"Stay At HOME Mom" by Sharon Cliff

When I was very young my mother was at home with us, and then she began to work outside of the home. My dad, a teacher, was around a bit more than some fathers but I don't remember his presence looming large. We roamed around our neighborhood and my parents did whatever parents did. They brought us to museums some weekends and took us on long summer road trips to visit our grandparents. We did other things together, but as I grew older, I noticed families who liked each other more than we did or at least had more fun together.

It would be easy to say that's why I never thought about having a family of my own. But I have a sister who did. So I guess it was just me. I read books (a lot) and dreamed of distant cities. When I married, it was to someone whose parents, like mine, had experience living overseas. I hoped we would be able to do the same and it's possible that the unknown location of my future home kept my thoughts from settling on what kind of home it would be. But I think it was just me.

Our first home was a basement apartment we knew would be temporary. When we moved to Dallas, we rented because graduate school was coming up. We had a baby, moved into another temporary home in student housing, spent a memorable summer in a Greenwich, CT basement apartment, finished school and were ready to buy our first "real" home.

John was working as a consultant so we agreed it would be a two-year slog and then anything could happen. Fast forward three jobs, a second child, nearly ten years and we are still in this house. But it is only in the past few years that I've settled into homemaking. You could say I'm a little behind.

How do you create a happy home and family? It is not easy for me. The repetitive nature of housekeeping depresses me. I am impatient. I don't like to cook. I like it to be quiet. This is not the greatest skill set for my chosen role. However, I have a few things going for me: I don't pretend to be perfect. I am not easily intimidated. And I can let things go. I let a lot of things go. Housework goes a lot.

I will sweep the floor but put off mopping until I can't stand it or we are having company, whichever comes first. I tidy things up and clean the MFPs (Most Filthy Places) when needed. I sort the laundry and try not to let it get too out of control. I de-junk closets, drawers, and the girls' rooms when they start to make me crazy. As a result, our house is not as organized or as clean as I would like it to be, but I've seen worse. I've seen better, too.

I ask the girls to do the dishes so I don't have to and because I want them to be workers, not slackers. I admire families who work. We are not there yet. I am not very consistent. I try to get the family to do yard work with me in the spring and fall (no one wants to be out there in the summer) and we try to do Saturday chores year-round. On weekdays, chores are whatever I ask them to do.

I have tried several systems and none have stuck. But I had a college roommate who would only take out the trash after we made a chart and then only on her assigned day, which irritated me to no end. My end goal is to raise girls who work when needed, without being asked. So the lack of a functional chart doesn't stress me out.

There are books all over the house because I value them. We have a piano and I make the kids take lessons because I want them to play. And I want to hear them play.

I apologize to my children when I am wrong. Because I make mistakes. But I self-promote, too. (I just found a cute swimsuit for Anna. I'm awesome.) Go, Team Cliff!

I do not try to keep things equal. Life is not fair, and fair doesn't mean equal, anyway. I teach my kids that there will always be someone with more and someone with less.

And that if they are unhappy about coming home early from a sleepover they don't have to go to the party at all next time. That's a good one.

See, I'm mean. So I hug my kids and say, "I love you" at least daily. I try to make up for crankiness by giving lots of loves. I hung this sign in my kitchen where my kids can see it.

And so I can see it, too. Because I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I still dream of travel, and drive way too many summer miles to escape the heat and have little adventures with my girls. We go to museums and national parks and visit family. But now I find that while adventures are fun, it is sweeter to be home. It's just taken me a while to get here.

Post Edit: Sharon is exactly what she shows you in her guest post above. Very intelligent, very confident in who she is and what she isn't. Currently, she is ministering to many lucky women in her local Relief Society and debating whether or not to take on the establishment as next year's PTA commander-in-chief. I can't go two weeks without hearing her voice, and I will ever long for an afternoon with her in her red car, driving into Dallas for a trip to the temple and a piece of white chocolate raspberry Panini heaven. I miss you Sharon. Thank you for inviting me into your life. I will always be at HOME when I'm with you.