Another Milestone

Mason "graduated" from sixth grade yesterday. I don't have a picture of it because as I went to snap that great shot on our amazing camera the screen informed me that the memory card was full!!! Such is my luck. This photo actually suits Mason better. Here we see him as happy as he gets, camping out in the woods with his family and his dog. Notice the stick in his hand. He had all his younger siblings banging sticks on logs and anything that they could hit (save one another) at the camp site for at least an hour. Iknow Mason feels insecure in typical social situations; including at his graduation, but in his family he is the leader et al. There is no doubt he has what it takes to move a group of people to action. Even if those people are smaller than he, and even if the action involves de-barking the fallen aspen tree in the corner of the meadow.
For me, this month has been so full of moments which bring home the fact that I'm not parenting babies more; Lucy has taken her first steps. We read potty books to Molly like they are scripture (I can now sing songs about pee and poop to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star, Are you sleeping, and If you're happy and you know it...). I have kids now. And soon, I'll be the mom of a guy. How do I do that? I can't just kiss things better and send him on his way any more. Gosh, he won't even hardly let me kiss him at all! My insecurity as a mom has increased as I try not only to physically keep track of all the bodies, the schedules, the doctor visits and the teacher conferences; but as I try and keep track of who needs a hug and a listening ear and who needs to be reminded of the family's expectations that a Graham has integrity and doesn't slug his/her sister because she looked at them wrong. I'm not sure I know how to do this, but I'm doin' it just the same. I keep thinking someone is going to find out I'm one big fake and call me on it (oh yea, my kids already have...)
It helps that JOhn is my partner in all of this insanity. He is a rock, a good person to lean on and a voice of reason. He also does a mean load of dishes, which is sometimes just the right thing when a child needs to talk or wants a shoulder to cry on at bed time. Heck, sometimes I'm the one who needs to cry; and John is great at being that shoulder too. It helps too, that John has a deep and vested interest in each of his children. His love is undying and devoted. His hope is for their joy and progression. That helps, it helps a lot.
But in the end, we are both just dumbfounded parents watching their kids get bigger and bigger as we try to be at the right places in the right moments to say or do the right things. Hope it all works out; I love these kids so much I don't know what I'd do without em'. And that kind of brings me back to the graduation thing. Mason's growing. He's becoming someone who won't need me as much and won't want me hardly at all. And that kinda hurts, to know its coming and not be able to stop it. To know your best hope is that somehow he'll still be a part, he'll still want you to be involved in some small way, so you can feel your supporting and contributing to all that will make the guy become a man. Just never realized what it would feel like all those years ago when I held this tiny little baby with a huge head in my arms. He's grown into himself to say the least. And i am not the mom of that baby any more.