Last night was a nightmare. Mason has made the school soccer team. Yippee. This means that for the next few weeks he goes to school at 7 and stays late on Tuesdays for games. No big deal, right?
Last night it was a big deal. Mason left home at 6:45 a.m.; he returned at 8:30 p.m.and we were the ones who brought him home. After watching his game. Which started at 7, not 5:30 like the schedule I had read told me. And to top it all off, Mason had not played well, and wanted to pout about that. Which I felt was entirely unacceptable since we'd sacrificed our evening to support the kid. His self pity rubbed off on me, and smiles turned into frowns.
dinner was served at 8:30. Mason's homework (mountainous due to two missed days of school when they decided the flu wasn't coming to get us, but we had decided to get outta dodge...) began shortly thereafter. Children who needed baths did not get them. No one got a bed time story and I felt very grumpy.
Brynley called me on my poor behavior. Hypocrite she called me. How dare I tell them to keep their chin up and hang in there if I walk around in a huff all the time? "I don't like it when you get this way mom" she said, pointing her finger right at me. Tears welled up in her eyes, she turned and jumped onto her bed.
And she was right. Hypocrite. Because; see that post down there? The one I just wrote YESTERDAY? the bottom paragraph is all about having a happy house. Only I made our house unhappy. Me. Not Mason-Mason made himself unhappy. But I let it take me too, and in doing it brought tears to my daughter.
sigh. I'm not enduring this trial very well. I know we are blessed and watched over. And yet I pout and stew over unsold properties and poor housing options in our new state. What do I do my friends? How do I get the happy back, even when things around here are not so happy go lucky?
suggestions would be welcome. Happy Wednesday; and I mean HAPPY!
9 comments:
Katie,
I'm sorry about your night - I hate those kind and believe me we have them around here. I hope someone has some answers because I could use them too. So many times I wonder why my kids are so impatient and grumpy and then I realise that their example, me, is not doing her job very well. So many times throughout the day I have to remind myself that I am a teacher not just a maid, nurse, psyhciatrist, diaper changing, meal making slave! Good luck! We miss you guys!
Holly
PS - glad no swine flu!!!
when i craft, i create happiness for me and my home. through creating something i get in touch with myself which make me feel at peace. it's a way of coping with my situation in life. i don't have much time, but i try to to something now and then. not because i HAVE to, but because i WANT to and NEED to. good luck, remember, you don't have to be perfect. i'm 100 % sure that your life is accepted by the lord. love, sissel
chocolate. and if that doesn't work, prozac. ;-)
katiegirl, you're an amazing woman. i love your honesty and how you're DOING it! this raising six precious kids thing isn't for the faint of heart, and you're succeeding. every day you keep it going. it's a lot of balls to keep in the air all the time. i think you need to take a "be gentle on myself" pill and know that things ARE working out. that whole "never said it'd be easy, only worth it" thing. see, you're right on track.
♥
I'm sorry things fell apart. I usually try to focus on the what I CAN control - which isn't much in those situations - but there is always something isn't there? but then you have been in my house, you have seen me try to control what I can't so maybe that isn't even advice. hang in there sis. sending you happy thoughts!
I lose the zen much more than I would like. What takes me to a happy place? Looking at photos of my children, and artwork they have created for me. I especially soften when I look at a stick figure with a frown and tears that Amilia drew for me when I was "mean" one time. She brought it to me and said "this is me and this is how you made me feel."
Find something like that so you can reach for it in times of stress and irritability. And remember, the unsold house may be a burden and a risk to your credit rating, but it really boils down to a money worry and money is not much more than a castle in the air. It is not family, or a happy memory or a smile from your child.
I hope it's not corny to quote a scripture here but this one I keep written on a 3X5 card in my wallet. It helps me when I feel DISCOURAGED.
Alma 58:11-12
11. Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverence in him.
12. And we did take COURAGE......
You are an amazing woman. It is good for our kids to see that we aren't perfect and that we are trying to make good choices, too. There are so many great talks by the general authorities about the divine role of motherhood and the encouragement of mothers. I love Elder Holland's talk, Because she is a mother. In it, he says,
"You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well."
What great pieces of advice.
That's the story of my life Katie, especially the part about Mason's self pity dragging you down. Every time I've decided I have control of my temper, Dallin's attitude assures me that I don't. I can't imagine the stresses you feel with selling your house and finding a new one and wish I had grand advice for you. But all I can think of is "this too shall pass". At women's conf we were reminded continually that if we could see what a tiny part of our life these hard trials were in the whole huge scheme of things, we would realize how trivial they were. Look back on a trial that you felt at the time was so hard to bare, but now looking back doesn't seem so bad. You've made it through so many trials and you'll make it through this one. Hang in there, you're not alone.
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