A moment of tearful rejoicing

Mason graduated from Olympus High School today. The ceremony was so well done. He sang a medley of songs with the school ensemble which he has been a part of this year. great speeches were given by his classmates. The jazz band entertained us, and the students who graduated were very well mannered. Mason seemed very happy and content with his achievement.As he has been saying a lot this past month "today - a very good day"

I felt happy too. 

It is such a paradox to have a child grow up. You look at yourself and your kid in so many new ways. How do you parent someone who wants to be treated like an adult? How did this happen so fast? Why can't I remember every little detail about his childhood and youth? Why am I excited for him and mournful for myself all at once? Why am I not crying more? Why have I not reveled in every single moment of his time under my wing? When does he leave home and why do I feel like he should leave home? Feeling like he must leave to grow, why do I want him so much to be here, be among us, be with us, be safe in this house, be where I can watch and protect and hover? 

so may conflicts within me as I smile in the stands and he throws his cap in the air.

The school board member who officially accepted the graduating class asked that the students stand and give their parents an ovation. He said something so correct, so completely accurate, and its the only time of the morning's festivities that brought me to tears. 

"the people in this room who are here to support you have made the most significant contribution to your achievement this day, and you will not be able to realize that for about another decade."

With the speaker's instruction the senior class stood and clapped for their parents, their siblings, and their grandparents in the audience. Mason, who was seated so his profile was all we could see, turned toward us and squared his shoulders to us, clapping his hands and smiling with gratitude. 

This was my moment of tearful rejoicing.

The work we have done as Mason's parents is thus far quite unrealized by him. In his eagerness to make his own path and forge his own future he sees us as having done very little to help him become what he is thus far. In the day to day grind of our family life we have lost our credibility with him in many ways. 

But for that moment today, he showed me he is grateful, and somewhere inside he knows that we have done all that we could for him. To get him on the right road, to set his feet walking in the right direction so that now he can run relentlessly toward his dreams.