A short school year ended

Our short Home School year ended officially yesterday, with kids taking their mid term exams. We had no sadness as we packed up the school room. Only relief.

I must say that this home school thing has brought about many introspections on my part. I've felt a bit like a failure on this front. Home schooling was cool for me for about, I think, three weeks. It consumed every moment either teaching, preparing to teach, or recovering from teaching. It took all my patience (and then some) to manage our little classroom with (beautiful adorable lovely) children who complained that they were not with other students, who cried when given math assignments, and who sometimes spent the school day drawing cartoons instead of learning (even with me ranting and raving, go figure!). Two little daughters crawling on the desks and screaming in the tile floored, cement walled school room to have me read to them or sing to them or feed them some food made our learning environment, at times, less than ideal. School in Africa was not a high light. It was an experiment with mixed to negative results. It was a failure in many ways.

And, for lots of the time we've lived here, I've felt like a failure too. I thought coming here that this would be a great chance for me to prove to myself that I can manage really tough things. A chance to be smarter, and to be organized. A chance for self discipline and a chance to bring my kids an opportunity for educational growth. Nope, it wasn't most of those things. Mostly it was me, struggling each morning to have a routine with the kids and struggling each evening to make myself prepare instead of sit up in my room with my husband (who incidentally has been home in the evenings for me to sit with) and blog or watch "the Office". I chose the latter most of the time. After a day of teaching I couldn't face a night of preparing to teach the next day.

I stunk at this aspect of our time here in Africa.

It's o.k. that I'm honest with myself on this one. And, no, I'm not being too hard on myself either. In the last 5 months I've learned that schooling 4 kids in 4 different grades with 2 toddlers and no access to a school supply store is not for me. I've learned that I want to be the mom that takes her kids to the orphanage and shows them the amazing exhibit in the great museum rather than the mom that teaches them division. And I've learned that my kids-while they wanted to sleep in my bed at night and have me cuddle and hold them more than ever before- did not need me to be their educator. They are healthy and socially adjusted, and they want a classroom full of students their own age and a teacher who comes with teaching aids, an overhead projector and awesome games that help them learn that very important division stuff. These were good things to learn, and I'm not real sorry that it was here in Africa that we learned them.

Home school isn't my thing. I've come to be o.k. with that. I hope that in the experiment I haven't impaired our kids' future education. I hope that even though this one has been rough they'll find their new classrooms and schools in Dallas a pleasant and challenging change and not an overwhelming realization that they are not prepared for the materials they'll be introduced to.

I'm a good mom even though I'm not a good home school teacher. I love my kids and teach them many things; most of them not written for me in a home school curriculum. I know that I don't need to feel guilt or self loathing-those feelings are kind of part of the package that is me, so I do have to push them aside and toss them in the bin when they come. But I know its o.k. that I can bee a mom that teaches her children without being their home school teacher. The relief I feel as I set the curriculum aside and pack our bags is o.k.-I'm an o.k. parent even though I'm glad that this chapter in my parenting is closed.

So, farewell Blue Rhino School. It's been interesting and educational for me, at least. Maybe when the kids have had a healthy dose of homework and note-taking they'll be more appreciative of their home school experience. Maybe they'll want to go back to it---

maybe, but probably not. Our home school year is ended, and I say good bye to all of it.

With pleasure