Comings and Goings

We sing "happy birthday" to Mason before he opens his gifts

These past few days I've pondered deeply the way we come and go in and out of this life.

My sister in Law and Brother down in Sunny California welcomed their second child, a beautiful bouncing (8 lb. 10 oz.) baby boy. Mom and baby are doing well. My mothering instincts were so overwhelming that I considered a mad dash to their home to hold that baby so fresh from God. And to help them as they juggle the eye opening reality of raising TWO. The pressing responsibilities of raising the SIX I have here at home keep me from running away to Newport to nest and nuzzle that family I love so much. But my heart was so with them as they celebrated this most exciting birthday.

My oldest child celebrated an exciting birthday of his own. Boasting 15 years on this earth, Mason was showered with gifts and praise as he takes another step forward in his life. We spent much of the weekend adoring him; attending his rugby game and taking him to pick out new bedroom furniture-then assembling that furniture and sharing cake and ice cream with cousins, grandparents and aunts and uncles. I thought so much about his coming. About holding him in my arms for the very first few hours, the realization that I had been entrusted with his soul melting deep into my heart. Now, he is the navigator, but I still hard try to be a guide for him as he captains the choices ahead. I ponder how to help steer him in directions that will bring him spiritual safety and peace. I want to raise a good boy, and its hard to be a good boy in this world sometimes. But I think overall he is doing it. I feel worry and pride all at once over him. And I hope as this next year of life unfolds I am the right influence at the right times in the right ways.

And then, last night, I stood at the bedside of my father's mother, my grandma. Surrounded by her family, children and grandchildren, she was showered with love and appreciation. Tenderness and concern. All of us feeling grateful for her life, well lived, and wanting her to know that we will miss her when she's gone. I stayed a long while, feeling quiet inside and feeling love for my heritage and for those who I share that heritage with. Standing around her bed I asked my cousins about their families. Their children and their circumstances. I felt happy for Grandma to hear us connecting with each other; for those connections meant a great deal to her. I most tenderly felt love for my father, and realized as I watched crocodile tears roll down his face that it doesn't matter when you lose your mother, her passing is a difficult and grief filled experience. And seeing him want to care for her, to be sure he and his sisters were doing right by her, it was a testament to the way she had raised them. For no man, no matter how good, is not influenced immensely by the ways of his mother. She did well by her family and did well before God. I'm trying to be like her in so many ways.

After I left the hospital, Grandma left too. She peacefully passed the end of her days, going to greet the God who matters more than anything to her.

Comings and goings, that is what this first week of May has been about for me. It is a privilege to see the plan of the universe in so full effect before me. We come, so new and needing, so ready to progress through this life. We go forward, passing birthdays and milestones, working toward becoming wise and worthy. There are bumps and bruises, and sometimes collisions with temptation and terrible choices. There are mothers to help guide and direct-and fathers to protect and provide. And then we become those mothers and fathers, and we try to do for those we love what was done so well for us. And then those duties fade; never to end but to change. And life becomes something we watch more and participate in less. And then, one day, we are through. Called home to the place where we'd come from. To remember and realize that time here was never meant to be permanent.

Happy birth to our new little nephew. Happy Birthday to my oldest son. Happy passing to my beloved Grandma Hadfield. Happy comings and goings for us all.