So I've been Flaky, What's it to ya?!

I've been a flaky blogger this week. We made it through Flat Stanley (I got 100% by the way) and we got everyone where they needed to be when they needed to be there. And that was all I had in me. So, what's it to ya?

John came home Tuesday night and every day since I've had to remind myself umpteen times that it isn't FRIDAY yet. It feels so much like the weekend when my husband is present that it has really thrown me off (He hasn't thrown me, he has been pleasant and helpful and enjoyable). Yesterday we scooted off to Costco and as we packed the car to go home I realized how late we would be getting the kids to piano lessons because, oh yea, it is THURSDAY, not FRIDAY, and our kids play the piano for their teacher on Thursday!

I also stood up a lady who has tried to come to our home and train me to record important data concerning our healthcare expenditures so I can help solve America's broken medical system (who knew I'd been called to be a public servant? I didn't. My name was drawn randomly, and they don't care much that we are in a state of upheave presently. 'Study can go with you when you move.' 'National study, people available in every state to take your data and thank you for your service'. Sigh)

And today our kids are out of school. Someone-bless them-came in to see the house this morning between 8:30-9:30 a.m. so we pulled the kids out of bed and ate sugar cereal in the park (freezing cold wind blowing in our faces) to start off our "stay-cation". Came home to a spottless house and fell asleep for an hour or so while the kids vegged in front of the tv. Now we are off to eat delicious bar-b-que, then see a movie, go swimming and play rock band 'til I can actually NOT lose on the guitar or drums.

I do rock at the vocals.

And Bryn promised to show me how to work the wii so I can do Yoga with a virtual trainer who will tell me I can become balanced and centered if I practice often enough. Some kind of wisdom in that, right?

Look for photos of Easter garb and children looking for Easter eggs in our well-mowed back yard. We are looking forward to fun and giggly Easter secularism on Saturday and reverent Easter worship on Sunday. We've been reading during our scripture study accounts of prophets who testified of Christ, His ministry, His atonement, and the wonder and purpose of His mission during this week. I've felt closer to Him and to our children as we've read these sacred words about Him and look forward to a more personal discipleship as I try to maintain this pattern in my personal scripture study.

Happy Good Friday.

Oh yeah, today is the 6th of April-YIKES!

So, this morning I was lying in bed, mentally creating the day before me. The plans of a calm morning, a work out at the gym, not so much cleaning as I'm currently used to, and a walk to the little park with the girls was all swirling pleasantly as I hit the snooze.

We muddled through morning chores and scripture study. Then the realization

FLAT STANLEY IS DUE THIS MORNING

CRAP.!

So, Flat Stanley came home with Porter the Friday spring break began. He was supposed to accompany Porter wherever we all went, with photos to prove we did not forget him. Then three sentences per photo. Then typed sentences on the computer. Then pictures printed, sentences printed, all presented nicely on a big giant poster board.

Well, for starters Flat Stanley was left in our suitcase while we went to Sea World. Then he got left when we went to the alamo. Then I left my poor sister in charge while I went to Utah to scout houses. She remembered better than I-got two photos taken on excursions to the book store and the local bouncy castle emporium.

So the week after spring break we reconstructed some of Porter's adventures (and we even kind of made one up). The sentences got written, though with several spelling errors.

The poster just didn't get made. John came home, I gave away my check list to the euphoria of having my husband around, and Porter-bless him-never registered that this was HIS assignment anyway (don't you wonder that about teachers sometimes? I mean, a 6 year old is supposed to print photos, type sentences on a computer, print, yada yada yada? Much of the assignment was grade appropriate, but the poster part, totally an assignment for ME).

So Monday morning, 15 minutes before kids need to leave for school, and I remember that Flat Stanley is due on the 6th. And Mason says to Porter "Today is the 6th of April Porter!" This randomly came out of Mason's mouth

revelation from the mouth of a child.

TodAY!!! Flat Stanley is due RIGHT NOW!!!

Poster was constructed by 8:10, ten full minutes after the tardy bell rang. Porter was 19 minutes late for school. He seemed unruffled. Even my best efforts at "you need to do an assignment BEFORE the day its due" with my most stern voice just didn't bring him to tears. This is a child who, by his birth order, is late to most everything he does save school and church. He doesn't get deadlines as yet...and obviously I don't either ;(

Madi has a project for her super-brain class (she's been tested into the gifted program here, called LEAP). I am personally extremely intimidated by her assigment to research the cost involved in planning a trip to Capitol Reef National Park. Lodging, transportation costs, an itinerary all mapped out. Driving routes, photos of the park, all presented in page protectors organized into a binder. Good grief, here we go again. Its due May 1. Better get started on it now.

funny bits from the kids...

"Mom, my tooth is almost out, look its staying sideways all the time" (this is Porter's second tooth loss in almost as many weeks.)
"Do you want me to finish the job for you?" I ask, hoping he says no for the 100th time-I'm no fan of inflicting pain on my kids ya know?
"O.k. mom, you can try-but try to be soft o.k.?"
-one little jerk and the tooth was free, Porter let out a yelp.
"Oh, is it gone? You kind of hurt me mom"
"I'm sorry buddy, but now your tooth is out"
"o.k., then I forgive you" (bless him)
sometimes it has to hurt a little so we can have what we want, I guess.

Lucy says today;
"can I have some grapes?"
"sure honey, have the ones in your hand" (about 5 can fit in that tiny little hand)
"can I have aladose?" (all of those? that would be about a pound of grapes)
"Nope doll, if you eat all of those you'll be sick sick sick"
"Will I blaahhh?"
"Yep, you'd probably throw up"
"Then we could go to the doctor. She would give me medicine to make me stop the sickness and then I'd be all better..."
"Sometimes, when you throw up, the doctor says the best medicine is to go to bed"
"I don wanna go to bed!!!"
"then lets not eat all of the grapes, o.k.?
When considering our choices, its often good to ask ourselves "what would happen next?"

"Mom, today I want to be PIN -KA- LICIOUS" announced Molly
"Is Pinkalicious a person, or is it a way to behave?" I ask
"Its something in a book I read with Jenna. No, Aunt Jessa. Yea, for sure it was with Aunt Jessa-when you were gone away. She took us to read stories at Barnes and Oval"

its great to remember the particulars of how other people have loved you. But in the end, to remember that you've been loved by somebody, well that's a memory you want to return over and over again-no matter who that somebody was...

Have a good rest of your Thursday. I can't wait for mine to wind down, because John will be at the end of it-in our home and in our bed-very pinkalicious.

A Photographic review

For the sake of my future posterity I thought it valuable to display here a photo essay of sorts on what we've been up to as a family for the last few weeks. This causes me to think I should also do a bit of a photo essay on our every day right now; the keeping of the "magazine house" and the running around of children would be good to document for a time a place where perfecting the polishing of the granite counter tops does not take priority over reading to a child or being on time to school...but that will be for another day. Here we go with the out of the ordinary events of March 2009;We went to San Antonio with my sister Jess and had a good time. I've written about the long lines at Sea World-but other than that most annoying day we enjoyed the Alamo and the rides. John bought passes the second day at Sea world which let us "cut to the front" of the lines, so our second experience was much better than our first. I cried-yes tears and everything-when I watched the trainer ride the whale. What is it about mammoth water creatures being nice to humans that makes me totally turn to mush? Notice in the photo above that John has Porter by the neck-I love that about this photo-because Porter is in so many ways like "Dash" from "The Incredibles"
We celebrated birthdays for Madi and Lucy. I've blogged about both, but just for this record I'd like to say that it is kind of fun to have two sisters celebrate their days just one right after the other. Hectic for mom, but fun for the girls.
I didn't have enough room to add a photo of Madi's birthday party; a "late over" with girlfriends and pizza and very expensive cupcakes and new pillowcases and pillows as party favors so I wouldn't have nightmares about lice coming in or going out of my house...because Madi requested a HUGE birthday gift (Nintendo DS in pink) we had a SMALL birthday party-so sorry not every child in 3rd grade and every classmate from Primary was not invited to attend! My guilt about excluding was overridden by our budget and my emotional ability to maintain sanity with a house for sale and full of children all at the same time ;)
I went to Utah to scout schools and neighborhoods. Didn't take a single picture. My one selfish indulgence? I got a hair cut and wandered in to Children's Hour boutique. Otherwise I was a busy bee and gathered lots of sweet information about where we might plant ourselves whenever we get to roll into the valley
And most recently but certainly not least important, Jenna came back to see us! Jenna spent her spring break (which was a week after ours) sleeping on the blow up mattress in the studio, playing with the little girls and babysitting so I could do stuff like go to church training meetings and Middle school Choir concerts. It was great to have here with us, she is such a special friend and even a part of our family when she's here. Highlights with Jenna were visiting IKEA and eating fancy cheeseburgers, oh-and sending her shopping with Bryn. I also just loved having her company.

So that has been the last few weeks in the Graham household. Not everything has been captured, but the things that were most fun are now documented for us to remember. Look out for another photo essay coming soon on the very mundane ever day that is our current life.

Happy Wednesday!

Sometimes Quality Family Time=Insanity

We have been wisely counseled in our church to hold a weekly night for just our families. "Family Home Evening" is a program that has been around for forever, and for very good reason.

We have dinner together, We sing together, We pray together, we have a lesson about a gospel topic or about manners or anything mom and dad feel needs teaching to their darlings, we have an activity together (our favorite is Hide and go Seek) and we eat treats together.

Family Home evening is a righteous tradition (and yes I do mean "righteous" in that teenage slang term kind of way. Its cool to spend time actually teaching and being taught by your kids and playing with them. Every week. Righteous). And I've fought to keep it alive in our family ever since the first Graham baby graced the halls of our home.

But sometimes, that heavenly spirit of love and unity that you would hope would attend such an evening just doesn't make it. contention, ill will, even mean spirited pokes at family members can sometimes attend instead.

And that is when Family Home Evening becomes Insanity.

It doesn't happen very often, which doesn't mean that most Family nights are full of unity and perfect harmony-a lot of the time there is a fair amount of tolerance and some eye rolling going on, and then of course we have the occasional visit of heavenly feelings of eternal love for one another. but Insanity happened this Family night and I've got the scars to prove it.

Exhibit A; the war torn remains of our lesson zone. Toys thrown across the coffee table, children hiding under the coffee table, other children trying to begin their evening's rest under the shiny throw blanket, and still others bouncing with their feet on the exquisite couches recently purchased for me by my darling husband, who is currently away for most every family night (sigh...)


Exhibit B; littlest Graham is "excused" from family night for throwing a fit when her mother set her down from her lap in order to participate in the lesson. Littlest Graham was asleep within seconds of this photo - her crocodile tears drying fast on her perfect little cheeks.

Exhibit C; One of the many children who, after enduring the evening's lesson feels entitled to the evenings dessert. But this child has not eaten his dinner. And its bedtime now and I'm cranky 'cause no one would joyfully participate in our lesson or even be nice to each other during its delivery. And so said child is given 3 minutes to clear his plate or miss dessert. He cleared it (sigh again)

Exhibit D; Two oldest daughters revel in their just desserts. Ice cream and cookies never seem so justified as they do after enduring a lesson they don't feel like listening to or participating in, eh? This photo was taken about 10 seconds before Madi hit the roof, and I spent 30 minutes unwinding her (friend issues at school and the general feeling of being unheard by the one adult in her life who is supposed to listen-me-and also she's decided that she doesn't want to move after all and why did people have to come look at the house last Saturday anyway?). By the time I got to my family night treat it was a melted mess on the kitchen counter...

We missed exhibit E; teenage boy who decides that he needs to contribute to his portion of the lesson with his ELECTRIC Guitar, which he escaped to his room to gather while his sister was doing her portion of the lesson, so then sister decides not to participate for Brother because brother skipped out on sister...

can you feel the love people? Can you feel the lunacy?

Really, it isn't usually like this. Lots of times its better, and believe it or not sometimes its worse.

But its worth it, I hope. I have promises pinned up on the bulletin board in my head; quotes from prophets which lay out for me an eternity of my children around me if i gather them to me each week and try to teach them things of God.

So, I'll chalk this week up to bad weather, or bad Carma or poor preparation (Heaven does know I could prepare a bit better for these events!) and I'll try again next Family Home Evening...

wanna come?

Feeling Quiet

Yesterday was Fast Sunday. As I went without eating and tried NOT to go without praying I desired help from Heaven for many many things. To Sell our house, to see where to move in the Valley we go to, to be strong for the weeks and months until I'm reunited with a husband who no longer has his hands tied to 80+hours of work each week but who still feels far away as he works in a place that is not where we live....but mostly I've fasted because

I want to repent.

Not that I've stolen something or used too many swear words, (though I've had my share of expletives as of late). Repentance is about wanting to erase those things that stand in the way of feeling God's love and hearing His quiet whisper. He extends His love always, and is ever conversing with us, but we separate ourselves from it through our attitudes, thoughts and actions.

I want to close the gap.

I've complained too much and looked forward without hope too often these last few months. My expectation for a swift lift to a new home where John comes home for dinner and my kids have safe haven to live the standards we've set has not been met. The house still stands here for sale, with few if any prospects for buyers. I still have little if any idea where to place us in the large and growing valley of the Great Salt Lake.

I've been murmuring. And because of that I've moved farther from Heaven and closer to discouraging gloom. Grey instead of blue skies. Fear instead of hope.

and now I feel quiet inside. Not as yet clean, but at least quiet and ready to move closer. As my list of daily to-do's grows by the millisecond I desire to set it all aside and sit in quiet reflection
of the blessings I've seen
the miracles I've watched
the way He's remembered me and mine
in the moves and changes of the past...

maybe I'm getting closer
perhaps it will be soon that the quiet will give way to words of praise and thanksgiving for His answers and for the warmth and light of His ever available love.

With that warmth and truth comes strength, humility and the undeniable ability to endure hardships both real and slightly exaggerated. The feeling of companionship with deity, and the ability to see others as they are seen from a Heavenly perch. I've felt these things, fleetingly, before. And I long to feel them again.

but for now I'll be glad to at least feel quiet.

Lula-bug turns 3

Lucy duc turned 3 whilst on Spring Break. Her day consisted of opening gifts in the hotel room, and standing in line at Sea World (oh to be 3 when standing in line is nearly as fun as riding the rides! The rest of us were miserable, but Lu was happy as a clam, sitting in her stroller with her birthday specs and abc game from grandma on her lap wherever we went).

Because of the miserable lines (2 hours of traffic between the freeway exit and the parking lot. Another hour spent in the line to buy entrance to the venues. Nightmare in San Antonio for sure!) we went back to our little hotel so the kids to swim in the freezing cold pool. Lucy donned her new birthday swimming togs and plunged in - to the hot tub. She was done about 15 minutes later, and I was glad as many reports of sick children have come my way due to their swallowing hotel swimming pool water ;)

Daddy arrived with a grocery store birthday cake, a gallon of ice cream, some candles and matches. Happy birthday-in English and Swedish as per our family tradition-was sung and Lucy dug in, still wearing her sparkling sun glasses.

If this birthday had been Brynley's or Mason's or even Porter's it would not have gone down in the record books as one of the very best. But because it is Lucy-who can smile and be happy even in the worst of situations (like standing in line at Sea World) she felt loved and happy and joyful on her very special day.

Our love for this little Graham soul transcends hotel swimming pools and giant traffic jams. We love this child who brightens our family and whose very presence reminds us that the God of Heaven knows her, and knows us too. And that He loves us all for bringing us together to be Grahams for now and forever.

Happy Birthday Lula-bug!

Jessa Was Here

Jessica, my extremely talented very lovely ever giving little sis was here for spring break. She vacationed with us at the Alamo (and Sea world where the dolphins soaked her as she smiled) and then gave me a break from the every day and TOOK CARE OF ALL OF MY KIDS while I went to Salt Lake to scout neighborhoods.

Jess is great.
I miss her.
Could go on for hours about all she did for us (she prepped the house for TWO OPEN HOUSES and a showing. The agent who showed the house went on about how IMACULATE it was. All thanks to Jessa).

Jess has been with us in every house we've lived in. She's the only sibling I have that has seen me in every environment from Chicago to Sweden to Africa and now DAllas (not to mention Utah and Boise besides). There is something to be said for that-she's a loyal aunt and sister and a great example.
and a wonderful gardener (Use her Services; DIG Design, coming now now to a Salt Lake community near you!)
and she's beautiful
and clever
and mysterious
and cute
and smart
and wise, becoming more wise by the day I believe.

love you J., thanks for coming

Taking the Ride...

I'm back from a long long break. A trip to San Antonio, then another trip to Utah. Trying to catch up after being far away. And trying to look forward to a new beginning, even though I can't tell when that new beginning will, well, begin.

Its been quite a ride.

But here's to moving forward, and to learning patience (some more) and to learning to trust in the love of an omnipotent Father who knows better than I and who, I must believe, is interested in when our new beginning will come.

Check out that picture above; do you see our Mollybygolly front and center? She was a roller coaster riding maniac, that one. Check out second row right; Porter was terrified and all he had was the armpit of his sister to console him.

funny. Porter knew enough to be scared. Molly knew less and so could enjoy the ride.

what's the lesson in that? Maybe there isn't one. But right now I'm praying for ignorance and an ability to sit center front and scream with the thrill of adventures ahead.

Nice to be back.
Missed you all.

Mixin' it up and a little break from the blog...

after saving up bunches of amazon.com points -and still not having enough to cover it all - we purchased a blender that can smoothie anything. This is our family's 4th blender

and it better be our last.

We christened it yesterday, with freezing temperatures and rain outside, and made fruit smoothies for after school snack. The delicious drinks were, indeed, SMOOTH. And that made them all the more yummy.

Thanks John.

In other news, the tooth fairy finally visited Porter. She is always late in coming to our house, but at least she does come. Porter wished she would bring him a Nintendo DS or a Wii game, and then I reminded him that this was the tooth fairy, and not Santa Claus who was coming to see him. He had his magical gift giving folklore all mixed up.

She brought him $2. One bill, and 4 quarters. Porter thought he had $6 in his hands. The subject of money, apparently, comes in 2nd grade (well, John is trying to still teach me that subject, so I guess I can't really fault the school system or my parenting for Porter's childish mistake.)

And Madi kicked off her birthday celebration-o-rama today. Treats went to school (krispy kremes, hand picked by mom) and lunch at Red Robin (the birthday child picks the restaurant, and I check the child out from school in the middle of the day so it all feels very fun and delinquent. I'm such a fun parent, right?) Madi will celebrate with birthday cake and presents on Sunday, and will have a low-key late night with girl friends at the end of the month to round off the o-rama part of the celebration-o-rama mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph.

Lucy will turn 3 on Monday, her celebration will involve a gift and a store bought cake served with song at Sea World!

And finally, not that I haven't already checked out of my daily blogging routine this week, but next week I will take an official blogging vacation. The Graham's are off to remember the Alamo. Look for photos of birthdays, dolphin watching and river walking around March 23!

on teeth

I've posted about this before. I cry when my children lose their teeth.

I don't cry when they start school.
I don't cry when they learn how to walk or ride a bike.


but I weep when their baby teeth give way to big ones. I lament the loss of their baby faces, their baby smiles.

Porter lost his first tooth last night. He bit into his grilled cheese and announced the tooth was somewhere in the squishy yellow of yummy-ness that was his dinner. He found the tooth in his food, held it up in triumph and then began to prance around the house in right-of-passage exuberance. I hung my head, remembered the smile he had smiled just hours before, and cried.


He's not my baby boy any more. Hasn't really been a baby for a very long time. But the gap in his smile is proof that he will march forward to manhood instead of freeze here at darling 1st grader as I'd secretly hoped he would.

tears are coming again.


and as an aside on the subject of teeth; I had mine worked on today. Half of my face is still numb as can be, had my jaw cranked open for an hour or more. Least gentle dentist I've ever worked with to be sure. Sympathy please.

Thank you.

A rare double post day

I'm supposed to do this again in June all strong and ready, but...
it is 11:55 a.m. and I am just getting out of my pajamas. This is the second day in a row that a shower has not happened before noon.

and I'm not gettin' a shower yet neither...

I'm off to exercise somewhere somehow before I pick up my girls from preschool. Then they and I will drive to the far off computer store where our old HP hard drive waits patiently for us to bring it home from its lengthy repair.

On that exercise note...mine's not going so well this week. A 15 minute walk with the girls and my dog was all I could manage yesterday. Today I'll get 45 minutes or so with some weights and a big old "fanny lifter" step upstairs in our loft. Tomorrow? I hope I get a run, we went 10 miles last Saturday-Mason too-and we need to go 11 this weekend. It isn't wise to run 11 miles without having run a few others a few days before!

People, its time for me to move. I need some exercise and most days it doesn't happen because I'm cleaning a stupid house that is for sale. If it weren't for sale, I'd trade cleaning for running, but as it is I'm strapped to the broom, with a holster of cleaning products tied around my very soft, very squishy belly.

So, if you have any room left in your prayers, would use it up on my whiny need to relocate? Pray for a buyer. I'm trying my best to be patient and accept a time table that is heavenly instead of stressed out mother of six-ly, but I must truly admit that I'm feeling less than patient about it right about now. Any extra faith from someone who sits outside this 5000 square foot box would be ever so much appreciated...

now my work out will be 5 minutes shorter, but at least you all heard my sour vent for the day...happy one to you! The fanny lifter awaits.

A wonderful way to worship

We braved daylight savings time and loaded the family up in church attire to worship this past Sunday with some very dear old friends. When we lived in Texas the first time 'round, we lived in a different area entirely-and these were the people who loved us.

We loved them too. And still do.

It was great to sit in the very quiet, very roomy chapel and hear songs sung in both English and Spanish all at once. It brought a flood of memories to see a couple sitting in the rear choir pews, microphone in hand to translate the meeting into the earphones of Spanish speaking church members sitting all around us. Our dear friends, pictured above, had not been notified of our intent to church with them, and muffled squeals of "HI!!!" came from their mouths as they entered the quiet chapel.

We hugged and hugged and hugged the people we've loved for so long but have not seen. We talked in hallways and stayed after services to catch up and remember.

The 80 degree weather was nothing compared to the burning in our hearts as we enjoyed the fellowship of friends who have "remained our brethren in the Lord" and who have continued to grow and deepen in the gospel that we share.

must keep washing

about 10 loads to go. I've been through an entire costco sized box of oxi-clean, almost 2 bottles of fabric softener, a massive container of "he" worthy laundry soap and a whole lot of electricity...

Happy Thursday!

The outward appearance of the inward countenance

I've recently learned that anxiety or stress produces a chemical in the body which can become addictive. Thus, trying to continue its dependence on the chemical, the mind and body continually find things to worry and stress about.

The major inconveniences of the past few days have pretty much confirmed what I had come to believe from the time I learned the above truth.

I'm addicted to stress, worry and anxiety...

not that there aren't legitimate things to worry about, but it seems to ring true that I want to worry about EVERYTHING just so I have reason to worry....

To combat these addictive chemicals, the most healthy things to do are the following;

1. Improve your physical self or surroundings each day; exercise, hang up that photo you've wanted to have above your bed etc. doing your daily chores does not count here. I've been trying to work out regularly again. Sans home showings and lice cleaning I've done pretty well with this.

2. Improve your Emotional outlook each day; this is anything that helps you create and confirm information about yourself. You could read a new book or try a creative process or perhaps take a class...

3. Improve your spiritual understanding each day; this is an effort that increases your knowledge of and closeness with God. Scriptures, prayers, serving others as prompted by that little whisper or feeling that comes into your heart. The key here is to mix things up; don't get into to much a routine but instead seek new ways to feel your soul grow each day.

4. Improve your Social self daily by increasing your knowledge about and closeness to others. This might be reading a book to your child, calling a friend on the phone or chatting with the neighbor.

Implementing these four dimensions into a life as full as mine is practically impossible. But its not completely impossible. I've been trying, and even though I'm still a shoot up addict to stress, I think over time my body will trade the chemicals that hype me when I have a deadline or a problem to face for those wonderful happy chemicals that come when I speak to a friend, or finish a run, or get up off my knees after prayer.

do you thrive on stress? How do you cope? Give these things a try for a month, then post here and let me know if they've evened out your addiction!

I debated for a long time about this post...

and I hope you can all appreciate why after reading it...embarrassing to the max


Sunday morning we were frantically getting ready for Church where we would be receiving wonderful instruction from members of the 12 apostles when we found that one of our

clean
well groomed
not messy
very tidy

children had lice in their hair. LICE people. Small pests that roam in the inner recesses of your scalp and suck your blood. Their eggs are microscopic sesame seeds of blood sucking leechy terror and they were dotted through out the

clean
well groomed
not messy
very tidy

head of this child. All thoughts of spiritual enlightenment were pushed aside by the panic that lice is a NIGHTMARE to get rid of.

Called the nurse. Prescription medication was located at over 5 pharmacies (we have so many heads, it took the entire town of Flower Mound to cover our pharmaceutical needs on a Sunday morning). I drove all over creation giving out new insurance information (=LONG waits at each pharmacy) while John-bless his heart for being home-stripped beds and calmed upset and very embarrassed children. When I returned all heads were treated with the most nasty smelling liquid I have ever experienced. Our noses adjusted over the ensuing 9 hours in which the stuff had to remain on our scalps so it could do its job and

KILL THE LICE

during said 9 hours we continued to gather dozens of blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, comforters, quilts, clothes and sheets and we put them in our garage where I could throw them around and figure out how exactly to clean a months worth of laundry in a day or two (because our house in on display at any given moment for any potential buyer whose whimsy it is to view it...)

Also in those hours John played games with our children (to get their minds off of it he said) and made warm Carmel with salted nuts and all of our delicious dinner.

I was in continual freak out mode because John had to leave for Florida and I had to stay here and face the nightmare. And my head itched as if it were full of the bugs-oh the power of suggestion!

Also in those hours, and all the hours that followed this happened:

Gina came over, unannounced, and wouldn't go away until I let her vacuum all the mattresses and carpets up stairs. She later sent sweet rolls which totally hit the spot at midnight when I got around to enjoying them. Gina is an angel with a beautiful face and a wonderful countenance. She does not spread anything but goodness and joy to the world. My life is deeply blessed for knowing her.

Then Janet came over to lend me a humidifier because Lucy had croup on top of it all. She stayed on a moments' notice because I needed to have Lucy seen by the instant docs down the road. She didn't just stay until Lucy came home. She stayed longer, and she showed me how to comb through all our hair with the little nit combs to find the culprits of our stress and discomfort and rid ourselves of them forever.

Then she combed through my hair.

Janet left at midnight or after, making sure that Lucy was sleeping well and that I had sheets on my bed so I could sleep too.

In my exhaustion I forgot to kiss her feet, but next time I see her I'll take care of that. And perhaps my tears of thanks will somehow be enough to let her know that she has long been a sister to me, but in looking for bugs in my hair she became a TRUE sister, and a friend forever more. Janet has been ministering in service to our ward congregation since we moved here (compassionate service leader for those of you who know the cultural speak...) and she is well suited to the post. Her very nature is one of care and compassion. She is creative in how she serves others-finding exactly the right way to meet their needs. I would not have known how to see the sesame seeds of Satan had she not shown me how to look. Another angel in my midst.


all the children (save croupy Lucy) are off to school today, and I continue to wash and sort and dust and sweep and do all else necessary to ensure this pest is gone from our midst. Janet calls to check on me, my mom calls to laugh with me and John texts me from his far off professional obligations as if putting flowers in my hair as I make my way up the women's only pull on the pioneer trek (sorry to any of you who don't know that analogy-but John does, and that's what matters here). I am lifted and supported as my tired body works.

It will be funny soon..

As embarrassing as the presence of bugs in our squeaky clean daughter's hair is, I just had to post that angels have come to minister even in the trials of LICE. Maybe if the Lord sends Heavenly messengers for bugs so minutely small He sends even more intervention for greater things

like selling houses
and finding a place to call home
and making a trek west

Have a happy Tuesday.

To My Brothers

Dear Brothers (older and younger),

Last week both of you called our home. One of you was wishing a happy birthday to Brynley, but since she was asleep you spoke to me and listened to me as I folded laundry and tried to make sense of the day that had passed. The other of you phoned literally seconds after the first hung up. You were calling to check on us, to see how things are going and to ask if I was hanging in there.

I barely was.

Neither one of you could have known that hearing from my brothers was what I needed to "hang in". And because I heard from you I did hang in. And the clouds parted and hope and sun came my way, eventually. You did that for me, and you didn't even know you were doing it.

Sometimes (meaning-like most every morning)I look at the big huge bunch of kids that I mother and I wonder exactly how on earth I came to parent so many. It is overwhelming in this world of financial crisis, lots of wars and rumors of wars, and pornography and texting and over consumption of all things digital to realize that I am responsible for raising these little souls to become contributors to this society instead of leeches upon it. Its my JOB. Not only do I want them to become decent taxpaying law abiding citizens, I want them to come to a knowledge of greater spiritual truths, and I want to lead them to the feet of the Savior I love. And every single day it takes my life and most all of my thought. I take it pretty seriously and sometimes when those kids do exactly what they came to this earth to do-make choices-I don't like the the things they choose, and sometimes I can even see that those choices bring them sorrow and pain that was completely avoidable if they'd just listened to me...

and it kind of hurts my feelings that they didn't love me more in the second of their decision-cause of course if they had they would have chosen better right? (no worries, I know this answer, you don't need to post to reassure me here, knowing the truth doesn't' always make it easy to accept...right?)

but then I think of my brothers. Both made choices-most of them really good, but sometimes not so much. And both of them have become

honorable and faithful men

who check in on their sister and care for their wives and children. Who serve their communities and remain strong in their faith.

and did I mention they check in on their sister?

so, thank you brothers. Thank you for helping me hang in last week. You reminded me that my children aren't finished becoming just yet. And as they continue to make those blasted choices I can hope and expect them to become better and better. To become like you.

and knowing that makes hanging in there just a little bit easier.

love you and thanks.
-Your forever sister

Little to Say and the flowers by my bed are still beautiful

I have little to say today. A few random sentences;

1. I am blissfully uninformed about most current events and especially about politics. What I can hear from NPR while driving (of course, this is contingent upon my daughters not needing to sing, scream, snore or cry in the car while I drive) is what I get. I have not heard all of the President's recent speech, but what I did hear made me think he is trying to - like most president's before him - promise to both spend money and cut back our country's borrowing at the same time. I've been trying to spend and save for years, and it just doesn't work.

2. I would like an invitation, to your blogs. Many of you comment and I eagerly enjoy every word you write, and then if I "click" on your names I get this thing that says I'm not invited to see your life. I understand, I totally get that. But, if you think I'm safely not going to stalk your children would you let me come into your blog and make comments like "thanks for this post, it made my day" or "you are so creative!" or the like. I'd really like to send that love your way, promise.

3. Fridays are not coming fast enough right now. There are 12 school weeks left, and my kids are acting like there are 5. This is going to hurt, I can tell!

4. Michele Wilks saved my bacon yesterday by giving me a gallon of her milk and a loaf of her bread so I didn't have to go into the store, at dinner time, with all my children, to buy those completely can't make it through the morning without items. THANK YOU MICHELE!

5. Mason finished his cross country season yesterday with a 10:13 run. Fabulous. Last week's was even faster, 10:06. Yes people, he ran a mile in 7 minutes and then another half of one in 3:06. Amazing to me, the 10 minute miler. My pride in him is ooozing out every pore this morning.

6. Last one. This weekend is our Stake conference, and I'm seriously looking forward to it. Not only do we have this truly inspired and fantastic Stake President to learn from, but on Sunday we get to hear from President Uchtdorf and Elder Cook. Awesome.

even when I have little to say I write paragraphs. Oh well. Happy Thursday

conversations and prayers by Porter

Yesterday was Fat Tuesday. This means that in much of the Christian world there was a lot of bead wearing, King Cake eating and general binging of worldly appetites. Today is the beginning of Lent, wherein at least one of those appetites will be "sacrificed" in preparation to receive the glorious wonder of Easter(our babysitter is giving up texting. Lots of our friends are giving up diet coke. or smoking; get the idea?)

I brought home a king cake to introduce the tradition and explain the christian culture of it all. You see, we are Christians too

but for us, its kind of lent all the time...

Porter spent the entire afternoon deciding what he'd give up for lent. His first idea was to give up vegatables. Then we explained that he was supposed to give up something he liked but that wasn't good for him. Like playing the wii all weekend. Or teasing Molly.

Trying to tell him he didn't have to give up anything for lent because we try hard to give up bad habits and sins all the time was hard, because we've done a really good job of helping Porter see that because everything we believe is centered in the reality and grace of Jesus Christ we are also Christian.

in the end, he decided he'd just "do lent", so his friends and teacher wouldn't be confused or wonder if he was Christian. The wii was just too much, so he gave up something less dear to his heart; picking his nose and eating it (o.k., I made that part up, but it would be the perfect lent offering for Porter, let me tell you...)

Just before bed I got to hear Porter say his prayers. Sounded something like this;

Dear Heavenly Father
I thank thee for this day
I thank thee that this was a good day
I thank thee for helping me remember to be good at school so i didn't lose my sticker
I thank thee for my family that loves me
and for my clothes and food
I thank thee that I could be my mom's son

and I want to be a good missionary someday. Please help me be a good one.
And please help me to be good in the morning
and please bless my dad

in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Lent? The kid doesn't need lent. Wings and a halo were sprouting from him even as he closed his prayer. I don't think his friends or teacher will have a hard time knowing the this little guy is definitely a Christian.

Some things that are currently helping me smile

not that things should be the motivation for happiness or anything, but there are a few things that have brought the downturned corners up my mouth decidedly up these last few days...

the fresh flowers we bought for last weekend's real estate open house (which apparently no one attended, sigh). Having beautiful spring jewels bedside just has to make me happy, right? And the red tulips in my kitchen that stretch toward the sun are little heavenly masterpieces.

The photo art of my children's feet that is fastened to the wall above my toilet makes me smile every time I head into the water closet. I even like the little way I made the ready-made frame fit the odd sized photo. Numbers (like 8 for 8 grahams or 6 for 6 kids) and letters (in particular the letter G) are ultra symbolic for me and I like scattering them about in odd places through out our home.

And finally I love the new settee set we (meaning I with John's reluctant but doting nod to indulgence) have in the den (den is used loosely here, all of you would say "great room" but I just cannot come to terms with that term, so I call it the den even though the ceiling is high and it is a room of great proportion just off of the kitchen). The Swedish lines of the pieces, matched with the casual linen fabric and all the white accents just bring a sense of nostalgia and total satisfaction when in my view.

so, happy viewing to you. What makes you happy these days?

From John

Who spent some of the weekend pouring over websites all about photography, when he wasn't doing dishes, making Sunday dinner or hugging his wife. He also ran 8 miles (with me and Mason as companions), did lots of dishes, took care of kids while I took Bryn to her gymnastics meet, and read not only his scriptures but also some heady book about the world economy.

That's my guy. Enjoy.

Tomato Soup!

4 T unsalted butter
2 onions, thinly sliced
1 carrot, peeled and chopped
6 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped
2 cans (35 oz. each) plum tomatoes, with their juices
8 large fresh basil leaves, slivered
Pinch of sugar
Salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
4 cups chicken stock/broth
1/2 t allspice, ground
2 cups heavy or whipping cream

1. Melt the butter in a large soup pot. Add the onions, carrot, and
garlic. Cook over medium heat until the vegetables have wilted, 10 minutes.
2. Add the tomatoes and their juices, basil, sugar, and salt and pepper.
Cook for 5 minutes. Then add the stock and allspice, and slowly bring to a
boil. Reduce the heat, partially cover, and simmer for 50 minutes.
3. Puree the soup, in batches, in a blender or food processor. Return it to
the pot, add the cream, adjust the seasonings, and heat through.

Enjoy!

Comfort

Karen Scholl is responsible for introducing me to Tomato Soup from City Cafe on Lover's Lane in Dallas. She took me, and some other first year consultant's wives, to lunch over 10 years ago and while we spoke about what its like to be married to a traveling businessman my taste buds danced and sang hallelujah to the music of Tomato basil.

Being then the wife of a newly graduated MBA, finances were tight. I couldn't afford to go back to the swanky cafe for soup any time I pleased. I mentioned this to my sweetheart, and he took matters into his very own hands.

He learned how to make the soup.

By Christmas of that year he had the recipe down pat. Soup at my beck and call, as long as John was home to make it. And that really was the key. For I know how to read a recipe and the ingredients aren't hard to find. Its the magic of John's hands making the concoction that creates the delicious feeling of comfort the comes through me head to toe when this soup is served.

When we moved to Sweden and I had to get used to a dark and dreary winter, John made soup.

When we moved to Idaho and I had new friends to make, a house to put back together and a new life to figure out, John made soup.

When I returned from my first exposure to the third world, leaving my dear friend Susie behind in that world to fight out the adoption and return with her new children to her house across the street, John made soup.

Another move, to another new neighborhood, soup again.
And again and Again and Again, including when Lucy and I arrived home, after a month in Vietnam and a week of anxious not knowing when we'd see our family again.

Soup-this soup-made by my love is home and comfort for me.

So, the tears (literally) which welled in my eyes last Sunday when John slipped a spoon full of this hot love into my mouth were really no surprise. It was a deeply tender realization that no other recipe (not even my mom's rice with hamburger and cream of mushroom soup gravy) brings more comfort than this

made by my husband
made sweetly and specially for me.
Happiness in a bowl full of comfort, a bowl full of John's made-because-he-loves-me tomato basil soup.

Have a great weekend.
spiritual enlightenment here.

Another "next house" musing

So my plan was for our children to receive little baby chicks for Easter this year. These little chicks would be raised inside a little darling chicken coop, fed free range and loved for the little egg layers that they are. Then, as their little fuzzy bodies became fertile havens of protein, we would reap the harvest of free range, fresh, nearly free eggs.

It was a great plan.

But with change comes the need for new plans. Only I'm having a hard time letting go of this great idea. I mean, we eat like 18 eggs a week, and have you noticed that eggs don't cost a nikel a piece any more?

Some parts of our old Utah neighborhood will let you grow chickens. Those are the parts of Utah I muse about living in. Or out in the middle of nowhere, whichever. I lean less toward those suburbs with anti-grow-your-own-chicken ordinances and more towards those that will let me try my hand at free range eggs.

Just a new house wish, just a great idea.

A tee pee appeared in our yard over the weekend.

Bryn has been reading about Indians lately-in particular about Mary who was taken hostage by a tribe back in colonial days. Her family scattered or killed, she was adopted by her captors and shown love and kindness. When she finally was given the chance to return to "white civilization" she opted to remain with her tribe. A tragic and courageous story. Bryn was affected, truly.

And now we have tee pees in the back yard, and forts in the bedrooms. We have puppets made with beads strung on make-shift deer skin costumes.

And we have sisters clinging more tightly together, because who knows when an Indian tribe might come and take one of them away?

I love the tee pee in the yard because it means my children are playing together, clinging to each other over the threat of make believe enemies. I hope they ever cling to one another when real enemies come and threaten to destroy the delicate fabric of our family life. Too much time staring at a screen, the temptation to put friends before family, the enemy of too many activities and not enough time to play- those are real threats, and my daughters don't realize that they'll need to hold on tight to each other to keep themselves close.

But for now, pretend warriors and hostile frontiersmen can be the glue that solidifies family as they huddle within the walls of the back yard tee pee.

One Year older and wiser too...

Happy Birthday to You!

Cinnamon toast and hot chocolate with marshmallows.
Gifts from parents and grandparents.
the promise of a lunch outing with mom and birthday cake with daddy.

what more could a girl ask for on her 11th? (oh yeah, a cel phone, an ipod touch or a trip to the mall with the girlfriends. But Brynley doesn't live in a dreamland, so the cinnamon toast and lunchtime outing will just have to make do.)

I love you Bryn boo. A privilege to be your mom and a joy to be your friend. Happy Birthday baby!

Monday Musings

So I'm trying not to dwell much on the fact that I have no idea when we will move, or where in Utah we will settle, or to which kind of home (older with character, newer and cheaper...). There is so much of the not resolved in my life that I am now living with that daily dose of anxiety that can eat one's vital organs right out of one's body.

Before I lose my appendix to worry I will try to spend some time this week posting great ideas for our next pad. Like the one above.

I snapped this photo at a local sandwich shoppe ("Which Which"-its a yummy lunch!). I'm totally loving the industrial strength steel and clips they use in their decor. Here they display pictures their customers have drawn on the bags they use to clothe their sandwiches.

While traditional mixed with old Swedish country mixed with whimsical is my personal home decorating style, I think this sleek modern and intensely function over form idea would be the most awesome system for displaying my kids art, don't you? Especially since our art wall in this house has been in our garage, because that is a place we see every single day, and I want their art displayed where we actually see and enjoy it. And because my stainless steel fridge can't hold a magnet. Can you dig this for a fantastic idea? Once we move into our next and final house, I'll go shopping at our local hardware store, come up with steel cable and clips, ask John to pull out the power tools (I love it when he pulls out the power tools) and voila! Art display extraordinaire!

watch for more "future nest building" ideas this week. They are a silver lining to the low hanging clouds of appendix eating anxiety...

oh, and tomorrow is Brynley's birthday. Thus begins our "birthday every month" for the next 7 months...marathon cakes and candles for half the year at our house!

To My Valentine

Some of these delicious delectables are waiting for you at home. And I'm there too, giddy to smother you with chocolate frosting kisses.

You mean it all to me my love. You are the current source of most every smile, the comfort that with you I am home, and the hope of a happy eternity.

I'm yours. And the great blessing and privilege of this life is that you are mine in return.

hugs and kisses as soon as we meet again.
-Katie

Trying to keep from getting bucked off...

No one has come to view our home in nearly 4 weeks. Some of the hopes and dreams about being in Salt Lake in time for short sleeves and new blooms (that's late spring to most of the rest of you) are fading off in the distance. New, alternate plans for driving west when school ends are starting to come to the forefront of conversation. Leasing instead of buying, Renting instead of selling.

Its all just talk.

But, as usually happens with me, this kind of talk bucks me off my "I'm going to be positive and happy no matter what happens to me" bull, and I have to hang on tight to keep myself from sinking down into the mud of pessimism and worst case scenarios.

I'm hanging on tight to stay in the saddle. And even though the tears are a little too close to the surface, and the temper a little to short, I'm going to fight to stay in there until the clarity of God's plan for our family's future is made just a little bit brighter.

Because I can promise He's in charge of all this. I can't tell you how its going to work out, can't promise myself it will happen as I'd like. But I've felt those definite assurances that He will lead us. And as I work hard to keep His commandments (including the one to "be of good cheer and do not fear"), He promised me He'd show us the way.

so I'll keep hanging on, and smiling.

Another thoughtful friend...

Last Wednesday Mrs. Sharon Cliff phoned to see how I was doing. I had determined to go with her to Dallas that day to work and worship in the Dallas Texas Temple. But my service was meant for other things-as Lucy and Molly needed a sick day from school to recover from green snotty noses (and eyes, and ears...). Sharon sensed the "wo-is-me" in my voice as I left the message that I would not be joining. She went without me, which is certainly as it should be. When it comes to worship, its best done solo anyway.

Sharon, on her way home from the Dallas Texas Temple, stopped by the bakery that makes the best piece of cake on the face of the Earth. And she bought me the last little slice (and 6 sparkly heart shaped cookies for my children to pack in their lunches next day)

Can you believe she gave ME the last slice of cake perfection from Panini Bakery? She did.

That temple worship brings out the best in all of us. Not that Sharon wasn't charitable and kind and thoughtful before her trip to the Temple, but it is PANINI cake after all.
Thanks Sharon, for giving me something to smile about on a day when smiling didn't come so easy.

Last week's great moment

Was on Wednesday evening. Despite the craziness of dragging little children out to a winter track meet (with bigger children stranded at their church activity day because mom cannot be in two places at one time...) I watched my oldest kid cross his first finish line. A 1.5 mile course in 10minutes22seconds. Pretty awesome for his first race. He wasn't the fastest, wasn't the slowest and I was certainly the proudest parent there.

It isn't that he is running fast, it isn't even that he passed other runners during the course of his race. It's that he is trying new things, putting himself out there where he could potentially fail and trying hard to succeed. It's that he loves the running enough to get his own work out gear in his back pack, put his own after school snack in his bag and get his own homework turned in on time so he can run day after day.

Its that in that 10 minutes and 22 seconds I saw my kid grow older and wiser. That was last week's great moment.

Five meets to go. Five more times my other kids will be inconvenienced so I can support their brother (who we seem to never-endingly support these days in so many other ways). Five more chances to see him mature in 10 minutes 22 seconds (or less).

Random photo from the archives

For a fun twist on a Friday, here is a photo from last Christmas morning. Thanks Hadfield cousins, for dolling up the darling duds for winter. Molly dons her scarf nearly every morning whether its cold or not. Bryn has gone about trying to figure out if you stitched around or glued on the monogram applique (always the creative engineer, that one) Madi loves the color of her scarf and uses her gloves a TON, and Lucy, well, Lucy likes hers well enough, but that phone you see? it was the hit of the day.

Have a great weekend. Spiritual enlightenment here

Bryn's project

Three identical flower pots, each filled with soil and seeds, placed in 3 different windows which all face the same direction. One grows in silence, one grows with a little piano music to aid it along each day, one gets a long dose of music to coax it along.

Photos taken to document the progress of the seeds over the course of the experiment.

Never mind the project, isn't she a great photographer? Happy Thursday.

A humble Thank you

Above you see a gift from a dear friend. Melissa, who lives and thrives with her husband and children in Johannesburg South Africa became my friend through visiting teaching. Visiting teaching is our church's phrase for "female fellowshipping". We are paired with a companion in our congregation. We go together to visit some of our other "sisters" in our congregation. We visit in one another's homes. We take with us a spiritual message that centers in the teachings of Jesus Christ. We call those we visit and check in on them. We bring food when babies are born or loved ones pass on. We care for one another. We watch over each other.

Melissa watched over me. She was my visiting teacher. And in the months we lived in SA she never missed. She came each month, she visited, she called on other occassions to check in on me and be sure I was "getting along" in her country. She shared tender feelings and sweet spiritual lessons with me. I became better for knowing her.

Melissa is still watching over me. She sends me email letting me know she remembers me. She prays for our family; especially now with a house up for sale and a husband starting a brand new job and all the ups and downs of yet another move. Melissa sent this gift right around Christmas time. She planned it, stitched it, and mailed it (which is no small feat for anyone who knows the mail system in Africa!). It hangs on my wall. A treasure of friendship and a gift from her perfectly pure heart.

Thanks Melissa. It is only a pleasure to know you.

One of the great blessings of my life has been seeing first hand that the church I belong to and the gospel I believe in is successfully thriving and changing the lives of many in countries other than my own. This church was founded in the United States, though we believe it to be a restoration of the very church Christ organized when He was at its head over 2 centuries ago. Still, as most view this church from its outside, you would see us as an "American church". I get that. I understand why you'd see it that way.

But I've seen this church function; with its lay clergy and its volunteer ministry in the United States, Canada, Costa Rica, Haiti, Vietnam, Sweden, Germany, Austria, France, South Africa and England (to name a few). We've had the priviledge of worshipping for extended periods of time (6+months) in Sweden and South Africa. It is miraculous and strengthening to my personal faith to watch people and programs function across culture. It gives me greater validation that the teachings of Christ; His doctrines, His covenants and His invitation to follow Him are true and are embodied and outlined in the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Melissa's faithfulness in her duty as my visiting teacher is impressive. But her love for me, her genuine caring love for me...that is Christlike. And that is the gospel I believe in. That we can love others the way Christ loves. And that's what my church preaches. And that is what the members of my church- at least the ones I've met in all those different cultures of the world-are living. I'm so blessed to be a part of it. I'm so humbly thankful for it.

She did it!

About 2 years ago I sat around a lovely lunch table with several incredible women. In our conversation we, of course, discussed our children and the constant quandries that beset good parents as they try to navigate what is good and what is best. Which talents to help kids develop, how to teach kids to work, to be compassionate and to feel and recognize spiritual promptings. Our hostess and journalist-friend DeAnne led the group through an impromptu interview on some of these very topics and by the conclusion of our meal I heard her saying, "I've been wanting to write a book about this "talent trap" we're talking about. I'm gonna get to it."

And ya know what? SHE DID IT! She found the time, she worked the material, she researched and edited. She found a publisher, she refined the text, she asked many to read her manuscript and contribute their opinions and in the end she did it.

I'm so proud of you DeAnne.

The book is great and has terrific down to earth advice. Read it and let me know what you think. But I'm not posting so much to plug a book (though DeAnne might appreciate it if I did)

I'm posting because a friend who makes time for a great husband and 7 talented busy kids made time for her own worthy project. And the result, while I'm sure very satisfying to her, was something that can also benefit you and me.

You did it DeAnne! You did it!

Definitely more of a grim reaper...

I came across this quote today, and it immediately caused me pause:

At the end of the day, think not on the harvest that you reaped, but the seeds that you sowed. -Robert Louis Stephenson

I recall a kinder more open minded me who used to remember to pray for other people at the beginning and end of each day. I even tried to spend time actually thinking of who I could help and how I could meet the need of another. I was once a sow-er.

but lately, I realize my prayers are "please help us with...and please bless us with ..." right now I look around for my kids to help me, my husband to help me, my friends to help me-geeze, I've thought I could use all the help i could get.

I've been reaping.

and others have been sowing kindness and mercy into my life. They've given smiles, sweat and encouragement to a discouraged little me. The harvest has been bountiful indeed-but its been a harvest, not a planting of goodness from my heart to another's, and I'm sad about that truth.

Selling a house in uncertain economic conditions is nerve-racking. Thinking about buying a new house in a great location with great schools and proximity to a new job and to our good old family is also a bit of a mind boggler. Seeing the end from this new beginning is pretty impossible; and I've never been one for things which have an "open" end.

But it doesn't mean I can't get back to trying to sow. That truth that when you lose yourself you actually find yourself and when you spend so much time trying to find yourself (or just keep hold of yourself) you lose yourself? Well, there's a good reason that truth is scripture.

So, I'm going to work hard to repent of the reaping. I"m going to try and do a little sowing, and see if the knots in my back and the pit in my stomach don't start to subside just a little.

Just thought I should publicly repent and say thanks for the bountiful harvest I've enjoyed over the past few emotion filled weeks. I'll try harder friends and family; to sow help and love and appreciation. sorry.