Friday, January 30, 2009

Definitely more of a grim reaper...


I came across this quote today, and it immediately caused me pause:

At the end of the day, think not on the harvest that you reaped, but the seeds that you sowed. -Robert Louis Stephenson

I recall a kinder more open minded me who used to remember to pray for other people at the beginning and end of each day. I even tried to spend time actually thinking of who I could help and how I could meet the need of another. I was once a sow-er.

but lately, I realize my prayers are "please help us with...and please bless us with ..." right now I look around for my kids to help me, my husband to help me, my friends to help me-geeze, I've thought I could use all the help i could get.

I've been reaping.

and others have been sowing kindness and mercy into my life. They've given smiles, sweat and encouragement to a discouraged little me. The harvest has been bountiful indeed-but its been a harvest, not a planting of goodness from my heart to another's, and I'm sad about that truth.

Selling a house in uncertain economic conditions is nerve-racking. Thinking about buying a new house in a great location with great schools and proximity to a new job and to our good old family is also a bit of a mind boggler. Seeing the end from this new beginning is pretty impossible; and I've never been one for things which have an "open" end.

But it doesn't mean I can't get back to trying to sow. That truth that when you lose yourself you actually find yourself and when you spend so much time trying to find yourself (or just keep hold of yourself) you lose yourself? Well, there's a good reason that truth is scripture.

So, I'm going to work hard to repent of the reaping. I"m going to try and do a little sowing, and see if the knots in my back and the pit in my stomach don't start to subside just a little.

Just thought I should publicly repent and say thanks for the bountiful harvest I've enjoyed over the past few emotion filled weeks. I'll try harder friends and family; to sow help and love and appreciation. sorry.

9 comments:

John said...

Don't be mistaken - you are a sower. Can't wait to see you tonight.

Liz said...

I think we all go through times of sewing and reaping. If not there would be no one to sew for. Be grateful for those around you and be rest assured you will have you chance to sew again. Looking forward to you moving back out this way, where you can sew a few more of you kind seeds.

Blue said...

i think john's right. you sew constantly in CERTAIN FIELDS. i think what you're feeling is probably that you've had less energy and resources available recently to focus on other fields...eg: neighbors and friends fields. i don't believe for a minute that you've stopped sewing in the fields that belong to your kids, your spouse etc. sometimes it's hard to find that balance of not running faster than we have strength. we compare our present efforts with earlier seasons and feel we are falling short. that we "should" be doing more. but i think it's important to be gentle with yourself. you have a lot going on, and the very fact that you're aware of the need for serving others around you, even if it's been harder to be there recently, is all that matters. you're still the fount that feeds the fields around you. if there's been a drought lately and you haven't been able to irrigate those more distant fields, that's okay. rain will come and replenish your reserves in due time. and there are blessings attached to being a receiver too. for the giver as well as you. take it all and praise god for his mindfulness. he's at the helm. ♥

amanda jane said...

I hear you but everyone said it; you do sow. and you do need to see both sides of the coin to appreciate that blessing. if we didn't have times in need we wouldn't be quite as compassionate when we serve. so wish I could do more to serve you! love you, and hope it all smooths out for you soon.

Melissa said...

Katie even when you reap, you sow. Its good to let other people have the chance to serve you too. It helps them feel the Spirit which means you are actually sowing. Its kind of funny how it is a circle not a line. Your mere example is sowing! Thanks for being such a good VT to me. And don't forget to send me that artist's website. I'm so excited to make something cute.

The Wilks' Family said...

Friend, you are a sower in my life. Make no mistake about that! So grateful we've met and you'll never know the profound impact your friendship and example has had in my life. Your journey to Texas was for a good purpose.

Sharon said...

These comments brought to mind yesterday's slide about sewing v. non-sewing projects! And both are acceptable to the Lord. So do what you can, girl. : )

That said, you're being a little hard on Katie. Whether your prayers are different doesn't change your efforts, big and small. Big ones like moderating a discussion at a stake meeting and small ones like complimenting a single sister you don't even know or brightening my day by coming to sit with us.

You're a treasure, Katie. Be nice to yourself.

catchingupwiththewhites said...

Hey Katie. I have followed your blog since I meet you just before you headed for South Africa. Why have I been so dilligent in doing this is because first and formost I have never meet anyone quite like you, you just had this sweet and sincere countinance around you and I love the way that you are so honest about your life and how positive you stay through all lifes experiences. I read because of the way I feel lifted and way I gain perspective. You are sowing in ways that might not be so obvious to you.

Mindy said...

Good luck with selling the house. I hope you are doing well. Remember that sometimes you have to reap before you can sow. I've learned that this year that as much as I enjoy serving others it makes them feel better about accepting my help if I accept theirs. Keep up the good work and just keep doing your best.