Mason walks the halls of his high school at orientation, August 2010
"I only have 6 summers left" she'd say. Referring to the time remaining before her oldest child would leave home and her family dynamic would be changed forever.
I listened with compassion, and also with wonder. That time was so far away for me. And while I wanted to have experiences with my oldest and be sure to teach him certain things and prepare him for his life after living under our roof, I didn't feel a need to count down.
But I tucked away Linda's lamentation. I remembered that I would feel a sense of loss long before my boy left home.
And last night, it hit me, and it hit me kind of hard. Mason left a little note on my pillow that read;
"night mom. I love you, and I know you love me too. Thanks for everything. Love, Mason G."
I wondered what motivated the note, and then I began to cry. And then I had a dreadful thought:
"I only have 2 summers left..."
this is the beginning of the end of the days when all my children will sleep under my roof. And while in the day-to-day living I have great peace in the understanding that God intends for us to raise our children so they will become men and women of stature and so that they will go out into the world to be those men and women, I realized I could not possibly pack in all the experiences, teachings, advice and conversion that I hope my son has when he leaves my nest in only the two summers remaining.
with the start of Mason's high school career my lamentation has also begun.
I'll work hard not to wallow-and I'll try to just keep teaching and providing the experiences that John and I would want him to have....but I understand now the pain in Linda's heart as we ran those miles long ago.
only those few summers and then my boy will be a man and he will leave home and be gone. That will be as the scriptures say, "A great and dreadful day". My desire is for his success, and for his happiness and most of all for his goodness.
But in my selfish heart I've started to panic that our time with his boyhood is ending.
3 comments:
this makes me sad. i wish i could hold on to now...this precious present. less than five years till Bunch is gone, and seven till my "baby".
i know there is joy in every stage of life, but this season is one of my favorites. ♥
Only a mother knows.
There are so many "Land Mark " moments, but never enough of them.
A treasured few notes and letters and then it is over. Your boy is gone. A young man in his stead with the excitement of the future in his heart and mind.
You might get A few phone calls for A recipe, or cleaning methods or a question about someone you both know.
But usually he'll call to talk to "Dad" and end the conversation with "Tell Mom I Love Her" And he does.
When their first child is born and he sees his sweetheart go through the travail you will hear from him...and he will know how very much you have always loved him.
Today I became friends with Mason on Facebook. Weird! I looked at his "interests" it said "Rugby and Girls not necessarily in that order". I giggled. Then I realized he will be 16 in just a few months! Cars, Dating! I was 16 when I met Josh! I am freaking out! I can't imagine how you and John must be feeling!!
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