like a ton of bricks. That's what I feel has happened to me this week as my kid has behaved, most assuredly, like a teenager. Complaints about the chores
Complaints about going to get a milkshake (I'd rather stay home and play video games)
Complaints about going to the Art Museum (I know I want to be an artist, but I never said I want to look at other people's art work!)
I'm pretty sure he's said the words "oh man" or "no kidding" more than any other words in his vocabulary in the last 5 days...
This list actually is not at all complete. But I don't want to dwell on his "dark side"-cause deep down he is a really great kid.
When we drove past the Dallas Temple for our church this week he said, "man I love the temple, it is such an awesome place".
He told me about a church meeting he needed to be to. And when he needed to be there. And he wasn't going to be fed food or bribed with candy for going. And he went, and he helped and he didn't complain at all.
And we have a few neighbors who request him regularly to babysit for them. Their kids really like him. And the moms feel he's responsible and kind and positive when he goes to work in their homes.
And he is all of those things, he really is....Especially when he's not hitting his mom with the teenager routine :)
6 comments:
Wow. That's a scary look.
I have three daughters - the oldest 10. We deal with this attitude already. I now just ignore it. But my guess is he picked up the attitude at Scout Camp!
AWE MAN! Not already! It's the awkward teenager stage! He is the best kid ever though, so at least there are pay offs and it's not all bad. :)
The things people say about how he acts outside your home are the true testament to what a great kid he is and how well you have done as parents! We are always the most difficult for the people we love most it seems. If he didn't want to go to his church meeting and people thought he was irresponsible and not courteous, then I’d be worried! One thing I remember from my not so long ago adolescence is that I felt like I was always punished for the stuff I did wrong, but when I did something right no one seemed to notice ( I know that wasn’t the reality, but as a teenager that is what I perceived) so emphatically praise him when ever he does the good things, like “thanks for doing that with out being asked”, or thanks for being such a great example to your siblings etc. Then maybe he will do the good things more often. :)
P.S. I’ll dig up my notes from my adolescent development class for you. Maybe some info in there will help you figure out how to deal with it…..or at least understand it. :)
This is where you ride with it...most important is to keep yourself positive and keep up your sleep and fitness and personal spiritual time even if they are very short. We can take hard stuff when physically and spiritualy fit and mentally prepared for this challenging of your authority...family rules etc. It is just that, gentle pushing against the rules. so normal at these years. Let him push and sometimes let him stretch his boundary a little when it is right for him. if you say lets go for ice cream, he says no and all his chorse are done and he has been a great guy that day/week...let him stay home. but if he has used up his video time..then no games. If he has video time..let him play. ALONE. He might need an hour or so to himself in his home etc. And he can show you he can behave and keep his word to you etc. Ask him to plan the next little outing. give him responsibility for some of these choices...his personally and for the family. You will know which to turn over to him/her and which not to of course. He is asking for more personal responsibility and at times personal priviacy. It is natural for you to slowly give him that. You will choose the areas he is ready for and how much.
Big thing to remember. You will have out and out disagreements on many things. PICK YOUR BATTLE LINES CAREFULLY. some things are not worth going to war over, you can just let them go. Who cares if he wears black sox with blue pants or no sox. The outside world will give him feed back on lots of stuff like that. sometimes he will do stuff to be part of "the guys/group" If you basicly like the guys and the group then do not go to war. If you do NOT like the "guys" then you might have to go to ward. But, There will be several things that are worth dropping the boom on and that will also take great personl control and tack and love even
though it will be very difficult and you will so worry that you are going at it the right way. But, most important, not everything can should be a battle...you will ruin your relationship, you have to have an open relationship where he feels he CAN talk and be listened to even if his thoughts do not match yours. Then he will respect your thoughts and ideas as well. So much of the time what they talk to you about just needs to be spoken out loud fofr them to realize on their own that it is not just a great idea...but they got to share it..that is what counts!
So draw those liens carefully and remember his free agency as well as his need to choose and thereby succeed or fail and therebay LEARN.
It is really hard with the first one because you know you are setting precedent for the next child. The really wonderful truoism of life is that each one of them is different. The family rules and standards are consistant. Each child will take a different interpretation of them as teens. So you will have to set up your fences all over again again. Pick your battles and do not turn a minor tremor in the force into war.
They do not need more friends, they need loving,mutually respectful, self controlled parents.
Man,what an incredible plan of happiness we have the blessing of living here on earth!
Ha Ha Ha Ha....
Welcome to my world!
Susie
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