I spent an hour this morning in Brynley's classroom with other parents. We came to preview the "maturation movie" the kids would be shown (boys in one room, girls in another) this week. I knew this movie was on the docket, so Sunday night Bryn and I had a sleepover in my room and I told her all about the wonders of widening hips and monthly cycles. I wanted more than anything in the world to convey that although all this "now you need to shower every day and yes you do have to at some point have to learn to ride the crimson wave" is very uncomfortable to hear (she teared up more than once) that God made a masterpiece when He made us. And the things He made our bodies to be able to do, like carry and nurture life, in the long run is worth the monthly monster that comes with Maturation. I think my cheeks are still a little pink from the conversation, but it went lots better than it did when John and I sat Mason down a few years ago and spewed our wisdom on the same topic. That one didn't stick at all. Just a few months ago Mason was asked if his parents had told him about the birds and the bees and he said "no". And I was there when the question was asked, and my jaw dropped to the floor; because I distinctly remember being voice while John sat silently but supportively. We were driving down the freeway, just the 3 of us, on our way to get shots so we could bring Lucy home from Vietnam. Mason was in the back. I kept looking at John as we sat in front, waiting for him to intercede or interject as I just threw up all the vocabulary of maturing bodies and procreating. Mason sat, eyes as big as baseballs, with his mouth a little open. It was awkward. But we did it. A day I will absolutely never ever forget, and the child who needed to remember it couldn't recall it years later. Go figure....
so around here we are maturing-two kids now to have heard about their physical beginnings and how to prevent themselves from beginning any children of their own before that special forever spouse is glued and sealed to their side.
At the end of the movie preview one of the parents asked if the teachers had another video that taught less of the biology and more of the mechanics. "We won't be talking about that stuff at all. They get that movie in around the 8th grade." The mother who questioned sighed in relief. Thank goodness she would be able to rely on the school system to educate her child on procreation and how it works.
As awkward as it was, and as embarrassed as I might have felt, I'm awfully glad that I learned about life-making from my own dear mother when I was Brynley's age. And as difficult as it is for me to deliver the messages today, I'm glad it is me my kids are hearing from when it comes to this sensitive topic.
Talk to your kids, when the time is right (and NEWSFLASH; the time is right in about 6th grade) about sex and what that means. Don't leave it up to prime time TV or friends at school or the video in 8th grade. Make this topic one you keep open about at home, trust me on this one. You'll be glad -red cheeks and all-that you did.
6 comments:
Great descriptions...and attitude! I love the slumber party idea! Having 3 daughters myself...this is wonderful advice! Thank you!
You make me laugh. We have had this conversation this year too. I even think it can't hurt to give the basics in fourth grade. Kids at my school knew a lot and were more than willing to share it. I would NEVER have asked my parents to clear up what I had heard. She knows she can rely on you for info- and you make it fun! Good job.
Phew- I have about 6 years until I have to give the talk. :)
My parents waited until the night before my wedding night to have the talk- I was 26. I had learned about the birds and the bees LONG before that.
The book Teaching Your Children Values by the Eyers advocates having "The Talk" when kids turn eight years old.
They base this on the fact that eight is old enough to understand, but young enough that it's less uncomfortable because the kids haven't heard as much by then, and in fact they're more prone to be fascinated than freaked out.
They hype the event up in advance...planning a very special evening including a nice dinner out just for mom, dad and the child, followed by "the talk"...telling them they get to learn about the "most wonderful thing in the world".
This seemed reasonable to us, so that was the plan we figured we'd follow. Bunch was in 2nd grade at a school that only went through the 2nd grade, yet when we had the chat, she had already heard about a lot of it. Which totally shocked me, considering there weren't older kids at her school.
They Eyers were right in that it was WAY less squeemy for all of us to talk about, and it was early enough that making it a topic she was encouraged to ask any questions about at any time actually resulted in her being comfortable enough to clarify things as she aged without freaking out.
We planned to wait till 8 for Gator, but the boy kept asking specific questions of us. For a few months I pushed them aside and told him he'd get to find out when he was 8. But eventually I realized that was a mistake...if he wanted to know, I had a teaching opportunity.
SO he got the full scoop at age 6. And then any time things have come up through the years we've talked, such that they now know essentially everything I know about the whole world of biology, intimacy and sexuality (straight, not straight, etc.) They've heard the good, the immoral, and the depraved. And they know they can bring any questions to us that come up...but that it's something they don't talk about with friends.
In our case because of their age, it was never uncomfortable...with the exception of sitting through maturation night at school with their friends and friend's parents (which they start attending in 5th grade here). For some reason that is never fun, though they do make an effort to make it positive.
I think every child is different, and parents are wise to factor that in. But by 6th grade they have friends who are WAY informed, many who have already started their periods, and their bodies are shifting well before that on the inside if not on the outside. Understanding their hormone's roles in moods is useful early on!
Congrats for getting through it. Two down, only four to go ♥
I got to have "the talk" one night over dinner with the girls last fall while Mike was out of town. It was while we were in the midst of fertility treatments, and they knew I kept visiting the doctor and we were praying for a baby. Then the girls came home from school saying that they hear at school that Obama wanted to kill babies, which opened up a topic on abortion.
Brooke innocently asked, "Why would ANYONE ever want to kill a baby?" and I answered that sometimes young girls get pregnant and don't feel like they are able to take care of the baby and that is the course they choose. Which was quickly followed up by "Well how does a young girl get pregnant if she's not married?"
It was such a perfect opening in a non-planned, non-stressful way to address the topic of human sexuality and how babies are made, that I took the time to just explain it all to the girls (ages 7 and 8 at the time). (Mike and I had already agreed that at least Brooke was ready to learn something about it because we agree with you that we wanted her to learn from us, not from kids at school.)
We ended up having a great talk, followed by a few questions, and an open invitation to discuss it with me or dad anytime. (It also came with a strong admonition that this was something PARENTS tell their children when they feel like their children are mature enough to handle it, and that it would NOT be okay for them to bring this up with their friends or attempt to educate others.)
The talk went well, and like someone else commented, I'm so glad I addressed it when they asked the question that led up to it. I'm glad we were able to handle it at a time when it wasn't a big deal and it wasn't so embarrassing to think about it. I'm sure when we get to the Maturation video phase, we'll learn about it and have the chance to discuss it again, but I'm so glad the ice is broken on this topic and I anticipate it will be more comfortable for me to talk about the next time around.
But I'm sure glad I got to practice having the talk on my girls before having to clear it up with boys! I can't believe John sat quiet and let you give Mason the talk!! :)
That's a great pic. Blue, I can't believe you said ONLY four more to go.
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