How I can be when I seek my higher self...The summer is half way over, and some parts about it have my nerves pushed over the edge. Particularly the part where the kids tell me they have finished their jobs when in fact they are not finished. And the part where they just avoid the job doing so long that other (FUNNER!) things are not accomplished instead.
I boiled over today.
I had planned to stay at the our gym's outdoor swimming pool far beyond the girls' morning lesson. I had planned to buy lunch for them (greasy summer corndogs) at the pool's concession stand, and to deliver them to the gym's 'play place' so I could attend a lunch hour yoga class.
All they had to do was the morning check list. They had until 10 a.m.
Needless to say, 10 a.m. came, and they had not finished the work. By 10:15 I was a screaming mess, shoving them into the car so as not to miss the bulk of the lesson. Reaching the pool beyond the start time, and leaving right after the finish. No fun lunch. No time in the sun.
I was done. Mad. ANGRY that my summer plans are again and again completely foiled by my children's inaction. Molly is the worst. She has not concept of time, it passes by her faster than a bullet train as she moves as slow as a snail. She does not care about consequences, happy ones or sad ones. She is usually the straw that breaks my back.
I yelled at her, with an angry face. She looked frightened, I looked ugly. I left to get a grip.
A time out for mom, to yoga class.
The older ones in charge at home, I blazed back down to the gym, seeking a chance to regain composure, perspective and the feeling of 'center' that can come when we realign ourselves to what we know is right.
At the conclusion of the class, the teacher (in her yoga-speak) encouraged us to 'seek our higher selves' for the rest of the day. I lay on my yoga mat, eyes closed, and heard her words sink down into my core.
My higher self.
I do have one of those.
I believe we all have a 'higher self'. An inner divine nature that is capable of great things like patience, forgiveness, peacemaking. A spiritual core within us.
That core must fight our lesser qualities; Our baseness, our selfishness, our jealous angry human qualities. Those are the things that scream louder for our attention and are more easily accessed when life is hard. The Overcoming of these things is called many things. My favorite term is mastery; self mastery.
Clearly today I was not master of my lesser self.
I'm so grateful there is one true Master. That when I become base, less, if I ask Him, He can forgive me and help me be more. He can lift me to my higher self. And He can do it again and again and again until I become master of me. My Higher self. Closer to Him and more able to do His will and His work with my children and in my life.
I boiled over today.
I had planned to stay at the our gym's outdoor swimming pool far beyond the girls' morning lesson. I had planned to buy lunch for them (greasy summer corndogs) at the pool's concession stand, and to deliver them to the gym's 'play place' so I could attend a lunch hour yoga class.
All they had to do was the morning check list. They had until 10 a.m.
Needless to say, 10 a.m. came, and they had not finished the work. By 10:15 I was a screaming mess, shoving them into the car so as not to miss the bulk of the lesson. Reaching the pool beyond the start time, and leaving right after the finish. No fun lunch. No time in the sun.
I was done. Mad. ANGRY that my summer plans are again and again completely foiled by my children's inaction. Molly is the worst. She has not concept of time, it passes by her faster than a bullet train as she moves as slow as a snail. She does not care about consequences, happy ones or sad ones. She is usually the straw that breaks my back.
I yelled at her, with an angry face. She looked frightened, I looked ugly. I left to get a grip.
A time out for mom, to yoga class.
The older ones in charge at home, I blazed back down to the gym, seeking a chance to regain composure, perspective and the feeling of 'center' that can come when we realign ourselves to what we know is right.
At the conclusion of the class, the teacher (in her yoga-speak) encouraged us to 'seek our higher selves' for the rest of the day. I lay on my yoga mat, eyes closed, and heard her words sink down into my core.
My higher self.
I do have one of those.
I believe we all have a 'higher self'. An inner divine nature that is capable of great things like patience, forgiveness, peacemaking. A spiritual core within us.
That core must fight our lesser qualities; Our baseness, our selfishness, our jealous angry human qualities. Those are the things that scream louder for our attention and are more easily accessed when life is hard. The Overcoming of these things is called many things. My favorite term is mastery; self mastery.
Clearly today I was not master of my lesser self.
I'm so grateful there is one true Master. That when I become base, less, if I ask Him, He can forgive me and help me be more. He can lift me to my higher self. And He can do it again and again and again until I become master of me. My Higher self. Closer to Him and more able to do His will and His work with my children and in my life.
2 comments:
i swear henry and molly are cut from the same cloth...or is it just the young 6 year old behavior? this is my first but it's your 5th 6y.o. so please let me know! henry just makes me nuts most days {and when you consider i'm only home for a few hours each day, that's probably saying something.}
We all have days like that. You are a great mom. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I love those days when I rely on the Lord. He is truly my strength. :-)
Post a Comment