A Happy Report

I've posted this pic of our Molly as it was taken about 2 weeks after she came to live with us in December 2004. 8 lbs. even at 4 months old, she was a visitor in our home for an indefinite length of time. As we cared for her and loved her immediately, our thougths for many months turned to how we could best help her be strong and healthy as she was to at some point leave our home and be but a wonderful and special guest who had touched our lives briefly. As time wore on, it became almost painful at times that we loved her so much and felt her so a part of our family and yet we saw no way to appropriately ask that she remain with us and become one of us forever. Two years to the month after her surprise arrival into our lives, we received the greatest gift given by one to another-Molly's mom invited us to adopt her! How excited we were, how humble and happy we felt as we accepted this invitation and proceeded with adoption!

Well, as I've mentioned before, some snags were sure to follow, and we've had to wonder and worry again for Molly's future as a Graham. But now, we are happy to report that after concerns over Molly's adoption proceeding smoothly, we've received word that all outstanding worries over her birthdad are resolved, and we can happily await a court date to officially and for always make her a part of our family. As we are so giddy with relief and joy we wish to again express love and thanks to Molly's birth mom, and we annouce here that Molly will be named after her birthmom (Molly Elizabeth) in her honor and to show our affection and appreciation for her selfless act. We also wish to thank those at LDS Family services (Ashley, you are a gem) who have helped us down this long road. We appreciate the legal team that works with family services, as they have had to step forward and be a part of this process more than probably happens in other adoption cases. Greg Hoole, a lawyer here in Salt Lake, has also generously offered to help us with finalizaiton proceedings pro bono, a kind gesture toward our family.

We thank all of you, friends and family, who have supported and hoped along with us these past couple of months that Molly's story would have this very "happily ever after". We can't wait to share pictures of her court day, when Molly will officially become a Graham!

A happy purchase

So, I’ve actually been out of the house this week. This is pretty huge for me, as there truly are several weeks that pass when I leave only to take my children where they need to be (dance, pre school, art class; you get it). Errands right now are this rare and forboding experience. I plan them meticulously-usually they happen every other Wednesday morning. I make a list for days of the places I have to go, then add places I will have to go in the near future, then places I kind of need to get to and last of all places I’d love to see or go in someday. All the paraphanelia necessary for the errands to be completed is carefully compiled in a corner of my room (items needing to be returned, packages needing to be mailed and the like), then double checked and moved to the back of the car where they wait for their appointed day. I pack the front passenger’s seat of the car with all items a mother needs when she will be away from home with 3 small children for longer than 15 minutes; diapers, a cel phone, cash, more diapers, fruit snacks and baby wipes. I carefully set out clothing for the day’s errands so we can leave the house with enough time to actually get one or two of the errands done before there is a melt down, a feeding due, or the big kids’ return from their full day of elementary school (do you know how long it takes to buy a gallon of milk with 3 small children riding in the cart? A long time).

Well, this week I ventured to the local consignment store to cash in on some items I sold there. With said cash I found this awesome pale, which now acts as a cool conversation piece and a fantastic diaper holder kept out on the front porch (gone are the days when the mail man, neighbors, my mother, and anyone else gracing my doorstep are greeted with a pile of dirty diapers-sizes 2 and 4 collectively-waiting to be hauled around the house to the garbage can!). I am very pleased with my purchase. I find the color, functionality and style of the pale to be fantastic and I am absolutely thrilled we made it in and out of the consignment store without any additional purchases made due to my kids breaking something. Oh, and a couple of other errands got done that day too-the "had to's". It was a productive week, I'd say, for an errand phobic mom like me!

This Year’s Attempt

I run three days a week with two really great, really fun, really well-read women. They impress me with every conversation about the latest read and all they gleaned from the pages of some fantastic novel. Both moms, both busy, both of them have made reading a necessary part of their lives. I want to be just like them when I grow up and read something of value every day, but my reading habit is definitely at this time in its infancy-lots of growing up yet to do.

About once a year I resolve to read a book-don’t get me wrong, I want to read all the time. I can’t walk into a book store because I spend so much time just reading the book jackets of all the books I’d like to read. I’d like to read many different kinds of book; novels, history books, books about politics, books about religion, tons of books about parenting. But, at this point in my life reading is not part of the daily routine (unless I count magazine reading in the bathroom…it’s a stretch but its about all I’ve got). When I do reach for literature, my true inclination is to read the Sunday school lesson for the coming week’s discussion or the newspaper on line just so I can keep tabs on who is the current president and what the weather’s going to be like this week. But every once in a while I step outside myself and I pick up a regular book, and decide I’m going to read it.

Often, said book is a kid’s novel. Something I want to see if my kids would enjoy, something not too long, something that is full of fun and not too heavy (Aretmis Fowel is a favorite). This year, as I was taking my cub scouts on a tour of our local library, I found this book peaking out of the children’s history and reference section. A kid’s book about world history; it perfectly satisfied the guilt pangs that my yearly read should help me improve my understanding about the world and the yearning for something juvenile to page through and complete. I checked it out. 3 weeks to finish 300 pages. I was sure I could do it.

But, I didn’t. The due date came and I was about 34 pages into the bronze age when it was time to take my year’s attempt at literature back to whence it came. I did learn why we call it the bronze age, and I know the book was totally read-worthy, written by a brilliant Austrian many years ago and just recently translated into English, a really worth while endeavor. But, try as I did I just couldn’t get through it in my allotted time, and renewing the book would only have prolonged the day when the unread book went back to the library. I drove up to the library drop off bin and slid my year’s book down the chute. Another year’s attempt at reading, failed.

Next morning as we jogged along the dark neighborhood streets I asked my friends (for the thousandth time) when they ever find the time to read. “I have a block of time when the boys are at school and my daughter is having her nap. I set a time limit and read until then, after that I have to scurry around and do my chores” was the response from one. The other explained that reading was something she fit into her life every day, no matter what. She has to read. Wow.

I hope someday I have the self discipline to read instead of do laundry or leave the dishes for 15 minutes while I fit in a chapter. I would be a better writer, a more balanced person, a more complete conversationalist. But instead I try a page here and there and send unread books back to the library on their due date. Maybe next year I’ll actually finish, and my reading habit will grow just a bit. Boy, would I like that!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I’m sending this entry like weeks after Valentines, but that is how my life is currently playing out, so I think it’s better late than never. John was traveling for work this year during the entire week of Valentine’s. He was amazing to remember me, with all he has going on for work. He had purchased a very cool down vest for me : a total surprise which I appreciated very much. Unfortunately I have a thing about looking like the Michelan tire man, so the vest had to be traded in for something a little more, shall we say, slimming. Still, it was an awesome chocolate brown color and John had picked it because he observed that I often wear my green vest and thought I’d like another color option (it was amazingly thoughtful). Add that gift to the fact that he also sent flowers (John NEVER sends flowers), and I think it is safe to say that John topped all previous Valentine’s remembrances of previous years. I? Well, lets say I had a poor showing this year. The best I could come up with (mind you I was going for something thoughtful, not too cheesy, that would fit in his suitcase and send just the right message of “I love you desperately” and “I’m not a sap”). I came up with thoughtful hand made note cards, one for each day of his business trip, and a small package (a book, of course) that could be opened on the big day itself. I felt it was a cheeseball gift, and I know my feeling was dead on, but John graciously thanked me and said he felt remembered etc. For a couple that is kind of “anti” when it comes to days when one is required to show one’s love for another, I think we truly did attempt to use the opportunity to let each other know that we are madly crazy in love now, as always…

What do you all do for your kids on Valentines’? I have flip flopped over the years about my “remembrance” of the day in their behalf. When I had fewer and they were all so small I remember gifts, like red clothing or a bucket full of activities etc., but those days are so gone. For the last two years I’ve given the kids a sugar cookie from the local bakery (best sugar cookie on the planet, just the right amount of frosting, just the right texture in the cookie. Never liked sugar cookies before, but Great Harvest on Holladay Blvd. has made me a believer). John, of course, funds the cookie purchases, so he is as much the giver as I. We write a note to the kids and hope they know we love ‘em in a million other ways than sugar and calories eaten for Breakfast on a winter’s day in February (yes, I let them eat their cookie for breakfast on Valentine’s. This is huge because I am a mom who doesn’t allow her children to consume “sugar cereal” unless it is Saturday morning…). They seem to be happy with this tradition-we’ll see if it sticks! Happy Valentines day…

In hope and faith...

Unfortunately we've had a turn of bad news in our journey to adopt molly. It seems her birth father has been disagreeable in signing the adoption papers, and other legal means will have to be used to make Molly officially a Graham come this June. It was an upsetting turn of events for us, we had so hoped for a smooth road. But, I guess I should have anticipated a glich somewhere, and here it is. Seems as though we do have to face opposition when the forces of good go to work in our lives. We invite you to add your faith to ours as we hope for this next step in the process to go smoothly and without opposition, that Molly Elizabeth can indeed become a Graham. We should hear in the next 30 days if smooth sailing has been our fate, and then at that time we hope to anticipate no further delay in a June finalization. If not, the legal system will do it's thing and as long as the birthfather's rights are removed before June we can still finalize then-otherwise we wait with baited breath until it all settles and finalize when it does. Not before June, but possibly after if steps are taken against the adoption. Oh how we hope for June.

It is a funny thing with Molly. She came to us by surprise, with little warning and no real hope of permanance. AFter a time we felt in our hearts she had such a place with us, but knew it was not in our hands and there was nothing in our power to make her ours but prayer and love. As we wanted her, we loved her as our own and have even felt willing to raise her without her carrying our name, making her part of our family in every way but that. The gift of her adoption was not saught after, only secretly hoped for, and it was such a timely blessing and comfort when Molly's birthmom so aptly chose adoption for Molly. I didn't anticipate a fight of any kind-even knowing the birthfather was a bit obstanate to say the least. I guess it is apporpriate that we'd need to add faith and work to this process. After all, every child worth loving is a child worth fighting for. And every child is worth loving.

So, we'll fight if we have to. I pray we don't. I want our faith and the legal system to be enough. But, if it is not, we'll do all we have to and more to give Molly our name and make her forever a Graham. 

My Favorite Mess

So, It is now mid-January and I've been away from my blog for some time. I'm pretty sure no one actually reads this any more, especially now that Lucy is home and instead of being some novelty, world traveling mom of 6 i'm just now a crazy, in-over-my-head mom of 6 trying to figure out how to be all my kids need me to be and still keep the house from crashing down...you know what I mean I'm sure.

Anyway, a while ago I took down all the Christmas decorations, but I saved my favorite mess for last. Every year John and I send out over 200 Christmas cards. It is the cursed blessing of several moves and wonderful friends. We didn't keep official track this year, but we are pretty sure we sent cards to at least half of our 50 states, along with cards to Canada, China, Sweden, England and costa Rica. I'm sure I've missed a couple of other spots, but you get the picture. It is a big project and kinda pricey, but it is one of our favorite holiday traditions to remember the rich and wonderful life we enjoy thanks to all of you, our friends.

The total upside to sending out tons of cards, is getting cards in return. We string them all over the house, use them as garland and decor. We love to read how our friends are doing, see how the kids have grown and remember lovely times with wonderful people. By the end of the holiday seasons we have upwards of 200 cards strewn all over the house, and it is a little bit of a mess to find them all and do the responsible thing in recycling...but it is my favorite mess of the year. I love the chance to remember the blessing of friendship. The reminder of a day at the beach with Gabe and Judson, or a picnic on the deck with the Mancini's , reading each card is a wonderful walk through the richness of the life I've had thus far.

I know when I kick the bucket I won't have any of the "stuff" I deal with now. Houses, clothes, cars, even a body fit enough to race triathlon-it'll all go the way of all the earth. But I believe in my heart of hearts that these friendships, names and faces on holiday cards, they will remain. Those lovely and wonderful relationships will continue-and hopefully we'll actually see those we love more often and won't have to resort to the trouble and mess of holiday cards to catch up on the latest goings on.

For now, I'll write the cards and recycle the ones we get each holiday. What a true gift of the season to remember the lives of those we love and enjoy a memory or two as we open, display and recycle my favorite mess. 

An Unexpected Gift
We received an unexpected and very welcome Christmas gift on December 20th this year. At around 11 a.m. our adoption counselor called informing us that Molly's birthmom had signed paperwork for Molly to be "officially" placed with us as her adoptive parents. In the blink of an eye John and I were sitting in the adoption agency office, listening to the paperwork we would sign to accept Molly as our adoptive daughter. (What a blessing our dear friend and trusted right hand gal Jenna Johnson was visiting our family from Boise so I could leave the little kiddos for this important and life altering experience!)

As I listened to our case worker read the legal jargon that would bind us to Molly for good I felt so many emotions go through me all at once. Having not expected to officially sign papers until after the new year I was thrilled for the early Christmas gift; what an appropriate time of year to recieve a child into your life. It was on December 5, 2004 that Molly first came into our home, and now 2 years and 15 days later she can become a permanent Graham. Just as I felt this joy the feeling of sadness for Molly's birthmom-who I love-was just as great. How difficult it must have been for her to sign her name, placing her daughter in the permanent care of another mother. I wondered how she was doing, who was there to support and strengthen her, and how she would ever know what a gift she has given us in making Molly a Graham.

We will be carefully watched over during the next 6 months by our adoption counselor, as paperwork for adoption isn't "finalized" until 6 months after placement. It is then-in mid June-that we will appear before a judge and see that Molly Elizabeth Graham will forever belong to us. In the meantime we live our lives as usual. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary. Just time to wait and be thankful for the day when all of the Grahams are official. No longer a borrowed baby, Molly will become a forever Graham-#5-the unsinkable little Molly that has belonged here from her beginnings with us two christmas times ago.

This unexpected gift, the gift of a child to loving parents, is such a tender reminder of the goodness of God. It is such a deep and abiding lesson at this Christmas season, when we remember the gift of a tiny baby whose mission it was to glorify and do the will of God, His true and divine Father. How thankful we are for the gift of our Molly. How thankful we are for the Gift of God's son, given so long ago, which we celebrate throughout this Christmas season.

An attempt at Yuletide news

So, last year I tried my best to provide some humor in sharing the events of 2005 and the current state of the Graham Union. I’ve put some extensive efforts into thinking of this year’s installment, but have truly come up blank. It isn’t that nothing funny has happened this year. It’s just that I’m too sleep-deprived to remember the funny parts. Suffice it to say that I recently described our daily life to my friend Gabe Brooks as a TV sitcom; complete with the smart one liners from our kids, the crazy “how will they get themselves out of this one” situations and the “it all turned out o.k. in the end and they are a happy family after all” kinds of endings.

2006 brought so much to our family. A year in a new home, complete with the planting of a garden (do we have to weed here too mom?), the upkeep of a swimming pool (it isn’t black with algae yet!), and the painting of a few walls. We’ve met wonderful neighbors and have enjoyed our location in Salt lake (kids and I hiked to secret lake, by ourselves this summer) and have felt greatly blessed to be near family and to have renewed friendships with old friends. The kids continue to grow right out of last year’s clothes, despite my continued protests. Each one of them is such a vital and undeniably necessary part of this family, my feelings of gratitude and wonder over all of them cannot be expressed in words.

*John ran his first marathon this June and finished with an impressive time! We were all there to cheer him on at the half way (as it was only a few yards away from our front door) and to scream and holler as he crossed the finish line. However, finding him after he crossed the finish was like finding a needle in a haystack. After sending out an APB for the cute guy in the grey t-shirt (all the runners were wearing grey t-shirts) we found John and carried him home (I’m teasing, he walked himself to the car and really didn’t seem to have much trouble recovering; a natural). His next feat of strength came in running a team relay called “the Wasatch Back” which involved taking turns running 100 miles through the back country of the Wasatch mountain range. He had a great time and his team had great success. John as already been invited to join in next year.

John finds enjoyment in his current role as head of Marketing for Mrs. Field’s gifts. I’ve heard him repeatedly describe his professional life as “a bake sale”. In this current role he regularly sends “test samples” through the mail to our home. These samples are carefully scrutinized for their weight, freshness and packaging. Unfortunately, then the contents are devoured by the Grahams. Needless to say, john and Katie are not as prepared for the upcoming triathlon season as they’d like to believe…guess we better get him out on those trails so the guys on the relay who read this message won’t renege on their invitation.

*
Mason keeps growing up and has become an absolute right hand man around the house. I know our window is very brief between “little kid” and “teenager”, but may I say now that I am loving every day of his life at this time. Not only do I see tiny glimpses of who he is growing to become (hardworking like his dad and a pie in the sky dreamer like his mom), but he has shown such a gentle nature with the kids and such a willingness to be of service to me as we manage life with a crowd. Mason visited his 13^th country this year when accompanying John and me to Vietnam where we adopted our newest addition. Our time with him in that foreign land was absolutely priceless. His comments to me during and after the experience were not directed to the poverty he witnessed or the differences in culture, but to the goodness of a people not like him, of their kind spirits and their warm hearts. What a privilege it is to parent this kid. He continues to find success in school and has many friends who love to play with him. Mason is a budding artist, and still intends to use this talent in his future career; some days as a movie maker, some days as a cartoonist, but always as a creator and user of imagination.

*Bryn continues to be a successful dancer and student. Kind, thoughtful and loving, Brynley is a joy to our family. This year she chose to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints. We are impressed with her desire to keep the commitments she made through baptism, and feel she is a girl of great integrity. We expected a lot of Brynley during the time we were in Vietnam, and she did not disappoint. Helping her grandma with the younger children was a challenge, but she creatively led them in “preschool” with Madison as her assistant. Bryn orchestrated a lesson, activity and snack for Porter (4) Alex (my parent’s foster grandson) (3), Molly (2) and Taylor (my nephew, age 1). What an amazing girl to keep these little bodies engaged for like 30 minutes at a stretch! Bryn has enjoyed participating in the Ballet West production of “Nutcracker” this year and also dances at the local studio two nights a week. She is very excited to be adding “jazz” to her dance repertoire. We are very excited she is adding “multiplication” to her mathematical repertoire, and are very proud of her scholastic achievements as well as the development of her many talents.

Madison is our brown eyed beauty. Extremely gifted in school, Madison has had a little trouble with her eyes because she is reading more and longer than her little eye muscles can handle. Madi has participated in a neighborhood choir this year, and has LOVED finding her voice. She has a darling angelic sound, and can learn a tune after hearing it just once. Add to this her incredible talent at the piano and I believe we Grahams have a musical powerhouse on our hands! She was a contributor on the soccer team this year, with her only regret being that her dad wasn’t her coach (no offense coach Wade, you are awesome!). Madi’s competitive nature makes for fun around the house; as long as the competition does NOT include her oldest brother (can you imagine an 11 yr. old in tears with his 6 year old sister strutting a victory dance after a friendly board game?). We officially dubbed Madison our dolphin this summer, as she would have truly preferred living in the swimming pool day and night. While we were away in Vietnam the pool remained closed, and this was the most bitter of disappointments for Madi. Luckily her dear friend Sophie was willing to share her pool, which meant that there was no reason at all for her to want us to come home…

Porter is officially a school attending child. He goes to discovery preschool 3 afternoons a week (a forever thank you to DeAnne Flynn for championing him into that wonderful school!). Porter loves school and is incredibly excited about things like shapes, numbers and letters. He continues to be convinced that a “polkie-dot” must accompany the writing of his name, and insisted that his Halloween jack-o-lantern read on the back “Porter-4-.”He is the oldest kiddo at home during his time away from school, and feels the weight and privilege of this role as he tenderly tries to help Lucy and Molly endure my daily tasks of dishes and laundry. Porter’s latest love is camping out, in his closet. He takes all the blankets off his bed and turns them into a sleeping bag, laying them down in his “tent”. Then he brings his night light (a star shaped paper light we’ve had for years) into the “tent” to be his campfire. He sleeps this way night after night. I’m a bit terrified that he’s going to roll over onto his “campfire” and cause a real fire, so any suggestions to ease this concern are welcome!

Molly will officially become a Graham sometime in 2007. We are still floating with the sweet and wonderful news that Molly’s birth mom has chosen for Molly to become a Graham. This news came at such a critical time for us, and was truly a blessing from Heaven. We are awed and humbled at the trust a loving birth mom has placed in us to be the right family for the darling we all love so much. In addition to learning she will be forever called Molly Elizabeth Graham, Molly has also learned how to SCREAM. She has been a tender and loving sister to her new baby Lucy, and has been a fun loving terrorizing toddler to the rest of us. We love her desperately-even when she dances on the counter tops or eats sheet cake with her fists for breakfast! Swimming and holding her blanket are Molly’s favorite past times, she has no fear of the water which causes this mom to have an intense fear of our swimming pool! Good thing Molly picked up swimming as if she was born to do it. We love Molly’s sweet kisses and her beautiful big eyes.

Lucy is our newest addition and has been the highlight of our year. We spent the latter part of 2005 hurriedly meeting paperwork obligations to be ready to adopt a child from Vietnam as soon as negotiations to open that country’s adoption program were complete. Our dossier was sent to our agency in February, and the first adoption from Vietnam to an American family was completed in March. We were unaware when Lucy was born on March 16^th to a mother who slipped away from the hospital just hours after giving birth. She was named Hiep Duc Nguyen by the hospital staff, after the village her birth mom had named on the hospital paperwork, and became officially “adoptable” on April 16^th. We waited with baited breath and lots of tears and prayers for news of our dark eyed beauty. Finally, we officially received Lucy’s referral on May 31^st. After an excruciating wait, John, Mason and I boarded the plane to Ho Chi Minh City on July 30^th, and held Lucy for the first time on August 2. 5 weeks later Lucy arrived home to her family, and all is well. Many have asked if Lucy has adjusted to us, and if we have adjusted to her. Truthfully, from the second she lay in our arms we all felt at home. I will believe ‘til my dying day that she patiently waited for us with full understanding of our coming to her. I know she was meant to be our daughter from before this world was. Lucy has a happy and “laid back” demeanor, with a true light in her soul. She warms the heart of all who meet her. If you’d like to read more about her adoption, or about our time in Vietnam, you can visit lucy-evelina.blogspot.com and check out the archives of this most excellent adventure.

I continue to carry the expression of a deer in the headlights each day as I try and be all that our children need me to be for them to become independent adults and contributing members of society. I’m too busy to be overwhelmed, although John does notice now and again that I need the chance to purchase the groceries “unaccompanied”. I longingly look at my bike every once in a while, but try to remember that whole “time and season” thing. Someday, about 5 years from now, I will be found in the foothills on foot or cycling or pursuing my latest secret desire:. snowshoeing. Someday I’ll train all morning and then spend the afternoon (in my spotlessly clean house, of course) writing children’s books or finishing my long list of “to be done” scrapbook projects, contributing to the family economy by running my own small business. To be sure, this good life awaits, but just as sure is the fact that the sitcom life of now is exciting and fulfilling and funny any day I am willing to laugh.

At this time, more than at any other, we graciously acknowledge the love and mercy of a tender God, who has shown us the goodness of His ways and the truth that He is ever mindful of us all. We rejoice in the coming of His Son, even the Christ whose birth causes us to publish these glad tidings. With love and gratitude for wonderful children, a warm place to live and food to feed us we extend our love to you at this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

Feliz navidad

God Jul!