Texas twisters a plenty

In the five years we owned a home in Dallas (yep, this is our second round living in Dallas, but this time we live in the 'burbs) we had the tornado alarms go off twice. Once I was home with my little kids (Mason was in second grade, now he's in 7th) and a boy who lived down the street. After taking cover in our hallway and phoning my sweetheart-who was sitting down to a business dinner in Louisville KY-we waited out the hail storm and the eery silence. Once I was downtown-completely away from the storm's danger- while my children piled into my best friend's bathtub to seek shelter from the twisting winds. Twice in Five years...

But in 5 weeks-o.k., maybe almost 10 weeks now-we've had the sirens three times. Looks like they'll go off again tonight.

We are steadily prepping a closet underneath our stairs to be the tornado shelter we need. A lantern, some sleeping bags, a first aid kit, radio and some water and food tucked away in our storm shelter. You should see me spring into action when that siren goes off, wish I could use that as a starting sound for a triathlon; I'd kill my bad time through adrenaline alone. When the siren went off in the middle of the night I was out of my bed like a shot-"you get the kids, I get the shoes" was all I could get out of my mouth as I noticed John pulled himself from his peaceful slumber (so centered, so assured, so calm is my darling)while I went flying through the house gathering tennis shoes that tie on my kids' feet "just in case".I'm such a paranoid, such a protector, such a doomsday believer, I guess.

At least we get the siren.

I distinctly remember lying in my bed in our home in Salt Lake City-with visions of earthquakes (a definite future event on the wasatch front where we lived) dancing about in my mind. No warning, no siren to tell me to find my kids and put them somewhere safe.

In Africa, one evening I woke to the sound that was surely an intruder. Someone trying to enter the house (a very common occurrence in Johannesburg). Turns out a fence had broken and the wind was banging it shut again and again...Once the offending fence was sealed shut I slept soundly, feeling as if I had just run a marathon with all the adrenaline drained out of my overly tense and worried body.

Why do I worry so much? Why does all of this get to me? Ill-prepared? Afraid of loss? I don't know....

Threats of one nature or another have been present wherever we've lived, and somehow I've managed to completely worry myself over all of them. Why do I react with such concern? Why do I tense up at the thought of cleaning up from hail, or wind, or quake?

Any free counseling is welcome, I know I'm over the top too paranoid. But perhaps ther is something to the scripture which states "if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear".

I'll go finish my closet prep now. Maybe that will bring more sleep-and more peace- to my tired eyes tonight.