Evans-with the help of the whole committee of course!).

Its been busy and the learning curve has been very steep. But I'm thankful to have had the experience, and to have enjoyed the education of this semester.

Finding the Art in Cuisinart...

2011-11-22T13:48:00.000-08:00

An essential culinary tool, and my arch enemy

Most reputable chefs and cook book authors require, as part of the cooking process in a recipe or two, the use of a Cuisinart. This is a food processor. It chops, it dices, it pulses, it splices. With its invention, this machine ushered in an entirely new era of cooking. At home chefs could re create amazing culinary delights previously only found in restaurants and pastry shops. Wonderful soups, delicious pastry. Its all possible with the amazing Cuisinart.

I hate the Cuisinart.

The other night I was working very late in the kitchen. John was traveling, the kids asleep, and I was preparing for guests the next evening. Hummus was on the menu, for dipping various vegetables and crackers. Hummus is such a simple recipe when you have a Cuisinart.

Only, I am Cuisinart impaired. I know the reason it has such a very special way of 'clicking' itself together is so multi-thumbed individuals, people with low IQ's and children cannot operate it - thus saving them from sliced fingers and slashed multiple thumbs.

I cannot make the lid click into place. And because it is made of plastic, I am terrified that if I force the click I will break it, breaking the essential kitchen tool and causing an irreconcilable difference between myself and my Cuisinart loving spouse. He can create in the kitchen with the Cuisinart.

I cannot.

What does this say about my dexterity, my IQ?

First, I must stir the tahini that has separated. I spatula it into the bowl of the machine, the blade securely in place. Then comes the latching of the lid. Only, for me there is no latch. No click. So I reposition the bowl. As I remove the bowl I realize that the blade will now not be put back into its place properly-it will be bumped up and over the tahini, causing the oil of the sesame substance to drip down into the bowels of the machine.

I cuss. And then I feel guilty, because even though no one is around, I know Heaven hears me in my weakness. And heaven alone sees my ineptitude around this fundamental kitchen tool.

The mess cleaned up, the blade put back, the bowl on correctly, the lid latched with its affirming click. I pulse the machine on.

when I use this kitchen gadget I don't care how the food turns out. Just hearing the sound of the machine properly doing its mixing or chopping is confirmation that I conquered the complexity of the Cuisinart. I have successfully engineered the beast!

After the tahini is mixed, I must go through the process all over again; put the bowl on securely, put the blade in correctly, add ingredients (garbanzo beans, garlic, tahini and a shot of cumin seed along with salt, pepper and olive oil).

And though I've checked my mechanical bearings, I come up short again. The lid will not click...it mocks me a second time.

I swear once again...only this time I don't feel guilty.

the same humiliating result. The same mess of a solution. The bowl is disassembled. The ingredients spill over, the blade moves from its vital place.

Cuisinart failure again.

After the humiliation subsides and the cussing streak ends, I carefully correct the mistake I've made before. The blade in its sweet secure spot, the ingredients are replaced, the lid clicks in just like it should. As if it were that simple.

The pulsing and mixing commence. Hummus is the end result.

and my hatred for the artful Cuisinart is heartily reinforced.

Cleaning House...

2011-11-21T14:33:00.000-08:00

looking ahead; photo taken in Johannesburg

enjoying the moment with sister Jess: photo taken in Sweden

Welcoming Porter: photo taken in Dallas

enjoying a moment with Evelina: photo taken in Boise

looking back, looking forward: photo taken in Utah, a long time ago

Cleaning house comes in many forms. A friend of ours was telling me that this weekend she cleaned out from behind her bed. She has no children yet, just her and her husband. She was appalled at what she found (the dust, the dirt) between her headboard and her wall.

Sometimes we clean house by cleaning out the garage. Sometimes we clean house by giving away/getting rid of holiday decorations that are dated or just unused and taking up space.

Right now I'm in the process of cleaning out my computer. Or cleaning it off. I have to install the latest operating system on my laptop and I don't have enough hard drive to hold it, so I've attached a little external hard drive and have been, when I have time, copying all my photos from my laptop to the drive, later to be downloaded onto our big home computer where the majority of our photos are kept.

It has been quite a walk down memory lane to copy and clear out the photos. When the machine was given to me it had been 'loaded up' with years worth of memories. Sweden, Boise, Dallas, the birth of Porter and the arrivals of Molly and Lucy all scrolling before my eyes as I 'dump' those memories onto the little blinking hard drive that sits beside my little laptop.

Time is flying by, I see it as I scroll. Children are growing. Our adventures living abroad, our time away from 'home' in Utah, all back there in the past. All being 'stored', moved, cleaned out...making room for future scenes, future experiences, future changes to our family.

Its made me desperately want to slow down. To 'stop the train' from moving so fast, so seemingly out of control. These words resonate in my mind every day, and yet when I pray (fervently!) to know what to let go of, how to slow down, the answer has not yet come.

So I continue to look to the things that lie ahead, and try to pleasantly remember the things that are behind us. And accept that cleaning house-in all its forms-is a natural part of this life's experience.

It feels like a year ago but...

2011-11-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

we actually just got back from Hawaii. Just John and me. Just 4 nights. Just blue skies. Just SURFING. Just SNORKLING. Just amazing shave ice, lots of hand holding, beautiful scenery and dreams come true (swimming with sea turtles, surfing and sea kayaking not to mention complete yoga instruction at sunset on the beach. DREAMS COME TRUE for me)

We have been home I think 3 weeks. It feels like a year. It has been so frantic that I've hardly had time to remember. But the trip was sweet. It was beautiful. It was thoughtful. It was romantic and wonderful. Thank you John for such a gift; for so many gifts from you to show me that even at 40 you are glad I belong with you...

Halloween Review

2011-11-09T21:24:00.000-08:00

Lucy: 'Asian Princess'
Molly: 'Fairytale Princess'
Porter: 'Ute Football Player' second year running
Madi: 'Pink Lady'

Mason: Indian with small date. Though I had sworn off costumes for anyone older than 12, Mason was asked to the girls choice masquerade ball, so we crafted a costume for him

I have said many times that I do not like Halloween.
It is true.
I think it is expensive.
I think it glorifies violence and just plain scary stuff.
And I think it takes LOTS of time to prepare costumes, parties and parades when the thing we celebrate-the origin of the day-is the warding off of evil spirits, or the celebration of them.

Yuck.

But here is the one thing I do like:

I like to trick or treat with my kids.

I don't ask for candy.
But I do say hello to my neighbors.
And I always meet someone I didn't know before who lives just down (or up, or around the) the street from me.
And I do talk to my children as we walk.
And I see them say hello to their friends, to their church teachers, and to others who know and love them.

That's what I like about this day.

Crossing the fine line...

2011-11-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

This is what you see from the front door, if anyone were to come to my home they would (rightly) believe it unkempt and untidy

This is our kitchen counter: see the cool new white breadbox? It is supposed to be a secret hiding place for all those papers you see scattered all over the place. The bags running down the length of the hallway? Things that need to be returned to various stores as we prepare for our yearly family photo shoot...and trash from cleaning out the car. We are a mess I tell you, we are such a mess!

So, name that movie:
"There's a fine line between clever and stupid"

I crossed this line about the second week of school

There is a false perception that once all your kids are in school you have more time to do things you choose...

I believed this perception and am now knee deep in wonderful comittments which take time away from my home, or time in my home but not concentrating on my home.

As the photos show above, I have also believed in a false perception that I had taught my children 'a place for everything and everything in its place' sufficiently for them to practice this principal when their parental conscience is not reminding said children to remember to put things in their place.

I am living in messes I don't have time to clean up. And I have made (wonderful, exciting, worthwhile) messes elsewhere in our community that I have an obligation to 'finish up' in a successful manner.

I'm excited to tell write about these wonderful messes, because they revolve around the growth of my children in ways I want them to grow (as community servants and as more open minded and better bilingually educated individuals). But we are not used to my being thus engaged in 'doing good' among our fellow men, and the family-especially the mother of this family-is dealing with a lot of shock and awe at the things our home and family are going without in the name of serving the community.

I'm not sure its worth all the glorious wonderful things that I hoped for when I committed. I guess only time will tell if they've made the positive difference that makes the mess worth while.

Lucy's excitement for snow...

2011-11-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

she watched the snow fall for at least 15 minutes, complete contentment written all over her face.

Lucy: "Mom, did Santa make the snow?"
Mom: "Lucy, you know who made snow...think about it....."
Lucy: "Jesus?"
Mom: "That's right Lu"
Lucy:"He made it so FUN!"

Our winter angel. Born in Asian summer.
Enjoying the welcome of snow to the Spruces.

Its nice to be blogging again.

I'm trying to run my life instead of letting it run me over...
taking back time to write and think is a very good first step

On Travel

2011-10-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

waiting for their latest adventure to end, these are our families most traveled accessories. Our trusty suitcases.

We bought the large green suitcase the year John finished Business school. He had bought into a school based franchise selling great luggage and nice suits and shirts to newly recruited business school grads. It was a great deal. We knew we'd be a 'large-ish' family. We knew we were moving away from where our parents lived. We expected it would get some use.

That suitcase has been all over the world. Sweden, Vietnam, Africa and now Hawaii, not to mention Chicago, Dallas, Boise and Salt Lake. And many places in between.

I never expected when we bought it that we would get to travel so much.

John bought the black one when he returned for his 2nd round of consulting, the last time we lived in Texas. He keeps it under our bed, because he uses it so often. Las Vegas, Bentonville, New York, San Fransisco. Those seem to be the places he takes it most often, but it has also been to Greece, China, Australia, Singapore, and many places in between. I knew it would be well used, but never dreamed it would be taken on so many adventures.

The newest piece, light green with our 'G' monogram for ID, was purchased on a whim when we lived the last time in Texas. It was a bargain, an outlet find, and I was heading to Salt Lake to buy a new house. Our old carry on was tattered and worn, and I felt it was time to refresh...

I also never expected to get to use it as much as we have since it found its way into the luggage inventory. I thought after leaving Texas that our family travel would be lessened. And it is true that as a family we haven't ventured all together on too too many adventures.

But still that newest bag has been to New York a couple of times. It went with Madi to Wisconsin and it traveled well to Napa and Newport. It was the perfect size for our latest trip to the island of Maui. And it will be heading on a few other fun adventures before 2012 is over.

This was not the life of my youth; our family adventures were limited by money and the time it takes to run a family business. I feel so blessed and lucky that in my life as wife and mother, my adulthood if you will, the world has become large, infinite to my mind, with so many places to see and, lucky for me, a few I've experienced.

Travel is so valuable. It gives perspective. It gives understanding. It promises adventure. It makes home more meaningful and more safe. I'm so thankful that we, the Grahams, travel.

How is Your October?

2011-10-17T15:49:00.001-07:00

a rare occasion for October; all the Grahams together at the same time in the same place! Porter's Football game, in far away Tooele

Its been really busy around our house of late. Soccer season, Football season, dance (which happens in every season), piano practicing, rehearsals for the High School's musical and swim team work outs paired with community service commitments (PTA service chair and PTA foreign language chair) and John's professional obligations (a start up within 1800 contacts is John's latest project) and church service assignments like scouts and Primary. Whew. That's a lot for one family; even a family as large as ours!

Its made things pretty interesting around the Spruces. Dinner nights where no one is home for dinner. Saturdays where 'chores' are going to games and rehearsals. This season has moved more quickly than I prefer.

I've tried to find ways to slow us all down.

A few weeks ago, Mason was home from the play before it was time to take Porter to his game. Madi and were already back from Soccer. We had a window of opportunity. We took it. Cramming all of us in the dirty family ride, we made our way down to Tooele-an hour's drive-to cheer Porter at his football game.
He lost the game.
We won time with our family.
We stopped for a burger on the way home.
The words or prophets echoed through the otherwise quiet car as we listened to General Conference.

It was a 'breather' in what has been a very chaotic Autumn.
I've taken the difficult step of pulling myself out of a few time commitments so I can be home a little more to do things that bless our family and keep me feeling 'sane'.
I am counting down the days (19 of them exactly) until soccer and football are over. The musical ends this Wednesday.

I can't wait for dinner time to include all of us sitting at the table at one time, discussing the day and finding joy and gratitude in the life we get to live.

Heaven knows we are living a LOT of life right now!

How do you keep things in balance when your time is taxed by your children's opportunities? We are truly struggling with how to help our kids understand that their talent development is a privilege and an 'extra' and not an entitlement or a job. When they see it as an obligation instead of as a joy I feel its time to set it aside and let other joyful things surface - like sitting outside in the crisp fall air or jumping on the trampoline or finishing that book or project. I'm praying for the way to lead our family to balance. Its not an easy road, and one less traveled indeed. But its the road that looks best to me, and I intend to take us down it, joyfully and with purpose.

If you are ever in Salt Lake...

2011-10-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

Delicious sandwiches with a secret ingredient. Yummy cookies and artisan breads

2 locations; one in Sandy and another Downtown

John knows good food. And he told me about Hagermann's.

And now I'm telling you.

Hagermann's bakehouse is a terrific spot for breakfast or lunch. Its local. Started by a local. Owned by a local. Operated by a local. Great food. Reasonable prices. Well worth the visit.

John learned about this yummy spot from a former business associate. His brother owns the place. John's friend, to help his brother get the business off the ground, went into the bakery every morning at 4 a.m. to bake the bread, and then went to his regular job.

family helping family. I like that kind of business.

Now there's a regular bread bakin' guy, and a funny man who runs the front counter. And lots and lots of people standing in line for sandwiches, soups, brownies and more.

The Sandy location is at 11400 South and 700 East, on the southwest corner of the intersection.

And you can find them down town in the new City creek development, right on South Temple near the Deseret Book.

Enjoy!

Snow, so soon, is falling

2011-10-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

We wore shorts and sandals all weekend long. Monday it was still blazing hot. The tomatoes have been growing so beautifully in the late season heat, and I've felt it was justice for the cold June we had so long ago at the start of summer.

But right now there is snow falling. And sticking to the ground. And my tomatoes.

It is kind of the last straw in a difficult realization that my entire life is a day late and a dollar short.

I had hoped to paint the kitchen and den before the grey of winter set in. I kept telling myself last year in the cave of our home that this year it would all be different.

Its too late. The grey is here. And the kitchen looks the same.

I made dinner this week and sat down to eat it with two other members of my family. The pattern I've set my entire career as a mother to sit at mealtimes together has completely fallen apart.

I have looked at the garden with its dire need for attention and tried to see how I would fit in the hours it would take to prune and pull and prepare it for winter.

Now winter is here, so early. And the roses are still blooming in the back. They started late and now they are caught in the white blanket of cold. Unprepared and wishing for more time in the sun.

Like me.

I Live with Junie B. Jones

2011-10-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

We love reading stories about Junie B. Jones. Her spunk. Her absolute guile-less perspective on life. Well, I live with Junie B. -she is embodied in the actions, the demeanor and the make up of our very own Molly E.

Here is the thing about life with Junie B.

Have you ever noticed the reactions of her parents? They are always tired, always explaining, always straining to stay patient and composed when their darling (funny) spirited daughter is lost in the school, or is in trouble for with "Mrs." the teacher, or is inconsolably afraid of school bus rides or losing her tooth.

Its hard to be Junie B.'s mom.

But here is the thing about it; we love Junie in the story books. She is spunky. She is smart. She sticks up for herself and her antics make sense when we see the way she thinks through them -

and that's what I'm trying to remember. Every day that I'm Molly E.'s mother.

Someday, if we were to see Junie B. all grown up she'd be a rocket scientist or a super creative musical genius or at the very least an inquisitive television news journalist. Her inquisitive no- nonsense stick up for myself nature would prove to be her success.....if we could only see into the future of that spirited 1st grader.

So for now, when she pinches the twirp who made a face at her in line, or when she screams that she is terrified of the grasshopper that jumped on her arm in the yard, or when she dresses and acts like a princess for hours and hours on end I just keep telling myself to be patient in mothering her and, if I could read her thought process like a grade school novel it would all be really cute and funny.

Cause my daughter is Junie B. Jones.

Teenage Financial Plan...

2011-09-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

I had a part time job all through high school. Sometimes, I had more than one job. Some summers I worked full time to meet expenses for fun experiences like school pep club or our madrigals singing group. Working and earning were part of the very fabric of my upbringing. I feel, now that I'm raised, that the lessons I learned through work are some of the most vital lessons I've been blessed with in my life.

John parents handled things differently. John had responsibilities at home. He also was VERY accountable for his grades. As long as the grades were top notch he was given cash to enjoy time spent with friends eating out or going to a show. His clothes were purchased for him; not extravagant, but sufficient. He was taught hard work through academics. He earned a full ride scholarship to the University of Utah in the most challenging department at the University (materials science/Engineering).

Different approaches. Both a success. John is one of the most hard working people I know, and a life long learner to boot. I too can be hard working, but I can't admit to being academically minded - that discipline just didn't get 'set' with me.

So, now we have this teenager. And there are expenses that come along with having one of those; every kind of expense from car insurance to High School fees to clothes to deodorant to scouts; you name it. Having your kids grow up is EXPENSIVE...

and we want Mason (and those who follow him) to learn fiscal responsibility and hard work too.

So, we've tried to take the best of how we were raised, and mesh it into one financial plan for raising financially mature individuals.

The family will allow Mason to manage a portion of our budget in order for him to meet expenses that are part of being a teenager in school. We will put money into an account that he will manage. And in return for that trust he will take on 'family jobs' that need doing on a regular basis-like a part time job (only a little more flexible). He will have to save this money, meet expenses when they come up, and report back on how he is managing the funds. Part of this trust includes getting good grades-so Mason knows that his grades are directly linked to his financial independence.

In addition, we've provided opportunities for Mason to do work around our home for which he'll be paid so he can 'play' just a little. Because we want him to have a chance to pay tithing and manage his savings account (which he will use for mission and college expenses) we have given him 'mad money jobs' which are optional, but because they fund the fun they are quite desirable to him. It is amazing how much he gets paid per hour compared to the minimum wage earnings I made as a teen, but what good is the process of teaching if the kids has no incentive to learn? Mowing the lawn each week (plus trimming, plus edging etc.) brings a whopping $20, but after tithing (10%) and savings (20%) its just enough to take a girl out for a burger :) And because the 'family responsibility' jobs have to be done each week, we know the 'mad money jobs' won't get done quite as consistently (especially if he has a date or an outing with his friends to attend to ).

How do you do money with teens? Its been a really difficult process for us to come up with this system, and its just in its infancy, not sure how it will go. I was surprised at how starkly different my approach was to money with teens compared to John-and its been a process for the two of us to come to an understanding and appreciation of the good things in the other person's viewpoint. In the end the goal is the same; raise kids who have become personally responsible educationally, physically and fiscally. We hope this arrangement when properly followed and practiced will bring the result we desire!

Have a great weekend. See you here next week for :
Living with Junie B. Jones
Conference in Review
This year's family theme
If you are ever in Salt Lake City...

My Favorite Blogs for Monday...

2011-09-26T08:47:00.000-07:00

When I sit down at the computer there are a few places I 'go' before I do my own tasks. I thought it would be fun to just share the places I like to visit on the web; and I chose them simply by how often I go there vs. how often I go to other blogs or sites.

I don't have tons of time in front of this screen, so I don't do a ton of surfing-mostly I stick to those places that I know will uplift or inform, invite me to be better or let me laugh, or those places that connect me to people I love. I tried google reader once, but like most tech-savvy things I let John set it up for me and I didn't get notified in my own email inbox and I didn't learn how to add or take away from my 'follower' status so I dropped it and never pay attention to it. Instead I punch in the url to each of these sites daily and check and see if there's anything new that I really want to read about.

I always check John's blog. He is sporadic about posting-and I began to be sporadic about checking-but in recent weeks and months I go there every day. Especially right now, as he is SO busy in other aspects of his life, I like to see what he is thinking about when he is not thinking about selling glasses on the internet (go here, to see what John's job day is all about!)

I check on Tricia nearly every day as well. She is a mentor and a friend, someone I truly admire and learn from. Her philosophies on education, spirituality, home decorating (she actually works hard at decorating her home...) and homesteading are so dead on with me. She is doing her life purposefully and i learn from her with every reading. Thanks for being my friend Tricia!

I also check on this gal frequently. Her blog is so artful and again, so purposeful. I've actually enjoyed meeting this wonderful girl in person (my sister is her friend!). Carin is a photographer and mother, a thinker and a 'beautifier' of the world we live in. I appreciate, when I read from her, her visual and spiritual perspective. I have often taken John's camera and just tried to photograph everyday things to make them beautiful like Carin can. I'd love to be more skilled (though Carin is not skilled, she is artfully talented).

I also check on Sharon a lot. Because Sharon makes me happy. She is smart and articulate and also not too sappy-she accomplishes much and her intelligence about everything is so completely real. Sharon is a good friend from Texas days, and when I read her words I wish I could pop over to her house and gab with her in her kitchen. Her phone calls to me are bright spots in my life and her blog posts are reminders of the wonder that she is.

And recently I began visiting this site. I like that Shawni is a mom of about my 'stage' in life. Teenagers and youngsters, and she is successful in her mothering and her other pursuits. I have also posted several times about 'family propaganda' and Shawni has the same philosophy as I do when I comes to this idea. Dead on. We do it different ways, but we are making the same effort; and I like that. A lot. I will admit that I get that 'envy' sometimes that she has it all together and I don't-but mostly I appreciate learning and listening to her thoughts and philosophies and seeing if they jive with me.

And finally, my younger sister (whose blog I used to visit every day until she stopped posting; oh, all my sisters stopped posting it seems!) connected my to Stephanie a very long time ago. It was when I didn't know people went 'public' with blogs. I had been keeping mine up for family to see, but Jess showed me that others actually advertised on their blogs and wrote every day and that there was an entire culture practically around blog reading, blog checking and blog creating. Who knew? Steph, as you know I'm sure, was in a plane crash some years ago, and now she is like the most popular blog on the internet. But I like to think I was with her from the beginning-and since I've had the pleasure of meeting her and working with her (pre and post accident) I enjoy reading what she has to say....and I wish her success because she has shared some very good vibes with me.

have you visited these or other blogs? I like others as well, but these are most frequented, so these are what I share on this Monday. Check them out and tell me what you think! Happy reading!

Co-Op-erating

2011-09-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

My friend Andrea and I spent time together yesterday, running errands and 'grabbing lunch' (Haggerman's Bakery; definitely going into the "If you are ever in Salt Lake" archives very soon, watch for it!).

Andrea took me by Cy's Market. A small family run produce market that is running a great produce co-op.

I opted in.

I came home with a box of organic, well picked produce. Tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber, red bell pepper, green leaf lettuce and Kale. Green onion, some radishes, snow peas, beautiful green beans, brocoli and some juicy white peaches. A few pears, a couple of apples, a bag of grapes and loads of bananas. Then Cy threw in a couple bunches of fresh basil, picked from his own gardens the day before. And 2 bunches of 'bread bananas' which were going brown and ready for bread (this is a tradition for the co op boxes. Some ripe bananas, and some real ripe bananas).

I added to my stash some interesting cucumbers and a local cantaloupe.

We've had two smoothies,and a delicious salad and green beans for dinner.

I'm happy we opted in.

Its good to look at a box (or garden full) of produce and center your meals around whats given you that is local and fresh. I like that I"m supporting a local farmer, and that I have a connection to my community in some small way. And I'm glad that every other week me and Andrea and Lara will take turns driving out to pick up our produce filled boxes. I drive every 6 weeks; I get a box every 2. Something so 'green' about pick up sharing don't you think?

tonight we'll have pasta in red bell pepper sauce. And lots of brocoli to compliment. Tomorrow for lunch, chinese noodles with fresh green onion to garnish, and cucmbers with dip for snack time. I'll try my hand at a peach pie this weekend (if John will teach me the art of the crust) and on Sunday, I'll whip up some yummy banana bread to share with a neighbor or two.

Its great to co-op-erate :)

A conversation on the way home from Football

2011-09-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

*Note: when my first son-who is also my first child-was about 6 years old, he became enamored of Pokemon cards. We were living abroad at the time, and all I knew from him was that these were cards you traded, centered around an imaginary world where people caught creatures and exploited them for their own gain. Not wanting to teach my child that this form of self gratification was part of our family make-up, I banned the game. Oh, how parents learn as they become seasoned by raising a family...which battles to pick, which causes to take up, and which child like games to let run their course over the span of 3rd and 4rth grade...

Porter and our next door neighbor, Josh, were riding home from football practice in the back of our car last night. Their conversation did not center around tackling and blocking and throwing-oh no. They were talking intensely, incecently, about Pokemon.

Porter: I was so glad I traded my charmander, cause I was getting so sick of that one. I was trying to evolve him but I 'sucked' at it...man I wanted him to evolve but he just wouldn't and it took so long...

Josh: Dude, you gotta be patient when you want them to evolve. Patient.

Porter: I had to get rid of him and find a guy who could fight right away

Josh: patient Porter. That's how it is with evolving those guys...

Porter: I stunk so bad at it. I tried to evolve another guy and I sucked at that guy too

-sorry for the language-they'd just been with their swearing coaches so I was glad these were not expletives coming from their angel mouths...

Porter: I can't wait to trade a guy again, so I can get a strong one who is ready to go.

Josh: PORTER. You are not hearing me. I SAID, you GOTTA BE PATIENT. DUDE. PATIENT

There was some kind of cosmic wisdom in a child telling another child to give patience to an endeavor of any kind. Especially to Porter. That concept of setting aside what you want in the moment (a guy who can fight, in this case) for what you really want most (and evolved guy in this case) is something Porter has been learning a lot about lately in his nine year old life.

And there was some other kind of wisdom in the whole conversation. As I drove along, listening, I could almost hear myself discussing child rearing with the sage parent of the universe

me: but I want them to evolve. To become. I'm not good at all this waiting. And all the steps you have to go through for them to be what you see they can be; powerful, intelligent, amazing. Maybe its easier if I just make them happy right now. I kind of 'suck' at the evolution of them.

Sage Parent of the Universe: Patience. Darling. Patience. Its all about patience. Do you hear what I am saying? You gotta be patient when it comes to evolution...

'morphing' from someone self centered into someone who is selfless. Evolving from the 'what's in it for me' to the 'what's best for everyone else.' I wonder how much of it really is, as our little neighbor so wisely taught over pokemon cards on the ride home, all about the patience.

A New System...

2011-09-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

binders stay on a shelf in our message center, right by the door where the kids leave for school

our awesome tokens can add up quick for the kids; they can earn 7 per week just by doing their daily tasks; and more if they put in a little extra effort!

Even Lucy is excited to do her 'morning tasks'. She earned her first token this morning, and was thrilled to put it into the ziploc duct taped on to the back of her binder

We have used our "clipboard" system for several years now, and it has been losing effectiveness pretty fast-kids weren't getting their checklists finished often enough during the week to earn their allowance at the end of the month. I was losing my temper more and more because they were so apathetic about their responsibilities.

It got especially bad when school began.

I really thought hard about how to shift our focus from the kids being 'slave driven' to the kids becoming independent and productive...a hard paradigm shift for kids to make.

I felt it would take an incentive that was concrete enough to help the kids have a desire to 'buy in' now and then as their good habits form and they become more natural at keeping themselves in order (both physically, spiritually and mentally) then the fruits of being independent become the rewards themselves.

So I 'lifted' my friend Sharon's concept for her kids' summer work, and have made it a part of our every day routine.

Just a couple of SHOUT OUTS. First, THANKS MALIA! For the 'tokens' - Malia is John's administrative assistant and she really double times as our 'family assistant'. She was in charge of the company Summer party, which was "Harry Potter" Themed complete with 'galleons' we used during the amazing event. Malia was so kind and helped us by donating the expired galleons and they have become our family tokens!

another THANKS to SHARON! Your description of the family binders you put together last summer was the seed from which this idea grew for me. I appreciate you as a mom and thanks for showing me what could work for my family by sharing what was working for yours :)

So, Here's how we do it.

1. The kids are expected to take care of some simple tasks each morning before school. these include dressing, eating, making their lunch (even Molly makes her lunch with my supervision), cleaning up their room and making their bed, having a 'quiet minute' to have personal prayer and hopefully personal reading of scripture/spiritual thought, helping straighten up one of our home's common areas (this 'weekly job rotates; kids help with the library, music room, dining room, den and family room) and practice the piano.

I know that seems like a lot each morning; but our kids get up early. we gather the kids at 6:40 a.m. to read scriptures as a family and have prayer before John leaves for work and Mason leaves for school. These early mornings have been our family pattern for over 5 years; and it works for us though I know it seems over the top for many other families...

2. When the kids complete their list of tasks before they leave for school they get a token. Tokens are saved in each child's binder in a ziploc bag.

3. Extra tokens can be earned by giving an extra music practice session, practicing a foreign language, practicing math concepts through Kahn Academy and other various things. Kids also earn a token when they participate in their dinner night without complaining and follow through with those duties from start to finish...and they earn 2 tokens on a Saturday if they complete their jobs "Saturday style" which includes dusting and vacuuming as well as helping with laundry a bit and doing a "Saturday job"...

LOTS of chances to earn tokens.

4. Kids turn in their tokens for various things; namely they turn in the bulk of their tokens in order to claim their monthly allowance. Kids don't have to have earned 100% of their tokens in order to claim allowance, but they do have to earn 85% or better...nobody's perfect but you've got to try, hard.

5. Other 'token love' includes staying up a few extra minutes on a school night, or turn in a few for a treat from 'the stash' (more on how we are handling candy and sugar in our home these days to come). They can let their tokens pile up and even turn in 20 for a late night with their friends...lots of different kinds of incentives/prizes and prizes worth just a couple of tokens to prized/privileges which are worth up to 20.

a couple of 'asides': the Jr. high kid gets a little break on the time; she has until 4 p.m. to complete her task list because she leaves for school only 30 minutes after scriptures and she has piano and guitar to practice. And, we've changed our High Schooler's routine completely-more on that tomorrow!

How do you run your family 'routines'? How do you motivate your kids to work? How do you help them contribute to the family without incentive-ising them into entitlement? I'd love to hear more about what you do in your homes...your ideas and 'systems' could be helpful to others-me included!

How were you asked to your Homecoming?

2011-09-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

The only dance I remember being asked to was Homecoming of my Freshman year...a huge bunch of helium balloons in our school colors were left on my front porch with instructions for me to pop the balloons and find a 'hidden message' revealing my date.

I was too young to go.

It was a difficult thing you see, because he was a senior and a Student body officer. And he had a steady girlfriend whose parents had suggested the couple find other dates for this dance. So it was a 'safe date' if you know what I mean.

But I answered back with a 'no'. I did it in a clever way. But I still said no.

Our family rule growing up was just like it is for my own kids today:

"do not date until you are at least 16 years old. Date those who have high standards. When you begin dating, go in groups or on double dates. Plan activities which help you remain close to the spirit of the Lord." (taken from 'for the strength of youth')

Last night Mason asked a cute nice girl to the homecoming dance.
Brynley, Madi and I orchestrated the 'asking'. We came up with the clever idea, packaged it all up and sent him out the door so the girl he'd hoped to go with wouldn't get asked by someone else.

They are both 16.
They'll go in a (fun) group.
They'll plan a very fun (wholesome) evening full of activities.
It will be a great evening.

How have you been asked or answered to dances in your past?
Did kids at your school pull these crazy stunts to invite to dances?
What fun, wholesome activities do you remember as part of your high school dating experiences? One of my favorites was sailing paper boats down the river in Millcreek canyon - super fun night during my high school career!

Perspectives on Parenting

2011-09-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

making his name bright again, Porter scrubs the grime away

Once upon a time there was a darling little boy who loved his mom so much he wants her to sleep with him at night and hugs her tight (!) on his way out the door to school each morning.

This little boy was really clever, and decided to use his brilliance to avoid doing school work. He convinced his teacher each afternoon that his classwork was in the appropriate basket, earning himself a teacher's signature on his daily planner. Once the signature was seen by his adoring mother it was said that no homework was required of the sneaky clever boy; as evidenced by the teacher's approving John Hancock.

One Friday afternoon the boy's loving mother figured out the deception. Boy and mother walked down the road back to school to concur with the teacher that indeed work had gone undone and was legitemately missing and required at the boy's hand.

The boy began to have a stomach ache.
The boy began to cry.
The mother, completely realizing she had been lied to for many days, wanted to cry too.

It hurts to be lied to by your boy, ya know?

Reality was placed before the boy. Consequences too. While friends played outside (or on their video games) all Friday afternoon the boy sat at the library table and did assignment after assignment. By Saturday morning, with the work still not fully completed, the boy begged to be aloud to play in his football game. Mom stood her ground. 5 minutes before game time the work had been complete.

The boy played in his game.
(And did a darn good job)

Once home, he was put to work, with the understanding that his task was a metaphor for the choice he had made to dirty the family name through deception and lying.

He scrubbed the smoker. He wiped out the grease pail. he swept up the charred ashes and cleaned out the dripper pan.

It was a dirty job.
the dirt was all over him. Just like a lie. Just like deceit. That yuck is hard to wipe clean.

After the boy was bathed and showered he was given a short but sweet lecture, on how our lies can be truly washed clean, and told of the joy that when we choose wrong, but decide to turn back to right ways, there are open arms waiting to receive us.

This morning, that boy, with a letter of apology in his cute little hand, was escorted to school again by his mother. She watched as this child whom she adores so much handed his confession to his teacher.

The boy's mother wanted to cry again. But held back tears as her son cried instead. An embarrassment she hopes he will never forget.

And while these events are so much about this wonderful, devious, good at heart boy they are also about his mother. Who sometimes cries when its hard to parent. And who worries that she teach about the values of honesty and integrity in a way in which her children will adopt them and make them their values. And who hopes beyond hope that the day of hiding papers and lying to teachers is behind her (and her boy) for good.

No title, just ramblings

2011-09-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

no picture either. I sent our new camera to Sweden with our men. the battery is dead. I haven't had the time to find the charger and plug it in the wall. I usually have a camera in my purse. I've been using my iPhone lately, but my pictures ALWAYS come out blurry.

This week we had another basement flood. Not as bad/catastrophic as the first one. But still, large fans blowing on wet carpet and walls, and large bills to pay for repairs(the major disappointment of this isn't actually the flood, its the fact that the dollars which will pay for its clean up were going to be allocated to new paint for my very boring kitchen walls. Darn! Foiled again!). Large feelings of discouragement about owning an old house and filling it up with young kids are haunting me. This flood was preventable, if the toilet had been flushed right and the leaky valve given proper attention I would not have had gallons of (at least it was clean!) water sucked off the floors....sigh sigh sigh and sigh---

Because of the flood John and I gave up our bed to our kids, and took to sleeping in 'fun' places like out on the trampoline and downstairs on the big leather couch. I'm not sure if I have mosquito bites from the trampoline or spider bites from the basement, but either way I'm looking forward to making my kids sleep with those fans blazing outside their closed doors so I can lay on my side of my bed with my pillow and have a decent night's sleep tonight.

I went to a 'beyond the barre' class today at the gym. This is a toning/strengthening class 'trend' in lots of gyms around the country. Ballet words are used like 'rele-ve' and 'tondu' which are graceful terms for squats and lunges. But it is fun to actually pretend you are graceful for an hour while sweat is dripping off your face. And, since as a child I was told not to come back to ballet class because I had no 'natural grace', it is kind of fun to hold my arms like a ballerina, look in a mirror and try really hard to believe for just an hour a week that I can 'walk lightly' and with poise and femininity if I stick to this class instead of thundering through life as I do, walking like a football player entering the stadium (foot pounds and heavy legs; that's my natural gate).

Finally, you might be interested in seeing the delicious dinner John made for our anniversary. I had a conversation with some very dear friends this week about my insecurities surrounding John's incredible culinary abilities and affinity. Is it true love to provide opportunity for the person you love most to spend time doing something he loves, even if that something in the end benefits me? And is it true love if this gifting of time comes with the stipulation that in the end more time will be taken to right the wrong of kitchen disaster that takes place when any great chef is in the flow of creating delicious masterpieces? Or is that 'conditional love'? A conundrum I ponder when John takes to the kitchen...

Just a few random things on a Friday. I'm sure Monday, when my flood -ridden house is put back together again and my camera battery is charged and I've had my own turn in the kitchen to bake and cook I'll have fun things to show you and even funner things to talk about. Until then, Happy Weekend!

Anniversary Weekend and Blueberry Pie

2011-09-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

Because he loves me, he cooks for me...

It was our anniversary Sunday, so we farmed the kids out to cousins and friends and spent the night together in our very own home. While I attended to church responsibilities John cooked a magnificent meal; tomato tower with basil and vinegar, squash soup with homemade stock, beet ravioli in beet sauce, salmon in cardamom broth and blueberry pie with homemade lemon sorbet for dessert.

John loves to cook. He loves the chemistry of it. He loves the preciseness of it. He loves the presentation of it. He loves it as a gesture. He cooks for people he loves; a coconut pie for my mom's birthday, Thanksgiving feasts each year for his own mom, and tomato soup or blueberry pie or crab cakes for me. It is an outward expression for him of an inward desire to care for another. Think of those scenes in Spanglish or No Reservations where the chef expresses passion and love through the divine tastings in his/her kitchen...

It is a beautiful thing.

I have had to come to terms with it though; with the process, the mess, the time that it all takes. It has evolved over the course of our marriage to the point where I can receive all that he is giving when he is giving me a nice meal.

Sometimes I wish I was the one cooking. But I know the end result would just not be the same. The love that he feels for cooking can be tasted in each and every bite. Its part of the reason the meals are amazing. And I cannot equal that.

The rest of our weekend consisted of a long walk in the dark. A late morning in bed. A lingering stroll through the cooking store. Then back to our kids and our life with them. It was short but so sweet to spend time remembering that our life together started with only two of us, and that we are glad that life has grown to include an entire bunch.

Happy anniversary John. I loved our weekend together. Thank you for the blueberry pie. I ate the last piece for breakfast. With each bite I thought of you and all you do to show me you are glad you chose me all that time ago. I'm so glad I chose you too! I'm the luckiest girl in the world to be by your side forever!

When Adults Act Like Children...

2011-09-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes its a good thing when adults act like children. Take this summer for instance. At Porter's birthday party, when the boys (many of whom are my cub scouts) drenched me with their water guns, I gunned them right back. Instead of getting all stodgy about being a grown up getting wet, I got wet with them. This is a good time for a grown up to act like a child.

When Brynley pulls out her camera, John and I do our best to look silly in her pictures. Unless she wants us to look less silly (which is hard for us to pull off). This is how our teenager wants us to have fun with her; so this is a good time for an adult to act like a kid

And when our new nephew comes for a visit, John and I make baby sounds and stick our tongues out at this little bundle of YUM. We look like infants ourselves, but its o.k.-because this too is a good time for an adult to act like a child...

and the week before school started, when we had night games in the driveway and our next door neighbor came over and played 'red light green light' with her kids (and mine) now that was a wicked perfect time for an adult to act like a kid!
(I literally had forgotten that I was allowed to play, thanks so much Megan, for reminding me that I can have fun with my kids too)

But, yesterday, when the immature parent at our elementary school butted in line to talk to the new principal, and didn't really talk but 'yelled' at her because he wasn't getting his way, and bullied her and tried to use his adult-ness to childishly manipulate her into doing what he wanted, this was NOT the right time (or way) for an adult to act like a child...

I was embarrassed for this whining adult as he ranted in public to another adult while children and even more adults cringed in their observation of his performance. He was throwing down words like "constituency" and "influence in the community" but the only influence he had was the lesson that if you are a childish adult in the wrong way at the wrong time you can look like a giant fool...so much of this kind of behavior has gone on in our public politics, both in the town where I live and in our country at large. We shouldn't be too surprised when the children who observe this turn out to be childish adults-its the pattern we are setting for them in the very worst sense.

Here's to being child like when it comes to being with a child. Here's to playing with our kids and teaching them through play that we value them and the world of play that they live in and learn from daily.

And here's to being an adult when its important to be one. To communicating disagreements in respectful conversation. For finding common ground and working hard to understand another adult's point of view. And to showing that even though you might be absolutely right; manipulating or bullying another is not the mature way to 'get your way'. Let's show our kids that its great to be a kid, and lets show our kids how to be good adults, so some day they will know how, and someday be able to be one.

My personal back to school wish list...

2011-08-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

New shirt dress; I love that the leave-it-to-beaver mom dress is back! Couple it with my strings of pearls and I could so be June C. herself. Now, if I could just learn to vacuum without my apron on

We've done a lot of school shopping for the kids this year, especially for Mason. Its hard with the catalogs coming and the eye candy in shop windows not to wish for a little wardrobe update for myself too...its just a WISH list. No money in the clothing budget means no new clothes for the mom this year!

my favorite chinos of all time; right length, good fit through the waist and hips; were ruined last year by our son who did a load of laundry without checking pockets for incidentals like INK filled pens...OH to have the perfect fitting chinos, it would make dressing so much more enjoyable for me! Always too big in the waist to be able to fit the hips-and FOREVER TOO LONG..yes, new chinos would be a top priority for this lady's back to school shopping

perfect skirt. Emphasizes the waist, gives length so as not to reveal too much thigh. Great with tennis shoes or pumps. Perfect with a t-shirt in September or a turtleneck in November. Could be belted, or worn with blazer or cardi. Would look awesome with my sorel's this snowy winter

do you see the PUFF SLEEVES! Oh, Ann of Green Gables and I are suckers for PUFFS. So feminine! puts the shape back into the figure when the shoulders are made more broad so the waist can seem more slender...

I would wear a blazer every day to work if I had a job where I "dressed for work". I LOVE jackets, and these little petite school boy blazers are the perfect proportions for my short waisted body

classic, with a pointed toe instead of squared. So beautiful. Perfect ending to a great wardrobe update.

do you see the trends to longer skirt lengths, and almost 'school uniform' looks? I love it. Plaids and tweeds are also SO BACK. Finally, clothes like the ones Gidget wore are cool again for us! I think the pricetag on the above items are almost the size of my mortgage payment but hey...

A girl can wish, can't she?

p.s. skirt by emmersonmade. All else, J.Crew. Other sites had better choices, but they wouldn't let me use their images for all the '360 degree' viewing options...

The two year itch...

2011-08-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

I had been feeling really antsy about home projects that I see EVERYWHERE I turn. Everything from the big stuff (I am DYING to paint my cupboards, want to do it before winter hits) to smaller ones (organizing the sock drawer, no big deal).

It has been really eating away at me.
I wasn't sure why. Well, accept for the part that I literally have piles in every space of my house.

And then I kind of realized. We've lived at the Spruces for 2 years now. 2 years is when we always move.

Only, we are not moving....

So it is my natural life rhythm to purge, organize and beautify every two years. I've tackled the message center and the family library. Now its on to my studio. Check out the disaster zone that I am trying to tackle....

piles that have been moved from the previously organized spaces down to the basement, for me to find them a proper home or give/throw away

endless scrapbook supplies which I long to use, but have no idea how they are being stored. Glue is in with markers, stamps with tape...it is so random that I can't start a project cause I can't find the right supplies...

my children use my crafting space much more often than I do. And they don't clean up after they use it. So bits and pieces of summer sewing projects and paper creations are littered through out the tiny room...

Molly and lucy's art table. Can you even see the table top?

The goal is to have this become a haven for me and my own projects (which of course are projects which bless my family ;) before the week is over.

wish me luck.
And pray a 'for sale' sign does not end up in our yard if for no other reason than to motivate us to get the home projects completed so we can actually enjoy the home!

Ramadan with Friends

2011-08-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Our amazing hostesses; the feast we enjoyed was made entirely by their hands. They are such proud cooks, and their meals are delicious!

The men enjoy their dinner. Khilola's husband works in car repair to support his family. He likes living in Utah, 'because the people around us are good'

'Grandma' and I. She cannot speak English. I don't speak Turkish or Russian. And yet, we are good friends

All the kids were happy dancing and playing in the small duplex after dinner

my dear friend, who lives thousands of miles from her mother, has let me be a sister

My dear friend Khilola invited our family to celebrate the close of Ramadan with her household. She and I have been friends for about 18 months, we live on the same street. I believe she is one of the most incredible women I have ever known. She cares for her twin toddlers, her aging (and in ill health) parents in law, she cooks all her meals from scratch (the most incredible meat dumplings! Delicious almond cake!) and she keeps a small house full of many people (three bedroom duplex with her family of 4, her in-law parents, and her brother-in-law's family of 3 as well). She feeds and clothes her family on a shoe string, and she speaks Russian, Turkish and English. This past week she passed her citizenship exam so she soon will officially be an American Citizen.

But her citizenship does not diminish the fact that she and her family are refugees who have fled their homes to be free of religious persecution and ethnic prejudice. We are so cruel to one another in this big human family.

Our dinner began as the sun set, and as we entered we were seated; women at one table and men at another. Khilola and her sister in law and niece then spread a feast before us, home made bread sticks stuffed with spinach and cheese. "Pretzel bread" and hand made noodle soup with beef and vegetables. Delicious salads with avocado, cauliflower and green beans. Tasty little cakes for dessert as well as mountains of fresh fruit.

After dinner we were introduced to YouTube videos of traditional Turkish/Russian dance, the music moved us all to swing and sway-Mason tried to lower himself to the ground and kick out his legs but he landed on his back side, while the dancers in the video kicked easily and returned to their feet. We took pictures. Kissed cheeks. Smiled WIDE and were content.

Thanks to Khilola and her good husband for sharing their traditions with us. Thanks to my kids who were willing to experience something new and different and didn't complain but tried and smiled and said thank you instead. Thanks to John for being someone who I could be in other cultures and countries with for the rest of our life together. Thanks to the heavens for making my street the one where Khilola lives, so I get to be her neighbor.

Lucy Begins Kindergarten (and why I'm glad its half day)

2011-08-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

This is Lucy first thing in the morning. She rises before the sun most days, her internal clock is 'early'

This is Lucy 20 minutes after school let out. I barely got a meal in her before she was sacked out on the couch.

It is hard for me to let her go. Not because she is gone too much, but because this is the beginning of a long educational career. While she is with me half of every day now, I know her school career takes her away from me more and more, and that my days as a mom of 'little ones' are truly truly numbered.

Lucy started school today. Half Day, morning, Kindergarten. Her teacher was Molly's teacher before her. Lucy spent many hours in the classroom last year while I was a volunteer.

She feels like she owns the place.

John was amazing. With tons of pressure waiting for him at the office, he walked with us down the street to school. Video camera in hand, he captured Lucy's first trip to our elementary as an enrolled student.

Lucy met familiar faces in the school yard, and walked to her line once the bell rang. Other parents followed their children through the doors. I stayed back. Lucy didn't need me hovering over her, in fact I couldn't keep my composure much past the tardy bell's ring

I cried all the way back home.

Then I poured out my heart in thanks that I am Lucy's mom. And that I've had 5 years of loving and parenting her before this day had come. And that I'd be there to pick her up at lunch when her day was done. And that we live right down the street from school. And that she gets to go to school. And that I get to be a mom. And that there are good teachers to watch over and guide her as she learns.

And that I get to teach her too. About reading and math and about sewing and cooking and more than anything, about life; about God and His blessings and honesty and truth and compassion and service and kindness and love.

Lucy came home. She ate and she napped. Its going to be a great year.

muddy instead of clear

2011-08-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have a summer cold. Having a summer cold is like getting punished for something you did not do. All the pain, with no justification for its purpose.

Our kids are gone, save Lucy, but there is so much in the way of housework to be done right now that I'm not enjoying the freedom afforded by full day school. I hope by next week the message center and library are all organized, the laundry caught up and the pile of clothes for donation or hand-me-down boxes gone through and placed properly.

I ran a half marathon two weeks ago, in beautiful Provo canyon. With Jeni. It was great fun! Somehow I hurt my foot, so I've hardly exercised since then. Hardly exercising is not good for my mental health. I'm starting to feel really down. Now the foot is feeling much better, but the head is full of congestion and the body is simply exhausted-I hope the foot fully healed and the nasal passages fully cleared happens soon...real soon, so I can get back to feeling like an emotionally balanced individual.

I went to the dentist, so he could fix a chipped tooth. He did his best, but seems to have made things worse instead of better. More dental work is in my immediate future. In the meantime I chew on only one side of my mouth so as to avoid lighting from striking up the other side of my face.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes things just don't go right? All at once the check book is out of balance, a head cold, hurt foot, sore tooth, empty nest...the stars just mis-align and life seems muddy instead of clear.

It has caused me to remember this great advice, and to try and let the universe come back into clarity as I go about the business of knowing things will be better soon, if I am patient.

Molly's birthday re-cap

2011-08-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

Madi organized a wonderful treasure hunt for Molly to find her birthday treasure

A new bike, with working tires and sparkling handlebar streamers is Molly's initiation into being 'big'

Molly's birthday party was weeks after her birthday, so we celebrated on the day with a special lunch, enjoying chocolate fondu for birthday dessert! Molly requested marshmallows and long pretzels for dipping...

birthday lunch of macaroni and cheese and garden grown green beans. Flowers for the table compliments of our back yard.

Molly was a joy on her birthday, all day long

It is always fun to celebrate a birthday in our family. This year, Molly had two celebrations; one on her special day, and a party a couple of weeks after. Birthday morning was met with a scavenger hunt/treasure hunt organized by Madi which led Molly through the house and right to her very own new bike!

Then it was off to swimming lessons and back home for a special birthday lunch with a decorated table, chocolate fondu for dessert and candles to wish on.

Molly is such a bundle of life. Challenging and wonderful. I hope on her birthday she felt loved loved loved!

Robbed of Summer

2011-08-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

no pictures.

I'll start blogging regularly beginning this week because, well...

School started.

Like a thief, taking away the last two weeks of hot swim worthy summer.

taking my children away from late mornings, and late nights, and games of capture the flag or red light green light with the neighbor kids.

taking my long bike rides and my daily outdoor swim work outs while my kids learned the back stroke and the breast stroke yards away from me in the pool.

I've silently fought to preserve the last of our days without carpools, schedules and homework. But today they were back in classrooms. Listening to someone else teach them.

someone that wasn't me.

I love my children's education; I like a traditional school with its micro society and all our kids learn about the big world by walking down the street together in the mornings and taking care of one another on the long walk home after the last bell has rung.

But I feel like this year my time was taken from me. I was just getting warmed up. Just beginning to love summer with big kids and little kids. Just getting good at it. Just starting to have fun in the place where we are as a family and the place where I am as a mom-

so, welcome school year, I guess. You aren't going away, so I'm reconciled to embrace you. But I wish you'd given me just a couple more weeks to hug my kids and let them eat Popsicles after dinner.

look for some review of our last fun weeks, and a commentary or two on John and Mason's European camping trip. I have some things to say about teaching our children how to work and helping them become useful, happy adults. I'm back. Just like school, like it or not :)

Far and Away

2011-08-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

Pioneer Trek: 3 days, 1 camera, 10,000 photos taken by John alone.

Week long Trip to China for Work; first time to China. Two weeks after Trek

9 boys and my John as their fearless leader: 15 days camping in Scandinavia, 2 weeks after China

and now, two nights spent in Arkansas....

This time of year I think quite often of a question I dreaded when I was a kid going back to school in the fall. "What did you do this summer?" Growing up it was very rare that our family took a trip together. The closest thing to a summer vacation was the week each year we spent in Park City Utah (which is one of my favorite memories of growing up, no complaints mind you...). Many of my classmates had stories of beaches or forests, trips to big cities or to far off lands.

If only John got to answer that question next week in front of a class...the stories he could tell!

This summer has been full of experiences for John. Not things he conjured up for himself, mind you-but opportunities and responsibilities handed him that have been remarkable in many ways. Days spent trekking with the youth of our area were filled with fun and service. Days spent in China and Hong Kong were enlightening and rewarding. Days spent in Scandinavia with Mason and 'the crew' were life changing and joy-filled.

I"m so happy John has had this summer. These experiences, this travel. I'm glad for what he is becoming because of the things he has seen, heard, and felt. I'm happy for all it is making him.

and I miss him.

Sleep well tonight John, in your hotel room far away. I'll keep our bed warm and dream of you with me. But be amazing while you are away. Make the experiences count and be your best in all you do. You are becoming so much so quickly. I'm so lucky to be the one who keeps the home fires burning while you are far and away.

Authentic Me: Forty

2011-08-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

Our next door neighbors surprised me with a birthday cake after the kids enjoyed 'night games' on our street. One of the sweetest moments of the day was having my children and all their neighborhood friends sing/yell 'happy birthday' to me and help me blow out candles.

Long time friend DeAnne took my girls and me to tea; it was So FUN to spend time with this dear friend eating shepherd's pie and drinking peppermint tea. I'd love to return again and again to the tea house to sit on the fluffy pillows and listen to D, she is an amazing person with great insight and inspiration!

a smattering of the flowers that were hand delivered by John's assistant, Malia, to the swimming pool where my children were having their swimming lessons. Her surprise visit was accompanied by this little book-which held an even bigger surprise from John to me on my birthday...

what you can't see:
A morning breakfast with my mom and sisters
My daddy running swim team and football carpool so I could be at breakfast
A lovely lunch date with my running partner Jeni
phone calls from friends in Sweden and Idaho
Sweet Text messages from my husband in far away Sweden
hugs from my kids
notes and gifts left on my front porch

It happened. I turned 40. The day I had dreaded came and went. And the day was a wonderful surprise for me in many ways. I felt so remembered. I felt loved. I felt calm. I felt I could face the realities of 'maturing' and the prospect of making life better through the decade that is in front of me. I shed tears of tender gratitude as I prayed at the end of the day. I'm thankful for the blessings that make up my life.

It is a very good life. Full of 40 blessed years...

John completely shocked and surprised me in every way this birthday. He had taken me to breakfast the morning of his departure and given me a little blue box. Tiny diamond studs have stayed in my ears and will remain until he gets home! Then, on birthday morning, his amazing and capable (and beautiful inside and out) assistant, Malia, found me and delivered beautiful flowers with a little book to go with them. The book read like a story, with a very happy ending. John has booked an exciting adventure for the two of us to share later in October. Babysitters are even arranged! A vacation. An experience. A getaway with my beloved. There is no better birthday gift than time spent alone with John.

So, my authentic self is no longer in her 30's. She is learning to look forward and see the prospect of things to come. Thanks to all who remembered me on this very special day-my friends and family are the reason I have to rejoice and be grateful this birthday!

Molly is 7 Today

2011-08-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

Molly woke up this morning to the serenade of "Happy Birthday". A long wished for pillow pet was wrapped in a box with a single clue around it's dolphin neck...one clue led to another until at last a new pink bicycle, one without training wheels, was revealed.

Lunch? Macaroni and Cheese followed by chocolate fondu featuring marshmallows for dipping

It's Molly's day all day long. And next week, when daddy is home, we will enjoy a swim party (with crafts as per Molly's wishes) with new school friends and neighborhood friends too.

Molly, we love you so much!

Happy Birthday to You!

One Week down, One to go

2011-08-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

These handsome boys and their handsome leader just before takeoff

We've been hearing a bit from Sweden this week. The two men from our family are having an amazing experience camping with 40,000 others in the rain in the south of a land we love very much.

They are camping next to the Egyptians and across from the Danes and the Dutch. Several of the boys from our group have learned that the boys (and girls!) from other countries had to work very hard for the opportunity to attend this big event; they wrote essays and showed that they were bilingual. They worked to earn the cost of the trip. They sacrificed to be there.

Our boys were selected to attend by our local church leaders. They raised funds to attend and they were given lots of training and expected to give their time to go to meetings. A pretty small sacrifice when compared to others-hopefully that will sink in and the boys will really appreciate the opportunity they are living over the coming week.

The photos coming back are full of smiling boys, with thumbs up signs or hang ten hands. They look happy, if dirty and rained on, and they look like they belong together.

Like they are friends.

When we left Texas the only things I wanted for Mason were some friends who would help him make good decisions and help him feel comfortable in his own skin. The other of my children would easily find their way, but friends haven't come easily for Mason unless those friends are the same age as his parents-his peers were a feared entity. All the moving, all the trying, all the quirks that make Mason awesome and unique made him feel less than 'part' of his peer group.

I hope Sweden is changing that. For the better.

In the coming week we'll have more pictures to see and a few more emails to read from my boys describing the amazing things they are seeing and doing and the amazing people they are meeting. And I hope I'll see in those photos and soundbites the sure signs of friendships forged. Its all I want for Mason, thank Heaven for his trip to Sweden!

How Do You Spend Sundays?

2011-07-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

we each had an 'arm band' which got us admission into the game-filled basement

I brought this game home from New York for the kids. It is super fun to play as a family

Porter is showing us 'airplane' but he looked more like 'Eagle'

Cruise director Bryn guides the kids through charades, and takes our family through a fun evening full of games and being together

Our Sunday mantra goes like this;
"Use the Sabbath to worship the Lord, attend church, draw closer to your family, and help others. Do not seek entertainment or spend money on the Sabbath. When possible, avoid working on Sunday."
from 'For the Strength of Youth' wallet card

in other words ;
"Keep the Sabbath Day Holy"
from 'The Ten Commandments' in the Old Testament

often on Sundays we are happily occupied with our extended family
and sometimes we have obligations because of our church service

but some Sundays we are home together, and that is kind of our favorite

This Sunday was one of those Sundays. And Brynley made the most of it.
She and her younger sisters and brother created a 'family game night'
while Madi made browines from scratch
We went from station to station playing board games, charades, a card game and even the Wii.
And, of course, eating yummy brownies (with Ice Cream, of course)

It was awesome.
We loved being together in the cool basement
Bryn was proud of her efforts
Madi was proud of her brownies
and they should be

Sometimes it is so rewarding to raise a large family
sitting in a circle playing 'BS' is one of those times

I'm thankful for Sundays spent this way
As a Family

Finding the Higher Self...

2011-07-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

How I can be when I seek my higher self...

The summer is half way over, and some parts about it have my nerves pushed over the edge. Particularly the part where the kids tell me they have finished their jobs when in fact they are not finished. And the part where they just avoid the job doing so long that other (FUNNER!) things are not accomplished instead.

I boiled over today.

I had planned to stay at the our gym's outdoor swimming pool far beyond the girls' morning lesson. I had planned to buy lunch for them (greasy summer corndogs) at the pool's concession stand, and to deliver them to the gym's 'play place' so I could attend a lunch hour yoga class.

All they had to do was the morning check list. They had until 10 a.m.

Needless to say, 10 a.m. came, and they had not finished the work. By 10:15 I was a screaming mess, shoving them into the car so as not to miss the bulk of the lesson. Reaching the pool beyond the start time, and leaving right after the finish. No fun lunch. No time in the sun.

I was done. Mad. ANGRY that my summer plans are again and again completely foiled by my children's inaction. Molly is the worst. She has not concept of time, it passes by her faster than a bullet train as she moves as slow as a snail. She does not care about consequences, happy ones or sad ones. She is usually the straw that breaks my back.

I yelled at her, with an angry face. She looked frightened, I looked ugly. I left to get a grip.
A time out for mom, to yoga class.

The older ones in charge at home, I blazed back down to the gym, seeking a chance to regain composure, perspective and the feeling of 'center' that can come when we realign ourselves to what we know is right.

At the conclusion of the class, the teacher (in her yoga-speak) encouraged us to 'seek our higher selves' for the rest of the day. I lay on my yoga mat, eyes closed, and heard her words sink down into my core.

My higher self.

I do have one of those.

I believe we all have a 'higher self'. An inner divine nature that is capable of great things like patience, forgiveness, peacemaking. A spiritual core within us.

That core must fight our lesser qualities; Our baseness, our selfishness, our jealous angry human qualities. Those are the things that scream louder for our attention and are more easily accessed when life is hard. The Overcoming of these things is called many things. My favorite term is mastery; self mastery.

Clearly today I was not master of my lesser self.

I'm so grateful there is one true Master. That when I become base, less, if I ask Him, He can forgive me and help me be more. He can lift me to my higher self. And He can do it again and again and again until I become master of me. My Higher self. Closer to Him and more able to do His will and His work with my children and in my life.

Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime? Part 4

2011-07-15T06:04:00.001-07:00

A Wedding!Jess' amazing floral talents were fully realized on her Wedding day. The flowers were EXQUISITE! And she did them herself. Very "from the garden", using lambs ear, peony leaves and even, dare I say it? Carnations. All of it came together wrapped in string and yarn and ripped fabric. It was an amazing end result. Every bouquet and every table setting were absolutely beautiful

My job was to execute Jess' creative ideas for her dessert table. It was fun to try and put together what was in Jess' mind and on the beautiful magazine layouts she had saved which gave all the inspiration.

Father of the Bride (and my Daddy) was the coolest guy out on the dance floor, and he had the prettiest dance partners too! His wife (mom), the bride, and all of his daughters, not to mention his sisters and granddaughters...daddy's always known how to dance-it was fun cutting a rug with him

Brother and Sister-in-Law Ty and Katie cuddling as the sun goes down

She made a beautiful bride. Vintage lace dress, grandma's gold watch, a hankie tucked just right and peep toe wedges. So Jess. So beautiful

Jess and Matt married last week and celebrated with a lovely back yard celebration. Not a reception. A garden party. Cafe lights, white table clothes and beautiful flowers paired with a hand made dance floor (crafted by the groom) and home made desserts (brought by family and friends) set the scene. The bride and groom rode their bikes from the ceremony to the wedding dinner, and left the party after dark to ride down to their wedding night hotel. Matt in his grandfather's fidora and Jess in vintage lace, they were very careful to create memories that will last a lifetime for them.

As a family we were happy to help in every way so the day could be exactly what they hoped for. The last wedding my parents will see until their grandchildren say 'I do' , I think there was a sense that this was the end of an era. My parents handled the entire affair with generosity and joy.

My favorite part of the evening was dancing with my dad, and calling John down from his photo taking perch on the balcony to hold me close under the lights. There is nothing more romantic than cafe lights on a summer night, don't you think?

Congratulations to the happy couple. We all wish you the greatest joy as you look to a hopeful future!

Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime? Part 3

2011-07-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

The man who walked the most miles, trying to capture for the kids their experiences through pictures

Mason's pride was the front of the cart. He loved leading his family forward, and feeling strong and helpful while doing it.

I was a lucky tag along. Taking pictures and cheering on those who were doing the really hard work. It was a great pleasure for me
to witness something so incredible as this Trek.

This summer, We TREK! John and I were lucky enough to be part of our Stake Pioneer Trek June 29-July2. Mason was lucky to be old enough to be part of the whole experience too. Days without showering, soaked through clothes and shoes (RAIN!) and lots of dust in our teeth was a small price to pay for the overwhelmingly amazing experience of being part of this incredible effort.

Over 200 adults took 4 days from their lives to provide a unique wilderness experience for 250 kids age 14-18. The kids were placed in 'families' with a 'ma and pa' (a married couple) to lead them. They hauled all their gear in a real live hand cart across a thousand acres of pasture. We saw no sign of 'civilization' for days, only the expanse of rolling hills and the crystal blue sky. The kids proved to themselves that they could do something difficult. And they learned again how to get along without cel phones or ipods. They played fun 'old fashioned' games like 'Tag' and 'Ninja' and they had a blast without remote controls or facebook pages.

They were also introduced to the idea of rescuing. Stories were told of handcart pioneers who were caught in early snows and who began to whither in their journey west. Many even perished. But a prophet sent men to rescue, to save those who were weak and wandering, and to bring them to a valley where they would be cared for and brought back from the promise of a frozen grave.

We have a prophet today; and he invites us all to rescue. To look out for the widow, the one who is lonely. The person who has little or the one who has wandered and whose heart has grown cold as stone. These kids, the ones pulling the handcarts? They (and all of the adults who walked with them) -and you too- are invited to become rescuers. Not from the frozen planes, but from a life of chilling emptiness.

I hope I can be a rescuer. I hope I can remember the strength in their souls when I meet a stranger in need, or when I think of a neighbor who could use my help. The example of those strong kids (my own son included) who committed themselves to helping and rescuing souls through the refinement of hard work and hand cart pushing will be in my mind when my turn to rescue has come.

Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime? Part 2

2011-07-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

my worst triathlon ever. I mean EVER. But I did it, I guess that is something to smile about...

summer has been 'my season' to train for races and enjoy the motivation to improve my fitness. This summer has been a huge challenge-I thought it would be my best season ever, but it has started out as my worst.

In the spring I took a 6 week triathlon training camp offered at our local rec center. It was a challenge to get out of bed with time enough to be dressed and on a spin bike by 5 a.m.-the weather was a challenge for both run and swim training. But over all the experience was great.

Then I got sick. Real sick. And the camp ended with a week of recovery time before the camp's race day.

I spent the week coughing, blowing my nose until my sinuses bled and generally feeling like a zombie. Add to this the stress of getting through the last two weeks of school. The training took a way back seat.

I raced so poorly that day. Hadn't even been on my bike outside when I transitioned from the pool to the road. My run was slow, and I was embarrassed that I-who had stayed with the top 1/3rd of the camp during the training fell into nearly the last place on race day.

Embarrassing.

I'm supposed to enter 2 more triathlons this season. Needless to say I haven't. I'm hoping I'll be ready for at least one of them, but for now I'm just going to try and stay healthy, work on improving my swim and bike skills, and get ready for a half marathon I promised I'd finish with my neighbor. When I've accomplished that task we'll see if this summer will include any more swim/bike/run races or if I've retired for the season.

Oh What Do You Do In the Summertime? Part 1

2011-07-11T11:06:00.001-07:00

Neighbor and good buddy Kelly was our tie-die master. She let us use her die, her driveway, and her expertise so we could have these fun T-shirts!

This year we enjoyed a pretty fun cousin camp, complete with t-shirt day (tie die), Game day at the park, A Hike and a Bar B Que. We were lucky to have all the cousins together (cousins Will and Andrew were here from Newport Beach. Miss you guys already!). The activities were simple this year, but like always they were fun. This is our 10th year of cousin camp. I hope we enjoy 10 more years of summer fun with our cousins!

Content

2011-06-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

family gathers around the biggest round teak table I could find. This year we are using it every night it doesn't rain or snow!

kids laugh and giggle on the back yard trampoline

Madi did a great job compiling our garden grown centerpiece

flashback: I'm sitting at my work table in the upstairs master bedroom of our Boise home. The sun is beautiful through my windows (I LOVED the light in that house). The windows are open, frangrence from the roses in our garden floating in along with the sound of my children playing with John. I was right in the groove of a project; you know that place when you've finally warmed up to what you are doing and things are humming along nicely (I've heard it called 'flow' and it is a rare experience in my stop-and-start-life). As I hear my kids laughing, I feel the warmth of the sunlight on my back. I look up from my work to see my hero husband kicking the soccer ball with his children.

I feel in that moment a complete sense of contentment.

Its another one of those memories that I welcome every time in crosses my psyche. I linger in the memory. I love that memory, that feeling that all we had in that moment was good, and it was enough.

On Friday we pulled together a pretty impressive impromptu bbq for cousins and the like. It was the close of 'cousin camp' (more on that tomorrow). My parents, sisters, even sister in law Katie and her two California boys were in and out of the house. We had plenty of yummy food. The older boys helped organize, they set up extra tables and did whatever needed doing to make the meal happen. Flowers from our blooming garden were cut to make an outdoor table centerpiece.

Dinner was almost over, after lovely conversation around the table. I went in to get something. I came outside again. As I walked across the yard, a wonderful welcome feeling came over me. A feeling from my memories.

I felt content, completely.

It brought me to tears.

Its not that I haven't felt content ever since we left our Boise home. Its just that the sense of 'enough-ness' is one that I really want to have with me ALL the time. I think it is human nature to see what it is we lack, or to wish for things we want. But I think I have an acute sense of what my life is not, instead of all that it is. So in my prayers and strivings I am trying to improve my perspective, to see all that is in front of me, instead of the one or two things eluding me.

So my gratitude that my soul could come forward and show me that all that we have can bring such a centered feeling of contentedness just caused a tear to fall.

I'm so grateful for the moment in the yard on Friday night; and for all that surrounded it to make it move forward to its rightful place before me; good family, a loving spouse, a home that can welcome loved ones and guest, the beauty of the garden, the satisfaction of a delicious simple meal. The realization that these kinds of things are the treasures this life has to offer. The treasures that bring us that memorable, wonderful, welcome, peaceful feeling that we are content.

On Airplanes and Altars

2011-06-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

in Old Town Stockholm, sometime close to Christmas 2000

enjoying Swedish summer, out on a tiny island, with friends and my sister, summer 2001.

Midsummer in the country. Summer 2001

Mason explores our 'garden'. Spring 2001

Madi and I Outside our Chapel in Tabby; Autumn 2000.

In August 2000 my life changed forever. We moved abroad. John had an assignment for 12-18 months in Stockholm Sweden. We left our first Texas home. I was scared.

And I was excited.

We traveled with 3 small children. We brought my sister to help us handle roudy kids or insolent travelers who couldn't handle our roudy kids. We got to Sweden. Everything was beautiful.
And inventive.
And timeless.
And ingenious.
And European.
And amazing.

I loved all of it. I loved our house that looked like a barn and had (I've always wanted one since) a WHITE kitchen. I loved our Pram, which came with a cool 'kid board' so not only could my little girls ride, but my 'big boy' too. I loved our British School. I loved the chocolate and I loved the trains. I loved being a grown up, doing things I'd never done before and learning that ;
1. The world is HUGE
2. The people in it are INCREDIBLE
3. I could love another people and culture as much as I loved my own.

I especially loved the people.
I learned from them. I tried to learn their language. They were so good to me, to let me try even though I massacred the accent and mumbled because Swedish words came out in Spanish most of the time.

The women in my church group, the Relief Society Sisters, they were my dearest friends and my closest allies. They helped me navigate the road ways and the train stations. They helped me learn how to cook without cream of mushroom soup (!). They taught me how to make Swedish buns and they loved me. They loved me and I loved them more right back.

Our time ended. We came home. I have always wanted to return. When memories of Sweden come to my mind I stop what I'm doing and close my eyes. I welcome those thoughts. I invite them. I remember the time when I was part of the greatness of the world and it was good to me.

This year John was invited to go back to Sweden. He will lead a 'crew' of 8 boys (one of whom is Mason) to Rinkaby Sweden for an International Venture Scout Jamboree. When we were asked if he could go there was no hesitation. Our son would be included. They could return to our 'second home' and enjoy it and remember, and learn new things and have new experiences which will make Sweden mean more to them than ever.

And I will stay at home.

The night the invitation came for John to lead this group, I entered my room alone. I cried out of jealousy. I didn't really want to lead the boys myself. But how I wanted to go back. I knelt and asked if I could be helped to make this a generous offering. To put the good of my spouse before my own desires. To place the value of time spent with father and son ahead of a selfish longing to see the tiny islands that make up the coastline of a country I love.

I want to make this offering. A willingness to set aside my longing to have an experience for myself and give that instead to my son and my husband. To set my selfish desires on an altar and give them up in the name of sacrifice and selflessness.

There is a story in the bible about a wealthy happy man who followed Christ and wanted to 'enter the kingdom' and be a true disciple. He approached the Lord and asked what was needed in order for him to be worthy. The first answer from the Savior was to love God and follow after His son, and to keep all of their commandments. The eager follower promised that he would do these things. Then the the greater challenge was given; give all that you have away, your possessions and your wealth, and leave those things to follow wherever Christ would lead.

The man went away, sorrowing. And kept his comforts, his goods and his wealth. He didn't have the faith to believe that by giving it all he would find himself and his joy would be made full. It was the hardest sacrifice that could be asked of him-the one he needed to make the most.

I think I know how he feels. I bet he wanted to give all that away. I bet he wished he was stronger and more faith filled. I am sure even more that he wished he could keep them and still be counted with Christ. But he clung to those things instead, and didn't place them all on the altar.

At the end of July my boys will board the airplane bound for a place I long to go. And I hope that in the days when they are gone my time will be happy at home. Full of joy at the offering I've placed on the altar. Sometimes I feel that sorrowful, and I realize my pettiness and the truth that I keep 'wishing it was me' a little too close to my heart. But there is still time for me to prepare to give it all, and I believe in a God who is willing to accept my whole heart whenever I have the faith to place it all, on the altar.

Leaving Two Babies in Provo...

2011-06-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

Mason is staying on the campus at BYU to attend Rugby camp this week.

Our newest nephew was born a couple of weeks ago in beautiful Provo Utah. We went down last weekend to meet him; absolutely perfect in every single way.

On Monday we found ourselves in Provo, dropping Mason at BYU so he could go to rugby camp.

Mason is my first baby. Our new nephew is the first baby in his family as well.

We made a little stop to see Lincoln Allen (awesome name, right?) after pushing Mason out of the car in front of Cougar Stadium. We held Lincoln and oohed and awed.

It made me think all the way home.

I don't know how to explain my thoughts, just something about me watching my first born grow up and seeing someone I love welcome their first born into the world. I push my boy out of the nest; encourage him to stay in the dorms away from home to help him grow. Lincoln's mom does just the opposite; she holds him close and keeps him near because she knows that is what she needs to do to help him grow too.

So many different parts of mothering. I am more comfortable with the first part; the part where we hold them and watch over their actions. The part where we train them and hover a bit.

This part? I'm not so sure about how I will get through it. This part includes sending them away, letting them try for themselves all the things I've shown and taught them, watching them stumble and pull themselves back up, hoping they'll try to keep themselves close-not just to you-but to the Heavenly Father you've been trying to point them toward since they were tiny and small.

Away She Goes...

2011-06-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

ready for travel, Madi checks in at the airport

With her team mate and neighbor, these darling girls are ready for take off into the wild blue yonder

The winning team just after their title is awarded. The trophy is too big for the school's trophy case!

Last April Madi and three of her classmates wowed us all by winning the State's "Future Problem Solvers" Competition. This competition involves a scenario that is based on a general topic (this year's topic was 'water quality'). Teams take the scenario, broaden it by identifying 16 'problems' that need to be solved because of the scenario. Then 16 solutions to those problems are identified. Then the kids go from broad to NARROW, choosing ONE of those problem/solution pairs and going into great detail about both the problem and its solution. Then they present their findings.

Pretty smarty pants amazing, huh?

We were all surprised and delighted when this team of smart good kids took the championship. I was even MORE surprised to learn that with that winning placement came the responsibility to participate in the International competition, in June, in Wisconsin.

Plane rides, dorm accomadations, rented cars and chaperones. The non-parental kind of chaperone.

I FELT NERVOUS.

I considered going along. I asked the other mothers if they were going to go. Nope. Not going.

I asked Madi if she wanted me to go. Nope. Didn't want me.

She didn't want me to go...

I've always been determined to raise independent children. I want them to be able to think for themselves. To be able to solve their problems. To feel confident learning about themselves in new situations. To have confidence in travel.

I guess I've been successful.

The night before Madi left, I was with my sisters and parents. Longing to get home to my soon to be gone daughter, I excused myself and began to head home. A tear or two fell as I told my dad why I was leaving...

"Madi leaves tomorrow for her competition. She'll be traveling without me." (tear, tear, tear)
"She'll be fine Katie" said my loving Father.
"I know she will, but Daddy, she is only 11"!
"But, Katie, she's no ordinary 11 year old"

Dad is always so right.

Madi has been gone now for a couple of days. We don't get her home until Monday night. Each morning and night (and often during the day) I pray that Madi is having an amazing experience. That she is learning the rely on the things we have taught. That she feels the comfort of the Holy Ghost if any thoughts of home tug at her heartstrings. I don't care if she wins the competition. I only care that she - when she's back home with me - feels happy she went and she learned.

Porter's Splash Fest Birthday

2011-06-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

ice cream cake, Porter's very favorite!

yummy picnic foods, hot dogs and orange slices...

little boys, water guns, sunshine; could it be more perfect?

Two token girls were invited to the party; neighbor Lily, and cousin Ella. They are tough enough to hang with the boys and keep our Porter in line :)

Porter wanted a water fight for his ninth birthday. We delivered it in the form of a splash party, lunch included. After hotdogs and other picnic foods the kids soaked one another (and ME!) with water guns, squirt bottles, water balloons (launchers included, those things are fun!) and the garden hose. Once the guests were fully drenched we served Ice Cream cake and sang Happy Birthday. The rest of the party was spent in the next door neighbor's swimming pool. It was a fun afternoon for a really fun little boy.

Porter is so endeared to me, because he still likes to hug me and wants me to be proud of him. The other day I discovered that in a moment of anger he had written (with SHARPIE marker) 'molly is stupid' on our driveway. I was upset, but, due to his attendance at basketball camp, had some time to think through my reaction. Porter came home. I was waiting in the driveway. I spoke quietly. I explained my shock and dismay at seeing such unkind words written about one of my children. Who would do such a thing? I asked. Porter began to cry. I began to cry. I told him that Molly is my daughter, and she didn't deserve to have words written forever about her that were unkind...

I had scrubbed and scrubbed the driveway to get those words off before my Molly had seen them. So Porter scrubbed and scrubbed the grill of the car to get the dead bugs off...tit for tat. In his tears and humiliation Porter felt remorse. He had made his mother cry, and he vowed never to do it again.

That's the kind of kid Porter is. And I love him, all of him.

Happy Birthday Porter!

squeezing...

2011-05-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

moms of girls brought delicious salads, and my partners in crime, Tiffany Richards and Jeanette Hamilton brought amazing home made breadsticks and rolls to add to our luncheon affair.

moms of boys brought tasty desserts, which went untouched until we moved them from the library, where no one would congregate, to the kitchen counter top.

have you ever heard of the "not so big house" philosophy? It basically sets out to prove that social psychology does not lend to people congregating in formal spaces. I believe this to the core, so was not surprised when only one soul even tried to venture into the music room for a place to sit and eat. They didn't last long-the room went empty the entire afternoon, despite having great seating and a pretty view out the window.

50 people or more made themselves at home in the kitchen and den area. I felt slightly embarrassed to see them sitting all over our oh so dirty/used up couch, but hopefully they were enjoying one another enough to pay little attention to the decor!

white flower bouquets were all over the house, trying to bring a bit of the garden into the Spruces on a very rainy day

Just thought I'd try and SQUEEZE one more thing into the month of May...a pot luck luncheon for mothers of 7th grade kids. We had planned for this to be a 'garden party' but with non stop rains through the week we had to move the festivities into the Spruces...we had to SQUEEZE into the house...get it?

I was determined to meet the women whose children influence my Brynley so much. I wanted them to know me, to know that I want to know who they are. Bryn spends time in their homes. She watches them. They are a pattern for her to follow, an example for an impressionable girl. I wanted to know what kinds of impressions she is getting when she crowds into her friends houses weekend after weekend.

And I wanted these great women to see that my door is open wide, they can send the girls (and the boys who follow...) into my home and I will feed them, and give them a safe place to be as they run into their teenage years.

I felt it was a great success! Over 50 mothers crammed into the kitchen, shaking hands, sharing food and stories about their kids. It was fun to hear from and meet again some High School friends whose girls are friends of Bryn.

Just like the girls who crowd around our kitchen island, their mothers didn't spend much time in the formal rooms of our home-they wanted to be in the close quarters of the kitchen, gabbing and nibbling, smiling and enjoying one another despite the lack of seating and the general 'tight squeeze'.

I remember clearly a friend sharing with me that on the night of her oldest son's high school graduation she met some his friends' parents for the very first time. I didn't want to have that experience, I want to know the parents who know my child. I hope this was a first step in that happy direction.

Trying to squeeze in a little more of "life" before the month of May has ended; we are packing for a trip to Boise, and delivering birthday invitations for Porter's birthday party. We are squeezing every last drop of energy out of my being but maybe as the end of May approaches I can start to view the hope of a calm JUNE and find the strength to see May to its finish...

10 years of Summer Journals...

2011-05-24T09:32:00.001-07:00

an evolution of summer journals. Our first, the little Swedish notebooks with my personal decorative touches...the last, a one inch binder decorated by Bryn and full of things I want her to read, ponder, and revel in all summer long

Mason's entry from July 2001: 'today my mom is in PERIS. Jessuka came too.' The picture is of John teaching Mason how to ride his two wheeler...life was different then, and I'm so glad I have a taste of it from my little boy's perspective

setting and monitoring personal goals has always been a part of our summer journals. We choose goals that develop our mind, our body and our spirit, and we take stock in our progress throughout the short sunny season.

spiritual thoughts are also a part of our summer curriculum. For the younger ones, I'm trying to help them learn how to seek habits that will help them draw closer to God. For the older ones, talks and quotes that can help them recognize the Holy Ghost, feel His witness of Christ's love and reality, and help them desire to seek a life that is in line with Christ's teachings

thoughts on personal health are also a part of our summer journals. 'Food Rules' are a favorite of mine, and we will pattern our summer eating and cooking based upon these great and important rules for healthy living.

Reading lists and shelves of new books are all part of my plan
I choose more classic novels
"Little Women" for Madi
"Tom Sawyer" for Porter
"Red Scarf Girl" for Bryn
"A Tale of Two Cities" for Mason

Greek mythology for all
and many many others...

as well as work books to keep algebra fresh, alphabets remembered and reading and writing increased.

This week I am determined to put our summer journals together.

This is a tradition that is now a decade old.

Our journals have gone from a small way to document life in Sweden (summer 2001 was spent in and around Stockholm with visits to Portugal and Bavaria) to an entire 'summer system' which is designed to keep our kids learning, help me inspire them to learn and think and grow, and keep them ready for the coming school year.

The older kids have left the actual daily ritual of writing to answer the daily questions and prompts. For them these journals are more like inspiration books, with reading lists, calendars of the summer's events and inspirational talks and quotes to read and memorize. They will have fewer paragraphs to write and more lists. The little ones on the other hand will continue to daily practice complete sentences and using descriptive words etc.

the journals evolve over time.

I'm excited to share some of what we do with you, maybe it will inspire you to do exactly what is right for your family during the summer...

One Quiet Minute

2011-05-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Some Quiet minutes make mothering Heavenly

each morning we encourage our children to take a 'quiet minute'. This is a time for them to begin their day with personal prayer and a thought from the scriptures. It is self directed. We would never perscribe what they need to do, we only provide the encouragement to take time to put God first each day.

Usually this time is compiled of a very quick prayer, sometimes in a very public place-just to get the 'chore' done. But sometimes thoughtful moments come when the children read scripture or retreat to their rooms to privately seek Heaven.

This morning, as happens on many, I was invited to listen in on Lucy's morning prayer. It went like this;

Hebenly Fader,
Thank you that we could go to school today
Thank thee that we can help Molly be on time to school
Thank thee that we can learn.
Thank thee for our church
Thank thee that dad will come home safe
Jesus Christ, Amen

For that 15 seconds the earth was quiet and I felt Lucy reach for Heaven. And I felt Heaven reaching back.

seconds like that make mothering a calling of honor for me.

Channeling Super Strength

2011-05-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

'She's Super!' Madi's slogan for Student Council Elections
held this week...

The countdown is on: this is the last FULL week of school. Two half weeks happen after this. The pace is completely frenetic. I skipped a PTA luncheon today to catch up on the housework. Then, instead of zipping from one domestic assignment to the next, I moved at a snail's pace...I am burned out.

Going to bed too late for the hour that I wake, I fell asleep twice today while listening to Molly read to me. After publishing these thoughts I will proceed to the medicine cupboard where I keep Coca Cola for migraine headache relief (I am not a soda drinker). I don't have a migraine yet, but I have to stay awake for so many more hours I think I'll resort to the caffeine.

We've had a party for everyone this year whose had a birthday so far. Today I realized that on top of the party that's happening here on Thursday (supposed to be an outside pot luck luncheon but thunder storms are in the forecast, so now we are re-arranging furniture to seat upwards of 50 mothers coming to eat and chat about life with a 7th grader) I've got Porter's birthday party coming the day after school gets out. Invitations must be made and delivered, and the yard tidied up again before the insanity of May has ended.

I need some super strength.

As I drove this afternoon my mind wandered to my tendency to give advice to just about everyone. I seem to think I know how to help others with the words that I might say. It occurred to me as I was pondering that I really don't know it all; in fact; I really don't know much of anything...and the things I seem most confident to counsel others about are things I haven't applied diligently in my life (daily scripture STUDY and daily acts of selflessness) for months and months and months.

And those are the things that provide the kind of strength to cheerfully proceed, super strength or not, through the good and busy times in my life.

The Case of the disappearing Post and a Call for Quotes...

2011-05-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

sleuthing out my missing blog post

Hi friends, hope you are enjoying a beautiful spring day. I wonder if anyone out there has had a post just 'disappear' before? It happened to me today! Yesterday's chocolate chip cookie recipe went missing for a while, then made it back to the blog this afternoon. When I checked my settings it didn't even appear as a draft or in the line-up, SO WEIRD. I'd love to hear from any of you if this has happened before. Never in 6 years of blogging has a posted post gone AWOL...

This weekend I will begin my yearly summer journal preparations. This time I PROMISE I'll have attachments for you to use or to tweak to your personal liking. As part of our yearly tradition I always prepare things for our kids to MEMORIZE. Poetry, scripture, quotes and such.

This year, I wonder if you'd help? I'd love any quotes, poems or thoughts that are meaningful to you-they might be short (for my younger set) or longer. Serious or funny. Whatever has inspired you - send it on to me! I'll post them along with the other printables and you can share this tradition with us!

thank you in advance for helping me make summer a meaningful time for me and for my children. Happy Weekend!

Favorite Bake Sale Cookies

2011-05-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

after the dough is made, we scoop it onto a couple of cookie sheets and freeze the 'dough balls' so our treats are ready for baking whenever we are ready for them!

once the dough balls are frozen, we 'package' them in batches of a dozen. It would also be very simple to put them in big gallon sized bags and then just use as many as you need. That would save plastic use as well! then just pop the bags in the freezer and hope someone asks you to bring cookies to something...

not our most 'artful' photograph of delicious food, but you get the idea that a cookie fresh out of the oven is delicious even when not framed well in the photo...notice the cookie in the corner of the pan has already been enjoyed, our kids can't keep their hands off them, and neither can I...

This time of year we have to bring treat after treat to one event or another. Often fund-raisers for school or sports, it is important to have a confection that will catch the eye of a distinguishing buyer...

THIS is the cookie of choice in our family-we keep the dough on hand in our freezer so they can be baked and served at a moment's notice. Brynley and I can basically make them without a recipe to follow. I like to add both milk and semi sweet chocolate, and I only go for the good quality chocolate! No nestle, but Guittard chocolate chips are in order for these incredible morsels.

The batch is HUGE. like making a doulbe batch of any other recipe, so keep this in mind when choosing your mixing bowl!

The recipe was shared with us while living in Flower Mound, Texas. Becky Speakman-we bless your name every time your yummy cookies come out of our oven or are given to our neighbors! Thank you for your gift of this recipe!

Becky Speakman's cookies:
1 lb. softened butter (salted is actually best for this cookie)
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups brown sugar
2 T vanilla

cream these together.
Then mix in:

3 eggs

Add:
1 t. salt
1 t. soda
5 1/2 cups flour

blend together, but do not over mix.

Add 1 1/2 packages chocolate chips. We often 'push the envelope' and add two bags, one milk and one semi sweet.

bake in a 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes.

enjoy!

Anatomy of a Teenage Birthday Party

2011-05-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

the only place at the Spruces big enough for this crowd was OUTSIDE

Sidewalk chalk, pogo sticks and scooters were some of the activities waiting for party guests

'find the pineapple' was a fun way for kids to start the party. 12 pineapples were hidden in the front yards of our home and the neighbors. The kids who found the fruit took it home as a prize

TONS OF FOOD! Hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, fruit, veggies, drinks, popcorn from the rented popcorn machine, and movie snacks not to mention the big birthday cake. And both boys and girls helped themselves freely. I loved using the old fashioned burger baskets lined with checkered paper. And John was a short order cook who made things hot n' ready...

Sharon Cliff's chocolate cake was amazing with almond buttercream frosting. Mason is wearing his favorite birthday gift; a t-shirt made by his friend advertising the most watched tv show in our house and the show Mason played for his friends in the back yard: PSYCH

So, of all the birthday parties we've thrown this year, I feel like this was the most fun for me. That is mostly because Mason didn't care much what happened, as long as we had food to eat and PSYCH episodes to watch on the outdoor movie wall. He and I and Brynley brainstormed for a few minutes to have some alternative activities for those not interested in the quirky comedy/mystery show. In the end it was my imagination and a lot of hoping that brought it all together.

While kids arrived they were invited to sluth out the hidden pineapples on our street. This is a direct nod to the tv show, as they hide a pineapple somewhere in each episode. Sidewalk chalk, pogo sticks, bouncy balls, and dry erase boards were all in tubs around the yard marked 'play with me'. The kids scooters and tricycles were also entertaining for this teenage crowd. The dry erase boards were meant to be used for outdoor Pictionary, but the kids had a blast writing words in chinese and just doodling with them. The pogo sticks were meant for younger kids, but these guys didn't care much-they challenged each other to see who could bounce the longest (we had two sticks) and they seemed to have a blast.

After a huge dinner, the kids jumped on the tramp and talked and texted (!) until it was dark enough to start the show. Madi was an awesome popcorn maker, and the kids really chowed down on all the party candy while they watched the heroes take down the bad guys. The kids who weren't interested in tv shows came inside and played the piano, and went in the front yard to make s'mores at the firepit or play glow in the dark frisbee.

John was an amazing help to me-and our weekly babysitter Emily was a huge help too. Mason worked hard to get outdoor tables and chairs out, and to basically follow orders as I told him what to do. I was proud of his preparation and happy he enjoyed such a fun evening. Turns out some of those texts that were flying after dinner were to summon other kids to join the party. I guess we were throwing a good one, and friends wanted other friends to join in.

The more the merrier.

Happy Big 16 to Mason. It was great to meet the kids he wants to hang around with, and it was fun for me to see if I could entertain an older crowd.

Lucy's ballet and the month of May

2011-05-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

Lucy was Lovely today

Lucy performed this morning in a sweet ballet recital. Much time and effort had been given for her to have an 'authentic' ballet experience, with lights, proper use of ballet terms, a beautiful costume and a lovely ballet teacher. Because of the odd time of day (9:30 a.m.) I was the only 'Lucy Fan' in attendance. I was to record the entire recital for the family to watch. I remembered the camera, and had even put it in the car on my first trip out this morning to drive the kindergarten carpool.

but I forgot the extra battery.

Very little of Lucy's grace and beauty were captured for posterity.
I shed a tear and texted John:

'May stinks so bad...'

you see, last night was Molly's kindergarten program. We used the battery (and the memory card) to film her (and we were SO PROUD, she was awesome!). Because the program ended after bedtime, we rushed home and went through the bedtime routine-and because it was Mason's birthday, we added a cake cutting and tasting to that routine. And because it was Mason's birthday and I wanted to be 'all that' to Mason, I had taken the time to bring popsicles to Rugby practice and had NOT taken the time to make sure Molly had done her nightly reading for school. So while I cleaned up (partially at that) the birthday cake and dinner dishes (which had gone undone so we could get to the program on time) John had done the painstaking nightly reading duty. And then there was the ballet costume to assemble (where were the ballet shoes?!) before I could sleep. Instead of my morning work out I did a load of laundry and a load of dishes, and I was stern with the kids to get their morning chores done before they skipped off to school and.....

you see what May is like?

I've been involved in a weekly 'boot camp' of sorts to get ready for triathlon season. As part of my training I've been swimming, in a group, with a coach. Sometimes the coach yells that we should only breath every 9 strokes as part of a training drill. With the group in the water in front and behind and to the side of me, I often come up on the 9th stroke, completely gasping for air, only to get a gulp of someone else's wake. That is what May is like.

Lucy was a beautiful dancer today. And she will have recitals in her future which will include flowers from her father and kisses from brothers, sisters, grandparents et al. And this May, like the others, will pass. But mornings like this one leave me truly pondering if its worth all the gasping and groping for air in order to make it to all that we've opened up for our children to do. Some times I think we might be happier than we think if there were fewer recitals and more time for nightly reading. Less gasping for air and more growing in the garden.

Until I know what to do I'll gasp my way through May. But sometimes I think if I'd stop and breath I'd hear a whisper telling me that our family can slow down and still be happy. We could do less and enjoy more. We can be simple and still sophisticated and educated. Calm and Creative. More able to breath together....

Sixteen today

2011-05-02T12:24:00.001-07:00

He is as excited about this birthday as he is a trip to the dentist. He, my 'Peter Pan' child, who does not want the responsibility of growing up at all cannot escape the milestone birthday.

We have 3 summers left. And before they pass we will have driving tests and double dates and AP tests and life lessons. I think he is ready for all of it..

Today we celebrated with gifts and cookies for breakfast. a greasy burger delivered at school for lunch, and tonight a rendition from 'happy birthday' as only the Highland Rugby Team could render: kia Kaha! On Friday we host a blowout bash in the back yard (bless the weather change!). Episodes of 'Psych' and lots of food and a firepit and a few pineapples (inside joke to any Psych fans). Girls and boys will attend-new territory for our family and new territory for Mason too.

Happy Birthday Mason. I love you more than words...

Easter in Review

2011-04-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

easter egg hunt held in the front yard after church

Molly is thrilled with the treasures found among our newly planted flowers

each year the children plant an annual blooming plant as a reminder that new life for all was the gift of Easter.

purple dresses for the girls, but nothing of the sort for the menfolk. Our days of looking perfectly matched on Easter Sunday are behind us now that we have an almost man for a son

Easter seems like a year ago. Time kind of stood still this week while I spent it with my buddy Susie from our old 'hood in Boise. She helped us re arrange and enlarge (with the use of new furniture and great organization) the girls' bedrooms. We also painted the entry of the house, which I will gladly show off to you later.

Easter night was her arrival.

We spent the day so comfortably. We decorated eggs with the kids, and enjoyed our yearly tradition of planting perennials in the garden on Easter morning. We had beautiful sunshine during our planting, warm light on our faces and glad hearts as we dug in the dirt.

Easter this year did NOT bring lots of matching sunday clothes. The kids (my teenage boy mostly) refused to 'look like a Christmas card'. so no pictures of us dressed in our Sunday best.

Such a reverent day. Spent so happily together.

We are Home but You are Gone...

2011-04-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

I had to crop this picture to avoid the woman in the string bakini!

The kids watched more of 'the Suite Life' than I care to admit. After playing at the pool all day, they crashed in front of the tv while Mandy and I talked and talked

new books from the bookstore were quickly opened at an impromptu read-a-thon. I'm glad that reading is part of relaxing for our children.

Dear John,

We got home safe and sound, and it was a hard re-entry from sunny swimming pool weather to cold wellie boot weather. But This morning the sun is shining, tho no shorts or flip flops will be worn as the temperature is still chilly. I'm sure you are extra cold, up in the mountains at your scout Woodbadge training. I hope you are keeping all those 'no electronics' rules; I think that would be a lovely mandate; unplug for 3 whole days-even if it means I don't get to hear your voice until you come home to us this weekend.

We had a great time in St. George, and I'd highly recommend we do it again. Only next time, I want to go with you...watching our kids laugh and giggle (and complain) is more complete with both their parents present. Plus, I think I could beat you at shuffleboard-Molly and I had a go at it and I was pretty good.

The house was lively this morning with Primary presidency meeting and all our kids home, not to mention singing practice all at the same time. Mason and Bryn had to weed the front flower garden-you would have thought I'd asked them to amputate their own toes. The job was done in30 minutes, but for all their complaining it could have been 20. Am I missing something, or is it harder to raise teenagers than to raise toddlers? Or do the teenagers actually become toddlers again, only wrapped in bigger bodies? Anyway, the house now hums with the sound of electronics-every tv screen and computer screen we own is currently employed with one movie or video game or another. Friday IS screen day; and the kids have taken that mandate to heart on this their last official day of spring break (I am not pushing them out the door either, as I've explained above that the spring break weather we came home to doesn't exactly measure up to SPRING).

I hope your three days of training is a fantastic experience. I'm so glad you have taken this chance to develop your talents and abilities and to prepare yourself to serve others as you are uniquely qualified to. I miss you, of course, but it is always endearing to see the one you love stretch and grow and become even more to admire, respect, and adore.

See (and kiss) you when you get here,
Katie

We are Chasing some Sunshine...

2011-04-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

It is spring break at the Spruces, but it hasn't felt much like spring yet...winter has hung on far too long, so we've gone to chase some sunshine in Utah's Dixie (why do they call it that? Does anyone know?)

Some of the kids and my sister and her kids and I spent the better part of the day by and in a swimming pool, with blue skies and the perfect breeze. Now we are (most of us) sun-crisped and the little ones are sleeping on top of each other in a rented condo on a red-rocked hillside.

John and Mason, the menfolk of our clan, are home. John has church duties this year which require us to sacrifice his vacation time, so he remains dutifully providing for our family. Mason refused to leave his post as team punching bag and stayed for Rugby practices. We miss them.

But we've missed the sun so much this year that we are grateful to see its bright warm face shine down on us for a while.

We'll be back on Thursday. With red skins and white smiles. See you then and Happy Spring Break!

When Life Gives You Lemons...

2011-04-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

Our Russian Neighbor wanted to learn how to make Lemon curd. We worked together, stirring and sifting, and talking about being a mother and raising good children. It was a lovely hour spent with a lovely person (plus, Lucy was darling and very helpful, squeezing lemon juice and stirring egg yolks).

This treat has been a family favorite and a neighborhood gift for several years now. Usually John takes it as his Christmas chore, preparing small jars and sending them in the arms of our children to our close neighbors and friends. It was good for me to remember that I can craft this delicacy well enough, its tart but sweet goodness dripping off the back of my spatula.

I love being in my kitchen with my children, my husband and my friends. Its not just that I like food, its that when we exchange conversation as we work together a closeness forms that is unique and true. Friends who have been in your kitchen are friends who know your mess. They see you as you are, and out of your sticky fingers comes something good and lasting to share. 'Refrigerator rights' we call it; the right for a friend to walk in and help themselves. It only happens after you've let others into your kitchen.

3 Frowns and a Smile

2011-04-14T16:42:00.001-07:00

The front yard tulips are really taking a beating this year with all our crazy weather

Frown: We went to bed last night to the sound of pouring rain. This morning the tulips were weighed down with snow, only to have it melt and then have hail pelt down instead. This year's April weather has been particularly lion-ish, and I, like a frightened little sheep, want to go and hide.

Frown: Because of the statement above, I am taking some of the family to a climate that is usually much warmer this time of year. Alas, due to upcoming travel obligations for my better half, John will not be joining us. So I will go on vacation playing the part of a single mother. Is that a vacation at all? I pray for warm weather and a clean accessible swimming pool as sun and splash are exactly what we need to brighten sheepish souls.

Frown: I was informed, suddenly, last week that the 'personal trainer' whose services have helped me recover from various sports injuries, has left his position at John's office gym. I am well aware (WELL aware) that it has always been a 'perk' or a 'privilege' to have a trainer for my use through John's employer at VERY minimal cost (we are talking all you can use training for $10 per month. Affordable to say the least). And I have taken advantage of that perk with good result. His telling me he was leaving (that day!) was like a break up of some kind. It hurt a little. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I wasn't sure where to go next. I'm still figuring it out.

Smile: John wrote me this note:

And since there is no trainer, there is about 23% more of me to love, his note was something to really smile about :)

So Proud of Her...

2011-04-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

The trophy's size is in proportion to the amount of brain power it takes to win this kind of award.

Madi has made us proud around here. Last weekend she and 3 of her classmates competed in the "Future Problem Solving" competition for the State of Utah. This means that they spent two + hours in a room at Westminster college figuring out how to solve one aspect of the 'water quality' debate. They had no idea which piece of this large problem they would be asked to address, and so for weeks now they've been meeting at lunch time and after school (with other FPS teams from their school who qualified for the state competition) to study the vast array of information spanning the issue of water quality. They now know how to filter it, protect, use it and how to conserve the water of the world.

This is not a contest for the faint of heart. This takes reasoning, writing and persuasive abilities to match the intellects who are also competing.

At the awards ceremony (which I'd been tempted to skip) we sat and learned about the problems posed to the teams and how they went about solving them. Madi had mentioned something earlier in the day which I had understood to mean that her team had not performed as well as she had wanted. I sat comfortably in my seat and chatted with a stranger, mother from another school who was possibly moving to my neighborhood.

Then Madi elbowed me. I quieted and paid attention to her. She told me her team's number and I listened as they announced the winners.

SHoCKer! Her team WON! Madi WON!

Madi reacted well, huge smile, quick step up to the podium, pictures with her team mates. I was proud not only that she won, I was proud of the way she won too.

This honor means another competition; and international one, in Wisconsin that will take place this June. I hope I'm able to attend. I'm not sure I can send my Madi, mature as she is for her age, off on a plane with her classmates and her teacher and NOT with her mother close by.

She and I are currently 'competing' for how that scenario, that future problem, will be solved and resolved here at home....

Congratulations Madi, I am so proud of YOU!

Finally...

2011-04-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Lucy takes the time to stop and smell the roses any chance she gets. Spending my days with her has helped me learn how to slow down and enjoy life more.

Soooo....things in our family life have been moving along quite quickly lately. I have found myself feeling very behind and not very prepared for much of what faces me each and every morning. Helping with school activities and taking the lead on some additional church assignments, as well as running to keep the kids happy and on time to practices and performances has been challenging.

Dinner nights with my kids, reading to them at night, sitting with them through homework had basically taken a back seat to being in meetings, putting in hours of manual labor in the name of the PTA and trying to serve in my church in a manner that pleases both myself and my Maker.

At the height of the mania, during an afternoon of multi-tasking my scripture study and my dish-washing duty I heard this:

'Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.'

funny enough, that very same day, a friend referenced this very talk, the one I had listened to and heard these words. Then, John mentioned the same sermon, in a post on his own blog. Another respected (an much more popular!) blogger also made reference, all in the very same week.

Could that message have been more clear?

I listened, and I realized that I could take heed to this valued advice. I couldn't just quit in the middle of some obligations, I had to see them through. But I did determine to stop saying 'yes' and instead pace myself and my family so we could think on and take joy in the things that matter more.

Like planting lettuce and spinach and peas in our garden.
Like having my sister over for a few hours yesterday so she could help us plan our garden (and, even more than that, so I could spend time with my awesome sis)
Like NOT staying home from Madi's awards banquet to do laundry or dishes or whatever. I was so GLAD I was there (more tomorrow)
Like having the chance to talk to Mason, even though we were up way too late, and really listening to what he had to say. That is one good boy I'm raising, if I do say so myself.

My school obligations are almost all done, and the extra church jobs too. Here is to the blooming of spring, and the chance to stop a little along the busy way to see the blossoming of the earth and witness its (and my) renewal.

'Lucky Lucy'

2011-04-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

an old shot of Lulabug. Happy Lucy, lucky Lucy...

Today I went and got a Pedicure instead of cleaning the kitchen. I had 45 minutes before it was time to pick up the carpool, and I used it to prep my toes for spring and summer footwear.

It seems all pedicurists are Vietnamese. Don't you agree? And when we were in Vietnam, many many women were offering 'pedicure madam?' to me as I went down the street. They walked along the road with all of their supplies; two foot stools, a tub for soaking feet, a little shoebox of polishes and some cotton and polish remover. In their pockets or in an apron, they had their snippers and files and other metal tools. The women in Vietnam are hard workers, and very persuasive, but I never indulged there fearful, very fearful, of contracting hepatitis from one of those metal tools!

As I sat and chatted with my 'technician' today, I told her I'd been to Vietnam. This happens every time I get a pedicure. I can't help myself. I want to ask the women who are lending me moments of beautification where they lived when they lived there. I want to know if they know the place where Lucy's birth mother came from. I want them to know that I love someone who looks remarkably like them.

They always drop their jaw when I tell them I have a daughter from an orphanage. They always tell me I am 'good' or 'kind' and they always always tell me that Lucy is very 'lucky'.

'such a lucky girl'.

It is a knee jerk reaction for me to respond 'no no! I am the lucky one'.

and that's how I truly feel.

Talking to Han as she painted my toes sparkling red made me remember so much about Lucy's coming home. Every day I tell myself that I need to write it all down. I realize I'm forgetting so much as the days and years go by. Her coming was such a miracle. Such an amazing gift from Heaven to me. I want to give other people the gift of knowing what I learned from years of adoption. To shout out loud that children who come into your home are no accident. that a loving God has meticulously planned every parent/child relationship, and given us power and provision to both weather the challenges and revel in the joys of the very specific souls we nurture as mothers and fathers.

I'm determined to spell it all out, novel though it may be. I know its important for me and for my posterity to have a record of how Heaven taught this mother so tenderly about motherhood.

Because whether Lucy really is as lucky as they say, I know I'm lucky for what I've learned in becoming Lucy's mother.

Authentic Me: Active

2011-03-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

my second ragnar relay: This one, with girlfriends, in Texas

since my marriage, I think I've run through literally dozens of pairs of running shoes. Used for more than just running, once these are on my feet I feel obligated to make my body sweat

Last summer's attempt at an Olympic length triathlon. I wonder if I'll ever be active enough to do one of these really well. I'd like this to be my hobby-but my authentic mothering just can't give in to the time commitment it requires for my naturally sedentary body to become fast enough to really race.

being active with other women has become a deeply satisfying past time. Erin and I have run two ragnars together. You don't see here Linda, Macy, Annette, Michele, Shelly and other amazing women who have given me miles of conversation and years and years of friendship!

AUTHENTIC: adjectiveAuthentic: 1. Not false or copied; genuine; real
2. Having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence:

I have sedentary genes. My parents do not exercise. Their parents did not exercise, nor their parents before them. It is not natural for me to want to climb mountains, run through valleys or sweat in any amount.

But I am most myself when I am active in my life. I usually have to be working toward goals in order to stay motivated, and someday I hope it is genuinely authentic for me to NEED to be active, not not want to go without exercise, though that day has not yet come.

I'd rather stay in bed, but I don't most of the time.

Some of the most important experiences I've had in becoming who I am involved being active (and even a little bit athletic).

In Jr. High I made the 8th grade basketball team. This involved early morning practices and after school work outs. We played the 7th graders. We won. I, for the first time in my life, was successful at being part of a team. That success led me to 9th grade volleyball. I stunk, really. I was short and slow, but I was cheerful and willing and was chosen to be team captain. It was the first time anyone selected me to be a leader. And it was the second time I contributed to a winning team.

As a senior I tried to become regularly active, I picked up running. I joined the spring track team, mostly to have someone to work out with. I was slow, I was weak. But they let me run with them, and I was a good cheerleader. I never ran in a meet-but I was given the 'spirit award' week after week because I had heart.

And now, years later, I have some what of a track record for being an active person. I wish I could say it was natural. I am still slow. I am still weak. I am somewhat of a whimp in total reality.

But, I am active. It is part of who I am. And I am my best self when it is a regular, daily part of the life that is mine.

Birthday Season Part IV

2011-03-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

my favorite find for the party were the paper cupcake holders in pink and green petal. They dressed up our plain white cups just perfectly

fairy wings, tutus and wands were waiting for each special guest

pink, green and GLiTTER were the order of the day

The Happy Birthday banner stayed draped over the threshold for several days after our celebration

cousin Ruby paints her fairy flower pot

little fairies search the garden for treasures to welcome SPRING!

Lucy enjoys friends and fun at her 5th birthday celebration

Our latest installment of Birthday Season! This time, Lucy is lovely as a garden fairy! Lucy turned 5 the day after Madi, though her party was a week before. As this was our 'last little girl' and as she is the girl-i-est girl we have in the bunch, we threw her a frilly, pink, fairy party. Garden fairy to be exact.

The decor included flowers, frills, and lots of glitter. Green gauzy fabric over a bright white table cloth, dozens of fresh flowers and potted bright flowers outside on the porch. Pink, orange and bright green paper flowers hung from the kitchen ceiling. glitter went everywhere; on the table, in the girls' hair and on their cheeks, and all through out the drizzly garden (fairy dust, to start the flowers growing!).

Each party guest was greeted with wings, a wand and a fairy garden skirt. We played 'pass the parcel' simplified for little ones, and had a garden scavenger hunt where treasures for fairies were found all over outside. Flower pots were painted, and zinnias planted, to invite those garden fairies to anticipate the coming of spring.

The chocolate cake was decorated by Lucy; with malted milk balls that took the shape of the number '5'.

Brynley and John were extra helpful before and during the party, as well as two sisters who came and enjoyed with us the fun of a little girls' party.

This was a fun party to plan and think about, because I don't know how many more years of fairy loving are left in the youth of my little girl. I really tried to enjoy the planning of the party in every way, and made it the center of the weekend so that decorating the house and having things just the way I wanted them didn't cause the family too much stress. Everyone cooperated with me and let me enjoy this time for Lucy. It really was her party, but I got to enjoy it almost as much as she!

And now birthday season takes a breather and allows us to enjoy the Easter season. Our next big day is the 2nd of May, when our oldest turns 16. I don't know if his celebrations will include a party, but whatever they are we will work hard to make it a special day!

Life in the Fast lane...

2011-03-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

Lucy has learnrned well how to nap in the car. As uncomfortable as it looks, she can sleep in this position for literally hours while I drive kids from one end of the valley to another some afternoons

my pen and pencil stash in the family car; from this stockpile the kids have utensils for doing homework in the car as we drive from swim to rugby and back to the Spruces again.

Life has sped up at the Spruces. This week, along with birthdays, we have seen the beginning of Rugby season and the start of the soccer season as well. My afternoons are now most often spent-big chunks of them anyway-in the car. I've lost completely, on some nights, my time in the kitchen with our kids. Homework time is often spent in the car, with me having younger kids holler their spelling words or reading books at me while I navigate from the front seat.

It has caused me to ponder if all the running around is worth it.

John and I have wanted so much for our kids to be able to have 'experiences' which will help them become whole and happy human beings. Not just hollow souls-but we've wanted for them to have chances to try things, to see what they are on the inside, and to see what they can do with determination and hard work. We are determined that they become whole through service as well, and so some of our hours spent outside of home are filled with service-and we want to pattern for our kids that part of being a productive human being is being part of something bigger than ourselves, so we require the kids to support each other, and to support us while we serve in our church and community.

But there are trade-offs. Homework done in the car instead of by the hearth. dinners made more out of a box at times and less out of the garden. It means mom isn't home; which means that things at home don't run as smoothly. More fighting between kids who stay while I go. Less tidy and more mess. Its a hard trade-off for me.

Last night John asked me what my expectations were concerning time and home. We chatted while we feel asleep, the exhaustion of the race we are running causing us both fatigue. We know its a trade off to have the kids go and do. We aren't sure the answers we have right now are the best ones. The easiest and least expensive solution is to call off all the lessons and teams. To quit in the name of "time at home". It is an option we are pondering, but we don't think its the exact right answer. We aren't sure there is one.

I think with time and thought and prayer we'll find peace in the chaos, or find peace in calling it all off. For now our choice is to try to stay connected as a family through morning and evening prayer, weekly time together on Monday nights, and supporting each other by cheering and clapping as each one performs elsewhere. We are trying to stay connected as a couple with love notes, dates (shorter and farther between than they used to be) and trying to cheer each other on too-there are few things in this world I can't do if I know John is on the sideline, telling me I can do them.

So we'll see how this busy season helps us grow and helps us learn. When early summer comes and its time to kick back, when all the teams and recitals have finished their busy seasons, we'll evaluate how things went and decide how we want them to go in the future.

For now we will just learn to smile through rush hour carpools and late night practices. And try to be cheerful as we help our children grow.

Birthday Season Part III

2011-03-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

Madi blows out 11 candles, we can't believe she's growing up so fast!

Gourmet s'mores was a total winner. While the kids LOVED the caramel centered chocolate and the cookies and cream chocolate, no one wanted to put their 'mallow' on a cinnamon graham or an oatmeal cookie. Old fashioned graham crackers were the hit.

purple and yellow soda, I loved passing by this stuff at the grocery store and feeling like I had struck gold...you can tell I get carried away with birthdays, which is one reason a 'friend party' is only produced every other year-

'rainbow tag' remains all over friend Alyssa's smiling face. This game was a riot and we will play it again and again, party or not

The girls loved being by the fire, even with drizzling rain and cold temperatures to detour them. They loved poking at the coals and feeding the fire with new wood. Being outside is so good for KIDS, we need to have them out more often!

Madi's birthday is next in the line up: though her party was a week after Lucy's due to swim meet conflicts...Madi chose a 'happy camping' theme and though the weather didn't really cooperate we had a great time with a huge bunch of 11 year old girls running through the house (and neighborhood!).

I would really like to become a better photographer so I can more 'artfully' capture the fun, but at least it is documented and you'll get the jist of all we had going on over here.

yellow, maroony-purple and silver were the colors...we used stars and balloons and big yellow checkered fabric to set a camping feel around the house. Candles in Mason jars and glittery stars were the 'glitz' that made the night feel like a party. Dinner was served; hot dogs cooked outside and other easy camping fare-and plates were fashioned of disposable pie tins (I loved that!)-fun sodas in the colors of the party were served to every guest.

After dinner we enjoyed a couple of summer camp games: rainbow tag and pass the parcel. Both were super fun, the outdoor tag especially! Even with rain drizzling girls were running and screaming from yard to yard in search of the colored face paint - one for each color of the rainbow. A 'wild card' player was to tag the girls, requiring them to wipe from their faces one of the found colors. We will play this game again and again, it was a huge hit...

For dessert, John got some great fires going in the driveway and the girls enjoyed gourmet s'mores with exotic ingredients. Each girl had embellished her own marshmallow stick (with duct tape and ribbons) and created her own sweet treat. The girls loved playing around the fire and everyone went home smelling like a trip to the canyon.

Of course, we still enjoyed birthday cake and ice cream, though most of that was left with us and tummies were full of sugar already!

A movie was supposed to be shown outside, but weather did not cooperate, so girls spread sleeping bags out on the floor of the basement and enjoyed the show.

When girls were ready to leave they went home with their own flashlight, some 'camp' treats and their marshmallow stick. It was a fun (late!) evening and I had a blast working with Madi to plan the big event.

For Madi's actual birthday we enjoyed green pancakes, made by dad (he was headed out of town that day, so it was a very special treat to enjoy breakfast with him). Our tradition is to open birthday gifts the morning of the big day, and Madi's gift was an address...somewhere she needed to go to find out what her present was. I picked her up at lunchtime and asked her if she wanted lunch first, or her gift first. GIFT was the response, so we drove to the address where Madi discovered that a newly monogrammed 'swim parka' was waiting for her (this is 'essential' swim team gear, a fleece lined water resistant long coat like jacket with a hood and zipper. Swimmers wear this in and out of team practicein the middle of winter with nothing but their suits and flip flops on besides. They are a huge investment and we wanted to be sure Madi had really chosen to invest herself in swimming before we paid the price; she's invested, so we invested). After our little treasure hunt we enjoyed burgers at Hires and a little flip flop shopping at the Mall. Once Madi was completely decked out with birthday swimming gear we returned her to school and called it a day-a birthday to be exact. And a Happy Birthday it was for Madi (and for mom, who gets the great privilege of enjoying these special fun times with her birthday kids).

Murphey's Law

2011-03-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

At the end of 2010 John mentioned, a few times, that 2011 would be a 'light travel year'. I was hesitant, the nature of John's profession is that he needs to be elsewhere sometimes. I am very accepting and supportive of this. I understand, and I'm even used to it, mostly. So I didn't really believe him.

Then January came and went, basically no travel.
February came, and I started to believe this year would indeed be spent with John home at night instead of in a hotel room preparing for the next day's meetings.

So, I said 'yes' to some things; big birthday parties, PTA projects, Extra Church assignments.

Then John emailed me that he would be gone. A Lot. In March.

Sigh. March is when all the 'yes'-es would come to bear fruit in the way of places to be and things to be done.

I am doing it o.k. (but the dishes are piled high and the laundry too). It isn't that I can't get it done. I'm not complaining. It is just nice to do things that take me away from home when the other one of the parents who live here is home instead of me.

So here's to Murphey's law; what can go wrong, will. And here's to the truth that even though I can be a one man show, I'd rather be one of a twosome. I just like my husband-ALOT.

Here's to a weekend with John at home, hope yours is a great one too!

the Apple falls not far from the Tree...

2011-03-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

Madi is unhappy with her soft sculpture homework assignment

Last night was scouts, dance, swim, rugby and Youth night at church. It was also the Jr. High play, which Brynley thought she would attend instead of church. Quick negotiations brought us to a compromise; she would attend to her church duty, and I would zoom her to the play as soon as her duty was done. This meant driving, driving, entertaining, feeding, driving and driving some more. At one point-to drive Bryn to school, I left the kids eating hot bowls of soup (unblessed) at the kitchen counter. This is the same counter that was strewn with homework material and the morning's dishes (still) not to mention all the birthday party and household supplies that had been purchased throughout the day (Wednesday is errand day, which is why the dishes weren't yet done!).

tiresome.

I got back from driving bryn to the play to find Madi in tears. This happens lots latey; Madi in tears. It is time for her beautiful tall swimmer's body to 'blossom' which means we have crying on a regular basis from the spunky darling. The tears were over an assignment wherein she was required to create a 'tree' with the three branches of government represented. leaves had been created outlining each branch's duties. Brilliant assignment. Madi wanted to execute brilliantly as well.

Madi, like her mother, likes to do things well, and creatively, and center-stage-ly. She had come up with the idea for a 3-d tree (most kids had raided mom's scrapbook paper and had a nice flat tree with leaves). Madi had scoured the house for toilet paper and paper towel tubes and was giving it all she had to make a palm tree appear. Her creation was amazing in her mind-and again like her mother-was not working out in real life as well.

so, the tears.

I looked at the clock. I looked at the dishes. I looked at Madi. I asked her to make a scrapbook paper flat tree.

more tears.

No dishes done. No early bedtime for me or for Madi. Instead there were staplers and double sided tape. With tears still streaming, a mish moshed tree appeared; leaves in their places. Madi was sent to bed.

Then it was me who shed a few tears. Off to bed with no dishes done, floors a mess and counters still strewn with homework. My expectations not met, the clean kitchen, in my mind so beautifully straightened, remained a work in progress. It wasn't how I'd seen it in my mind's eye just an hour or two before.

Like mother, Like daughter

Like a Lion...

2011-03-08T13:30:00.001-08:00

at the start of my rudimentary shoveling job.

A very near miss, but it did miss John's red wheels!

hemmed in by the fallen branches, I had to pull forward, then back out to the other side of the driveway so I could free the car of the snowstorm.

When I went to bed last night it was snowing, hard. I even had dreams of school closed for the day (I would have welcomed it, surprisingly). I had dropped my car (4 wheel drive, high riding, gas guzzling blessed Expedition) at the body shop yesterday under blue skies and sunny weather. By dinner I was fish-tailing in John's fancy drive.

During the night it continued to snow.

This morning, at 5, when I got up to work out, I realized most of my strength training would involve a shovel and tons of white powder. I put on some hot chocolate. I did a little exercise. I pestered Mason from sleep so he could be showering for school while I was clearing the driveway so the car could get out.

Some branches had come down during the night. they had fallen, miraculously, all around the car but not on top of it. Tender mercies to be sure. I shoveled and shoveled, and yelled in the house for the kids to get out of bed for school. They made their way in the snow. I cleared the driveway just enough to move the car from under the tree. We got Lucy to ballet.

on our way home, we drove up our old street, to deliver a neighbor's daughter from dance class. After a lovely chat and a keep and our neighbor's amazing home renovation, Lucy was invited to stay. I climbed into John's car, backed out of the driveway, and immediately I was stuck.

I could not believe it. But kind of, I could. I'm no great winter driver, and John's car needs some skill behind the wheel to make it through Utah powder.

An old neighbor saw my predicament and came quickly to my aid. He spent 10 minutes with me, and even recruited another neighbor so we could break the car free of the ice and slush and send it with gravity's aid down the hill. I was so grateful my neighbor had seen me, and had felt the need to help. Tender mercies again imparted.

I've spent the day home, doing laundry and making bread, and enjoying the beauty of bright sun on the snow. This is when my kitchen is most glorious-the sunny day after a snowfall. All that reflection gives me the light I so crave at the Spruces. The sun itself on a day in my house is another tender mercy from Heaven.

The snowstorm came in like a Lion, and was grizzly for me to be sure. But now that it melts under the warm rays of sun it seems to be leaving like a lamb.

Such is the month of March.

Birthday Season Part II

2011-03-07T14:22:00.001-08:00

marshmallows and chocolate were delivered with the invite...

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Lucy's invitation and her candy magic wands...

Birthdays are big at our house. But not every birthday brings a party. We do parties on odd numbered birthday years; and this is one of those years.

Since Lucy and Madi's big days are only one day apart, this month we will be hostessing two very different parties for two darling-ly different girls.

Lucy is turning 5. She is the last, and my last 'little girl'. She wants a fairy garden party. I want to revel in the 'little-girlness' of my last, so it will be enchanting. Invitations were purchased through the TomKat Studio; it all went well accept they didn't put the correct date on the invitation (I had had to change it, they said they would but didn't). Other than that glitch, I'm really happy with the product. You download, print and go. They ask for all the info. and then do it up right. We delivered each invite with a 'magic wand' filled with treats and tied with fairy-like ribbon. Pics of the party will come after party day this weekend.

Madi caught on to a fun and spunky idea; a 'Happy Camping' theme. Once again, we used TomKat, but not for the full invite. Instead we ordered 'cupcake toppers' which we will use in many different ways, for invites, for favor bags, and for a s'mores bar at the party. Ideas are brewing, and many girls are coming-so give me any thoughts on 'camping games' and favor ideas (I'm thinking dollar store flashlights and whistles, and of course a personalized marshmallow stick for roasting around the fire!). We will serve camping food in pie-tins for dinner, play camp-like games and hopefully (weather permitting!) watch a movie outside. IDEAS PLEASE! I could use them and fast...

its our own kind of 'March Madness', fun for me to plan and fun for the girls to enjoy!

The Eagle Has Landed

2011-03-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

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Last Week we celebrated Mason. He received his Eagle Scout award at a Court of Honor. John was in charge. He did a great job (accept for the part where he insinuated that I complain when he goes camping-I don't complain. He just wanted to be funny, and it didn't work out for him...)

Mason has made us proud to have accomplished this task. It was hard knocks to get it done, but its done.

And He did it, mostly himself.

I cried, I felt proud. I felt old. I felt hopeful that this is one of many accomplishments ahead that will grow Mason into a good man.

Congratulations Mason. The Eagle has landed, and now you sit in the Eagle's nest.

Birthday Season Begins for the Grahams

2011-02-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

One or more birthdays each month from February through August...we take a breather in April to celebrate Easter ;)

Bryn surrounded by her posse; 20 polite and very energetic 7th graders crowd in at the Spruces to celebrate her Day.

'Chinese New Year' was our Party theme; John and I played chef creating chow mein and fried rice with (costo supplied) egg rolls and lots of edamame (yes, I know that is not Chinese...)

The Winterized version of a Pinata Party; Pinata in the shape of a DRAGON is KICKED to pieces by above posse

Bryn's Birthday requests were for a 'good' baseball mitt and her own Nerf gun. Wishes granted.

Madi is next
followed by Lucy
then Mason
Porter
John and Katie
and finally,
Molly

it is a fun time of year to plan parties and purchase gifts, and it keeps us hoppin' around our house!

Valentine's Day at the Spruces..

2011-02-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

enjoying as much mileage as possible from winter decor designed by my sister Jess.

Very determined to make a Valentine Box that looked like the Wii, Porter was our most excited and avid 'Valentine-er' this year. He had his Valentines addressed and treats ready days before he was to share them with his classmates

Madi had the best 'Valentine outfit'. Pink jeans, a red sweater, darling heart shoelaces, sweet red floral headband. And her Valentine box employed the most creative use of Duct Tape! The white bow on the box? Duct Tape. Plaid pattern? Duct Tape!

This year we tried something new, a Valentine Sweetheart dinner. Cheese and Chocolate Fondu, elaborately decorated table, entire family and our dear friend Cathy all gathered around for a very lovely, very long evening. We each shared what we love about the other, and I got to share with Cathy why each of our kids is unique and special. I loved having us all gathered there around the table for more than an hour; I think that is a Graham record. Thanks to friend Chelsea for holding my hand through my first fondu attempt!

Our long standing Valentine tradition; the huge heart shaped Love Note in the big window of our home. Each year the Valentine is re-made, sometimes its red, sometimes pink. Sometimes it says "Luv U" other years "Be Mine" ; you get the picture.
This is my yearly tradition just from me to the family I love. It goes in the window on Valentine's Day in time for the kids to walk home from school and see it. I asked Bryn this year if it means anything to her. She replied "it will, when I'm gone". Good enough reason to continue the tradition that began almost 7 years ago.

Not pictured? The heart shaped cookies from Great Harvest bakery that are usually wrapped and set out for our kids to enjoy for Valentine's day BREAKFAST.

Also, the very sleek and stylish black boots that John gifted to me on this lover's holiday. Nor do you see the '12 days of Valentines' thoughts and gifts that were placed on John's pillow each day before he came home from work.

Happy Hearts Day...hope yours was as lovely as mine!

A Very Big Weekend followed closely by a Very Big Week

2011-02-15T13:54:00.000-08:00

Our Big Weekend actually started on Thursday night, when Mason-whose rugby season starts in 3 weeks, sprained his ankle in a BIG way playing basketball with church friends. So, Friday was spent (at the insistence of EVERY MOTHER I KNOW) at an emergency room having his leg x-rayed....instead of home getting ready for Brynley's VERY BIG BIRTHDAY BASH. More pictures and photos of the bash to follow, but suffice it to say we had 20 teenage girls, spray paint, food, melted chocolate and cupcakes in our house from 7:30-midnight. BIG. Saturday John took me on a BIG DATE to celebrate Valentines Day. Sunday we had Family for dessert; not so big, just nice and laid back. Monday was spent preparing for a BIG DINNER in honor of Valentines. This dinner involved fondue, family and friends. It was big but it was FUN....

The rest of the week is BIG as well; Mason is awarded his Eagle Scout tomorrow, I stand in lines tonight and Thursday at parent teacher conference, Brynley's BIG BIRTHDAY is Thursday (13!) and Friday is a BIG SKI DAY as the kids are out of school.

The weeks that are BIG and full are not so many as you'd think with all the people who I nurture, but when they come they come with force, and they remind me that our family is BIG, my responsibilities in raising them are BIG and the rewards for doing so are BIG as well.

Wednesdays are spent here...

2011-02-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

fingerprinting to learn about law enforcement

At Wheeler Farm to learn about a local historic landmark

The weeks are always busy. You know, getting one to swim team, another to ballet, helping the kids cook, assisting with their homework, piano and blah blah blah...it goes on. We all have busy lives and these times, even with pinched check books and expensive gasoline, is filled with carting our kids.

But our Wednesdays are spent, frantically, with cub scouts in the house. I was asked by our church leaders to help a group of boys grow from Wolf scouts to Bear Scouts this year. One major incentive for accepting? Porter is one of said scouts. And I want Porter to have scouts.

I've come to believe in scouting.

It has been a long journey, from jealous sister (why do my brothers get to go on week long camp outs and back packing trips and river runs and I have to stay home!) to clueless mother (Mason journeyed from wolf to Webelo without my assistance, practically). Then I was asked to be a leader. I had no boys in the program. All the training I got was 'here is the scout book, just follow it and you'll be fine'.

I limped along with those boys for 2 long years.

But I loved them.

And they needed scouting-to bring them together, to help them have common ground, to help them see that the world is about being civic, being kind, being GOOD.

And scouting teaches that.

Its been 3 years since I led that little troop. And this time its going to be different.

I'm not going to limp. I'm learning to stride.
I'm going to teach them by being a leader, not just a mother.
And I'll love these boys just as much as my other little troop-and I'll love ONE of them even more ('cause he's mine).

So amid the busy week, thrown in with other things, I'll save Wednesdays to spend with the scouts.

Retiring Heroes

2011-02-08T10:05:00.000-08:00

John made a trip to the attic for me, to store some of my favorite toys from our boys 'younger childhood'.

Mason was the first child and our first boy. I was not into having toys around that taught our kid to shoot (see here). But I wanted to provide "boy toys" for Mason, so he could develop his male identity-but with a decidedly altruistic/community servant kind of bent. I looked for toys that taught our kid to 'help'.

The Rescue Heroes hit the spot.

They had cool uniforms, awesome "tools" that looked like weapons created for good, and they were always the good guys. I was a relieved mother that I could encourage any kind of product for my son to enjoy his childhood. Mason partnered with them to put out fires, stop earth quakes, save children and animals from danger and repair damages to the ocean floor. His imagination was sufficiently stimulated, my conscience was sufficiently at peace.

As time passed, the heroes passed from Mason on to his brother. Porter continued to rescue kids from cliffs and figure out ways of lessening the damage of impending typhoons. He could travel to space with these heroes to fix damaged satellites. He rescued and I reveled in the good 'win win' kind of products that I had found in these heroes.

Now, Porter has grown up (a little). The Rescue Heroes (which were enjoyed by my girls as well, by the way) have been collecting dust and losing important rescue equipment hidden under Porter's bed. I've had to come to face facts;

I've put the heroes in the attic to retire.

I couldn't bare to part with them, I wanted to save them for grand kids. So last Saturday John hauled all that blessed plastic into the attic to rest.

Until my posterity need toys to imagine with.

I'm thankful for those toys. They rescued me from bored afternoons. They've opened my boys' minds to the idea that 'we use our minds and our hands to help, never ever to hurt'. That has been my mantra as a mother-even now when the kids curl their fists up at each other I remind them 'we help, we don't hurt'-those toys made it easy for me to spread that message...and now they will wait for another generation who will need to learn the same.

Thanks Rescue heroes, I"ll miss you!

Fits...

2011-02-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

mid fit, Molly shakes herself back and forth as we drive home from the grocery store. She is MAD!

Sadly, some of every day is spent with our darling in tears...

This is how I live about 45 minutes of every single day...with Molly screaming and shaking. The scream is usually formed in the word "NO". The shaking can sometimes be accompanied with the throwing of objects and the squeezing of fists. Often we also have running away from parents, and occassionally we have the destruction of something; the cutting of a drape, the scratching of fingernails on the leather couch-you get the picture-

and the picture isn't pretty.

Molly is unique in that she still throws these fits and she is 6 years old. She is also unique in that these fits are rarely shared with friends or teachers.

They are her gifts to me, her mother.

For the longest time I just didn't understand why she would blow up about the most random things. Then I learned a bit about a child's attachment, how it is formed, and how it is strengthened. Sadly, for her first few months Molly was not a part of our family, she was not given good opportunity to feel attached to her parents. For whatever reason that most important bonding experience was not what it needed to be.

Enter us; the family who received her at only 5 months old. Though we have loved her as our own from the start, Molly spent years in our home without being 'official'. It was only a formality of course; we've loved her as a daughter and felt attached to her from moment number ONE. But these things are vital in the emotional growth of our souls, and some scars remain for our little brown eyed wonder to tend to and to heal.

Its only a part of the days that we see the 'dark side' of Molly come through. Most all the other minutes we see the truly happy, wonderful, smart, unique, special and secure angel that will someday feel whole and complete. She yells because something is missing; she isn't sure what it is, and she doesn't know how to fix it. It will fix over time, I know it. She feels loved and knows that she belongs. She wants to be a "good Graham" and loves to be in our family. Her prayers include words of "we thank thee that we have each other."

"We thank thee that we LOVE each other."

She hugs and she kisses. She cuddles and she's cute. She's just learning what her feelings are and how she needs to deal with them.

And I am learning myself. Step one is to teach that she is responsible for her choices. That her power comes from making good decisions-and that she has NO power over the consequences of her actions. She can't erase consequences, she can't wish them away, she can't scream them away and she can't hide from them. This is a daily, hourly, minute by minute lesson that Molly is learning well and working to understand completely.

Step two? It is for ME to not throw fits of my own. I've had to learn to actively behave in a calm manner. To state my love for Molly even in the process of her tantrums, and to carefully and quietly administer fair consequences that do not harm my precious girl, but which connect and are naturally related to the choices she makes.

Not throwing fits of my own is taking time for me to learn. I'd become used to being pushed to a point where I would react to her disruptions-sometimes I'd yell back, or try to reason, or become upset because her fits were inconvenient to my schedule. But I am learning, and though it is hard I can feel an inner strength coming that I am very grateful for. A gift of calm in the chaos. An ability to keep the voice low and the gestures small. I determination to behave in a manner that communicates love and yet LOGIC. A demeanor of being in control of myself and setting a pattern of acting with deliberate calm when the situation doesn't suit me.

I hesitate to write it all out for you here, because I don't want to jinx the lucky streak I've been having, and because I don't want to point blame-ful fingers and birth parents nor do I want you to believe that our Molly is anything but wonderful, but it is a real, daily part of my current mothering experience. And now I can see a clear connection between how I react and how Molly chooses to behave the next time a fit is in the Que. She is still throwing them. They are still loud, and difficult and hair raising. Her scream still hurts my ears. But I believe with all my heart that we can make progress, turn the corner-so to speak-and let the angry, sad, frustrated Molly rest while the vibrant happy Graham-loving Molly comes forward in all her peaceful glory.

Here's to fewer fits, both for Molly AND for her mom. And for a daily feeling and rejoicing that we are -all 8 of us-Grahams together.

Faces to the Sun

2011-02-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

The other day Lucy had a play date. She had a fever, but her best friend, V, hadn't been over in quite a long time. V's mom and I conferenced, she decided she'd take the risk so the girls could get together.

The sun has been so bright these last few days, yet the temperatures outside are frigid. Reminds me of our Chicago days; when winter looks bright from inside your apartment and feels cold to the bone deadly from the sidewalk....

Still, the sun is such a blessing, and I couldn't bear to see the girls spend the morning in the basement. I hauled up the toy kitchen and parked it in front of the back yard window. The girls rolled the grocery cart underfoot while I wiped the real kitchen down with clorox and soft scrub.

After a while V showed Lucy how she could draw on the window, by just 'blowing smoke' onto the glass. The girls fogged and drew, fogged and drew and giggle and giggled and giggled. Their faces to the sunny back yard-it made me smile to see them 'making happy' together.

These winter days are dreary for me. Lucy's fever is just one of many of our chidrens' ailments this year; strep, flu, walking pneumonia and the viral fever that lasts 5 days (no name for that one) have kept me in and feeling blue. It was so nice to see these children turn toward light to make themselves merry.

I thought about turning toward the light in order to feel more happy. I went in my room while the kids giggled and drew and knelt down on the ground.

I turned toward the Light myself, and the rest of my day was made happier.

What I wore to the Gunshop

2011-02-01T15:58:00.001-08:00

For Christmas my teenage son gave me a unique gift. On an appointed day I would go to the local gun store, learn how to load a gun, and shoot at a target down in their gun range. He thought it was the coolest gift he could give me. I thought I was cool to not refuse the gift. I deliberately planned my clothing to include a strand of pearls. A kind of June Cleaver nod as I step into modern motherhood. Showing my teenage son that I'm not too scared for bullets while maintaining my feminine edge. A checkered shirt shouts "outdoorsman" while satin bow screams "JCrew cool". I left the house, tongue firmly in my cheek, to show my men how man I am.

John wants to own a gun. He spent his teenage years shooting trap with his father and squirrels with his buddies. They feel natural to him, and he wants to enjoy the same 'fun' he had when he was a kid.

Guns were not a part of my family culture. The only gun story in my growing up years was told by my dad. It involved him-as a teenager growing up in Australia-and a poor kangaroo who got the bullet my dad shot from his 'little 22'. The height of the kangaroo's jump, the sound of its scream, the way that it died after a second bullet was employed, the hot tears running down my teenage father's face are all part of that story. We never had guns in our house.

But I want to be open minded. So I went to shoot a gun at the gun shop.

The culture of a gun shop is very interesting. I walk inside to see ammunition and firearms from floor to ceiling, and several proud shop workers greet me with smiles all around. I feel shy and stupid, naive and ill prepared. After others who have come for their shooting debut have gathered in the belly of the store we all ascend to an upper room. A single classroom with some folding chairs and bright white painted walls awaits us. Tupperware boxes of firearms sit beside the instructor. He passes around papers that ask 'have you taken illicit drugs in the past 24 hours?' and 'are you mentally sound?' and asks us to answer honestly. The hair underneath my satin bow begins to stand on end. At this moment I realize that I am playing with something that can kill me. The smirk I've been wearing since I dressed this morning leaves my face for good.

We are shown how to hold a gun, how to load a gun, how to unlock the safety of a gun, how to aim a gun, and how to shoot the gun all in a matter of 15 minutes. The rest of the instruction time is taken up with questions asked by all the other students. The instructor, who actually teaches 'guns' at the University, fields these queries with ease. I had no idea the others in the class actually came because they had an interest in guns. I just had an interest in looking cool for my kid and impressing my husband.

We descend from the upper room, down a narrow staircase, and are outfitted with eye protection (science class eye shields) and ear phones (1980's head phones for your boom box) and are shown the 'pieces' we will shoot. Wisely, GunMaster Teacher has laid out the guns we will use to shoot targets in different stalls of the shop's gun range. Instead of standing still at a shooting stall and passing the guns around, we will rotate from one stall to another-so no one is carrying a gun. I guess he'd had some experience with shooters who've had 15-20 minutes of gun toting instruction.

As we enter the range our teacher hands us a bag of bullets. Shells, he calls them. This is the second time I realize I am playing with something that can kill me. I begin to look around at the other people I am with. My observation makes the hair on my arms stand on end.

To my right, my left, behind me and in front of me are all standing people with firearms. They are not part of the class-they have come as they do every Saturday. To shoot their guns at targets. Some are obviously policemen or military men. Others look more like the guns they have shot release pixels and not bullets, and their time aside from Saturday morning gun practice is spent in front of a video game. I realize that others are playing with something that can kill me. My eyebrows raise, and are stuck, high up on my forehead, until I leave the gun shop.

These others go eagerly into the gun range, and set up their targets and guns. I watch as paper photos of Osama or Military looking madmen are clipped to a moving wire, then scrolled back to the back of the gun range. Bullets are loaded, safeties released and guns are raised to the shoulders of several men and women. I look in front of me. A small pistol with pink camouflage all over it is staring me in the face. Its barrel is empty and opened, for me to load and close. My fingers become jello. I move in slow motion.

And then the shooting begins.

The others, the ones who knew how to load their weapons, have begun pelting their human form targets. The sound causes me to jump. My hands shake a little, and I realize that I am in a place where I could definitely become DEAD. There is no more hair to stand up anywhere. My option is to leave, or to shoot the bullets given me and then go.

I decide to man up. I load the bullets. I ask for help to unlock the safety (15 minutes was not enough instruction for me) and I try to hit my target. The sound of my gun releasing its ammunition makes me jump at myself. My bullets go high, they hit but not dead on. The instructor comes over to calm me.

"You don't need to fear the gun. You just need to respect it".

I look at the others. I think I understand what my teacher has said to me, but, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one.

After what seemed like eternity, I had used up all my bullets. In that length of time I shot 3 hand guns and 2 rifles. The rifles felt most comfortable. Something about them being the size of the guns that shot animals for food and kept people safe "out on the prairie" seemed most legitimate for me to be shooting. The handguns felt illegal. Their purpose seems only to inflict pain on other humans. That's not 'authentic Katie' for sure.

I shook the hand of my instructor, and left the gun range before my fellow classmates. They were taking photos of themselves with the guns and the targets and the eye protection and the ear phones. I wanted to leave. I felt glad I followed through, and I asked for a target to keep. I wanted my men to see that I had done what they sent me to do. I'm not exactly sure that I could do it again.

As I drove home I passed the the Sweet Tooth Fairy, and stopped without even knowing it. Chocolate or vanilla, sprinkles or frosting seemed to so much better suit me over rifle or handgun. How many cakes to take home to my kids a much more adequate question than whether I preferred semi automatic or full. My satin ribbon in place, my pearls and my checkered shirt-

what I wore to the gun shop looked a lot more fitting for the bakery.

Authentic Me: Service

2011-01-31T13:38:00.000-08:00

this is me, in Haiti; an orphan on my hip, my soon-to-be-neighbor, and newly adopted son to Susie, in front.
traveling to Haiti; part of being ME

AUTHENTIC: adjective

1. Not false or copied; genuine; real: 
2. Having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence:

I'm turning 40 this summer. 2011 begins my 4th decade.

I have really been surprised at how freaked out I feel about this fact.

I am in "mid-life".

And my life is full, and busy and good.

But I am thinking lately about what makes me ME. What is authentic about me? Not copied from a catalog, or borrowed from a buddy? Not adopted because of fad, not incorporated because of philosophy...

I'm going to explore this about myself every once in a while, and take some time to really enjoy the person I have become over the past 40 years.

I was counciled way back when I turned 17 that I had within me "the gift of compassion". That I would be one who would want to serve my fellow man. And that I should look for opportunities to do so.

I have heeded this advice, at some times more than at others.

It is my authentic nature to feel comfortable in service. I am at home, I am happy with a baby in my arms or a friend in need of me. I joy in lifting burdens, because as I lift for others, the weight on my own shoulders becomes lighter.

This is part of who I am. And somehow this year I intend to make serving others a regular, even daily, part of my life. Over the past many years this service has primarily been given to my own children. And that will, of course, continue. But its time for me to show more to my children about what it means to serve outside of family-and in doing this their own service will be employed. Our family needs to serve, just as I need to serve, to be truly, authentically Happy.

When do you feel most 'like YOU'? Think about it, and let me know.

Ready for a Weekend

2011-01-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

Friday is TV watching Day. It is the start of the Weekend at our house.

The little girls are fixed in front of the tv in the den.
Porter is held hostage in the Library, his ransom the completion of unfinished school work.
Brynley is on the phone-making arrangements to 'play' with friends as soon as she is able.
Mason, undoubtedly, is at his friend Derek's house, eating his parents food and playing video games 'to unwind'.
Madi is skiing with 15 other 5th grade girls.
I sit at the computer, thinking of projects I must get to (organize the pantry, fold the clean laundry, clean off my desk) but I'd rather avoid.
Because its Friday.
I want a weekend just like my kids do. With freedom to play with my friends or watch a tv show or NOT cook dinner.

But I'm the mom.

So, I'll take a few minutes and write to all of you,
then go clean out the pantry and fold the clothes.
And then I'll watch tv with my kids (or play "Just Dance" with them on the Wii ;)

Happy Friday. Happy Weekend.

I'm thinking of this sermon. I wonder what I need from it today?

Entering my 4th Decade...

2011-01-27T14:18:00.000-08:00

Trying to steer myself into a future I can be proud of

hoping the journey is happy and challenging, fun and full of surprises

It is the beginning of my Fortieth Year. 40th. The B-I-G 4-0.

Before we have January again, in 2012, I will be telling people that I am 39, and I will be LYING.

I have really come to ponder and reflect and kind of freak out about the fact that I am in 'mid-life'.

And I am trying to formulate some words to describe the feelings, and the future, for me.

One of the words that keeps coming to my mind; 'authentic'. I'd like to explore that word in the next few posts and let it help me define how I'd like the next 4 decades to turn out...

What will this year look like for me? I'm not sure. I have set some goals, I have some hopes, and I have some expectations.

It will be a narcissistic week on my blog from now until next Friday-hope y'all don't mind. But many of you who read these words know me pretty well, so you will have good feed-back as I figure myself out publicly in anticipation of this, my fourth, 4th ...decade.

Go Ahead, Feel Sorry for Me

2011-01-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you just can't carry the weight of the world

Last night our big MAC computer died.

This morning when I put on my iPod to help me get through my run, it wouldn't turn on.

Then Molly threw the biggest fit EVER (no kidding, EVER). She made Lucy late to ballet and made herself late to school and made me late to the rest of my day.

When I took the computer to the APPLE STORE it started to snow, HARD. Freeway turned into bumper cars. We were late to the apt. (see above).

After I dropped the computer off, I had to park the car. I CRUNCHED our yakima rack (used in winter to haul the skiis) when I tried to park in the parking garage (see reference to above SNOW STORM)

Trying to console myself, I walked over to ANTHROPOLOGIE to use a gift card given to me for Christmat (thanks Mom Graham!). TONS of stuff on sale, none of it was MY SIZE.

I LEFT MY MITTEN in the store. Unknowingly.

Came home. Discovered lost mitten. Started to cry. Texted John. John, trying to console me, threatens to cancel the rest of his day and come home ( he wanted to be sweet, but it kind of came out ' cause you just can't get anything right today...' he was probably worried I was going to accidentally set the house on fire ;).

I cried more. Then I prayed. I remembered that the one thing of all these things that really really matters is Molly and how I reacted to her fit. Because in all this junk that happened today? She is the only PERSON. The rest was just STUFF.

And Heavenly Father helped me not yell at her when she yelled at me. And He helped me not spank her even though in my mind the idea was seriously forming. And He helped me get her to school-and she even dressed herself to do it after threatening to stay in her pajamas all day...

Now the kids are home. Nothing new has broken. I called the store and they are holding on to my mitten. I have learned the computer repair will cost, but won't cost an arm and a leg. I can get dinner on. We will make it to Pack Meeting. Molly has already done her kindergarten homework and is acting, for all intents and purposes, like a perfect angel.

but you can feel sorry for me, still, if you want to. I'm almost done feeling sorry for myself. Better get back on my knees so I can throw that feeling out with the luggage rack...

2010 for JOHN and KATIE

2011-01-24T13:20:00.000-08:00

John: Spent The winter learning how to snowboard with his older kids. Now he boards better than they. Spent spring coaching lots of soccer! Turned 40 this summer. Spent a weekend celebrating by playing board games with guy friends at a condo in the mountains, then came home to a surprise ice cream fest in honor of his big b-day. Went to Singapore and Sydney, in a one week whirlwind trip (no pictures, apparently). Spent ALL of the autumn on the road, and none of the winter (whew!). Currently gives each Wednesday night to a bunch of teenage boys (ours included) growing them into fine men through eagle scout projects, camp outs and a little mid-week basketball.

Favorite Date with Katie in 2010: Napa Valley. The whole weekend was spent like one long date. He did get a kiss (or a few of them...) before he had to drop me off at the door.

Katie: learned the meaning of the word "frenetic" when it was discovered that John would be traveling ALL of Autumn and we had children who had to be in multiple places at one time. Spent the spring and summer trying to train for a triathlon. Finished said triathlon (I have the scars to prove it!). Enjoyed planning for and executing large gathering at the Spruces (see above Ice Cream Fest). Spent a great deal of time in the car, driving children from one place to another. Enjoyed Napa so much-I hope he asks me out again! Visited NYC on the coattails of John's business trip.

Favorite Date with John in 2010: Frisbee Golf. Spent the better part of a Saturday afternoon learning how to get my disc right into the appropriate "hole". John planned it, I loved it.

Together we have had a very full year. Still calling the Spruces home, even though John has come up on the two years in the same career mark. Maybe this is home for good, after all?

Happy end to 2010. It has been a good one for the Grahams.

Why You Walk To School

2011-01-20T12:44:00.001-08:00

Dear Kids,

Many years ago, you began walking to school. We had just moved to Boise. Mason was our only student. We were lucky, the neighbor kids walked too-just across the park to the school yard. Every morning a flock of children made their way into the halls of learning, with parents watching from their windows or walking along with. It was "Leave it to Beaver" nostalgic for me. I loved sending you off each morning.

Then, we moved. And when we moved I looked for a house that wasn't too far from school. You walking yourselves became something more than a happy idea that we lived in Safeville America, where kids wouldn't be crossed by stranger danger and drivers looked out for pedestrians. It became a social experience for YOU. For you as sisters and brothers, to watch out for each other.

Walking to school was a 20 minute a day exercise in sticking together, watching out for each other and learning how to put up with, enjoy, and love one another. You against the world. You without your parents....a band of brother (and sister) hood.

You didn't like this so much. Sometimes I walked half way to meet you. Sometimes you came home hollering that so-and-so wasn't at the tree where you met one another. Or whose-a-ma-callit made fun of you in front of their friends on the sidewalk.

sometimes you didn't stick like glue to each other. But you knew it was expected that you'd help one another arrive safely home.

We moved again. The next time we went to public school, you had your most difficult walks to make. Not because it was so far away, but because NO ONE ELSE walked to school. Sometimes the neighbors just couldn't understand why a mother would allow her children out the door unattended for any length of time. Sometimes they picked you up in the golf cart-well meaning darling neighbors who wanted you delivered safely to school, and sometimes even safely home.

I learned to endure the criticism, the looks from mothers who didn't understand. And I tried to go out and watch you come and go-and even walk up to meet you. But it was as important then to me as it had been when we had started that you took care of each other. That for a few precious minutes of each school day you had to rely on each other.

That has continued at the Spruces. The walk is shorter than ever. Some of you who started our walking tradition are now walking yourself home from high school. The ones who walk now tend to linger, to wander. Those who are the shepherds have straying sheep to herd. But the lessons for you younger ones are as valuable as they were for the older.

You need to stick together.
Sometimes it will be just you-your family-against the world.
You've got to look out for each other.
Stay safe, and head for home. And try to arrive there TOGETHER.

And that is why you walk to school.

2010 for LUCY

2011-01-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

sparkling eyes and a princess like smile are the trademarks of Lucy's beauty

Lucy's giggles and excitement are unmatched in our home; she jumps and twirls and laughs and plays, and helps us all to be happy

This is Lucy's favorite school mate. Vera comes to our house, or Lucy goes to hers, nearly every week. Together they play house, play dolls, play fairies or do elaborate crafts. I am so happy she has this friend, a darling companion for a darling daughter

Lucy poses at Madi's class simulation. Lucy has to attend numerous events to support her older siblings. She is starting to enjoy the celebrity she experiences when she walks into a classroom.

Lucy poses at a Sugar Plum Fairy Tea hostessed by her ballet instructor. Lucy lives in that enchanting time of life when imagination is vibrant and beautiful. A little cotton candy can truly be fairy dust, a lemonade in a tea cup the most wonderful tea.

Lucy is like the brightest star, twinkling and sparkling in a heavenly sense. She is adored by family, friends, strangers and teachers. She is enjoyed by her mother immensely.

Lucy, during 2010, went to preschool, began dance class, enjoyed play dates and learned how to be a cheerleader. Not in a "Go TEAM!" kind of sense, but in a "I go wherever my mom needs to be to support my brothers and sisters" kind of sense. Lucy has cheered at Rugby games, clapped and dance performances, hollered "bravo" at school musicals, cheered at Football games and soccer games alike, and has learned to sit still until piano pieces are completed at piano recitals too. She loves being the 'little one' but sees, with all this cheering, the fun it is to grow up; and as she grows she shines.

One of my favorite moments with Lucy this year was in December. The little ballet class she attends showers parents with a "Sugar Plum Fairy" performance. Lucy, in her fancy tutu and her shiny ballet crown, sparkled with excitement as she pointed her toes and showed us ballet's toe positions. She dazzled the group with her ability to keep the beat of the nutcracker music as she executed her part with ease and precision. But the real shining moment for Lucy? It was the appearance of a nutcracker's sugar plum fairy; an older ballerina who came in with dazzling costume and dripping grace. Lucy's breath was taken away as she watched this lovely girl act like a ballerina. After the little performance, Lucy was changed just a little. Wanting to become a ballerina princess herself, she began walking taller, with a deeper bow and a gentler grace. She had a fairy's expectations to live up to!

While Lucy is with me in the house this last year, she and I try to make the most of our days together. Lucy has to follow me around on errands, and come into classrooms to volunteer with me. The children in these classrooms are always happy to see her and treat her as an honored guest. I think Lucy's entry into the world of public school will be made easier by the confidence she feels as she walks the halls with me, saying hello to teachers and students as they pass her on their way.

Lucy's most endearing times for me, as her mother, are in the early mornings. Though I wish she would sleep later than 5:30 a.m. I love to hear her little feet on the floors as they patter their way to my bedroom. Often I am in the slow process of early rising when I hear her coming our way-so I turn out my light and lay down just in time to have her climb up next to me. Our quiet cuddling doesn't last very long before my day must begin, but I know these early moments will come to an end soon, so right now they are treasured times.

Lucy's recently been very interested in the land where she was born. She asks me about the orphanage, and we read a book of Vietnemese folk tales before she sleeps each night. The other day she told me she wished we could go back and visit the 'people who loved me', the nurses and caregivers in her room at the orphanage who gave her such love and attention. It has caused me to reflect on the goodness of all that transpired for her to belong to us. When I see her jump with joy on the trampoline, or play and giggle with her friends and cousins, I feel a deep and motherly gratitude for the goodness of God and all He did to whisper to my heart to go find her. I know it was her-not just any little soul, but THIS little soul-that was meant to be a Graham. I'm so happy he spoke to us. I will always be so happy I heard him.

2010 for MOLLY

2011-01-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

Smart, Spunky and Happy. Molly is a power packed 6 year old dynamo.

Molly LOVED Disneyland; and was more brave than the older among us. She went on the "Tower of Terror" three times! Yes! I said three times! But, as all little girls, one of her favorite memories was meeting the princesses

Up in the canyon last summer. Molly enjoys walking, hiking, skiing and swimming. Just like a Graham really should...

ready for 'crazy hair' day at preschool; Molly and Lucy are rarely apart. Moll is learning, with time and practice, to be a compassionate and empathetic big sister

The Star of her School's "Spring Sing"; Molly does everything with amazing enthusiasm. The teachers had to ask her to "sing more quiet ;)". She gives it 110% whether its in throwing a tantrum or making her bed.

Molly is really 'growing into' being Molly, and the experiences of the past year show that she is growing to be an incredible person. Passion and exuberance are a large part of her nature, as well as intelligence, goodness and sincerity. This girl is really beginning to bloom.

2010 was a chapter closed for this little girl; the end of preschool and the start of "all day school". She has welcomed the invitation to become 'big' and really enjoys the academic challenges she is given through both her half day private kindergarten and her half day public school. No where does she BLOSSOM the way she does at school. Molly is a delight to her teachers, a student full of respect and interest, a kind and caring classmate. Her teachers ADORE her and are so pleased with her progress and her personality.

At home Molly is pruning some less than desirable tendencies, like not punching her little sister or sabotaging her roommates belongings. It has been a struggle for Molly to learn boundaries and practice compassion at home, but here she grows as well. As time goes on we see not only Molly's increasing successes, but we see her deep sincerity and the absolute amazing ability she has to remember things (for good and for ill! Don't cross her! She won't forget it!). One of the sweetest times with Molly this year has been when she has talked about the things she learns and thinks about at Church. She has a deep interest in the doctrines we employ; that God knows her and loves her completely. That He has a plan for her and for her happiness. That part of that plan is being part of our family. That she can learn more and be more if she listens to Him, in the quietness of her heart. Molly is bringing this into her life. And because of that the little weeds and rough places that creep in to her home life will become fewer and fewer over time.

Molly has grown to be a great swimmer, a great skier, and an earnest soccer player. She is begging to follow in her sister Madi's footprints and join the swim team, and we really enjoy her weekly improvements on the ski hill. One of our favorite gifts to Molly this Christmas was a HELMET, because she hits the slopes with the same passion that Pollack's paint drops hit the canvas.

Molly's world has grown larger because now she can READ. She points out words as we drive in the car, she picks out sentences and phrases from the newspaper, and every night we sit down to hear the chapter length books sent home from school. Her next academic challenge will be the piano, something she is eager to tackle!

As we have watched Molly grow this year I have held in my heart the picture of the little baby that was placed in my arms at Christmas time in 2004. a frail little body with big eyes and a weary smile, one who had inner strength and determination that we could feel and see as we loved her so much. I know as we continue to love and love and love her that she will continue to blossom and bloom in many new and happy ways.