To My Brothers

Dear Brothers (older and younger),

Last week both of you called our home. One of you was wishing a happy birthday to Brynley, but since she was asleep you spoke to me and listened to me as I folded laundry and tried to make sense of the day that had passed. The other of you phoned literally seconds after the first hung up. You were calling to check on us, to see how things are going and to ask if I was hanging in there.

I barely was.

Neither one of you could have known that hearing from my brothers was what I needed to "hang in". And because I heard from you I did hang in. And the clouds parted and hope and sun came my way, eventually. You did that for me, and you didn't even know you were doing it.

Sometimes (meaning-like most every morning)I look at the big huge bunch of kids that I mother and I wonder exactly how on earth I came to parent so many. It is overwhelming in this world of financial crisis, lots of wars and rumors of wars, and pornography and texting and over consumption of all things digital to realize that I am responsible for raising these little souls to become contributors to this society instead of leeches upon it. Its my JOB. Not only do I want them to become decent taxpaying law abiding citizens, I want them to come to a knowledge of greater spiritual truths, and I want to lead them to the feet of the Savior I love. And every single day it takes my life and most all of my thought. I take it pretty seriously and sometimes when those kids do exactly what they came to this earth to do-make choices-I don't like the the things they choose, and sometimes I can even see that those choices bring them sorrow and pain that was completely avoidable if they'd just listened to me...

and it kind of hurts my feelings that they didn't love me more in the second of their decision-cause of course if they had they would have chosen better right? (no worries, I know this answer, you don't need to post to reassure me here, knowing the truth doesn't' always make it easy to accept...right?)

but then I think of my brothers. Both made choices-most of them really good, but sometimes not so much. And both of them have become

honorable and faithful men

who check in on their sister and care for their wives and children. Who serve their communities and remain strong in their faith.

and did I mention they check in on their sister?

so, thank you brothers. Thank you for helping me hang in last week. You reminded me that my children aren't finished becoming just yet. And as they continue to make those blasted choices I can hope and expect them to become better and better. To become like you.

and knowing that makes hanging in there just a little bit easier.

love you and thanks.
-Your forever sister