Memories which surfaced at Craft Night

the fulfillment of revelation; I stand with our children and the man who interviewed me for marriage; Paul Koelliker. He and is amazing wife Ann are now serving as missionaries and church leaders in Southern Africa. My own amazing companion is snapping our photograph.

My sisters and mom and I were gathered last night to create and craft. We chatted about Thanksgiving plans, our husbands hobbies and other interesting topics while we worked on our individual projects. My sister, Amanda, mentioned that she had wished she had served a full time mission.

I listened and nodded as the women who mean the most to me worked the ideas over...I had nothing I could really contribute. I was remembering long ago.

When I was 21 years old I wanted to be a missionary. I prayed with fervency and asked the Lord to confirm that I should go. I was busy with college. Serving as president of my LDS sorority, and dating a lot of boys. I lived at home and still had the busy obligations of parents and brothers and sisters around me all the time. I was ready to see my life transform into some bigger and more than it was.

The answer was no.

I prayed more earnestly and asked for permission to do this service for the Lord. I wanted to be independent in my testimony and to give my every waking hour in the service of my God.

The answer was no again. And there was another answer too;

"you need to prepare now to meet your husband."

I kept that part of the answer a very very tight lipped secret. I'm not sure I've EVER shared this revelation before. I FELT TERRIFIED (this part is a post for another day).

I didn't try to "find a husband". I tried to do exactly what I was told to do. I tried to prepare to meet him. I studied harder in school. I was more friendly, more reliable, more thoughtful of others than before. I tried to save my money. I tried to look nice and eat right and exercise. I tried to read my scriptures. I tried to prepare to be someone who would be noticed by the kind of guy that I wanted to be married to. It was hard work, but my own expectations for an eternal companion were pretty dang darn high, so I had to measure up myself.

Boys started crawling out of the wood work. I dated every guy I knew at least once and did more lip smacking in the next month or two than I had ever done in the 21 years prior to that. And with very little effort on my part. It was as if I was all of a sudden noticed and noticeable. I enjoyed the attention. None of them knew of my deep buried secret. If they had they would never have paid me the attention (at least not the most interesting ones!).

One month after this frightening revelation I saw John's face for the first time. Three months after that I was flirting with him in my sorority office and fell in love with him on the spot.

He was the last guy on the planet who would have stuck around an hour had he known about the answer to my prayer.

We dated. I loved him. He goofed around. He was inattentive. I was in love. I tried not to let my deep feelings show. And I definitely tried not to seem as though I was looking for a husband.

Time passed. Our story wound on. And as John and I realized our feelings for one another were mutual he begged me to serve a mission. 18 more months for him to not be a husband. 18 more months for me to prepare to be a wife, the kind of wife he wanted (because he wanted to marry a return missionary...by the way).

I could not tell him everything, I could only tell him that I knew I was not to go. And, gratefully, I could tell him that I honestly wanted to go and that the experience for me would be welcome.

He persisted. I declined. I never revealed what had been revealed to me. By then I wanted John to be the subject and object of that revelation so badly that my insides ached with hope. But the last thing on the planet for me to do was tell him.

the summer came. Events transpired. We became engaged. And that is kind of the end of my little Friday story.

Accept for one thing. I kind of made a deal with God when he told me no(not that God is a deal maker, just that He helped me accept His answer a little better this way). I asked Him if maybe I could just take a rain check for later.

And He said Yes.