No one has come to view our home in nearly 4 weeks. Some of the hopes and dreams about being in Salt Lake in time for short sleeves and new blooms (that's late spring to most of the rest of you) are fading off in the distance. New, alternate plans for driving west when school ends are starting to come to the forefront of conversation. Leasing instead of buying, Renting instead of selling.
Its all just talk.
But, as usually happens with me, this kind of talk bucks me off my "I'm going to be positive and happy no matter what happens to me" bull, and I have to hang on tight to keep myself from sinking down into the mud of pessimism and worst case scenarios.
I'm hanging on tight to stay in the saddle. And even though the tears are a little too close to the surface, and the temper a little to short, I'm going to fight to stay in there until the clarity of God's plan for our family's future is made just a little bit brighter.
Because I can promise He's in charge of all this. I can't tell you how its going to work out, can't promise myself it will happen as I'd like. But I've felt those definite assurances that He will lead us. And as I work hard to keep His commandments (including the one to "be of good cheer and do not fear"), He promised me He'd show us the way.
so I'll keep hanging on, and smiling.
4 comments:
You can do this Katie! It is going to be OK! When I decided I was supposed to go to Nauvoo and Heavenly Father confirmed to me it was where I was supposed to be I had 6 months to earn the money, but no job. I figured God had told me it was where I was supposed to be so he will help me get a job. I interviewed and interviewed, searched and searched. The more time went by the more my salary needed to be for me to earn the money in time. With three months to go till I had to hand over the money and still no job I thought it was over! My faith was hanging by a thread and I thought I had just made up the confirmation that I was supposed to go. Then right when I was about to give up I was hired as a nanny for exactly the amount per week that I needed to make to get to Nauvoo. It was a very challenging job but I learned A LOT from it!
I know the circumstances our very different and your situation is much harder to face, but I just wanted to remind you that it will happen in His time and in His way even if that way means renting etc. I love you very much and we are excited to have you home when ever that is!
Katie, you have such a positive attitude. I remember similar feelings as we were moving from Flower Mound. I remember on day, driving to my parents and feeling like I had done all the I could do, and I had no where else to go. I was looking out the window, kids were crying in the back ground (Audrey was tired of traveling), and I had tears coming down my cheeks as I listened to the country song, "God must be busy," thinking, I know He isn't too busy for me. I don't really like that song, because I disagree with it, but it was just a reminder to me that I knew that He could and would take care of me. I got there and my mom knew I was having such a hard time. She told me to go to the Lord and tell Him I was at the end of my rope. I said, I am not sure I am quite there yet. She smiled and said He will help you. I went home, and there was a message on our machine with miracle #1 for our move. The Baird's were going to Australia and we could rent their home for a few months. As hard as it was, I feel like I learned so much through it all and I really wouldn't change it. I don't want to relive it, but I understand the why's. Sorry this is so long. I wish that I could be YOUR VT and bring you goodies and a hug.
I found your blog through C-Jane's and just want to tell you to keep it up. I have been solo for 4 months living in NC while my husband was already working in CA - it's been REALLY hard. But today I was reminded by a friend who's a non-member about the family fasts we had. She pointed out that our house was the first and only house to sell. Sometimes it's so easy to forget our blessings and I LOVE that this impacted a non-member friend. Keep it up even though it is SO hard, you can do it!
P.S. I adore this picture of you!
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