Elder Graham

Mason enjoys dinner with a family in Texas

Elder Graham (right) with his mission president, John Pingree (center) and companion Elder Chandler

My dreams have come true!!! Years of piano lessons are put to good use as Mason helps during a mission conference

Elder Graham with Sharolyn, a lovely woman who Mason taught and helped to baptize in February.
It is so tender to me to see the love she has for my son. 

Mason's current companion, Elder Armacost

Elder Mason Graham left the Spruces on August 14, 2014 to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. At this writing he has served one third of his total 24 month mission. Time flies for us and stands still at the same time as we read about Mason's life as a missionary in his weekly emails home. Mason is growing up in so many ways, and yet he is still himself. He still loves comics though he does not read them on his mission. He makes calzones, one of his two specialities (omelets are his other). He struggles to get up right on time each morning. And his letters are lengthy epistles with words like "magnanimous" that sound more like Charles Dickens than any contemporary college kid. He is reaching up to Heaven to become more of his true self; he cares about other people. He has a conviction that Jesus Christ is real and that because of Him we can be forgiven of our sins when we repent. He is leading in unique ways and having surprising experiences. This is what it means to be a mormon missionary. When you represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and commit to invite others to come unto Christ your perspective and your daily life revolve around that commitment. And as you continue to experience the mission you become more; more loving, more dedicated, more eager to share and more interested in the welfare of others than in your own life. 

Right now Mason is being challenged in surprising ways. With few people who want to hear his message and a companion who requires some special help and support, our Elder's time is centered around seeking those who would hear and helping his companion and friend to adjust to mission life and feel confident that the rigors of the daily schedule will not be too difficult for him. This new companion is teaching Mason lessons that are unique and invaluable. In our modern scripture we often quote a verse that says "if it so be that ye should labor all your days and bring but one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father".  We interpret this to mean that even if all your time and effort only brings one person closer to Christ the value of that soul is eternal and precious and we will feel the great joy that God feels when one of His own comes home. We often don't recognize that that 'one' could be anyone; and for Mason perhaps that one is his companion and new friend.

Being a 'missionary mom' is still being a mom.  I pray for my child daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I think of what he is doing, how he is getting along, if he is growing and maturing, if he is helping others, how he spends his time and if he thinks of home. I send long emails on Monday (Mason writes home once each week on Monday mid-day) and sometimes I send little packages in the mail or letters with an old fashioned stamp.  I eagerly talk about him when people ask about how he is doing. I feel proud and worried and happy and sad. Joy and sorrow. Worry and peace. All the feelings a mother has still come even though I have placed my son in God's hand quite literally and have given him (of course, he chose to give himself! But I let him go, didn't I) away like Hannah at the temple gate. Though I have not likely raised a Samuel, I have handed my firstborn back to the Lord who gave Him to me. 

And sometimes I miss him terribly. 

But most days I feel peace. And pride. And joy. And love. And gratitude.

I'm glad I am a missionary mom. I'm happy to have a missionary for a son.

Madi this Month

Madi's poster photo for her Student Body Office Election, one more thing swirling in Madi's life right now

Monday night our family went to see ‘The Wizard of Oz’ at the Junior High. As Dorothy went flying through the tornado watching her life pass by her I thought of Madi’s month. She has been picked up by some crazy turn of events and dropped back down into a bit of a new reality…this girl is not in Kansas any more.

The past few weeks have been quite a whirlwind for Madi. She turned 14 just 4 weeks ago. A week later we were on our way to Newport Beach for a fun spring break with Madi’s buddy Sophie along for the trip. 2 weeks after the break Madi hopped in a golf cart with her friends and went on a fun joy ride that ended with the cart overturned and Madi out cold on the pavement. A trip to the ER confirmed a concussion (she was struggling to remember her middle name, couldn’t remember her class schedule and had a hard time recalling her age as well). The trauma of the experience was almost as challenging as the injury(she was sitting backwards on the cart and had no warning to brace for the accident, she was shaken awake by her friends only to see that one of the girls was under the cart and the other was covered in a bloody road rash…pretty traumatic for a tender heart like Madi).Now, 10 days after the accident, Madi is back to full days at school but still not back to her competition soccer team or her iPod (much to her chagrin). Her beautiful mind got knocked pretty good.

This mom has been in a mild state of panic ever since Madi’s accident. The concern I have felt for her welfare has been a weight on my shoulders and the subject of wrestles dreams. Her independence and her determination haven’t helped my state of mind…finding her with a phone in her hand (bright lights and little text aren’t good for concussions) or finding her playing tag int the back yard with her siblings have caused me to swallow loud yelps of ‘STOP!’ and settle instead of a concerned ‘Madi!?’ Competing feelings of joy that she feels up to chasing her little sister and worry that she will fall and re-injure herself have raced up and down inside me, tying me in knots as I try to show patience and be encouraging. 

Thinking about how to help Madi face the justifiable fear that is now more a part of her as a result of this scare has been another quandary. Madi is independent. Madi is not super talkative with her mom. Madi wants to bury things down deep instead of processing them and pushing them into their proper place. My prayers have been fervent and my desire for her welfare so big, like a mama bear standing up to her full height to swat away danger…only the danger I stand up to face for her is unseen and intangible to me. It exists only within my darling, witty, wonderful, compassionate quirky teen. Because I can’t fix it, I pray for her to feel promptings to know how she can reach out or reach up to repair those little places within which have been torn or traumatized. 

Madi’s concussion will heal. We have been assured of this and we see her marked improvement as time continues to pass. Madi’s wit and energy are returning. She is lingering at the piano bench, diving into new music and using her precious and amazing mind to think and to create. She will return to herself soon. Her legs will run the soccer field. Her thumbs will wildly text or instagram, she will be all of Madi again. 

And I hope as she comes back to herself she will have taken the opportunity along the way to reach up to heaven for help. To test the things we have taught; that she will never be left comfortless, that there is one who understands exactly how she feels both physically and emotionally. I hope she will cast her burden of fear at the feet of one who will gladly take it and carry it for her. And if she will experiment on the words we have spoken to her and our family again and again from before she was even with us, I know she will be o.k.
I’m learning, as the mom of kids who are growing and going forward in life, that I have less I can control and more I must trust. As I pray for Madi to reach toward heaven for help and comfort I am exerting my own faith in the things I’ve taught her. I can’t of myself fix the things that have gone wrong, so I practice the things that I believe will bring her help and peace. I’m learning I have to get out of the way of the greater lessons that are waiting for my children to learn. And as they stumble, both literally like Madi or in other less physical ways, I have to trust in that very process of regret, repentance, and renewal that I have preached. They are practicing the lessons they learned as they sat at my knee where I could shelter and protect them. 

This is harder parenting. Being the mother of little ones was exhausting physically and emotionally. But the teens; the mothering of teens is like the refiner’s fire. It’s uncomfortable. It’s spiritually exhausting more than physically tiring. Its work of a different nature; the kind that requires stillness and listening and trusting - not my children trusting me, but me trusting in God and all I’ve taught my children. 

Madi was the one who got her bell rung, but my head is spinning with mothering her. I feel unsteady on my feet, find it hard to remember my lines and feel uncertain of the words to speak and how they will sound coming from my lips. Its been like this for a while. I’ve mothered my oldest out of the nest, and my emotions were so jumbled and confused that I could not write them here. I'm still sorting them out. Just like it was with their arrival in my life, as my children each reach teen age times I feel I’m learning how to be a "new mom", how to mother them  as they grow into themselves. My balance feels off, and I feel that strange duo personality of one who is confident that being a mother is what she is and one who doesn’t know what on earth she is doing. 

As Madi grows into her health and into her grown up self, I hope I can grow into a greater measure of the mother I am as time marches on. I hope as I reach up and ask for help and beg the Lord to help my kids that I too will come to my mothering self. That I’ll know my way again - or at least feel confident that I can find the right way to help my children continue to go and grow and become. Like Madi’s recovery, I have had to take things away from my life and purposefully and steadily learn what to put back in and when to introduce the ‘extra’s’ that could stall my return to the confidence of my motherhood. And as I hope for  Madi’, I hope I too will reach up and become more in my mothering with the help of Heaven. 

Why I am back to Blogging

Brynley and Madi watch over their sleeping cousin while John loves on his new little nephew

I started blogging to give our kids some understanding of what it was like for us to be in Vietnam bringing our daughter Lucy home while they were in Salt Lake waiting for us to get back and be a family. Once I was home, blogging was a way for me to share my feelings about being the mom of a brood of kids in a world that doesn't believe in broods much any more. Blogging was my voice to tell the world that having a family is a good thing; and that choosing to stay home to raise that family is noble, hard, happy work.

And then my two older daughters began to grow up.

And then this blog became something very different.

When you are the mom of young girls, those girls want to pattern their life after you. They  want to help you. They are little minnie versions of you with this underlying beautifulness that is all their own. Then the cacoon of childhood bursts, and a little girl becomes a teenager. And the wheels come off for the mother because all of a sudden her darling little right hand helper doesn't want to be so helpful any more. She wants to become herself. And in order to do that she has to shake of (or rip off or tear to bits and pieces or shred with her fingernails) the apron strings she so gladly had wrapped around her and she wants to stretch out those brand new wings and FLY.

And fly she does. She goes in several directions. She tries new things or gets really good at things she has been doing all along - and you see her less and less and her friends mean more and more and the girl who used to help you cook in the kitchen now becomes the teen who rolls her eyes when you ask her to help in any form. She becomes a very good person, but not a person who wants to watch and learn and observe and grow from the mom who she once adored. Learning from mom becomes torture, it becomes bondage, it becomes suffering and antiquity. 

And yet, there are still lessons that only a mom can teach. It was patterned that way before time began. Moms have a sacred duty to rear their children and to nurture them. We can't give that up or abandon it even though our society (and our teenagers) feel that there is enough information on the super highways of life and enough life lessons in the halls of the high school that moms can take a back seat to their daughter's learning and growth after those girls have been outfitted with bras and high school ID cards.

So quite a while back this blog became a letter to my daughters. And not just to them now, in their teenage glory. But hopefully it will be something they look back on when they are moms themselves. When their own daughters and bursting to fly I hope my girls can flip through these posts and see that they are going to be alright, that mom made it through and even did a few things that might be helpful to them in their plight, and my little experience will become a blessing to them in times to come.

And hopefully a blessing to them now.

So , in the posts of this blog that has always been about being a mother, you will begin to see some thoughts and feelings that are tenderly specific to this time in life when my mothering is about guiding fledgling adults instead of leading  little children. This mothering of the teens has been a bit messy for me. My mistakes are big and my confidence is small. But in the writing and posting and loving of these girls I hope the intent to be a mother who can look her maker in the eye and say she did her very best and left nothing undone to help her children grow closer to Him there will be value in what is left here for my girls - and you, if you like, - to read.

Filling our home for the Holidays

This is my family. We are only missing one face, and he is serving a mission for our church in Houston Texas. We all feel his absence when we gather together, love you SO MUCH Mason!
Notice that Molly thought all our photos were supposed to be with a 'silly face'

It is a rare occasion that we are a 'silly' family. I love this picture more than I could tell you!

Between Halloween and New Years we have had several large gatherings at the Homestead. John and I love to gather people. Well, John loves to cook for people and I love to gather them around a beautifully set table and talk to them while eating John's yummy gourmet food ;)

So we have jumped at every chance to use the Homestead this holiday season. I will admit I have totally boasted about how many bodies we have fit in the kitchen. And I have totally laid in my bed at night thinking of ways to make serving them easier or thinking of table decorations or figuring out traffic patterns so people can get from their food to a sitting spot a little more easily. We have LOVED having people here.

And many of the people have been my family.

What better guinea pigs than the people who are stuck with you? They have been patient with us while we've learned how to use the new space we have, and we have been so happy to let them open the cupboards, dirty the dishes and clean the dishes back up again! My mom is an especially fastidious kitchen assistant and makes sure the kitchen is exactly how she would want it if it belonged to her before she lets my dad and little brother Alex go home from our house after a party (thanks mom!). My sisters have stood at the counter with me and John, and we have all crammed into the scullery together (look up the word, I'll show pictures later). It has felt like a HOME with our family in it.

And now our home is quiet.

Its important to have the times when I am here alone and working. I need to organize the storage room, put the studio together and take down the darn Christmas decorations! But I must admit I'm lonely and have thought of a party or two I could throw to motivate me to get my jobs done here and throw the doors open again - to my family and whoever else wants - to be with us again at home.

Our Homestead part 1 :From This to That

The Homestead as we found it, an original structure built in pioneer days that had been re-worked over the years to look like this little cottage…we called it 'our secret garden' believing we would bring beautiful things back to life on this piece of blessed land.

the Girls upstairs bedroom with window seat

Many people who know us have asked us to tell them about the past year's home building project. I wrote ages ago about finding our homestead lot (read about it Here) but then dropped out of the bloggosphere while we brought our ideas to reality.

I thought I'd send you the story in bits. I have more story in my head than I have pictures on our hard drive, so you'll have to get the 'home tour' bit by bit as I can tell  you how it all came to be.

After finding this lot and feeling so good about landing our family here, we set about the process of planning the house that would someday be ours. We enlisted my brother-in-law, Architect John Shirley, to draw our dream home. We had LOTS of ideas and notes. Living in so many cities and in so many homes had given us a good idea of the spaces we wanted to see in this home. I am a big fan of a 'not so big house'. One with enough space to gather people in but not so spacious that the quaintness of home is lost. We wanted a space where kids would feel safe and welcome. We wanted a space with a Rockin' awesome kitchen for John and I to cook in. We wanted a space where our kids would be drawn to each other instead of to their separate corners. And we wanted a space that would preserve the land it was set on, so we could learn how to enjoy that land and make it as productive and beautiful and special outside as we hoped the home would be on the inside.

We told him our wants, and he went to his drawing board.

It took several drafts for him to get it right, and it took some faith for us to see that this talented architect could deliver our dreams in a way we had not anticipated. Stairs stepping up so ceilings felt lower, a motor court type space so the garages were disguised, a smaller laundry area and a bigger gathering area were things Johnny the architect brought to us that we had not anticipated. We worked with him in the evenings. We asked our kids their thoughts, we spoke with others who had built homes from the ground up.

And we did all this in a hurry.

We are not 'take your time' people. One thing John and I have in common is the desire to get things over with. It isn't that we aren't patient. Its just that some things only deserve so much time. Time is precious. It matters how we spend it. We wanted our project done quickly so our time was spent as wisely as our money (and we traded our money to get our job done in a shorter amount of time).

So we worked hard and worked fast and came up with a plan that we were really happy with. It included shared bedrooms for our girls and an extra bedroom for our guests. It was less of an open floor plan and more of a plan with 'flow'. The direction you want to go in the house no matter what door you enter is right straight to the hearth of the home, quite literally, and we felt that this was appropriate. With the plan finalized we set about finding a builder who was willing to work with us under our time constraints. Most builders were quite surprised because most homes like ours are a year in the planning and another year in the building. We had no intention of giving that kind of time to this kind of project. While it is our dream house, it is still a house - a dead thing with no heart and soul but those who live within it. I felt it was better than I run hard for a year and then put the project behind us rather than pace the job and give a 'thing' my energy for two years or longer. Again I will stress we gave more money to have less time in the planning, but I'm so grateful that one year after the above photo was taken I am writing to you from our finished home. We LIVE in here now, and our energy goes to what we are doing with our children, how we are welcoming and loving our neighbors, and how we can share this space with others. We sprinted throughout the process, making decisions in a hurry, agonizing over some things but with most other things we kept a 'how much time is this decision worth, really?' attitude and put our minds at peace with making some choices fairly quickly.

In the end I have few regrets. There are a couple of spaces I should have agonized over more. And there are a few finish selections I am seeing were chosen a bit hastily…but I'm at peace with our overall project. I'm thankful we had the year of sprinting and thankful for the months we have enjoyed here at the Homestead, living. I look forward to learning more about how to live a happy contented life here. I look forward to learning how to make the homestead land beautiful and productive. I am happy I'm looking forward and not really looking back at what we could have done or should have done differently as we built.

The back of the property held a shed that was full of coal from many years back. It went down with the demolition. 

'The Cottage' is the original structure built first on this property. It is sitting above the root cellar, which still had shelves for canned goods or bins of potatoes. We have improved the integrity and usefulness of this structure and it is an integral part of the Homestead's back yard.

The pathway that led from the old home to the back yard was my favorite little walk to take with our little girls. This is where we thought we entered our 'secret garden'.  We found quail and squirrels back here, and lots of thorny bushes too! 

What to do with all the trees?! This was one of the decisions we agonized about for a very long time. Many of these huge tall trees were actually completely unhealthy and were called 'garbage trees' by the arborist I hired to come teach me about the property's trees. We took down several, which was a sad day for me! But we have since replaced them and added many more trees to the property thanks to my sister, Jessa, who planned the landscape of the Homestead. Our neighbors reacted in opposite attitude the days the trees came down. One nearly stood in front of the bulldozer, protesting the ruination of all the squirrel's homes and the exodus of animals that would surely follow the disruption to the property. The other was more happy than she had been in 25 years, saying she finally could see Mt. Olympus again with the garbage trees out of the way of her kitchen window view!

Next week I'll share several of the photos of the demolition of the pioneer house and the story of the fireplace. That story is a good one, you'll want to come back to hear it.

To Teenage Girls Who Belong to Me

 I have dozens of pics on my phone of Bryn and Madi being funny

sometimes they let me be in the pics...

Dear Bryn and Madi,

When I was growing up I wanted to be an awesome mom. Being a teenager was hard, even for me, and I thought I would be one of those moms who was adored by her teenage daughters because she would UNDERSTAND them.

When you were little you used to hug on my legs and tell me you wanted to be a mom when you grew up. I told you how much I love you. I loved being adored by you. I felt such a great responsibility to show you what it means to be a great person, a good woman and an awesome mom.

So I guarded you from music with lyrics that taught you things you weren't old enough to know about. And I set a standard that when school was in the TV was off…I tried to make you healthy meals and pack healthy lunches so you wouldn't develop cravings for foods that would steal your health and rob you of the active life I wished for you. I read to you, I read story after story with moral lessons to help you see that as you grow older you will have to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. We read scriptures, said nightly prayers and I tried and tried to be there when you needed me.

There have been times as you've grown that you have had to be there for me. You've tended your younger sisters and brother, learned how to clean a house and even have taken over packing your own lunches. You've stepped in where I could not, and helped those smaller than you so I could help them (and you) in other ways.

I appreciate all you have done, and all you continue to do to give back to the way our family runs.

A month or so ago you each gave a talk in church. You mentioned your family and your parents. Dad and I were so surprised to hear your words of support for the feeling we are trying to create and the things we are trying to teach in our family. I was so touched. Thank you for publicly stating that you see some good in our efforts and philosophy about what it means to raise a family in the world we live in today.

Its a muddled time for us; for you as the daughters and me as the mom. I watch as you close yourselves to my affection.not only do you not hug on my legs any more, but you push away hugs I try to give you. I see the rolled eyes when I ask you to do those things you know you need to but just don't want to do. You tell me in many ways that you are ready for me to step back and watch you go - and you communicate in so many ways that when you go and go my job is not to coach nor is it to critique, its to support and smile and let you do your own thing. And when life hits you with one lesson or another, and especially when those lessons are hard to learn and humbling to experience I need to hug and hold but never EVER add to the lesson that's going on within your own head. 

Its muddled right now because I so deeply desire to impress upon you how much your examples LEAD the ATTITUDES of the children who come so quickly after you. Your 'I don't want to' or 'why do we have to?' attitude rubs off like slick black oil onto young minds and hearts, making it hard for the 'can do' attitude you used to have to stick to their little minds. I need you to continue to be the help you've been but not so much in holding little ones or changing diapers like in years past, now I need a 'yes mom' and an 'ok' when its time to clean up or come to scriptures…I just need a willing attitude; more now than I think I ever needed a willing dish washer or babysitter. You have more influence in our home than you could ever know. The music you blast now, the shows you sneak during the school week and the outfits you put together in front of the mirror scream a message louder than the books I read to the little ones or the tunes I play while driving them to school. The way you approach your snacks and lunch making scream messages to those little ones who make their lunches after you and carry them off to the elementary school.

So often I'm proud of the things you are saying with your attitudes and choices, I just don't think you realize how loudly you are saying them and to who. 

As time goes on you'll continue to grow. You'll become amazing women and someday amazing mothers. And, in the jolt of a moment as you walk from being a kid into being an adult, things won't be so muddled for us any more. You'll 'get me' and I'll 'get you' because we will have not given up on each other. We will all emerge from these teen years and love one another better and know one another more. 

Thanks for being patient with me. I hope I'm being patient with you. Even more, I hope you know that I'm not giving up on my greatest desire; to be a great mom to you. I'll continue to guard your music, blare out our standards and tow the line when it comes to our beliefs because I know it matters. Because I love you fiercely I'll fiercely defend what I know is right, and I'll expect you to understand and respect it. Because I'm devoted to you I'll stay devoted to good books, good music and good media. Because you matter so much to me, not just as a teen but as an adult too, I'll be sure that you know our first priority is that you be honest good citizens and that you know and can chose for yourselves to follow the beliefs we know to be true. Because I adore you I'll try so hard to have fun with you, even though it sometimes embarrasses you. 

I'm so glad you belong to me. I'm so glad for all I'm learning from you and all I see happening in your amazing lives. I'm so thankful every single day that I get to be your mom. You mean everything to me. I promise I am giving everything I am and everything I have through these muddled teenage years with you - 

with all my love,
Mom

Walking in to 2014

Its a new year. 2013 was such a good year for our family…and very very little of our blessed experiences are documented here.

Its time for that to change.

I began blogging to write down the experiences of bringing home an adopted child. That child, delivered from an orphanage in Vietnam at 4 months old, is now anticipating her 8th birthday. That's a lot of years of blogging, with few gaps if any in blogging our life as a family.

I continued blogging because I fell in love with the chance to understand my own mothering and to share my experiences with my children. I wanted them to see in real time (and in times to come) that I was well meaning in the how and what of my parenting. And I wanted them to see that I can see God in our family's experiences. I wanted them to know that being a parent is a hard job, and that it deserves our greatest efforts. I wanted them to see that I am giving them everything I have and then asking for help from Heaven to give them everything they need.

And then, somehow, in 2013 I got to busy to blog. Some reasons for my hiatus were enjoying the last year of having all my children 'in my nest' and managing the experience of building a new nest for our family from the ground up (literally). Meetings for the house mixed with chances to see our kids in action took more than the time I had in the day - there were only so many minutes and none of them were available to write down what we were living.

So blogging fell out of habit.

Now we live in the house we built.
Now our oldest has 'flown from the nest', serving a mission for our church in Houston Texas.

Now its time to blog again.

I'm excited to step forward. With the start of a new year I can recommit to my good blogging habits. I hope to share again with my children and whomever else decides to visit here that I love my work and my role in their lives and that I'm passionate about what I'm doing to guide them in who they're becoming.

I hope I can pepper this year's posts with some of last year's experiences. While many used to read my thoughts each day I don't expect anyone to read here any more. But I do hope this record will be a blessing to my family in years to come. And I anticipate that as I process my thoughts and feelings and record them for my family it will be a blessing to me, too.

Thoughts while we drive the Pioneer Trail

we are traveling and I'm trying to take the many hours of driving to get back to the habit of blogging my thoughts. It is nice when the car is quiet, the miles passing under our tires, and the beauty of our country passing before my eyes to actually be able to think beyond schedules, carpools, house decisions or homemaking responsibilities.

These past fews days I've been thinking about pioneers.

We spent two days learning about Winter quarters and Nauvoo. These locations are intricately connected in the pioneer story. Those who founded and worked to create a beautiful city called Nauvoo then werer forced to leave it for the primitive and desolate cold at winter quarters. 

John  and I both have ancestors who went from the "city of Joseph" with its hilltop temple and perfectly manicured streets across the Mississippi River and muddy trying Iowa into Council Bluffs and what would quickly become Winter Quarters. 

From beautiful homes to rough log cabins. From having all the comforts of the times to having nothing at all.

I've been thinking about that a lot.

We are in the process of buidling a Nauvoo kind of home. A place of beauty and comfort where we have made the decisions about what it will look like, the size and shape of the rooms, the colors of the walls and the materials for the floors. We've chosen windows, sidewalks, siding, brick, doors and doorknobs too. We have not afforded every luxury, but it is certainly a home full of comforts and one we hardly feel we deserve. And Ive been asking myself this week 'could I leave it all behind me? Could I lock my door ad walk ahead into an unknown future in order to keep my faith?"

Its been a great chance to go through those important "checks and balances". Checking on the priorities and balancing them with what I know to be right. 

I've enjoyed the process of building our home (affectionately called 'the Homestead'). I've loved learning new things, being creative, thinking through challenges and seeing ideas become reality.  But I'm thankful to say that, as hard as it would be, I could walk away from it today if I knew I was walking into our future with my family in tact and the promises of eternity together weighing in the balance. I could do what my ancestors did, and leave it behind me now, with a hope and promise that the future with my family around me is better than any structure built to house us and make us comfortable. 

A moment of tearful rejoicing

Mason graduated from Olympus High School today. The ceremony was so well done. He sang a medley of songs with the school ensemble which he has been a part of this year. great speeches were given by his classmates. The jazz band entertained us, and the students who graduated were very well mannered. Mason seemed very happy and content with his achievement.As he has been saying a lot this past month "today - a very good day"

I felt happy too. 

It is such a paradox to have a child grow up. You look at yourself and your kid in so many new ways. How do you parent someone who wants to be treated like an adult? How did this happen so fast? Why can't I remember every little detail about his childhood and youth? Why am I excited for him and mournful for myself all at once? Why am I not crying more? Why have I not reveled in every single moment of his time under my wing? When does he leave home and why do I feel like he should leave home? Feeling like he must leave to grow, why do I want him so much to be here, be among us, be with us, be safe in this house, be where I can watch and protect and hover? 

so may conflicts within me as I smile in the stands and he throws his cap in the air.

The school board member who officially accepted the graduating class asked that the students stand and give their parents an ovation. He said something so correct, so completely accurate, and its the only time of the morning's festivities that brought me to tears. 

"the people in this room who are here to support you have made the most significant contribution to your achievement this day, and you will not be able to realize that for about another decade."

With the speaker's instruction the senior class stood and clapped for their parents, their siblings, and their grandparents in the audience. Mason, who was seated so his profile was all we could see, turned toward us and squared his shoulders to us, clapping his hands and smiling with gratitude. 

This was my moment of tearful rejoicing.

The work we have done as Mason's parents is thus far quite unrealized by him. In his eagerness to make his own path and forge his own future he sees us as having done very little to help him become what he is thus far. In the day to day grind of our family life we have lost our credibility with him in many ways. 

But for that moment today, he showed me he is grateful, and somewhere inside he knows that we have done all that we could for him. To get him on the right road, to set his feet walking in the right direction so that now he can run relentlessly toward his dreams.

Twelve minutes for twelve things on 12/12/12

silly little trinkets and treats compiled for 12.12.12

 My dear girlfriend and I were sitting in our daughters' ballet demonstrations when one of the other mothers raved about the amazing production her mom put on for all the grand kids on 12/12/12. Twelve activities, food with 12 ingredients, treats that start with 'T'. My friend, mother of 7, and I looked at each other. We had thought of nothing to take note of the day- only how we would get our kids to piano or ballet and still see our high school seniors perform in their Christmas concert. We were thinking of homework routines, college scholarship applications and what we what we would feed our families for dinner.

But it was a good idea to acknowledge the uniqueness of the day. I distinctly remember my own mom celebrating 8/8/88. We had 8 people in our family growing up, it was a good idea to celebrate! 8 ingredients were put in the stir fry, 8 flowers placed on the table for a centerpiece (rarely did we 'set table' growing up). All 8 of us came for dinner, which was rare, because daddy was always at work during dinner. 

The memory remains sweet and clear long since the calendar said '88.

I had a 30 minute window after the last daughter's ballet demonstration and before her Sugar Plum Fairy party had ended in order to find my way to celebrate. I dragged Lucy to the drug store. We scoured the aisles-or I scoured the aisles while Lucy protested. She wanted to know the purpose of the errand, but before long she was resigned to our outing. The woman at the check out stand said 'We don't get a basket that full very often.' I smiled and paid, and Lucy helped carry out the groceries. She sat in the car while I used the back cargo hold to sort out my 12 items, put them in cellophane and tie them with a tag and bow. Silly little things; chap stick, a pencil and pen, a comb for the boys and some hair ties for the girls. Nothing memorable. Like the ingredients to mom's stir fry 24 years ago I knew these items would be forgotten. It wasn't the tokens but their compilation on the day that mattered.

12 minutes of goodness in our library on 12.12.12

Once all the kids were home for the night (after the little one's bedtime, but oh well) we gathered in the library. They saw the bags with bubble gum and toothbrushes and figured out our little celebration.

I set a timer for 12 minutes. On this day of 12 I wanted twelve minutes to pass by with us all gathered together. And I wanted it to be 12 minutes filled with good words and not criticism. Encouragement instead of sarcasm. Kindness instead of cutting.

We listed 12 reasons why its good to be a Graham. I gave no suggestions. Madi was our scribe. I promised we would end when the timer rang and our 12 minutes had ended.

This was the list:

TWELVE REASONS WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A GRAHAM

12. We have cool cousins

11. We are healthy

10. We are musical, we like music

9. We're funny

8. Being a Graham is never boring

7. We play together

6. Grahams are nice

5. We know how to serve

4. We like to learn

3. We take care of each other

2. Grahams are extraordinary

1. We strive to follow Jesus and His Father

The timer went off, and the kids kept going. The good feeling in our library lingered. The little kids hugged me before heading to bed. The big ones talked my ear off about this and that. I sat. I listened. They were kind to one another. They were even kind to me (this is a challenge for tween aged girls, mind you). I wished more than anything that John was there to hear it, to see it and to feel it with me. The reason we are doing everything we do; that feeling is the reason why we persist on all the other calendar days to be the things that the kids called out on the list. That feeling is our purpose, and our hope and our goal. To have that feeling every day. To invite it for eternity. It was sweet to let it shower us for a little while late at night on the 12th day of December.

The things in those little bags, the bow, the tag; those things don't matter at all. I will find them scattered and strewn through the house in days to come.

But those 12 minutes, and those 12 statements, those matter a lot, and I'm so glad for 12/12/12 and the mother at ballet who somehow instigated 12 minutes of heaven in our home. Those minutes will matter for a long time to come, even until the calendar reads 12/12/12 again and beyond that; even forever.

An End of Year Update from the Grahams

 Blogging has become such a novelty in my life, but I wanted to take the time during 'Christmas card season' to document how our kids are doing and what we are up to as a family. As you can see, the kids are growing, faster it seems, than ever. Mason is a Senior in High School this year. As of this writing he has applied to 4 universities/colleges and is frantically studying for AP classes and making it to singing 'gigs' with the High School Ensemble. He is most 'on his game' when he is busy, and it has been a pleasure to see him fill his time with worthwhile activities and good friends. Mason is involved in our LDS seminary council, on his school ensemble (singing-beautiful bass voice) and is also taking 4 AP classes. Instead of Rugby Mason has picked up Ultimate Frisbee and is having a blast with a competition team from his High School. He has decided to 'hasten' his LDS mission service and will apply to serve beginning in June or July of the new year. We, as his parents, are very proud of his eagerness and worthiness to serve in this way. Mason will be a force for good in all his endeavors. The best word I can think of to describe this young man is EARNEST. He truly desires to do what is right.

Bryn is enjoying a lot of fun experiences and challenges this year. She was selected to be a cheerleader at her school and she is very involved in dance. Bryn is an excellent student, and aspires to have a full ride scholarship when she graduates High School. And Bryn is nice. That's what I want the world to know most about her; she is pleasant, she is generally positive and she is kind. Last week she and her younger siblings made a mess of the front room cutting out strips for a 'Christmas Countdown' paper chain. Without our knowing, and without promt, Bryn encouraged her siblings to write one nice thing they could do for someone else on each ring of their chain. And Bryn did the same. Our home has been a happier place as the kids have acted on these invitations. Bryn is like that. And I love her for it. One of Bryn's most impressive accomplishments has been her accompanying her seminary class when they sing church hymns. This girl who for a decade has hated piano is now using it to serve. Its awesome

Porter is enjoying 5th grade this year and has a lot of new experiences. His teacher is new to our school and she is fantastic. He has a lot of kids in his class who he hasn't had as classmates before, and these new friends share more of his interests (Harry Potter and the Avengers!) and are a very new 'mix' kids (friends who are girls? Who knew?!). Porter also took on a new sport this fall, leaving football to take a stab at LaCrosse. he had a great season of growth as he learned how to handle the stick and run the field and even scored in a few of his games. We are very proud of his effort in trying all of these new things. Porter is looking forward to a fun winter, and he would like to learn how to snowboard this year-another new attempt. He has also had the opportunity to take piano from a new teacher, and Porter's abilities have really improved. He competed in our area's piano federation in November, and he did very well. Porter is sincere. He wants to be loved and understood. He is kind at heart, and we are working to help him feel that he can keep that heart open to showing that kindness more and more.

Molly has had a big year, turning 8 and choosing to be baptized a member of our church. She is now in 2nd grade and it has been fun to see her confidence in reading increase this year. We are so GRATEFUL for her school teacher, who has shown an interest in helping Molly in many ways. This year we have learned that Molly will always have to work extra hard to keep herself on task, and it is a challenge at home for mom and dad to learn new parenting strategies to help Molly and our whole family. We are all learning and growing, and that is of course a good thing. Molly's prayers are the sweetest I know. She shows gratitude for lovely unique things like the color of the sky and 'the love of the family'. Molly has tried soccer this fall and she is taking Ballet this year; she has truly enjoyed both of these activites. Molly is also looking forward to skiing. She loves to spend time alone with her parents, and she loves to be alone with her toys (she could spend hours playing with dolls or stuffed animals). It is a pleasure to be Molly's parents, and the uniqueness of her needs will become a blessing as John and I learn how to sharpen our parenting skills!

Lucy goes to school all day long! This is something she is very proud of, and she does very well in class. Lucy is an amazing reader, plays the piano well, and is a graceful ballerina. I personally love the tenderness of Lucy's hugs and all the 'gushy love' she showers upon me. It is nice to still have little hugs and hands to hold! Lucy has also tried soccer this year and liked the game as long as her friends were in attendance on her team. Lu wants others to be happy. It is often the case that we find her helping a sibling who is sad or doing something nice for someone to cheer them up. Her compassion is so appreciated in our bustling house!

Look at Madi's beautiful smile! Madi had her braces removed just before the start of 7th grade, and she shines those pearly whites as often as she can. Madi is taking a challenging class load at the Jr. High and is fitting in well on the Jr. High scene. Everyone loves Madi; she is funny and smart. She enjoys all types of kids and she can relate to anyone. Madi is oozing with so many talents, she is just realizing some of them and is working hard to enjoy them all! She has a great voice and is ALWAYS using it at home. Madi's beautiful soprano sounds are in the car, in the bathroom, in her bedroom, and at the piano bench. She recently tried out for the school talent show and her teacher told her she had made the cut but they had to give her spot to the older 9th graders. Madi is a wizbang piano player as well, receiving all 'Superior' marks at her recent piano competition. Madi has also really picked up her soccer game, and is now playing on a competition team. She is learning about self discipline and the challenge of self improvement and we are so proud of her effort. Her love for music and laughter are my favorite things about her right now, and her empathy. Madi can put herself in your shoes, and she can show love in amazing ways.

We are currently pressing forward with plans for a new home. The hole is dug, the building permit is issued and now we work hard to see our ideas become reality. It is hard to believe we would CHOOSE to move, but we are excited about 'the Homestead' and should be sending our Christmas cards from a new address (still in our High School boundary but not in our zip code) next year.

John and I are learning a lot this year about being partners and parents. We thought we had both down solid, but it seems that parenting teens a lot different than parenting toddlers! And with little kids and big kids crawling over each other at the Spruces, it is definitely a two parent full time job. John's work at glasses.com keeps him challenged and busy. In this uncertain economy we are so grateful for employment, and feel blessed to have employment that brings challenge and growth. I am learning the ropes as a mom of kids who are not 'underfoot' during school hours. I'm also learning a lot about foundations, windows, appliances and all the other components of 'new construction'. John is an incredible partner in all of this process and has trusted a lot of 'the Homesteading' to me. It has been so neat to LEARN again, and to put my mind and ideas to work. I appreciate the education more than I can say. I hope I can apply the lessons I'm learning the making the whole world a better place once our family has this place that we've envisioned to live in and grow in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At this Christmas season I want to express my love for my family and for Jesus Christ. I know He lives, and that He knows each of us and desires us to come to Him. He waits to receive us not just at this time, but at any time, and when we give our hearts to Him He shows us love, mercy, confidence and a perspective of this life that motivates us towards better things. I'm most grateful for this humble understanding and hope I live up to what I know is true in the coming year.

Thanks to all of you who make our lives full and happy. Friendships and family are the treasure we enjoy most! At this time of gifts and giving we know we have already received the greatest gifts of all; love, encouragement, friendship and acceptance. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours!

On instagram and inspiration

Today I took a minute to look through Brynley's latest web obsession; instagram. I saw friends there, beautiful images of their homes, their children, their vacations. It was nice to see their smiles, the beautifully 'altered' photos and the quick captions that express the joy of their living. For an instant I felt jealousy; that 'they have it so together' kind of feeling. And I felt a little lonely; I had just come in to a darkened house on a Friday night with no one to make dinner but me and no one who wanted to hang out but Lucy who really just wanted the IPad password (Friday is 'screen day' after all).

I've turned to my blog dozens of times over the last 6 months, wanting to write, to express, to document my life and all that is passing before me and through me. Blogger changed the format; it takes eons of time to download photos to share in this space. My kids are so busy I rarely give myself time to sit down and write or read anything, let alone send my thoughts out into the atmosphere. The words are coming so fast, by the time I sit to write them new thoughts are forming.

Life is speeding up. I don't know how to speed up myself.

I picked up the mail after putting down instagram. In the pile was a note from a friend. We had helped her in some small way and a thank you was was stamped and waiting.  She said we had been an answer to prayer, and a strength to her faith. Not that we had known that. We just listened to an opportunity and felt glad there was something we could do.

I was humbled we had been able to help. To have been a part of 'making a difference'.  I wonder how many times I could be the answer to someone's prayer if I would just stop and listen inside and do what I feel I might do.

So, I stop now to write. The dinner can wait, and I cannot wait to express to my children (for whom this blog is written) that it is best to hear and heed. The impressions are so faint-like a whisper on a windy day. It takes effort to hear and faith to believe the message that is softly spoken.  And what an important reminder for me to listen and act more often.

My instagram friends are leading beautiful lives; not just pretty to look at but lives of substance. But today I'm so grateful for the opportunity to act quietly, with  no photos or hashtags or altering of images. Just a chance to do what is right, and the reminder that my life is blessed and I'm never ever alone.

Things my kids have said lately...

Molly-as we walked through the new City Creek Shopping Center together last week-said:
"mom, this is a mall. But its next to a Temple!"
"You are right Molly" I replied...

"But the temple is SACRED mom! We shouldn't be shopping where it is SACRED!"

hmmmm...out of the mouths of babes?


Mason-at parent teacher conference last night (which I was impressed he wanted to attend with me) said something like this to his AP European History teacher:

"Please don't take my very occasional head resting as any indication that I'm not interested in your class".  This was in response to his teacher asking him if he found the material interesting...



(Mason has this class the first hour of the day. An hour before that he is sitting in his seminary class. He studies until 11 at night and is up by 5:30 in the morning; and he is doing it on his own. I was very proud of him last night as I heard from each of his teachers that he is personally responsible and is doing fine in their classes. He is growing and maturing and that makes me happy.)

Lucy-as we drove away from leaving Molly for an appointment:

"Mom, Molly and I are such good friends"
I answered I was glad to hear that news (!)
she then replied "and we are sisters too! That's two good things in a row mom!"

Who could ask for two better things in a row to hear from her daughter?

Madi-I haven't heard lots to laugh about coming out of Madi lately, but I do want to report that her friends think she is super funny! She has always been quick to a punch line and she is very very witty-it is nice to hear her humor isn't going to waste, she has just started using it on a bigger audience!

Porter-after returning from a day long LaCrosse tournament with Pro LAX players coaching his team
"mom, the coaches said I'd get better at LaCrosse if I took my stick with me everywhere I go. They said I should even sleep with it!"

that night, we 'tucked in' the LAX stick right next to Porter in bed, it was curled up in its own blanket and everything (Porter is 10, keep in mind:)

Brynley uses this funny voice that she has copied from "Miranda" the Youtube teen sensation...Bryn has this voice down pat and pulls it out whenever she can at home to get a laugh out of her parents. I've realized lately that the Miranda voice tends to ask for things like TV on school nights or renting extra netflix episodes of Vampire Diaries...that Miranda, doesn't she know the Graham family rules?

She is learning them quickly!

A mother in line at parent teacher conference asked last night how all our kids are doing; it was nice to answer 'they are doing great thanks' and really really mean it. I don't know if its because we've lived here a while or if they are just growing up a little bit more, but it seems the last few months they've settle into school and activities and all seem pretty happy and content. While I'm feeling like a chicken with her head cut off most days, it is nice to see my kids relaxed and learning, and fun and funny too.

Porter in Real Time

 Porter, now 10, is still learning a lot of very important things. He still needs to work on doing assignments when they are given instead of the night before they are due. He is learning how to become a more compassionate big brother. He is still challenging the truth that honesty is always the best policy, and he is still figuring out that the sneak to the next door neighbor's house is not as good as to ask permission to go...but there are a few things Porter has learned that are pretty darn amazing.

 Porter is nice. He wants to have friends and he wants to be a good friend. His best buddies live next door, and they are a bit younger than him. He is seen by them like a big brother and he takes the responsibility seriously. Porter chooses to be nice to kids at school, and he is usually very nice to his mother...

 Porter likes scouts. And scouts teaches honesty, trustworthiness, resourcefulness, compassion, hard work, a love of the outdoors and a love for country too. This is why I have been willing to act as Porter's scout leader for the last 3 years. It has not been easy to squeeze that extra responsibility in, but Porter loves it so much and I am so happy for him to have exposure to these great attitudes and attributes. It was fun last summer to take Porter to Webelos day camp where he got to shoot bb guns and arrows, boat, play basketball and make stuff out of leather. The highlight was looking at the live rattlesnake that had been caught by one of the counselors in the archery shed. You would have though Porter had caught it himself; the tales about the snake were as long as the reptile! I hope in all the fun he is learning the character traits that will grow Porter into a good man.

 Porter loves to PLAY. For his birthday this year all he wanted was 'a family baseball game'. We gathered cousins, aunts and uncles and the Andersons from next door (Porter's second family!) and went down to the elementary school for a game of baseball. It was fun to play with Porter.

 Porter idolizes his brother. he watches what Mason does and says and asks for advice from him often. I'm happy that right now Mason is a good example to look up to; I'm happy the boys have one another and that they love each other so much.

 Porter loves school!  This is such a welcome adjustment compared to last year! He has been assigned to a new teacher in our elementary school and she has captured his heart and mind for sure. His favorite thing about her is that she has a piano in her classroom and she allows the kids to play pieces they know when they are done with their work. This has helped Porter to be motivated to improve his piano skills as well; a double awesome outcome for mom! Porter was told just yesterday that he got the highest score on the math test. He came home beaming. I feel so grateful for incredible educators that light a fire of curiosity and determination into our children. I hope Porter continues to learn the skills and habits that will bring him academic success throughout his educational career.

 Porter wants to be nice. Just today I was sent an email from a mom stating that she brought a new student into Porter's sign language class and the student was a little nervous. Recognizing Porter, this mom asked if Porter would be this new boy's friend and 'buddy' and help him get to know the other kids. Porter gladly accepted the assignment and genuinely helped the boy feel comfortable and happy. Porter will become a good leader as he learns to lead with kindness and by good example. 

 Porter is learning about being the oldest. We have expected him to take responsibility for the safety of his sisters on the way to and from our school I've been proud of the way Porter has accepted this role, that he watches out for his sisters when they are at school and he makes sure they get there and home on time. In frustration he typically asks me to 'tame Molly' so I know its not all peaches and cream, but I believe with work and time Porter will grow to love both of his sisters and desire to protect them as they grow.

 Porter decided to try Lacrosse this year. He opted out of football so he could play the fall LAX season and really learn the game while the team is small. I am proud of the way he is paying attention and really learning the sport. I am not a person who cares if her son is super athletic, but I do care that he is active. This new sport has given Porter some opportunities to learn new things, meet new kids, and become skilled at something that's difficult. I'm really proud of his progress and hope he falls in love with the sport and enjoys it for many years to come.

Porter is still so loving towards me, his mom. I like it that he still will kneel down in prayer with me at night by his bedside. I'm grateful when I hear him tell a story from the scriptures to his sisters. I'm glad he still snuggles up to me and wants hugs and kisses from mom. I know this cannot last much longer and I savor every smile, every hug and every night time prayer from my little boy. I'm so glad I get to be his mom.