This little fella is the nephew of my sister in law.
His parents let me hold for a minute the other night.
As I put him in my arms I could literally feel my heartbeat slow.
A Calm came over me.
A peace I have been missing.
This is who I have been for most all of the last 15 years.
A mother with a baby.
It has been a great part of my identity.
I've worn my babies like a great accessory.
They have identified my style. My persona. My being.
I have been a mother to a babe-in-arms until about 18 months ago.
I haven't really felt like myself since then.
It was nice to feel like I used to for just a few minutes.
I didn't even mind when he threw up on my shoulder.
I would have kept him longer.
But, sadly, I'm not his mother.
2 comments:
Funny, when I envision myself as a mother someday I feel anxiety and at times utter panic! I hope when I hold my first baby someday those feeling melt away and I feel what you described here. Fingers crossed!!
It's the best feeling in the world. I crave to hold babies and get my "fix". I am glad my sisters are still bearing children. I could do ten more babies. Teenagers on the other hand...
Katie you are a wonderful mom!
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