Alive and Kicking

We've arrived safely here in JoBerg, with kids still working out sleep schedules (can you say 12 a.m. requests for dinner?) and Katie trying to figure out internet connections (EXTREMELY finicky) grocery shopping and how to gingerly explain to our wonderful friend Evie that I don't mind doing a dish or two (Evie is the kind and lovely woman who "comes" with the house. She lives in the apartment attached and is "ours" from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Never had so many clean clothes so speedily cleaned in my life. I can't decide if I love it or hate it...more on that later). We've taken two days to stand in line at the computer store, buy groceries and more groceries, outfit the rest of the crew with tennis rackets (literally the only toys we have here, yikes) and set up this amazing Mac computer. Between trips out with our friend and driver JonClaude to get a lay of the city and get the house set up and cooking dinner with Ms.Evie eagerly eye-ing the dirty dishes she will swiftly clean as I set down I've had a tiny bit of culture shock. Just this second I'm kind of missing my nightly yell at the kids to get the dishes into the dishwasher and help me sort the laundry. Like I said, I must be in shock...

The plane ride went as smoothly as 25 hours of flight time with 6 kids can go. Everyone slept at least 4 hours of that 25, and probably 2 of those hours were simultaneous. We never had to use the "back up clothes" which means that no one threw up or blew out; a formidable accomplishment for a group this size with constitutions this weak. How thankful we were for the two kind men who escorted us from the airplane through the passport queue to the luggage carousel and onto customs. Too bad I had no SA $ (called RAND) with me, and John very little, so those angels from heaven were poorly compensated for all their hard labor. 16 pieces of luggage, 6 of them over the weight limit; those guys deserved medals of valor along with their measly tip! Seeing John's clean cut smile as we came through customs brought true tears of love and joy to my eyes; absence from the one you love doesn't just make the heart grow fonder; it also causes one to block out feelings of longing and connection. Then when reunited those feelings flood back to the heart and an overwhelming sense of appreciation, love, and longing overflow to tears.

Now that connection and love will learn to survive late nights at the office and early mornings after jet lagged kids keep one or the other of us awake to the wee hours. Just last night John was forced to stay late at the office. It was Stake priesthood meeting, so I walked Mason to the church (just down the road from us about 2 blocks) and sat in the foyer while he attended his meeting. What a blessing that hour was for me. I met a wonderful woman from Zambia who had come to support her husband as he participated in the meeting as well. Our conversation was sweet and I felt God's love for her and me as we spoke. A needed gift as I walked home in the dark with Mason wondering when John would arrive. Speaking with her as she explained the sun-up-to-sundown life she and her husband live to provide a life for their family it put all things in perspective. John came home safely to explain he'd stayed to help his client through a difficult problem. My admiration and appreciation for his integrity grew, and I felt I could handle longer nights as long as I could remember and respect his role as our provider and one who desires to do his best in all things.

A note about Jess, our traveling companion and true friend/sister. She has been stellar. Just two nights ago she took the late shift; managing a South African microwave to conjure up hot chocolate to sleepless children in the late of the night. Stuck here at the house today while I explored the world of Internet connection possibilities at the shopping center, Jess had kids napped, lunched and well entertained. Not every HR professional would travel across the world and then humbly take a morning to baby-sit instead of sight see. I so hope this experience is defining for her in some way. That it isn't just a chance to help a big sis and brother in law, but that in the end she feels seeing this country and its people has made life richer for her. It was awesome to see her at the botanical garden yesterday, working to recall names of plants and studying the sounds and looks of the birds around us. We sat on a park bench as an ancient and huge turtle made its way around us, and walked a trail to a lovely waterfall. Then it was off to the garden's book store so Jess could find a plant identification book and a bird watching book; what a great perspective she brings as she shares her incredible talents with me and our children. I feel so deeply blessed to have her along. It is a gift I've wished for, time with J., and I feel so lucky to have been given such a gift. To those of you who know Jess you understand what I mean; she is priceless and lovely, unique and fresh, faithful and joyful; and she is with us for this time!

To family and friends in Utah; we long for you and truly miss you. Heartaches are regular occurrences around here right now. "Ella would love this" or "I wish I could show this to Jenny" are comments we here daily. Please know that your love and friendship means the world to us (as well as the love of those we know in Boise, Dallas, and even Sweden). Truly moving around has taught us that home is where we are together; but life is made up of those in our midst. You've been the best part of our life these past two years; we thank you for making our time in Utah rich and wonderful. Thank you for the last few weeks of support and help as we've packed up and shipped out. Angels in my midst I tell you; that's what you've been!

So off to shower/bathe the kids and hope for a good night's rest. While all 6 were up on Sunday night, only 2 were up last night (Wednesday). Maybe that means the jet lag will ebb come tonight and the whole house will sleep.

Look for regular posts, as long as the Internet connection will hold. This little blog is the window I have to show you the world we are part of. As we passed a "township" or Shantytown yesterday I turned the kids attention to it. There is so much of need in this world, and we must remember it is there. So that when we enjoy the comforts we have we can think of one small way to improve the condition of others who live with nothing; literally nothing to their names. I hope to show you some of them so you and I can remember to do those small things that lift others out of their hopeless conditions; a smile, a kind word, a forgiving heart. All these can bring others and us to a higher way of living. Something lofty to strive for as we go about our daily lives.

Love from JoBerg for now; see you all soon.

Signing Off from Northwood

This will be my last post from our address on Northwood Road. I signed the papers just an hour ago leaving our beautiful home in the eager care of another family. There is no doubt at all that this move was meant to be, but it doesn't make the feelings of longing for this spot of earth go all the way away. I've loved these walls, this garden, those windows. I've enjoyed the sound of my kids splashing in the scary swimming pool and the happy view of snow capped Mount Olympus from my own front door. I can hardly believe I got to live in this terrific house; so lucky to have had time to call this my home.
When John first announced impressions that coming to Utah was a good move for our family, I went on a drive with my sister to "stake out neighborhoods". Mandy is very neighborhood savvy, and she drove me through the quaint streets of Salt Lake with running commentary on each area. It was a terrific drive, and at the end of it we pulled in front of this house. "oh Mandy, I know I could live in that house for the rest of my life." Those were my words. I loved the location, the way the property sits, the way the house is set back from the street. The ancient trees in the front yard and the squished mortar of the brick. Yep, this was our spot and I knew it.
But sometimes God knows better, and i am slowly learning that if I'll trust Him and let Him lead me (sometimes away from things and people who matter so much to me) He opens my eyes to His view of what our life can be; and His view is always better than my own.
So I guess I'll say goodbye for now. Goodbye Mt. Olympus and ancient trees. Goodbye rickety swimming pool and goodbye beautiful windows. Goodbye granite counter tops and just the right sized bathtub. Good bye to all of that...
Hello to the heat of South Africa. Hello to new faces and accents. Hello to adventure and education. Hello, most importantly, to my John. Hello to all of this that, and to whatever else awaits us.
"Lead kindly light, amidst encircling gloom
Lead thou me on
the night has come and I am far from home
Lead thou me on
Keep not my feet
I do not ask to see...the distant scene
One step enough, for me."

Apron-ness

As we've prepared to leave our home and pack our belongings to Africa I've come to reflect on the things I have in plural; in other words, what to I buy LOTS of and why? It has been good therapy to see that I, one who has never determined to collect anything, have several collections of many things; and I'm coming to terms with that truth and am in fact embracing it. As I thought on these realities I tried to come up with something small i could leave with friends here in Holladay as a reminder of my love for them and for the many ways they've touched my life. I came up with the gift of an Apron. As i sat at the computer to write some explanation as to why an apron, these are the words that flowed from my brain. I thought I'd share them with you now.

Ever so practical, aprons are so often considered an outdated piece of nostalgia. Used by our grandmothers, they are a perception of the traditions of the past, when moms baked bread and served lunch to their neighbors in heels and pearls. Today we are too busy and too realistic for aprons. With so many places to go and so many people to care for, who has time for those things which aprons are used for anyway?

But therein lies the rub, for me. We do more now as women and mothers than our grandmothers ever did. Difference is, we have to do in less time and with more perfect execution. So, aprons for me have become a badge of honor; a “this is what I do and I’m o.k. with that” kind of badge. The practicality of staying clean while doing messy things with little messy people has been a saving grace when flying out the door to meet with someone who is not in the mode of apron-ness, and who could not be fully attentive while viewing the sticky fingerprints around the thigh of my skirt, or while seeing grape jelly stains on the belly of my blouse. Aprons are a signature of mine, something people know me for, and that, to me, is a good thing.

So, As I leave those I love and care for and admire, those I see who are “in the trenches” of apron-ness with me, I leave you with this, an apron. Please wear it in remembrance of me, the girl who didn’t mind aprons. And when it saves you from a stain or a spill, offer a little smile up to the heavens and think of Katie Graham and know she loves you dearly for being a friend to her, a sister and a fellow apron wearer

All My Love in spills and fingerprints,

Katie

I hope I will ever be good with my role as one who wears an apron. Though they cannot save me from everything messy in my life, they sure have come in handy.

counting down

So, we are 5 days and counting until our family is whole again (plus one; so happy to have you J!). In the last two and a half weeks we have: listed our house for sale, celebrated a birthday, sold our home, packed for Africa, taken tennis lessons, taken art lessons (lots of them!), arranged for movers to pack our home, placed Cooper the Cocker in a foster home, and now we will vacate our corner of Holladay Utah and take off for JoBerg South Africa. So much in so little time has left me tired, wired and overwhelmed with so many emotions. Gratitude, nostalgia, a longing for a settled life, the feelings of eagerness for an adventure, the feelings of incomplete-ness that come when John and I are apart, and the deep desire to see the end from these beginnings. Whenever I think I cannot do it another day I remember the feeling I had when John first said "South Africa" and I hold on knowing that this is the right place for our family at this time. Why? Who knows. I'd love it to be something grand; some fortuitous miracle about to unfold through our sojourning in S.Africa. But I believe it is grand enough to know that the God of this earth is mindful of little tiny insignificant me, that He has gifts He desires to give me through experiences like seeing the support of friends and family in challenging circumstances, new places and people to experience and enjoy, children who are pliable and wonder-filled, and a knowledge that my life is made more whole, more complete and more wonderful because John Graham is my partner in it. Those lessons are gifts in themselves, and I feel deeply thankful for them. My mind is too tired to express properly the gratitude I've felt for friends and family these last two weeks. My heart is bursting with both love for my husband and a longing to be "home" and settled somewhere, with him. My mood is quickly shifting from excitement for the adventure and a longing to stay and be still. But over it all I feel ever humbled at a sure knowledge that we are all watched over and carefully allowed experiences which help us see the wonder of this life and all it is meant to teach and offer us.

And the winner is...

Yep, got the mac-24" screen with some kind of kickin' processor so it is lightening fast. It can almost pay my bills for me and John and I will be ever so in sync with our family's calendar posted on our personal family web site. You know I want the vespa, but I ain't 40 yet, and I can't drive a vespa in JoBerg. But my kids and I will learn about the world beyond our front door surfing through mac Safari...and whatever they surf will be absolute public knowledge with that huge screen. Mason's head doesn't even cover up that baby-no web site in the virtual universe can hide from an every vigilant mama protecting her young'uns from the filth that lerks behind every mispelling of disney.com
Keep checking in here to see what fun and amazing things my new birthday present can produce in the coming months; our adventure will be more true to life than ever since I have a brand new MAC (I AM that cool laid back persona that sells this product in the tv and computer adds. I AM that cool and laid back, now that I have a mac)

I am truly lamenting the fact that in this moment of time I am supposed to be packing my things in suitcases so that they may be transported to JoBerg, SA. Instead of musing at this computer screen I should be chosing 6 pair of pants and 6 shirts, some skirts, a few pair of shoes (hardest part by far) and a few summer-ish things to put in the giant REI duffle that has served us many times on over seas adventures. I should be picking out the very best of my work out wear with the solid determination that I will work out over the next 3-6 months (single motherhood and house selling/packing has not been good for my exercise routine). I ought to be scrutinizing which toiletry items I can do without, which books our kids really don't need to read in the near future, and which digital and computerized items can stay tucked away in a storage unit while we drive around in the outbacks of Africa spotting "the big 4". That is what I should be doing in this moment.
But I'm not. I have such a mind cramp when it is time to pack. Unfortunately, I like my stuff. I was just telling some family members last evening how unimportant things really are, and that when you walk away from them and see the world your perspective is more clear and you can brightly see the very small value things really have, and the very great value that experiences and people posess instead. But, when it is time for me to choose what stuff to take and what stuff to leave it seems I can't really live without any of it, and I've surely got to take most of it; just in case.
I'm such a "just in case" kind of person. Perhaps we'll be cold (wool socks and slippers for all!). Perhaps we'll be hot (short sleeved t-shirts and double swim suits a must). Maybe we won't be able to con the kids into eating their veggies (packets of ranch dressing; check). What about possible rain outbursts (wellie boots are so very handy). What if I run out of printer cartridges, and what if the kids need to really get dressed up for church...what if what if what if. What if I had a dollar for every contingency I can fathom; wow would I be rich.
I so admire my sweetheart who gleefully walked onto the airplane with like two small bags for a 3-6 month experience. He has no trouble at all leaving stuff behind. He gets it for real; it is only stuff, and we can do without it. I love that truth about him, and the truth he reminds me of when I go to my closet to make my choices.
So I guess I'll think of him and I'll try not to think of all the "what ifs" and in the next moments of my time I'll make some choices, leave some stuff behind and think on the people and experiences that matter; those that we will encounter and embrace over the next part of our life. And try to remember that while I am with those people and having those experiences I truly won't be thinking about all of my stuff. And when we return and the stuff comes back to us I'll remember it, and I'll put it all away and my days will be filled with taking care of it. Or maybe not, maybe i'll finally learn that I really can do without a lot of it, and I'll share it with others, and I'll try not to consume too much more of it, and instead I'll try to think on doing more without and maybe, just maybe, instead of lamenting my need for stuff, I'll lament over friendships far away, and experiences which were wonderful. And those thoughts won't be lamentations after all, just an appreciation that people and experiences are the STUFF our lives should be made of and the stuff our lives can feel full of.

In True Tradition

We've sold Three homes, and with the sale of each comes emotions of fondness for all that has taken place within the walls that we can no longer call ours. With each move from each of these spots of earth we've somehow managed a photo op in front of the house number, just John and I alone. This photo was taken by Mason, or perhaps Madi as we piled in the car to send John off to Johannesberg ahead of our family. i don't know to be honest how many more times I'll have to pose with him for this traditional shot. One thing I've learned for sure, home is where John is, so living at this address any more is just living, it isn't being at home. I feel thankful that all the moving has taught me this truth; family is home. And although parents and brothers and sisters are in the truest sense family; it is the family we create with a partner we love and work with that gives us a place to come home to. So, though my heart is truly breaking that our lovely cottage/rambler is no longer our house, I am starting to feel an anxiousness to get us all back home.

Let's see what's waiting behind door #1!

John planned the greatest birthday date I've ever spent with him. Thanks to kids throwing up at home and carpets freshly cleaned which prevented said kids from being baby sat indoors I can't say it was the perfect date i've ever had; but as far as creativity and a mind for the things that make me happy John absolutely was outstanding.
In true Price is right style, John blindfolded me and took me to four different "doors", behind which each held a potential birthday gift which I would "test" and consider. After viewing what was behind each door I would then select one gift to take home. Brilliant eh? each door held behind it a gift I would LOVE to receive, and John had to remind me that only one gift could be mine, not all. But just knowing he would give me any of those gifts was such a treat for me...So wanna know what was behind those awesome doors?

Door #1; a new scooter! I've longed for a vespa scooter ever since we walked the streets of Saigon last year. I had secretly decided that before I turned 40 I would own one, and that by that time in my life I'd actually be in a place where using one would be, well, possible! With Lucy in school I would scoot around to appointments, volunteer at the school and take a class at the local university all with the economic advantage of amazing gas mileage and the ease of small parking spots! So, when John took off my blind fold in front of the Salt Lake Vespa store it was a happy thrill. Test driving the scooter was so much fun, I smiled from the moment we walked into the store until the moment we walked out. Doesn't this shiny black number look good on me? My favorite scooter in the place was a bi-colored number, red and white (what can I say, I'm a Ute Fan at heart). So much fun to scoot!

Door #2; New Bedding! John pulled up in front of Restoration Hardware so we could tool around and look at luxurious sheets and fluffy pillows. I've liked our current bedding for some time, we've had it for over 5 years and it still looks great, accept for marker stains and an obvious worn out corner or two it is doing just fine. But John sees me thumbing through the catalogs when they come, and he knows how much I like things to look clean and fresh. Wasn't that thoughtful of him to invite me to indulge in something so unnecessary?

Door #3; an Apple Computer! I am such a sucker for the apple adds. They have totally got me hooked on the thought that if I have one I will suddenly be a cool layed back person who takes life at a relaxed pace but still has it all together. The scrapbooking blog I follow is powerd by a mac user, and I think she is about the coolest graphic artist on the planet. I love owning an ipod, and that apple symbol has always meant intelligence and creativity; at least since I was in the New Horizons gifted pull out program in my elementary school and they used the apple computers then...yep-I wanna be a mac user. So we went in to the Apple store a fiddled with the machines and got the 10 minute schpeel from a mac loving employee of the store who totally wants to be the guy in Night at the Museum. It was fun to see all the features we would use if we brought a mac home for my birthday...

Door #4; a "let all the sale racks pass you by" shopping spree, just for me to clothe my body in the season's latest and greatest. John's last door was revealed to be Anthropology, a killer clothing and coture shop here in town. It is a chain, there are probably some by you; and to be honest their latest and greatest hasn't left me their greatest fan. But John knows that when i find something there I like, I REALLY REALLY like it. They don't have tons for me, but what they do have that is for me was made especially for me...and it is fun of John to remember that I always enjoy walking through to find that specially made something. So we wanderd through the racks of totally overpriced trend setting duds and I fondly thought that my husband was the most thoughtful man on the planet to be willing to throw caution to the wind and allow for a shopping night extraordinare...

Then, it was off to dinner. Sushi for one last time before John took the trip across the pond. He has now left and I am here tying up loose ends and still deciding which of the doors to open again and which "prize" to bring home for good.Truth be told, I need none of it. I am well clothed, my bed is well clothed, I have reliable transportation and we own the very pc that is facilitating this blog; but it was fun to dream, and even more fun to dream at the planning and kind thought of my best friend and soulmate. A happy birthday date to remember!

What I'll Miss

This is what I'll miss when living away from the valleys of Utah.

Three and Counting...

They say we need to have the demeanor of a child in order to be ready to live in the presense of our maker; such a meek and unconditional love as Molly's is proof positive that this is true. Our Molly has celebrated birthday number 3. Kinda feel bad for the little darlin'. Dad was gone for the second year in a row. Last year's happy day found him across the ocean bringing home a new baby sister. This year we find him across the ocean again, bringing home the bacon that paid for her birthday presents. Thank goodness it is bliss being small. Thank goodness for forgiving and love-filled toddlers whose generosity makes it so that they feel loved and doted on even when dad can't be present.
Our poor dear had to put up with a lot of excitement, as we sold our house amidst competing offers and long distance phone calls with dad concerning final adendums to our counter offers. She even endured a bit of a bout with the stomach flu on her big day. But that didn't seem to stop us from celebrating. We had cousins and cake at the indoor swimming pool; Grandma Noodle supplied the cake and my siblings supplied the cousins! Molly's birthmom "momElizabeth" was also there to celebrate, which made the event extra special. Molly's day ended with a dinner of her chosing, tacos made at home with crunchy shells. Such a simple request from such a sweet little girl.
You know, i was not present for Molly's earthly debut. I, her future mother, was miles away from her birth. But from the day she was placed in my care I've loved this little spirit and all she is and can become. I feel it such a priviledge to parent her; even at times when I feel I do it inadequately. I've promised myself again and again that come birthday #4 we will throw a proper party and that dad won't miss it for the world; but I wonder what will happen if I can't make good on that personal promise? Dads travel, and life happens-and somehow I think this little Molly, with her resiliant beginning and her quiet entry into our lives, will understand. She goes with the flow, and she does it with a smile and a forgiving "I love you". Somehow this little one knows her place is secure with us, and no perfect birthday celebration will change the value she has in our lives nor dminish the vast love we posess for her in our hearts. Happy Birthday to my unsinkable Molly Brown-eyes. I love you so big my Molly girl!

I Was TAGGED...

I was Tagged!!! Can’t believe I am that popular. Here goes:

Jobs I’ve had: seriously this is just a sampling since I carried an income earning job from the time I was 10 until the time I was 25.
1-newspaper carrier. Very proud of this as it taught me hard work and how to rise early…
2-bakery sales clerk. Summer before my junior year of pep club. Had to have the pep club skirt made one size LARGER. Bad job
3-personal shopper/sales associate, ZCMI department store. This helped me have some fashion sense back in 1990. Too bad I haven’t updated that fashion since to reflect today’s cool urban chique…
4-Pre school teacher to Autistic children. Once in a lifetime chance to see little souls try to brake free of broken bodies
5-Event Planner for the United Nation’s International Year of the Family conference of Family friendly Cities. This is my only true “career” stint, and it lasted about 18 months if you count the follow up work I did in Winnipeg Canada. Only real claim to have had a “real job”.
6-event planner for University of Chicago Hospital’s transplant department. This has caused me to have a strong underlying desire to be a wedding planner/event planner. Loved spending other people’s money and learning how to save a buck or two by arranging my own flowers (never looked as awesome as Jess and Jody’s work, that’s for sure!)
7-my current and most meaningful profession; mom to 6 fantastic kids.

Movies I can watch over and over again; this is hard because I don’t have time to watch movies once, let alone more than once, but here goes;
1-Princess Bride
2-Chariots of Fire
Lets mix it up and go with this; movies I can not bear to see ever again;
1-THE FOX AND THE HOUND

Guilty pleasures;
1-shopping for anyone, myself, my kids or my husband. Even got a kick out of shopping for dog toys and fluffy puppy beds. I have an issue and I’ve been working on it for years
2-jelly belly brand bridge mix. My mom’s fault entirely-it is comfort food when I need to feel like I’ve been a good girl (think JC Penny candy counter siblings…)
3-sleeping au natural (never do this by the way. The guilt in the pleasure is just too, well, guilty)

Places I have lived:
1-Salt Lake City/Holladay Utah
2-Chicago Ill
3-Dallas TX
4-Stockholm Sweden
5-Boise ID
Soon to add Johannesburg South Africa (wow)

Shows I enjoy:
1-used to like the office until the tables turned and Pam had the hots for Jim. I love it when a guy is unabashedly head over heels for a girl…
2-Arrested Development (this should be listed in the guilty pleasures, because it is not a show I could watch in the presence of any of my clergy)

Those are literally all the shows I have seen save Disney’s Hannah Montana/that’s so Raven in the last 12 months

What were the things I thought of when I first saw my husband?
1-first time I saw him;
Holy cow he is beautiful but he must be too young for me. Dang I don’t want to write to another missionary…
2-Second time I saw him;
Why does this cute boy not leave me alone, can’t he see I’m old enough to be his grandmother?
3-Third time I saw him;
WHAT!!! He is a year OLDER than I? Let me at him (in a discreet, come hither sort of way)
4-Fourth time I saw him;
Can’t believe he is so suavely dancing with another girl. How on earth am I going to get a shot with that guy…

Places I have been on Vacation (love this one, I could go on for pages)
1-Kuai Hawaii
2-Park City Utah (a favorite vacation spot from my youth)
3-Rome Italy
4-Paris France
5-Seattle Washington
6-the Fjords, Norway
7-Munich Germany
8-Saltzberg Austria
9-San Jose, Costa Rica
10-the Oregon Coast

Favorite foods:
1-John’s blueberry pie
2- John’s creamy tomato soup
3-John’s amazing crab cakes
4-Chewy baked items like the perfect chocolate chip cookie or an amazing brownie. Preferably made by John
And delivered with a guilt releasing kiss to my mouth

Websites I visit daily;
1-my email
2-persimmonandpink.com (go Vietnam adoptions)
3-Cathyzielske.typepad.com
4-stacyjulian.typepad.com
5-try to catch up with my sisters, but like me they are a little less diligent about daily posts

Body parts I have injured:
1-the old elbow injury (pushing dead cars, ice skating, log rolling…bad injury)
2-My right big toe
3-severely sprained right ankle doing really amazing things like stepping off the curb with my newborn baby and walking on a flat surface in the middle of a hike on Kuai…I’m so full of grace and agility aren’t I dear?

Nicknames I have had;
Kind of a hard one
1-princess
2-Kates
3-kt

TAG, You are it:
Julia wright
Bonnie Wright (you can skip the part about meeting your husband, and you can also list chores you do instead of jobs you’ve had)
John Graham (yes, you better get your blog going now that you are globe trotting again.)
Susan, if you ever read my blog to see you’ve been tagged!

A Year Ago

It was a year ago today that we touched down in Saigon to bring Lucy home. I found it such an amazing thing that I realized this annivesary while speaking with John "live" for the first time from Johannesberg. Seems our lives haven't exactly "settled" since our last trip across the sea. So much can happen in 12 short months...
That first night in our hotel room was filled with such anxiety. We had arrived late in the afternoon, and the person who was to pick us up from the airport didn't show. We were 3 tired travelers alone in the mose foreign environment I'd ever experienced. Very wary of being "taken", we reluctantly accepted a cab ride into the city and found our way to the hotel. After a lot of effort to reach our adoption agency in the states, we were able to finally connect with our Vietnamese guide/facilitator, who seemed less than apologetic to have left us hanging. That evening was the beginning of a 5 week roller coaster ride; complete with all the thrills and butterfiles of giant cliff like drops and lots of loop-d-loops. At least it all ended withamazing stories to tell and our Lucy home for good.
I wonder what adventures we'll encounter over the next 12 months. It is great to know that Lucy will be securely with us no matter where life takes us on this next roller coaster. As they say, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times until it comes to a complete stop. The butterflies are rising, time to say "Wheee..."

Back to a beginning

My mom and I recently took the kids to the annual Hadfield Family Reunion. This reunion is held in Logan Utah every July, the weekend of the 13th, as that is the birthdate of my Grandfather's father. My 90 year old Grandpa and his remaining siblings spent a day with us in their place of birth; Grouse Creek Utah. I won't spend too much time here telling you about getting lost in the back woods of Northern Utah-that is an entry all on its own. But I will say that going back to those beginnings was so significant for me at this time in my life.


Grouse Creek is exactly what you see in this picture, accept for a few homesteads which still remain. It was in this small area of the world that my grandfather and his 9 brothers and sisters worked with their widowed mother and stuck through thick and thin. Grandpa eventually ended up, during wartime, a merchant marine in the middle of the ocean. He had to set his back to the valley and face a world of unknowns in places he'd hardly even read about. Then, after starting a family Grandpa would eventually move them across the ocean to Australia, where they hopped from city to city as he was an engineer for a mining company there. From what you see in this picture, a little lonely valley, my grandpa left to see the world. And while the adventures he encountered out there were defining and amazing it is these roots my grandpa returns to, roots that go down deep and ground him as a man of faith and hard work. A man who believes that family should stick together and that where we come from makes such an impact on where we go and who we become.
The very day we drove the 4 hours to Grouse Creek my partner in crime and parenting called to let me know he'd been given an assignment in Johhannessberg South Africa. We already knew we were moving to Texas, and we were in the throws of preparing another house to sell, another group of friends to separate from and another goodbye and farewell from our family. But this call meant that instead of flying down to Dallas and buying a house, setting up shop and laying groundwork for a happy school year we were instead going to fly into the wild blue yonder and land with 6 kids in the middle of South Africa; what an adventure indeed. The assignment is short; 3-6 months, but the task daunting and the distance looming as we try and help our kids wrap their minds and hearts around a new place and another new beginning.
Now John is gone, flew to Jo-Berg on Saturday. While that country is a world away for me, I know I belong there with our children because where ever John is I am home. So, we go. And I'll try to do it with a smile. Wondering how a girl like me ended up in a place like this...
Maybe I have some of my grandpa in me somewhere; a person who isn't afraid of the big world and who is willing to trade it for the little valley where she is surrounded by siblings who will work through thick and thin to keep it all together. Maybe somehow in galavanting our crew of 6 around the planet like this we will instill in them a sense of purpose, a sense of family togetherness and perhaps even a longing for roots that go deep and a belief that family is everything and that where we come from will make an impact on who we will become.
So I set my back to this valley, and face the adventure ahead, hoping it will be all that it could be for me and mine. Hope you'll come along on the adventure. We'll keep our blog and even be better at keeping you informed as to what we are up to on our new side of the world.
Here we go!

Expect the Unexpected

We are learning to expect the unexpected in our family these days. Diaper blow outs and melt downs during errands are just precursors to bigger surprises to come. Shoes that need replacing A.S.A.P. and swimming pools that need parts repaired are just the run-ups to expenses that are unplanned and yet so necessary. I feel blessed every time I can write the check to fix something we didn't know needed fixing or buy something that has to be bought-but it does take a little out of you every time your bank account ticks down over something you didn't want to spend for...such is life I guess.

We have "burned rubber" too many times in our trusty old suburban. Finally had to replace our tires. Now, tire replacement is an expenditure I reluctantly make, and even more reluctantly do I make it with my children wandering with me through the Costco in Murray, Utah while the tire guys give my pewter colored ride an unnoticable face lift.

Two hours, 5 kids in Costco, $680.00. Not pleasant.

In the end, a Costco lunch in our bellies and $115 dollars of this and that in the grocery cart, we left with new tires and an assurance that we wouldn't blow out on the road for another few thousand miles. I guess that is worth something. I left the parking lot and drove home, wondering if anyone on the road could discern that I had just invested lots of cash in shiny new rubber. Probably not. Checking out someone else's car tires isn't something you expect to be doing as you head east on Interstate 215 toward Holladay Blvd.; but, I guess you should learn to expect the unexpected...

My Mom

From the time I was young my mom has supported my every endeavor. Her life has revolved around the needs of her kids for over 37 years, since her mothering began. Six of us she raised-of course with my dad by her side-to be responsible contributing adults who have a strong moral center and a compassionate heart. And she's still going strong. Over two years ago she and dad welcomed Alex into their homes and into their lives. He is our Molly's brother, and they have been "grandma and grandpa" to him; seeing him through surgeries and through very long therapy sessions (Alex has some physical limitations due to a tramautic birth) and being his guardian angels through thick and thin. Somehow in helping to run the family business, raise little Alex and manage the remodel of their home my mom has come to our rescue a million times since our life in Utah began two years ago. Living with the kids while we brought Lucy home, babysitting in a pinch so I could be in one of the kid's classrooms, and generally keeping me afloat on many occasions when life as the mother of six little kids had become more than I could manage (mom does a mean load of dishes, and her laundry skills are bar none!). Mom has been there for me at so many times and in so many
ways that no tribute, no list of help given would be adequate to express how much she has meant to me in the time we have lived "back home".
Mom Recently saved the day again, moving in this last week so John and I could be a part of our Church group's pioneer trek (pics and stories to follow soon!). She raised my kids for 4 days while John and I tried to help the youth of our area learn valuable lessons and experience the spirit of the pioneers who founded this terrific state. She survived with kids sick, a house that is a disaster area and little ones who can't get to sleep without a yelp from their mom. She did it-of course with dad's help-but it was mom that cooked the meals and washed the laundry and took the kids to McDonald's. My mom, the lady can do anything I tell ya. Her crowning achievement of this week's rescue was the loading of our children into the family suburban on Saturday morning, driving to the Wyoming border, and hauling them to the "receiving line" to watch their parents come off the trail, dirty and tired and anxious to see their little Grahams. Mom did that for us. She did it for me, because she is mom. I know she'd go to the ends of the earth for me; and sometimes it feels like I've asked her to. No matter the cost, my mom is willing if I need her, to do whatever I need her to do. My gratitude cannot be verbalized. My reverence for her is complete. She is divine indeed; a slice of heaven, an angel of help. A heart of love and a shoulder to lean on. My mom is all those things. Oh how I love you, mom!

A quandry

Summer is here, so basically my house is a disaster area. Despite the fact that we have the kids do chores each day I seem to go to bed each night amidst an amazing amount of clutter and mess. This is such a quandry to me, because I feel I've spent ALL of our summer so far playing drill seargant when it comes to the kids and their daily chores. I've long been an advocate for the idea of raising kids that can take care of themselves, so we have for some time expected the kids to clean up after themselves and contribute to the general "tidy-ness" of the house (bathrooms, weeding in the garden, it's all about teaching them how to do this for themselves some day...). Why is it that when the day is over, and I feel I've spent most of it hounding my kids to clean things or fold things or deliver things to their proper places, I see all around me a royal mess just waiting to be cleaned or folded or delivered the next day?

The kids are roused at 7 a.m. each morning so we can have some family time before John leaves for work (we are the religious type, so we read scripture for a minute or two, have a prayer as a family and just try to build unity for 15-20 minutes each day, does wonders I tell ya). The kids have a list of chores they are responsible for each day; 4 solid daily tasks(the regular make your bed, pick up your room, dress yourself and practice the piano) and then 2-3 that change day to day or week to week(like clean and vacuum the den or clean a bathroom or weed a portion of the vegatable garden). These jobs could be finished, complete, sionara to the work for the day in about 90 minutes (may sound like a hard grind for little munchkins, but they can change laundry loads and empty dishwashers and I'm utterly pleased with this fact). It usually takes them until 1-2 p.m. to actually complete the tasks. INSANE I tell you, how they drag these mundane jobs out for hours on end. They act utterly punished, defeated and obstinate most mornings, and I feel like the most loathing creature on the planet as I try to remind them to work faster and just get it over with. Love summer, I do; but I hate this part of it for sure. It seems such a horrific waste of time for all of us that they putz around the house instead of "bustin' a move" and getting these little jobs crossed off their to-do lists for the day so they can be lazy and care free and feel like summer is acutally fun...

Just wish I could open the young minds to the concept of efficiency; they'd have so much more time to play and I'd have so much more time to do my own chores instead of wandering around supporting their lengthy efforts each and every day. If anyone out there has ideas on how to incite speed in the family work place I'm all ears. My summer is so far piddling away as I encourage my kids to finish their little jobs sometime before the sun sets on their days of summer fun!

Walking

Honestly, I'm not quite sure how to word this entry. Lucy, it seems, has now decided that walking is better than crawling. This realization came to her last Sunday after church, and for a week now she has been practicing, tooling around the house, turning with the cutest little "spin" I've ever seen (one foot solidley planted on the ground while the other foot is mobile, turning Lucy's body in her desired direction...). It is a great accomplishment for her, and I am a beeming mom concerning her ability and her mobility.

or am I? Truly, when Lucy crossed the kitchen on two feet I had the most unexpected reaction. I cried, and I cried again. My life as the mom of babies has come to an end, and there is something in this truth that brings into my heart a sense of lost identity. While I can jump for joy that all my children can now walk upright, thus opening the way for them to all potty themselves, dress themselves, eventually make their own beds and even wash a dish or two, it also means that I am aging as a mother. My abilities to pull all-nighters and make meals with hands full of little bodies will soon become obsolete. And just when I was getting good at it. Soon will be gone the time when Good Night Moon is read by rote to little ears before bed. Soon will be gone walks around the block taken at my pace because I'm the one pushing the little bodies in the stroller. No more cradling as babies fall asleep in my arms at church. No more baby magic lotion, no more whole milk in the fridge for that bedtime bottle and cuddle. This part of my life is in its sunset, and the day of babies will close for me.

I know it is all part of life, and that now I must evolve into that other mom who can manage schedules for ballet practices, various school start times (Jr. High, Elementary and Pre-school to be exact) and listen to complex problems involving what a friend said at school that was crushing and how my teenager accidentally started the food fight in the cafeteria. I need to be the mom who can deliver forgotten lunches, help on the PTA boards and volunteer in the community when all the kids are happy in school (Lucy will be my only charge 3 mornings a week come September, crazy to only have one carseat to buckle, and one body to transport to and from the grocery store or the schools etc.). I have to be the mom who is young at heart as I try to age gracefully while fitting in a work out each day and kindly turning down the treats. I can do that, I'm sure I can. I'll like it too-especially come the day when all the diapers can be handed down to younger nieces and nephews and everyone learns how to flush for themselves...

But, this baby era of my life while challenging has been defining. And now that clear definition is fuzzy. Hard stuff for a gal in her mid-30's. Aging and maturing has never been something I've done with great dignity. Wish me luck , it could be a shaky evolution from mom of babies to mom of big kids. I hope as the dawn of my "mature" mothering approaches I can be what my big ones will need for me to be. Change can be good if embraced and welcomed in. Hello new day I guess. I'm ready to face you.

Big Splash Birthday

Yesterday was Porter's 5th Birthday party. Totally fun. Porter is at an age that a mom can adore. Still small enough to have wonder and awe when it comes to all things parental ("your the best mom", "I always want to be with you mom", "wow mom, you can do anything") and enough independance to keep the messes to a minimum. On a recent pediatrician visit i expressed to our doctor that if I had a guarantee that another Graham would be just like Porter I'd have another Graham. The doc called this a very strong endorsement indeed, as those words left my mouth with Molly screaming and clinging to my pant leg and Lucy screaming and grabbing at my shirt...but Porter is great, just simply great.

So planning a big swimming party (in the dicrepid swimming pool in our back yard) was a pleasure. Especially since I have actually and truly finally embraced the truth that kids turning 5 don't need fireworks to feel they've had a great party. An ice cream cake, a pinata (in the likeness of a crocodile) and the back yard pool were enough for Porter to feel like he'd been handed the moon. We even topped this with stuffing the pinata with candy, and passing around floaty noodles and blow up aligators from the dollar store as party favors. Porter felt he was on cloud nine. And because my mom and two of my sisters were around to help me throught the chaos of 4 other 5 year olds and all of our cousins i thought it was all pretty fun too. Here's to turning 5, Happy b-day to Porter!

No Pics...

In an effort to regain some of my writing skills I'm really trying to blog at least a few times each week. I thought after last summer's prolific blogging that I'd continue to find charming and interesting pieces of my life to comment about and that I'd share them all on the web for others to see me as wise and funny. Not so. Life with 6 kids and a dog has truly taken over any hope of writing articles for Real Simple or Sunset and even for writing in full length book version our adoption story. I can't even get a blog in, like I'm going to fit a book into my life :) Add that to the fact that it is work for me to take and download pics of anything fun to blog about that isn't my kids and that makes the whole blog thing seem a little more difficult. But yet, I try anyway... So sorry for two entries without graphics to back up my thoughts-hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to pontificate on my very mixed up feelings about the fact that Lucy now walks wherever she goes (and I have a picture to prove that...). I am no longer the mother of an infant, nor do I believe I will be again in this life time. Identity crisis to be sure.

My partner in crime and parenting is headed to one of our former hometowns tomorrow. J goes back to Dallas to visit old colleagues from the Boston Consulting Group. How interesting what life throws you. Things might be a changing - again - for the Grahams.

So I'm off to make sure he has all the socks and underwear he wants to pack in his overnight bag, and to kiss my sleeping kids one more time before I go to sleep. Hopefully my entry tomorrow will have lovely photos and deep thoughts. For now, good night.

IKEA is open...

One of our family's best adventures was living in Stockholm Sweden. We left there over 6 years ago, and our stay was only 18 months; but you'd think we'd been there much longer for all the love of things Swedish we came home with. We sing "happy birthday" in swedish, we eat some (not all; no thanks on the pickled herring) swedish meals, and we celebrate swedish holidays like midsummer (coming ever so quickly) and Santa Lucia Day. John actually has some swedish ancestory, so we take full advantage of that fact and exploit all we came to love about the culture as just being part of who we really are...

Well, recently in the Salt Lake Valley one of Sweden's best contributions became available. IKEA. Cheap, cool stuff in a giant warehouse. That is what IKEA is. A place where awesome design meets chinese production know-how and the company passes along it's dirt cheap production costs on to the consumer. Brilliant Swedish thinking. I haven't personally visited IKEA yet, but the day is soon coming. Been waiting for the crowds to ebb a bit (truly, our most congested freeway became unbearabley jammed with traffic for over a week just because of the store's grand opening). I know I'll buy lots of cheap things I don't really need. It's o.k., its IKEA, you can afford to splurge a little...

Difference is, I won't just be savoring the awesome textiles or the fun kid's plates, I'll be enjoying the Swedish farm cheeses and Saft berry drink concentrate in the store's food imports boutique. This is what makes me a self proclaimed partial SWEDE; I know what they'll be selling there, and I will know what it will taste like when I serve it for dinner next week because, hey, I've had it before, in SWEDEN. Make no bones about it, I love it that some of my life was lived in a foreign land, and that people in that foreign land speak a foreign tongue, eat foreign foods and live a foreign life (1 year maternity leave and 50% tax rate, totally foreign to me). I feel happy to have adopted a little of the Svensk tradition, and my pilgrimige to all things designed for swedes by swedes is just one way I show it. IKEA, here I come! Valkommen!

A special day for the Grahams

I posted last October about the special experience we had when bringing Lucy into our church's temple for a sealing ceremony. Our faith holds that life goes beyond death, and that through priesthood authority our family relationships can be made forever and eternal. (With any questions or curiosities please refer to lds.com and just type "temple" into the search bar.) Lucy's sealing was such a sweet and sacred experience, one that made a deep impression upon our family. But, one things was missing; Molly. Because Molly was not an adopted and sealed member of our family she could not enter the temple with us on that day. Miraculously, Molly's birthmom had called that very day, just hours before we went into the temple, to share with us her decision that Molly be adopted into our family. I wish i could explain the miracle this phone call was for me that day. My heart ached that a little one I loved as my own could not be with us; and yet we of course would never have asked to be her adoptive parents. We have great faith in Molly's birthmom, and hold her with such respect. We would never have asked her for Molly's place in our family; it was a gift she needed to freely give.
And she did. In the very hours preceeding our special trip inside the temple, Molly's mom felt compelled to share her decision that we adopt. She had made the choice to place Molly with us days before and had even contacted an agency to see what paperwork would be involved on her side of the process. She wasn't going to share with us her choice until after she'd met with the agency. But, instead, she felt she must call and let us know of her feelings. She did not know we were preparing to enter the temple with Lucy in just a few hours. The day was made brighter and the experience so sweet knowing we would return again, with all the Grahams, to see our first little "borrowed baby" become the last forever Graham.
May 26 was the day. After so much anticipation and angst over Molly's future and what would be our life without her, we were sealed to her and she is now forever our Molly Graham. As she entered the room her countenance was filled with happiness and peace. She joyfully came to us as we listened to the ceremony, never making a sound. Her eyes were fixed on me during the entire experience (which only takes about 15 minutes). Her hand placed on John and my grasp, she held a smile from start to finish. Her place in this family is sure, she so truly does belong.

Another Milestone

Mason "graduated" from sixth grade yesterday. I don't have a picture of it because as I went to snap that great shot on our amazing camera the screen informed me that the memory card was full!!! Such is my luck. This photo actually suits Mason better. Here we see him as happy as he gets, camping out in the woods with his family and his dog. Notice the stick in his hand. He had all his younger siblings banging sticks on logs and anything that they could hit (save one another) at the camp site for at least an hour. Iknow Mason feels insecure in typical social situations; including at his graduation, but in his family he is the leader et al. There is no doubt he has what it takes to move a group of people to action. Even if those people are smaller than he, and even if the action involves de-barking the fallen aspen tree in the corner of the meadow.
For me, this month has been so full of moments which bring home the fact that I'm not parenting babies more; Lucy has taken her first steps. We read potty books to Molly like they are scripture (I can now sing songs about pee and poop to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, Are you sleeping, and If you're happy and you know it...). I have kids now. And soon, I'll be the mom of a guy. How do I do that? I can't just kiss things better and send him on his way any more. Gosh, he won't even hardly let me kiss him at all! My insecurity as a mom has increased as I try not only to physically keep track of all the bodies, the schedules, the doctor visits and the teacher conferences; but as I try and keep track of who needs a hug and a listening ear and who needs to be reminded of the family's expectations that a Graham has integrity and doesn't slug his/her sister because she looked at them wrong. I'm not sure I know how to do this, but I'm doin' it just the same. I keep thinking someone is going to find out I'm one big fake and call me on it (oh yea, my kids already have...)
It helps that JOhn is my partner in all of this insanity. He is a rock, a good person to lean on and a voice of reason. He also does a mean load of dishes, which is sometimes just the right thing when a child needs to talk or wants a shoulder to cry on at bed time. Heck, sometimes I'm the one who needs to cry; and John is great at being that shoulder too. It helps too, that John has a deep and vested interest in each of his children. His love is undying and devoted. His hope is for their joy and progression. That helps, it helps a lot.
But in the end, we are both just dumbfounded parents watching their kids get bigger and bigger as we try to be at the right places in the right moments to say or do the right things. Hope it all works out; I love these kids so much I don't know what I'd do without em'. And that kind of brings me back to the graduation thing. Mason's growing. He's becoming someone who won't need me as much and won't want me hardly at all. And that kinda hurts, to know its coming and not be able to stop it. To know your best hope is that somehow he'll still be a part, he'll still want you to be involved in some small way, so you can feel your supporting and contributing to all that will make the guy become a man. Just never realized what it would feel like all those years ago when I held this tiny little baby with a huge head in my arms. He's grown into himself to say the least. And i am not the mom of that baby any more.

The Fun We've Had

Soccer x 3 kids; a very busy May!

A Rare night out, family night to be exact,
Eating at Salt Lake Pizza and Pasta (John makes a better pizza pie, by the way :)

A few steps on Mother's Day, with Grandpa's help. To his great credit, this was my favorite
Gift on Mother's day. All I wanted was for Lucy to say my name. Didn't get that, but she did walk two steps to me!

One of 3 costumes used in the 4 hour dance recital;
Pretty sure this was her favorite. She's a natural dancer, a real beauty on stage

These are only a very few of the highlights of May Madness. You still have to see;
the camping trip to Tessa's Pond.
Mason "graduates" from Sixth Grade
Porter graduates from Pre School
Madi and Bryn display "great art" at school
Molly torments Cooper the dog
Cooper the dog torments Katie (when will he be potty trained!?)
Friends gather to celebrate Molly's sealing to our family in the Salt Lake Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

May Madness gives way to the Joy of June. I look forward to lazier days. Oh, wait; all my kids will be home all the time. Guess my lazy days may still be crazy ones ;)

Insanity

I don't care what anyone says, May is the craziest, busiest, most insane month of the year. Soccer rules, the garden demands attention, and stuff like ballet and school wind up for the year; leaving in it's final weeks a wake of mass overscheduling and pandemonium for busy families. Throw in a new dog (what in the WORLD was I thinking?!!!) that pees and poops all over the floors my baby crawls on (hurry and walk Lucy, would ya?) and you have one crazy, cranky me.

around May 1 I reminded John that this is our yearly contribution to the local landfill; using as many paper plates as possible for every meal. The meals themselves have been sub-par as well, trying to find something quick and easy in the house to serve hungry children a late dinner because the weather was ripe for weeding outside and someone had a late soccer practice or the cub souts were reaking havoc in my den. My kids have played more soccer games, danced in more concerts (can you say FOUR HOURS of dancing? that was over the top. Bryn had a blast, but all of us spectators were so done after, say, an hour and a half...) and been driven to more "end of the year" parties than I can even count. My "to do's" were so overwhelming at one point that getting out of bed to face the chaos was truly an accomplishment for me. Funny thing is, the to do list was full of "fun". Stuff like "make center piece for Mason's Promotion dance", or "paint flower pots for teacher gifts". Stuff that is generally enjoyable and fun becomes so much less so when it is jammed between events like birthday parties and pack meetings. So glad i don't have any baseball players. so many of my mom-friends sit for hours at a time at their boy's baseball games during May. I would be a nervous wreck sitting still during this month. Always moving, just keep swimming, those are the themes for May. My mantra during these last few weeks of school is always "can't wait for that last day!" "the last day will come, ready or not" "bring on the summer break!". Amen and Amen to that. Whatever doesn't get done, centerpieces, treats for the year end party, whatever it is, it will all be a memory come June 1. Then summer break begins, and a new kind of insanity (6 kids and a dog 24/7, no breaks...) will begin.

She Did It!

Jennifer Lynn Hadfield Stout (my "baby sister") Graduated cum laude from the University of Utah College of Behavior Sciences with a BS in Family and Consumer Studies/Human Development and Family studies. It was a pleasure to sit with my sisters and parents and my brother in law and his mom as Jen carried her department banner and received her diploma. Jen has been president of her department's honor society and was invited to enter the graduate program. She instead chose to pursue a career in the department, and was chosen over other very qualified candidates as a student advisor. All of the professors in her department lined up and hugged her as she received her diploma. My mom cried, my dad cheered, we sisters screamed as loud as we could. She did it. A college graduate-what a great accomplishment.

I graduated from the same college exactly 13 years ago, and so many memories of college and the thrill of the diploma came flooding to me as I sat in the same event center and watched the commencement. College graduation for the women of my family began with my generation. My mother and all the women before had abandoned school for marriage and family. I don't fault them, in that day women just had a different place. But that day is past. I feel very thankful to say I was the first woman on my mother's side of the family to have completed college. My younger sister Jess was the second (she's sitting in the white next to me). Amanda(to row with her hand on Jen's shoulder) is close to her associates degree, and with her tenacious spirit I'm sure she'll be "walking" on a graduation day in the not so distant future. Jody, our sister in law, has an associate's degree from Rick's college (she's got the beautiful dark hair up there on the top row). Our other sister in law, Katie, graduated in Family Studies just a couple of years ago and is now in her practicum; having just delivered her first baby boy Will (those lectures on behavior and family dynamics are going to come flooding back to her now boy...)

I hope at some point I get to do it again. Maybe a Masters in Social work and a late blooming career in the field of adoption? Perhaps English in order to pursue a desire to become a better writer. Or, maybe public administration in order to take up a cause and run a not-for-profit someday. Who knows. My time is not yet come for the MS, but some day it will and when the opportunity comes knocking I intend to take advantage. At some future day I may be able to post feelings about my own academic accomplishments.

But, Today belongs to the impressive accomplishments of my little sis. I'm so proud of her and all she's done to earn the accolades of this day-here's to you Jennylynn Stout! Congratulations!

I READ this!

If you've caught an earlier post you'll remember that I am a challenged reader. But, to my delight, I've actually finished one book this year, and it was so worth every minute I didn't sped doing dishes or laundry to get it read! An amazing compilation of the Willie and Martin Handcart companies, this book is to me the quintesential work on the "Mormon Handcart journey" . I am named after a pioneer who was in the Martin Company-an ill-fated group of emigrants from mostly England who started pushing their handcarts across this continent too late in the season and met with disaster at almost every turn. Their sacrifices were unexpected and immense, and their faith and fortitude the stuff of heroes. It was a priviledge to read their stories, many found written in their own words, and to think on the sacrifices they made for the thought of congregating with those who would be like minded as to their faith, and for the sake of their posterity. I am part of that posterity, and I reverence these humble and simple people who when faced with trial and difficulty put their faith to the test and endured to the end of their journey. I couldn't possibly give proper credit to the saints of those emigrant companies, nor could I adequately critique the author's fantastic performance. All I can do is be glad I've finished the volume and hope it will change me for good.

Time for Flowers

I want to grow this flower somewhere in my yard. I don't know what it is called, or what kind of growing conditions it needs, but I think it is beautiful and delicate and happy. I found it in one of the many acres of gardens and Thanksgiving Point in Lehi Utah. We (kids and I with our dear friend Sofie from Stockholm-hej! Sofie) took a trip to the gardens last spring break and had a lovely time exploring them. This little number was in a part of the gardens they've made "secret". That is to say, it was growing in the Secret Garden. Beautiful. Spectacular. Breathtaking. I love gardens like those, where every corner is covered in something green and growing, things are scattered by height and texture, and the amazing handy work of God is displayed for little old me to take in.

Thought I'd share this as i've spent the better part of this week just trying to pull all the stuff out of my garden beds that I don't want to grow (weeds, I'm talking lots of them!) I ordered a cubic yard of beautiful dark lovely dirt, and because of a threatening rain storm felt this huge pressure to get all that dirt hauled into my vegatable garden before it turned in to beautiful brown mud. That meant days of neglect for my kids and the inside of our home. The house looks, well, trashed, and I still have half a cubic yard of dirt out in it's nifty carrying bag because my shoulders and back just couldn't keep hauling (oh, and the kids needed to be fed and the babies needed new diapers and the day turned into night without the job's completion). yard work is-to say the least-work. With little kids it is LOTS of work. But, hopefully, with all that work at some point I'll be able to step into my own secret garden and enjoy. Someday aint happenin' too soon, but hopefully there's hope it will someday happen.

He's Twelve

Twelve years ago today John and I held Mason for the first time. What a ride. What a joy. What an adventure to raise a son.

Twelve probably isn't the biggest birthday around for most. But it is a milestone for me and a significant and important birthday in the culture of our religion. Mason is now eligable to participate more fully in our faith, receiving the aaronic priesthood and taking responsibility in helping to pass our sacrament each sunday during our worship services (see mormon.com and check out what this means). Mason will now take a greater part in giving service in our church and neighborhood community both through the boy scout program as he earns his eagle scout award and through our church youth program. Yep, its a big deal to be twelve. And a big deal to be the mom of a twelve year old son.

I'm so pleased with who Mason is and what he believes in. He has imagination and a willingness to play-today was case in point as he ran around the back yard with his brother and sisters, calling everyone a scalliwag as they tried to dawn british accents and board each other's pirate ships. Always in Mason style, the characters they'd taken on couldn't just be Davy Jones or Jack Sparrow. No, they had to be animal pirates (thank you disney for planting in the hearts of all tiny children the thought that animals can be human...). Maybe it was just an effort to include Cooper in the game; wouldn't want to leave out the family dog when playing a good game of pirates! So glad Mason can still play and be young. I'm pleased he isn't growing up too fast.

Mason, as part of the preparation for his becoming a deacon in our church, was interviewed tonight by our congregation's Bishop. Mason came home pleased with his experience. He shared that he could very honestly answer all the Bishop's questions with a yes (accept the question that asked if Mason watches tv or movies that are suggestive, crude, or inappropriate; that one, Mason said, was a definite no). I could tell he had been contemplative with each question, and I really appreciated his integrity as he answered. I really admire Mason's desire to find out for himself if the values we teach him are true and right for him. He doesnt' try to figure it out by turning the opposite direction ,he's willing to give it a try, to have a little trust in us and alot of faith in God. He's willing to pray, on his own, and to figure it out for himself. i don't think I was there when I was twelve. I'm pleased he's willing to live a life of faith.

Mason wants to be a good man. Yep, that's what I said. He has a desire to see his future, and to put himself in that future as a good individual (whatever that means for him), a succesful creator (animator or comic strip writer to be exact), and a fun guy. I like it that he has perspective. I think most twelve year olds are thinking about tomorrow, or maybe even this weekend. Mason takes a long term view; I like that about him and I think it will serve him well.

These are just a few of the reasons I'm so pleased with who mason is and where he is headed. I haven't even mentioned the way he can be my right arm when kids are crying and dinner needs fixing. I haven't said here how hard he can work, and how much I appreciate his fine example in our family. Nope, haven't even told you about his new love for throwing a football or the fun he has running around the yard with Cooper the cocker. There are so many other reasons to be pleased with Mason. I've just scratched the surface here. I feel lucky beyond belief that this is the kid that came first to our family. I feel lucky beyond belief that he is my blood, that I am his mom, that he is our Mason.

Lulabug

Just had to insert this darling, cheeky pic of our little Lucy Duc. She is sporting a huge hair bow with a giant daisy. This is normally not my style at all, but on her somehow it is so appropriate I just have to force her to sport it every so often. Dainty, darling and oh so lady-ish, our Lulabug is light in the lives of all of us!

Finisher

I am not proud of my finish time. I still felt the effects of the run a week after the race. The head cold I ran with lasted a week longer than it should have. But, I finished. I rant the Salt Lake City HALF marathon this year. It was part of a goal I set last January to be more serious about my physical activity. John supported me by NOT running the marathon so i could take Saturday mornings and go out for long runs and so i could run with my buddies Macy and Annette 3 mornings a week. He gave me so much by giving me that time!

We came home from vacation two nights before the race. I fell ill with a head cold on the drive from beautiful Southern California (nice souvineer...even nicer spelling ;) My thought on Friday was "I really shouldn't run this race". That was the same thought I had at 11:30 p.m. friday night (too late a bed time for a race!), early Saturday morning when I got out of bed, and at the start of the race. It was the thought I had at about mile 2 when I had to walk in order to tie up my pants (never try anything new-no new clothing, no new sports drink, not even new music for a race!). It was my thought to quit at mile 7 and it was definately my thought to quit at mile 10. At all of those moments I thought of John saying "have a good run" as I would leave at 5:30 a.m. to train/run with the girls. At all of those moments I thought of him finishing the marathon last year, and how he said he'd " give me a turn" to race again. Ok, at mile 10 I also thought of the fact that my only ride home was at the finish line. So, I cranked the tunes John had programed for me on my Ipod (I have never before been thankful for EM N EM, I think that's how you say it) the night before and made it to the finish. Soar, tired, sick and frustrated, I finished. And John was there to snap this picture. And he was proud of me even though my finish time stunk. And I was motivated to do better next time, to take better care of myself and to try harder, run smarter (NO new stuff next time!) and find a way to run WITH John, not instead of him.

I finished.