Friday, January 30, 2009
Definitely more of a grim reaper...
I came across this quote today, and it immediately caused me pause:
At the end of the day, think not on the harvest that you reaped, but the seeds that you sowed. -Robert Louis Stephenson
I recall a kinder more open minded me who used to remember to pray for other people at the beginning and end of each day. I even tried to spend time actually thinking of who I could help and how I could meet the need of another. I was once a sow-er.
but lately, I realize my prayers are "please help us with...and please bless us with ..." right now I look around for my kids to help me, my husband to help me, my friends to help me-geeze, I've thought I could use all the help i could get.
I've been reaping.
and others have been sowing kindness and mercy into my life. They've given smiles, sweat and encouragement to a discouraged little me. The harvest has been bountiful indeed-but its been a harvest, not a planting of goodness from my heart to another's, and I'm sad about that truth.
Selling a house in uncertain economic conditions is nerve-racking. Thinking about buying a new house in a great location with great schools and proximity to a new job and to our good old family is also a bit of a mind boggler. Seeing the end from this new beginning is pretty impossible; and I've never been one for things which have an "open" end.
But it doesn't mean I can't get back to trying to sow. That truth that when you lose yourself you actually find yourself and when you spend so much time trying to find yourself (or just keep hold of yourself) you lose yourself? Well, there's a good reason that truth is scripture.
So, I'm going to work hard to repent of the reaping. I"m going to try and do a little sowing, and see if the knots in my back and the pit in my stomach don't start to subside just a little.
Just thought I should publicly repent and say thanks for the bountiful harvest I've enjoyed over the past few emotion filled weeks. I'll try harder friends and family; to sow help and love and appreciation. sorry.