My Mom

From the time I was young my mom has supported my every endeavor. Her life has revolved around the needs of her kids for over 37 years, since her mothering began. Six of us she raised-of course with my dad by her side-to be responsible contributing adults who have a strong moral center and a compassionate heart. And she's still going strong. Over two years ago she and dad welcomed Alex into their homes and into their lives. He is our Molly's brother, and they have been "grandma and grandpa" to him; seeing him through surgeries and through very long therapy sessions (Alex has some physical limitations due to a tramautic birth) and being his guardian angels through thick and thin. Somehow in helping to run the family business, raise little Alex and manage the remodel of their home my mom has come to our rescue a million times since our life in Utah began two years ago. Living with the kids while we brought Lucy home, babysitting in a pinch so I could be in one of the kid's classrooms, and generally keeping me afloat on many occasions when life as the mother of six little kids had become more than I could manage (mom does a mean load of dishes, and her laundry skills are bar none!). Mom has been there for me at so many times and in so many
ways that no tribute, no list of help given would be adequate to express how much she has meant to me in the time we have lived "back home".
Mom Recently saved the day again, moving in this last week so John and I could be a part of our Church group's pioneer trek (pics and stories to follow soon!). She raised my kids for 4 days while John and I tried to help the youth of our area learn valuable lessons and experience the spirit of the pioneers who founded this terrific state. She survived with kids sick, a house that is a disaster area and little ones who can't get to sleep without a yelp from their mom. She did it-of course with dad's help-but it was mom that cooked the meals and washed the laundry and took the kids to McDonald's. My mom, the lady can do anything I tell ya. Her crowning achievement of this week's rescue was the loading of our children into the family suburban on Saturday morning, driving to the Wyoming border, and hauling them to the "receiving line" to watch their parents come off the trail, dirty and tired and anxious to see their little Grahams. Mom did that for us. She did it for me, because she is mom. I know she'd go to the ends of the earth for me; and sometimes it feels like I've asked her to. No matter the cost, my mom is willing if I need her, to do whatever I need her to do. My gratitude cannot be verbalized. My reverence for her is complete. She is divine indeed; a slice of heaven, an angel of help. A heart of love and a shoulder to lean on. My mom is all those things. Oh how I love you, mom!

A quandry

Summer is here, so basically my house is a disaster area. Despite the fact that we have the kids do chores each day I seem to go to bed each night amidst an amazing amount of clutter and mess. This is such a quandry to me, because I feel I've spent ALL of our summer so far playing drill seargant when it comes to the kids and their daily chores. I've long been an advocate for the idea of raising kids that can take care of themselves, so we have for some time expected the kids to clean up after themselves and contribute to the general "tidy-ness" of the house (bathrooms, weeding in the garden, it's all about teaching them how to do this for themselves some day...). Why is it that when the day is over, and I feel I've spent most of it hounding my kids to clean things or fold things or deliver things to their proper places, I see all around me a royal mess just waiting to be cleaned or folded or delivered the next day?

The kids are roused at 7 a.m. each morning so we can have some family time before John leaves for work (we are the religious type, so we read scripture for a minute or two, have a prayer as a family and just try to build unity for 15-20 minutes each day, does wonders I tell ya). The kids have a list of chores they are responsible for each day; 4 solid daily tasks(the regular make your bed, pick up your room, dress yourself and practice the piano) and then 2-3 that change day to day or week to week(like clean and vacuum the den or clean a bathroom or weed a portion of the vegatable garden). These jobs could be finished, complete, sionara to the work for the day in about 90 minutes (may sound like a hard grind for little munchkins, but they can change laundry loads and empty dishwashers and I'm utterly pleased with this fact). It usually takes them until 1-2 p.m. to actually complete the tasks. INSANE I tell you, how they drag these mundane jobs out for hours on end. They act utterly punished, defeated and obstinate most mornings, and I feel like the most loathing creature on the planet as I try to remind them to work faster and just get it over with. Love summer, I do; but I hate this part of it for sure. It seems such a horrific waste of time for all of us that they putz around the house instead of "bustin' a move" and getting these little jobs crossed off their to-do lists for the day so they can be lazy and care free and feel like summer is acutally fun...

Just wish I could open the young minds to the concept of efficiency; they'd have so much more time to play and I'd have so much more time to do my own chores instead of wandering around supporting their lengthy efforts each and every day. If anyone out there has ideas on how to incite speed in the family work place I'm all ears. My summer is so far piddling away as I encourage my kids to finish their little jobs sometime before the sun sets on their days of summer fun!

Walking

Honestly, I'm not quite sure how to word this entry. Lucy, it seems, has now decided that walking is better than crawling. This realization came to her last Sunday after church, and for a week now she has been practicing, tooling around the house, turning with the cutest little "spin" I've ever seen (one foot solidley planted on the ground while the other foot is mobile, turning Lucy's body in her desired direction...). It is a great accomplishment for her, and I am a beeming mom concerning her ability and her mobility.

or am I? Truly, when Lucy crossed the kitchen on two feet I had the most unexpected reaction. I cried, and I cried again. My life as the mom of babies has come to an end, and there is something in this truth that brings into my heart a sense of lost identity. While I can jump for joy that all my children can now walk upright, thus opening the way for them to all potty themselves, dress themselves, eventually make their own beds and even wash a dish or two, it also means that I am aging as a mother. My abilities to pull all-nighters and make meals with hands full of little bodies will soon become obsolete. And just when I was getting good at it. Soon will be gone the time when Good Night Moon is read by rote to little ears before bed. Soon will be gone walks around the block taken at my pace because I'm the one pushing the little bodies in the stroller. No more cradling as babies fall asleep in my arms at church. No more baby magic lotion, no more whole milk in the fridge for that bedtime bottle and cuddle. This part of my life is in its sunset, and the day of babies will close for me.

I know it is all part of life, and that now I must evolve into that other mom who can manage schedules for ballet practices, various school start times (Jr. High, Elementary and Pre-school to be exact) and listen to complex problems involving what a friend said at school that was crushing and how my teenager accidentally started the food fight in the cafeteria. I need to be the mom who can deliver forgotten lunches, help on the PTA boards and volunteer in the community when all the kids are happy in school (Lucy will be my only charge 3 mornings a week come September, crazy to only have one carseat to buckle, and one body to transport to and from the grocery store or the schools etc.). I have to be the mom who is young at heart as I try to age gracefully while fitting in a work out each day and kindly turning down the treats. I can do that, I'm sure I can. I'll like it too-especially come the day when all the diapers can be handed down to younger nieces and nephews and everyone learns how to flush for themselves...

But, this baby era of my life while challenging has been defining. And now that clear definition is fuzzy. Hard stuff for a gal in her mid-30's. Aging and maturing has never been something I've done with great dignity. Wish me luck , it could be a shaky evolution from mom of babies to mom of big kids. I hope as the dawn of my "mature" mothering approaches I can be what my big ones will need for me to be. Change can be good if embraced and welcomed in. Hello new day I guess. I'm ready to face you.

Big Splash Birthday

Yesterday was Porter's 5th Birthday party. Totally fun. Porter is at an age that a mom can adore. Still small enough to have wonder and awe when it comes to all things parental ("your the best mom", "I always want to be with you mom", "wow mom, you can do anything") and enough independance to keep the messes to a minimum. On a recent pediatrician visit i expressed to our doctor that if I had a guarantee that another Graham would be just like Porter I'd have another Graham. The doc called this a very strong endorsement indeed, as those words left my mouth with Molly screaming and clinging to my pant leg and Lucy screaming and grabbing at my shirt...but Porter is great, just simply great.

So planning a big swimming party (in the dicrepid swimming pool in our back yard) was a pleasure. Especially since I have actually and truly finally embraced the truth that kids turning 5 don't need fireworks to feel they've had a great party. An ice cream cake, a pinata (in the likeness of a crocodile) and the back yard pool were enough for Porter to feel like he'd been handed the moon. We even topped this with stuffing the pinata with candy, and passing around floaty noodles and blow up aligators from the dollar store as party favors. Porter felt he was on cloud nine. And because my mom and two of my sisters were around to help me throught the chaos of 4 other 5 year olds and all of our cousins i thought it was all pretty fun too. Here's to turning 5, Happy b-day to Porter!

No Pics...

In an effort to regain some of my writing skills I'm really trying to blog at least a few times each week. I thought after last summer's prolific blogging that I'd continue to find charming and interesting pieces of my life to comment about and that I'd share them all on the web for others to see me as wise and funny. Not so. Life with 6 kids and a dog has truly taken over any hope of writing articles for Real Simple or Sunset and even for writing in full length book version our adoption story. I can't even get a blog in, like I'm going to fit a book into my life :) Add that to the fact that it is work for me to take and download pics of anything fun to blog about that isn't my kids and that makes the whole blog thing seem a little more difficult. But yet, I try anyway... So sorry for two entries without graphics to back up my thoughts-hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to pontificate on my very mixed up feelings about the fact that Lucy now walks wherever she goes (and I have a picture to prove that...). I am no longer the mother of an infant, nor do I believe I will be again in this life time. Identity crisis to be sure.

My partner in crime and parenting is headed to one of our former hometowns tomorrow. J goes back to Dallas to visit old colleagues from the Boston Consulting Group. How interesting what life throws you. Things might be a changing - again - for the Grahams.

So I'm off to make sure he has all the socks and underwear he wants to pack in his overnight bag, and to kiss my sleeping kids one more time before I go to sleep. Hopefully my entry tomorrow will have lovely photos and deep thoughts. For now, good night.

IKEA is open...

One of our family's best adventures was living in Stockholm Sweden. We left there over 6 years ago, and our stay was only 18 months; but you'd think we'd been there much longer for all the love of things Swedish we came home with. We sing "happy birthday" in swedish, we eat some (not all; no thanks on the pickled herring) swedish meals, and we celebrate swedish holidays like midsummer (coming ever so quickly) and Santa Lucia Day. John actually has some swedish ancestory, so we take full advantage of that fact and exploit all we came to love about the culture as just being part of who we really are...

Well, recently in the Salt Lake Valley one of Sweden's best contributions became available. IKEA. Cheap, cool stuff in a giant warehouse. That is what IKEA is. A place where awesome design meets chinese production know-how and the company passes along it's dirt cheap production costs on to the consumer. Brilliant Swedish thinking. I haven't personally visited IKEA yet, but the day is soon coming. Been waiting for the crowds to ebb a bit (truly, our most congested freeway became unbearabley jammed with traffic for over a week just because of the store's grand opening). I know I'll buy lots of cheap things I don't really need. It's o.k., its IKEA, you can afford to splurge a little...

Difference is, I won't just be savoring the awesome textiles or the fun kid's plates, I'll be enjoying the Swedish farm cheeses and Saft berry drink concentrate in the store's food imports boutique. This is what makes me a self proclaimed partial SWEDE; I know what they'll be selling there, and I will know what it will taste like when I serve it for dinner next week because, hey, I've had it before, in SWEDEN. Make no bones about it, I love it that some of my life was lived in a foreign land, and that people in that foreign land speak a foreign tongue, eat foreign foods and live a foreign life (1 year maternity leave and 50% tax rate, totally foreign to me). I feel happy to have adopted a little of the Svensk tradition, and my pilgrimige to all things designed for swedes by swedes is just one way I show it. IKEA, here I come! Valkommen!

A special day for the Grahams

I posted last October about the special experience we had when bringing Lucy into our church's temple for a sealing ceremony. Our faith holds that life goes beyond death, and that through priesthood authority our family relationships can be made forever and eternal. (With any questions or curiosities please refer to lds.com and just type "temple" into the search bar.) Lucy's sealing was such a sweet and sacred experience, one that made a deep impression upon our family. But, one things was missing; Molly. Because Molly was not an adopted and sealed member of our family she could not enter the temple with us on that day. Miraculously, Molly's birthmom had called that very day, just hours before we went into the temple, to share with us her decision that Molly be adopted into our family. I wish i could explain the miracle this phone call was for me that day. My heart ached that a little one I loved as my own could not be with us; and yet we of course would never have asked to be her adoptive parents. We have great faith in Molly's birthmom, and hold her with such respect. We would never have asked her for Molly's place in our family; it was a gift she needed to freely give.
And she did. In the very hours preceeding our special trip inside the temple, Molly's mom felt compelled to share her decision that we adopt. She had made the choice to place Molly with us days before and had even contacted an agency to see what paperwork would be involved on her side of the process. She wasn't going to share with us her choice until after she'd met with the agency. But, instead, she felt she must call and let us know of her feelings. She did not know we were preparing to enter the temple with Lucy in just a few hours. The day was made brighter and the experience so sweet knowing we would return again, with all the Grahams, to see our first little "borrowed baby" become the last forever Graham.
May 26 was the day. After so much anticipation and angst over Molly's future and what would be our life without her, we were sealed to her and she is now forever our Molly Graham. As she entered the room her countenance was filled with happiness and peace. She joyfully came to us as we listened to the ceremony, never making a sound. Her eyes were fixed on me during the entire experience (which only takes about 15 minutes). Her hand placed on John and my grasp, she held a smile from start to finish. Her place in this family is sure, she so truly does belong.

Another Milestone

Mason "graduated" from sixth grade yesterday. I don't have a picture of it because as I went to snap that great shot on our amazing camera the screen informed me that the memory card was full!!! Such is my luck. This photo actually suits Mason better. Here we see him as happy as he gets, camping out in the woods with his family and his dog. Notice the stick in his hand. He had all his younger siblings banging sticks on logs and anything that they could hit (save one another) at the camp site for at least an hour. Iknow Mason feels insecure in typical social situations; including at his graduation, but in his family he is the leader et al. There is no doubt he has what it takes to move a group of people to action. Even if those people are smaller than he, and even if the action involves de-barking the fallen aspen tree in the corner of the meadow.
For me, this month has been so full of moments which bring home the fact that I'm not parenting babies more; Lucy has taken her first steps. We read potty books to Molly like they are scripture (I can now sing songs about pee and poop to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, Are you sleeping, and If you're happy and you know it...). I have kids now. And soon, I'll be the mom of a guy. How do I do that? I can't just kiss things better and send him on his way any more. Gosh, he won't even hardly let me kiss him at all! My insecurity as a mom has increased as I try not only to physically keep track of all the bodies, the schedules, the doctor visits and the teacher conferences; but as I try and keep track of who needs a hug and a listening ear and who needs to be reminded of the family's expectations that a Graham has integrity and doesn't slug his/her sister because she looked at them wrong. I'm not sure I know how to do this, but I'm doin' it just the same. I keep thinking someone is going to find out I'm one big fake and call me on it (oh yea, my kids already have...)
It helps that JOhn is my partner in all of this insanity. He is a rock, a good person to lean on and a voice of reason. He also does a mean load of dishes, which is sometimes just the right thing when a child needs to talk or wants a shoulder to cry on at bed time. Heck, sometimes I'm the one who needs to cry; and John is great at being that shoulder too. It helps too, that John has a deep and vested interest in each of his children. His love is undying and devoted. His hope is for their joy and progression. That helps, it helps a lot.
But in the end, we are both just dumbfounded parents watching their kids get bigger and bigger as we try to be at the right places in the right moments to say or do the right things. Hope it all works out; I love these kids so much I don't know what I'd do without em'. And that kind of brings me back to the graduation thing. Mason's growing. He's becoming someone who won't need me as much and won't want me hardly at all. And that kinda hurts, to know its coming and not be able to stop it. To know your best hope is that somehow he'll still be a part, he'll still want you to be involved in some small way, so you can feel your supporting and contributing to all that will make the guy become a man. Just never realized what it would feel like all those years ago when I held this tiny little baby with a huge head in my arms. He's grown into himself to say the least. And i am not the mom of that baby any more.

The Fun We've Had

Soccer x 3 kids; a very busy May!

A Rare night out, family night to be exact,
Eating at Salt Lake Pizza and Pasta (John makes a better pizza pie, by the way :)

A few steps on Mother's Day, with Grandpa's help. To his great credit, this was my favorite
Gift on Mother's day. All I wanted was for Lucy to say my name. Didn't get that, but she did walk two steps to me!

One of 3 costumes used in the 4 hour dance recital;
Pretty sure this was her favorite. She's a natural dancer, a real beauty on stage

These are only a very few of the highlights of May Madness. You still have to see;
the camping trip to Tessa's Pond.
Mason "graduates" from Sixth Grade
Porter graduates from Pre School
Madi and Bryn display "great art" at school
Molly torments Cooper the dog
Cooper the dog torments Katie (when will he be potty trained!?)
Friends gather to celebrate Molly's sealing to our family in the Salt Lake Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

May Madness gives way to the Joy of June. I look forward to lazier days. Oh, wait; all my kids will be home all the time. Guess my lazy days may still be crazy ones ;)

Insanity

I don't care what anyone says, May is the craziest, busiest, most insane month of the year. Soccer rules, the garden demands attention, and stuff like ballet and school wind up for the year; leaving in it's final weeks a wake of mass overscheduling and pandemonium for busy families. Throw in a new dog (what in the WORLD was I thinking?!!!) that pees and poops all over the floors my baby crawls on (hurry and walk Lucy, would ya?) and you have one crazy, cranky me.

around May 1 I reminded John that this is our yearly contribution to the local landfill; using as many paper plates as possible for every meal. The meals themselves have been sub-par as well, trying to find something quick and easy in the house to serve hungry children a late dinner because the weather was ripe for weeding outside and someone had a late soccer practice or the cub souts were reaking havoc in my den. My kids have played more soccer games, danced in more concerts (can you say FOUR HOURS of dancing? that was over the top. Bryn had a blast, but all of us spectators were so done after, say, an hour and a half...) and been driven to more "end of the year" parties than I can even count. My "to do's" were so overwhelming at one point that getting out of bed to face the chaos was truly an accomplishment for me. Funny thing is, the to do list was full of "fun". Stuff like "make center piece for Mason's Promotion dance", or "paint flower pots for teacher gifts". Stuff that is generally enjoyable and fun becomes so much less so when it is jammed between events like birthday parties and pack meetings. So glad i don't have any baseball players. so many of my mom-friends sit for hours at a time at their boy's baseball games during May. I would be a nervous wreck sitting still during this month. Always moving, just keep swimming, those are the themes for May. My mantra during these last few weeks of school is always "can't wait for that last day!" "the last day will come, ready or not" "bring on the summer break!". Amen and Amen to that. Whatever doesn't get done, centerpieces, treats for the year end party, whatever it is, it will all be a memory come June 1. Then summer break begins, and a new kind of insanity (6 kids and a dog 24/7, no breaks...) will begin.

She Did It!

Jennifer Lynn Hadfield Stout (my "baby sister") Graduated cum laude from the University of Utah College of Behavior Sciences with a BS in Family and Consumer Studies/Human Development and Family studies. It was a pleasure to sit with my sisters and parents and my brother in law and his mom as Jen carried her department banner and received her diploma. Jen has been president of her department's honor society and was invited to enter the graduate program. She instead chose to pursue a career in the department, and was chosen over other very qualified candidates as a student advisor. All of the professors in her department lined up and hugged her as she received her diploma. My mom cried, my dad cheered, we sisters screamed as loud as we could. She did it. A college graduate-what a great accomplishment.

I graduated from the same college exactly 13 years ago, and so many memories of college and the thrill of the diploma came flooding to me as I sat in the same event center and watched the commencement. College graduation for the women of my family began with my generation. My mother and all the women before had abandoned school for marriage and family. I don't fault them, in that day women just had a different place. But that day is past. I feel very thankful to say I was the first woman on my mother's side of the family to have completed college. My younger sister Jess was the second (she's sitting in the white next to me). Amanda(to row with her hand on Jen's shoulder) is close to her associates degree, and with her tenacious spirit I'm sure she'll be "walking" on a graduation day in the not so distant future. Jody, our sister in law, has an associate's degree from Rick's college (she's got the beautiful dark hair up there on the top row). Our other sister in law, Katie, graduated in Family Studies just a couple of years ago and is now in her practicum; having just delivered her first baby boy Will (those lectures on behavior and family dynamics are going to come flooding back to her now boy...)

I hope at some point I get to do it again. Maybe a Masters in Social work and a late blooming career in the field of adoption? Perhaps English in order to pursue a desire to become a better writer. Or, maybe public administration in order to take up a cause and run a not-for-profit someday. Who knows. My time is not yet come for the MS, but some day it will and when the opportunity comes knocking I intend to take advantage. At some future day I may be able to post feelings about my own academic accomplishments.

But, Today belongs to the impressive accomplishments of my little sis. I'm so proud of her and all she's done to earn the accolades of this day-here's to you Jennylynn Stout! Congratulations!

I READ this!

If you've caught an earlier post you'll remember that I am a challenged reader. But, to my delight, I've actually finished one book this year, and it was so worth every minute I didn't sped doing dishes or laundry to get it read! An amazing compilation of the Willie and Martin Handcart companies, this book is to me the quintesential work on the "Mormon Handcart journey" . I am named after a pioneer who was in the Martin Company-an ill-fated group of emigrants from mostly England who started pushing their handcarts across this continent too late in the season and met with disaster at almost every turn. Their sacrifices were unexpected and immense, and their faith and fortitude the stuff of heroes. It was a priviledge to read their stories, many found written in their own words, and to think on the sacrifices they made for the thought of congregating with those who would be like minded as to their faith, and for the sake of their posterity. I am part of that posterity, and I reverence these humble and simple people who when faced with trial and difficulty put their faith to the test and endured to the end of their journey. I couldn't possibly give proper credit to the saints of those emigrant companies, nor could I adequately critique the author's fantastic performance. All I can do is be glad I've finished the volume and hope it will change me for good.

Time for Flowers

I want to grow this flower somewhere in my yard. I don't know what it is called, or what kind of growing conditions it needs, but I think it is beautiful and delicate and happy. I found it in one of the many acres of gardens and Thanksgiving Point in Lehi Utah. We (kids and I with our dear friend Sofie from Stockholm-hej! Sofie) took a trip to the gardens last spring break and had a lovely time exploring them. This little number was in a part of the gardens they've made "secret". That is to say, it was growing in the Secret Garden. Beautiful. Spectacular. Breathtaking. I love gardens like those, where every corner is covered in something green and growing, things are scattered by height and texture, and the amazing handy work of God is displayed for little old me to take in.

Thought I'd share this as i've spent the better part of this week just trying to pull all the stuff out of my garden beds that I don't want to grow (weeds, I'm talking lots of them!) I ordered a cubic yard of beautiful dark lovely dirt, and because of a threatening rain storm felt this huge pressure to get all that dirt hauled into my vegatable garden before it turned in to beautiful brown mud. That meant days of neglect for my kids and the inside of our home. The house looks, well, trashed, and I still have half a cubic yard of dirt out in it's nifty carrying bag because my shoulders and back just couldn't keep hauling (oh, and the kids needed to be fed and the babies needed new diapers and the day turned into night without the job's completion). yard work is-to say the least-work. With little kids it is LOTS of work. But, hopefully, with all that work at some point I'll be able to step into my own secret garden and enjoy. Someday aint happenin' too soon, but hopefully there's hope it will someday happen.

He's Twelve

Twelve years ago today John and I held Mason for the first time. What a ride. What a joy. What an adventure to raise a son.

Twelve probably isn't the biggest birthday around for most. But it is a milestone for me and a significant and important birthday in the culture of our religion. Mason is now eligable to participate more fully in our faith, receiving the aaronic priesthood and taking responsibility in helping to pass our sacrament each sunday during our worship services (see mormon.com and check out what this means). Mason will now take a greater part in giving service in our church and neighborhood community both through the boy scout program as he earns his eagle scout award and through our church youth program. Yep, its a big deal to be twelve. And a big deal to be the mom of a twelve year old son.

I'm so pleased with who Mason is and what he believes in. He has imagination and a willingness to play-today was case in point as he ran around the back yard with his brother and sisters, calling everyone a scalliwag as they tried to dawn british accents and board each other's pirate ships. Always in Mason style, the characters they'd taken on couldn't just be Davy Jones or Jack Sparrow. No, they had to be animal pirates (thank you disney for planting in the hearts of all tiny children the thought that animals can be human...). Maybe it was just an effort to include Cooper in the game; wouldn't want to leave out the family dog when playing a good game of pirates! So glad Mason can still play and be young. I'm pleased he isn't growing up too fast.

Mason, as part of the preparation for his becoming a deacon in our church, was interviewed tonight by our congregation's Bishop. Mason came home pleased with his experience. He shared that he could very honestly answer all the Bishop's questions with a yes (accept the question that asked if Mason watches tv or movies that are suggestive, crude, or inappropriate; that one, Mason said, was a definite no). I could tell he had been contemplative with each question, and I really appreciated his integrity as he answered. I really admire Mason's desire to find out for himself if the values we teach him are true and right for him. He doesnt' try to figure it out by turning the opposite direction ,he's willing to give it a try, to have a little trust in us and alot of faith in God. He's willing to pray, on his own, and to figure it out for himself. i don't think I was there when I was twelve. I'm pleased he's willing to live a life of faith.

Mason wants to be a good man. Yep, that's what I said. He has a desire to see his future, and to put himself in that future as a good individual (whatever that means for him), a succesful creator (animator or comic strip writer to be exact), and a fun guy. I like it that he has perspective. I think most twelve year olds are thinking about tomorrow, or maybe even this weekend. Mason takes a long term view; I like that about him and I think it will serve him well.

These are just a few of the reasons I'm so pleased with who mason is and where he is headed. I haven't even mentioned the way he can be my right arm when kids are crying and dinner needs fixing. I haven't said here how hard he can work, and how much I appreciate his fine example in our family. Nope, haven't even told you about his new love for throwing a football or the fun he has running around the yard with Cooper the cocker. There are so many other reasons to be pleased with Mason. I've just scratched the surface here. I feel lucky beyond belief that this is the kid that came first to our family. I feel lucky beyond belief that he is my blood, that I am his mom, that he is our Mason.

Lulabug

Just had to insert this darling, cheeky pic of our little Lucy Duc. She is sporting a huge hair bow with a giant daisy. This is normally not my style at all, but on her somehow it is so appropriate I just have to force her to sport it every so often. Dainty, darling and oh so lady-ish, our Lulabug is light in the lives of all of us!

Finisher

I am not proud of my finish time. I still felt the effects of the run a week after the race. The head cold I ran with lasted a week longer than it should have. But, I finished. I rant the Salt Lake City HALF marathon this year. It was part of a goal I set last January to be more serious about my physical activity. John supported me by NOT running the marathon so i could take Saturday mornings and go out for long runs and so i could run with my buddies Macy and Annette 3 mornings a week. He gave me so much by giving me that time!

We came home from vacation two nights before the race. I fell ill with a head cold on the drive from beautiful Southern California (nice souvineer...even nicer spelling ;) My thought on Friday was "I really shouldn't run this race". That was the same thought I had at 11:30 p.m. friday night (too late a bed time for a race!), early Saturday morning when I got out of bed, and at the start of the race. It was the thought I had at about mile 2 when I had to walk in order to tie up my pants (never try anything new-no new clothing, no new sports drink, not even new music for a race!). It was my thought to quit at mile 7 and it was definately my thought to quit at mile 10. At all of those moments I thought of John saying "have a good run" as I would leave at 5:30 a.m. to train/run with the girls. At all of those moments I thought of him finishing the marathon last year, and how he said he'd " give me a turn" to race again. Ok, at mile 10 I also thought of the fact that my only ride home was at the finish line. So, I cranked the tunes John had programed for me on my Ipod (I have never before been thankful for EM N EM, I think that's how you say it) the night before and made it to the finish. Soar, tired, sick and frustrated, I finished. And John was there to snap this picture. And he was proud of me even though my finish time stunk. And I was motivated to do better next time, to take better care of myself and to try harder, run smarter (NO new stuff next time!) and find a way to run WITH John, not instead of him.

I finished.

A boy and His dog...

So, all our married lives John has encouraged us to steer clear of canines as family additions. He has been the voice of reason, the true voice of courage against the majority. All the kids and mom against dad when the discussion of having a dog was ever raised. Funny how things change on a dime...

We had discussed giving the priviledge of pet ownership to our kids in honor of Mason's 12th birthday. Research had begun on breeds and breeders. A visit to the pound with our 3 youngest children (a field trip for them...) was undertaken to see if any potential matches could be made. Still, we were discussing, not necessarily committing, to an animal in the family.

I knew the entire community, my extended family, probably my adoption agencies and anyone who knew anything about those looney Grahams on the corner of Hillsden and Northwood would surely count us crazy if we invited an animal into our already hectic, child ridden life. I wasn't so sure I needed the suggestion of insanity to come my way; I feel pretty insane on a regular basis without the true verbal reinforcement of my neighbors and family. I put my foot down against a puppy because of this. If the dog were house trained, that would be one thing. A show of reason and sanity for an otherwise crazy idea. Definately not a puppy...

The breed was selected, largely by John but he is so much better at that kind of stuff than I and I really didn't have a huge preference. A breeder was found with dogs reasonabley priced. Only thing is, the dogs were young. Not tiny puppies;but 5 months old and needing to be housetrained. Emails with the breeder (Shirley Jacobsen of jacobsen cockers) led us to believe it would be a snap. She was even making her way to Salt Lake on the weekend and we could meet the dog. My impression was that after our meeting she would then take the dog away and we would mull it over, decide, and make arrangements to bring the dog back to our excited and happy home if our choice was in the affirmative. My secret hope was that I'd buy a little time, she'd train the dog to poo and pee outside, and then we'd bring him to live happily ever after as the chosen dog for the Graham clan.

The dog came. "Dog sitting for a friend" we told our kids. "No, not buying a dog any time soon" we said. "Really no plans to own a dog at this point" we exclaimed. Hours passed, Shirley came back to see how things were going. A choice needed to be made. There was absolutely nothing doing to my theory that cute little puppy would go home for a week to be potty trained and then return to its eagerly awaited home. Nope, you've socialized with the dog, now you keep the dog or I take him home. What to do.

See those eyes, the ones staring at you in the picture at the top of this post? No, not the dog's eyes-my husband's. Those eyes are the reason the puppy stayed. The tender love for that animal expressed in those eyes is the absolute reason I did not break the hearts of all my children and send the dog away to a different fate and a different family. The eyes of a boy who would love his dog stared at mine, and I melted in a moment.

So, here he is. Cooper the Cocker. And I think I'm glad (check back with me later). If the eyes of my sweet boy-man husband stay so full of love for that little animal, I know I'll be glad we endured the puppy training and the accidents on the floor in the kitchen. Those eyes will make this dog a special and tender part of our crazy happy life. Welcome Cooper boy. Welcome.

Cooper

Here he is, Cooper the Cocker. The story is about 14 years long, but we finally got ourselves a dog. A child with fur all over who is just old enough to need to learn how to do his business somewhere besides our jute rug. In honor of Mason's 12th birthday we now have a dog of our very own. He has a tender nature, a calm disposition, and despite all of that he is still a dog-and I agreed to own him.

It is so incredibley ironic that I am not jumping all over with joy and jubilation over this new addition. I have wanted our kids to have a dog for some time. I've always loved the idea of owning a dog. John has been the voice of reason, the calm word of wisdom when the excitement of a canine companion has crossed our way. "not now, it would be so much work". "My allergies will bother me". "We need more space for an animal." He was always right, and we passed up the opportunities when er they came. But this time...that cute little calm sweet animal just stole our hearts and messed with our heads and...we are dog owners!

The kids will be an immense help. Mason would stand guard over the kennel if he could. He is vigilant about keeping the dog out when possible so we don't have those nasty accidents that upset me so very much. He didn't know we were considering the purchase of this animal when we brought him home to visit. When the dog's breeder came to see what we thought and we decided to take the plunge Mason's immediate response was, "We are going to buy him?! I don't need any birthday presents mom, this is the best gift you could ever give me."

How could I say no?

So, we spent the later part of Saturday oooh-ing over the dog. Then we bought the dog. The we got a babysitter so we could go to the pet store to buy all of the things you have to have after you have bought a dog. Lots of money later, we are not only the owners of a chocolate spotted cocker, but we have a kennel, a designer collar (totally my purchase, I love it!), leashes, food, treats, toys, brushes, shampoo and the like. We have yet to call the vet so we can hand him more money to de-worm and neuter the little fella. Never mind I was saving up for a new leather sectional to be placed in the family room, now I have a dog instead-hope the dollars stop flying out the door with his name on them pretty soon or the Lucy's gonna have to be potty trained right along with ol' Cooper boy.

Speaking of Potty training...oh i guess that is another post for another day. Suffice it to say that Molly cashed in on the whole dog buying spree and got herself some new "Dora" underwear, oh and a few pair of "pretty pony panties" to boot. I think I surely will train to little ones at once. But I guess Molly and Cooper will have to actually use potties in different locations.

We'll see if my sanity lasts through the next few weeks, what sanity I have left. Many friends, strangers and service professionals (teachers and mail men to be specific) have flat out declared me a mental case. I'm now certifiable. I fully expect special concessions to be made for me because of my impaired abilities at this time. It doesn't lend much confidence to the whole purchase when you own mother, upon hearing your happy puppy owning announcement, responds with "well, your crazy kid. I love ya, but your crazy for sure." One friend told me i was crazy a different way. "You must be Wonder Woman". I kinda liked that delivery a little better.

Wish us luck. Wish poor Cooper luck, he'll probably need it. His life just got a jolt of electricity-some of that "crazy" tends to rub off. Hope he makes it through his training, hope we all make it together, the Grahams and Cooper the Cocker; one big, Happy (crazy) family!

Catching up

So, I feel like it has been years since I blogged-come to find out it has only been months, but a lot can happen around here in just a few months time. Since my last posts We've had good times. These photos capture only some of what has happened around this happy house.
Pictures 1&2. Lucy turned 1 year on March 16, 2007. These photos were taken on that day in her honor. we celebrated a couple of days later with chocolate cake and all the grandparents and cousins, we are so happy for this lovely and darling daughter to be part of our lives. Lucy at this writing is standing but not yet walking. She cruises along furniture and finds it fun to stand up, clap her hands and balance a while, then sit back down and look for someone to tell her she is awesome! Her laugh is out of this world, her sould as bright as sunshine and her place in our family forever a miracle.


Picture 3. Madi had a great birthday celebration this year with a baking party for several friends. They made swedish cinnamon rolls, mini birthday cakes, and lemon poppy seed bread to boot. Madi was highly creative in her wishes for the party and very particular in it's menu (we have to have blue sprinkles there to decorate our cakes!). She is a smart, fun and beautiful 7 year old with a great sense of humor and a love for life-bon apetite!

Picture 4. We went to Disneyland! We finally bit the bullet and drove the kids down to California for a beach vacation and a visit to see the mouse. It was a great vacation. Much needed and very fun indeed. For a girl who has avoided Disneyland like the plague (not into commercializing my children and not into long lines) I came home with my very own Mickey mouse t-shirt (it's a pathetic hypocrisy really, but I was sucked in!). My brother Tyler and his wife Katie just celebrated the arrival of their first baby, and we got to enjoy them all while we were in California. Tyler even accompanied us through the world of Disney magic and his time with our kids was the difference between a great vacation and an utterly totally awesome vacation. More pics will follow in later posts, you've just got to see my kids on the beach with their new cousin Will and their terrific Aunts Katie and Jess.

So that is some small synopsis of our recent weeks. Check back soon for more crazy happenings from the Grahams, including pictures of our "Gotcha Day" with Miss molly Elizabeth Eowyn Graham, and a photo of our family's newest edition, Cooper the cocker spaniel (yes, I am serious and it is crazy that we now own a dog)

Gotcha Miss Molly!

Just wanted to post a pic of our "Gotcha Day" with Molly. You know there is a phrase in the bible, the last shall be first and the first shall be last (In Isaiah). I think of this phrase every time I see Molly and Lucy together. It amazes me that the daughter we started to find (Lucy) came after the daughter we didn't expect (Molly) and yet our "surprise" daughter became an official Graham many months after her younger sister. God works in such interesting ways; and through it all He pours out upon us love and guidance so we know He is truly in charge and mindful of every action. We are thrilled beyond measure to have all our Grahams be officially Grahams. Now, here is hoping the last is really LAST, and our chaos will continue without the addition of any other little Grahams to add to the mix. Then again, this journey has been so amazing, so personally challenging and so intensely full of tutoring, if there are more to come I wouldn't want to miss those journies and all they would bring in richness and joy.

I'm not asking for more, mind you. As you can see, our hands are full...